Random thoughts

[susancheerleader]

Last night I was laying in my bed, completely dressed. I was having random thoughts about, if I died right then. What my family would do when they find what I was wearing, and all the bits and pieces of women's clothing they will find. Be it my leotards and tights, cheerleading uniforms, numerous bras, panties. Along with dresses, skirts, shorts, jeans, sweaters. And of course, breast forms.
While I remain in the closet, (meaning I haven't talked to anyone about it, nor has anyone mentioned it directly to me. But I do wear the women jeans and sweaters in public.) I think there are family members and others that know but it is a quiet little secret no one talks about. I know my neighbors do as I heard got caught and later heard a negative comment made.
The point I am getting to is whether they speculate or not. When they start going through all my stuff I can only imagine the extreme shock they would have as they find my women's stuff. I can only hear the conversation going something like "Was he gay? I can't believe all this stuff? How much money did he spend on that? Did you know about this? Did he want to be a girl?......?

Maybe someday I will sit down and talk with someone about my dressing. But at this time, I still don't have a lot of nerve to do it. It would completely free myself and I would have to literally "EDIT" myself just so I don't upset things. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to post something on Facebook about it, a picture, a comment about how nice something looks or feels, ect. But I have to stop myself.

[Angela Campbell]

Sometimes it seems like it would be a real relief to be able to just come out. I have considered it and at this point I do not want to take the risk, but I am moving more in that direction. It frightens me to think that way.

[Laura912]

At one time or another, probably everyone here has had those thoughts but once dead, you will be busy enough with far greater things than wondering what the neighbors think or else you simple will not exist. Depending on your beliefs, the neighbors are not the final judge. It almost seems that you are looking for encouragement to tell people? You have been letting some know and there is a little secrete in the family. Do you have anyone with whom to have an honest discussion about all this besides this forum?

[bridget thronton]

Part of my reasons for disclosing to my adult children. Better they hear from me in my words and let them ask any questions than being surprised in their time of grief.

[linda allen]

At one time or another, probably everyone here has had those thoughts but once dead, you will be busy enough with far greater things than wondering what the neighbors think or else you simple will not exist.

That's one way to put it, but it's correct. You will be dead so you won't really care.

[Rhonda Ann]

I am also in the closet and have wondered the same thing. I have gotten braver and opened the closet door, I just haven't stepped out. I go out on the deck to drink my coffee in the mornings, drink a glass of tea during the day, and drink a couple of glasses of wine in the evenings. I think my neighbors know but I have not heard any remarks. I am contemplating the idea of talking to my daughter, she is the most open minded of my childern. I will be after the first of the year before I do, right now she has to many irons in the fire and doesn't need this right now. I agree with Bridget, they need to hear it from me.

[daviolin]

I used to think the same way. Thats one reason I decided to come out of the closet. So now if it happens it won't be such a shock to everyone. All the women in my family will probably fight over who gets what out of my wardrobe. Ha Ha. Daviolin

[~Joanne~]

I have honestly thought about this time and time again. Coming out of my closet and finally telling my GF has really ended those thoughts. I have told her where everything is, most of it hanging right in the closet (which she never noticed) so she knows where to go to get rid of it unless she wants some of it :) She said she will box it up and take it all to goodwill as none of it would fit her.

[Melissa73]

i have had that same thought! When i lived alone, i worried too. But recently i came out to my best friend/roommate (wife-separated). ANd she supports my dressing, and we discussed what should happen if i die. 1) i wanna be buried in a dress. 2) She would "clean oiut my stuff" before anyone could find them. BUt when i was single and alone..... i worried about dying while dressed and being found.....


Michelle

[kimdl93]

I suppose you'll get a mixture of reactions from those who happen to be involved with handling your final affairs. Some will be aghast, others will simply have a suspicion confirmed and a few will view this as one additional novelty about their departed loved one.

[susancheerleader]

Wow, soem pretty good responses to my random thoughts!
It probably would not be of any surprise to anyone here, that I am single and that is by my own choice. I alywas have been becasue I don't let many people get "close" to me. I sometimes wonder if that is what started me to crossdress.

As noted, if I am dead, then it really doesn't matter to me what people are saying about me.
And, as someone pointed out. It probably isn't too much of a surprise with my family. Its just something no one talks about or asks. My family is like that. They live in their world and deny or don't even want to talk about anything that disrupts that persona. If I was to ever FORMALLY open up and talk to them, that would destroy their "perfect family" that everyone thinks we have.
There are more then one coversations I wanted to have with my sisters, or mother, that when they found the topic.... "I don't want to talk about it........"

[wilt575]

I suppose you'll get a mixture of reactions from those who happen to be involved with handling your final affairs. Some will be aghast, others will simply have a suspicion confirmed and a few will view this as one additional novelty about their departed loved one.

You are so right but as for final arrangements, I have already made a pre-arrangement plan with a local funeral home. They have the clothes and things so I can go to the grave dressed as I lived. These are my wishes and no one will have to be burdened with any final plans.

[Helen_Highwater]

Perhaps we should do something similar to what service personnel do before going to war. Write a letter explaining as best as we can the whys and wherefores and leave it at the bottom of the stash. We may not mind as we'd be the dead ones but it could mean a great deal to our loved ones left behind.

[Roberta Marie]

At our support group meeting this past Saturday we had a special guest, the sister of a former member who had passed away a little over a year ago. She and her daughters found her brothers clothes while they were going through his house. She was quite shocked and amazed that she knew nothing of this side of the brother that she thought that she had been so close to. She did a lot of research, even went to counciling for a while. She found references to our support group in some of his writings that she came across and contacted us to learn more about this side of her brother. She told a quite remarkable story, and most of the wives that were present said that they could relate to what she had gone through in many ways.


As for those that say that they will be dead and it won't matter to them, it seems to me that if you love your families you would not want to put them through all of that, whether you are there or not. First to lose someone that you love can be difficult enough. And then to find out that they were not the person that you thought them to be would be a lot to bear. And, quite probably, they had just lost the person that they would have gone to for support to help them through all of this.

[AllyCDTV]

Perhaps we should do something similar to what service personnel do before going to war. Write a letter explaining as best as we can the whys and wherefores and leave it at the bottom of the stash. We may not mind as we'd be the dead ones but it could mean a great deal to our loved ones left behind.

That is a great idea. I'm gonna start working on one today.

I too am concerned is how it would effect the people I care about if they should find my crossdressing stuff after I die. I guess I'm hoping that I will live long enough to no longer find crossdressing to be attractive to me and will have one final purge before I go. I remember reading a science fiction story about a computer program that would decide that after a certain amount of inactivity, you were dead and it would send out a death notice for you. Too bad there isn't such a thing that would vaporize my crossdressing stuff too.

[STACY B]

Yea your last 5 min of Fame ,,,LOL,,,, An they find your girly things !! Don't worry to much about it ,,,From what I have seen that's not what folks look for after you are gone ,,$$$$$$$$ ,,, They mite give the clothes some thought to,,,But Hell give all something to talk about after you leave !!

[Julie Gaum]

I agree with those who would write a letter but let's explore that a little bit. I would start out by stating that you are completely the person they have known, and probably loved, all these years --- you haven't changed one bit. Then I would explain briefly the basics of crossdressing and at what age you actually began. If you are hetero then write that too or if you are bi or gay or whatever write it down for you don't want the memory of you be clouded by unnecessary speculation.
State too how you want your clothes etc., be disposed of (I picked the Salavation Army) and any financial assets, life insurance, property, furniture, jewelry and so on. Since I lost a wife and cousin, have no children and my brother at 90 has Parkinson's I picked an executor. In my case I chose an attorney who has power of attorney, my will and a copy of my living will that the VA has (everyone should have one to determine when you want the plug pulled if it comes down to that). The will should spell out who in the family get what especially important with children. However the executor could be a wife or relative or close friend in first position with an alternative named as well. Seal these documents and write on them "Upon the passing of X kindly open". Of course the living will must be available before you die.
I had all these things in place and set it up years ago because no one has a contract with God. Now at 87 making preperations is no more important than it was at an earlier age. I do have one advantage: a 534 page published memoir but, and I laugh to myself, there are no family members left on earth that need an explanation for my CDing! My point in writing the above? Don't wait until you have accumulated possessions and "adult toys" but start planning with sealed instructions now.
Julie

[reb.femme]

Don't worry to much about it ,,,From what I have seen that's not what folks look for after you are gone ,,$$$$$$$$ ,,,

Unfortunately, on a serious note, this statement is oh so true. I had one brother ask for an advance on his share of my dad's estate. The old boy was barely cold in his bed.

Back on topic, at least it'll provide the wake with some entertaining discussion points. The church service will be a right hoot! :heehee:

Rebecca

[Lorileah]

I am more worried about the state of my house when they come in. I am two weeks away from an episode of Hoarders and I really do mean to clear it out...someday.

Truthfully, if how I dress and what I have in my closet is an issue, then that is their problem. I would have two choices, I would be dead so I could not care less OR I could haunt them for ever...maybe even playing tricks on them by replacing all their underwear with panties....

[sometimes_miss]

My mother and sister know about my crossdressing; Mom is in denial, sis doesn't want anything to do with me. I have a friend who is named executor of my estate, who is also in the dark as far as my crossdressing. I have written letters to several people besides those mentioned, explaining my life in brief detail, as well as a more complete set of documents including my complete CD biography for anyone who might be interested (and able to tolerate the things that happenned to me as a kid). EVerything will be explained, and I also have an envelope taped to spots near both my front and rear doors for emergency workers and one for the medical examiner to avoid any difficulties for them. I've tried to cover all bases. But as far as what goes on, well, I'll be dead, so I won't ever have to deal with any of what goes on after that. The only regrets I have while I'm living, is that my pets probably won't have anyone who will love them and take care of them as much as I do, and I know that they will miss me.

[Maria 60]

Last weekend I was home alone and when my wife came home I had locked the screen door and she couldn't get in until I unlocked it, she said If you fall or something I would have to call the fire dept. or call someone and they would be surprised at how they would find you. As we were talking I made the point that with the kids becoming older that we travel and are more together alone more and God forbid something should happen to us, boy are the kids in for a surprise when they start digging through the closets. She said not to worry about it that we won't be here to see it.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes I would leave a note with Beverley's name and password and the address of this site.
That way I do not have to explain anything. It is all written down and self explanatory.
It is 96.7 percent correct and 3.3 percent embellishment. :)

[linda allen]

......... As for those that say that they will be dead and it won't matter to them, it seems to me that if you love your families you would not want to put them through all of that, whether you are there or not. First to lose someone that you love can be difficult enough. And then to find out that they were not the person that you thought them to be would be a lot to bear. And, quite probably, they had just lost the person that they would have gone to for support to help them through all of this.

If you want to go there - Why not say that if you love your families you should stop crossdressing so there's no risk of putting them through all that? Where should we draw the line?

It is a big relief to me that my wife knows about my dressing and if I should drop dead, she could dispose of my things without other family members knowing.

Let's take this to another level - Suppose instead of dropping dead, you have a stroke and live, but you are physically incapacitated and are placed in a nursing home. Now, family members find your "stuff" and you have to answer their questions. Other than the fact that you are still alive, wouldn't that be a more embarassing situation?

[AllyCDTV]

If you want to go there - Why not say that if you love your families you should stop crossdressing so there's no risk of putting them through all that?

That would be the best solution, but for many of us, it is a pretty tough thing to do despite all our efforts. In my own efforts to quit, I've come to the conclusion that it's like wrestling a gorilla. It ain't over when you say it's over. It's over when the gorilla says it's over. Until the gorilla says it's over and I agree that I've had enough, a letter sounds like as best of an alternative that I have ever heard.

[monalisa]

Too bad it isn't like Mission Impossible when he gets the message and then it self destructs. Wouldn't it be nice when you stop breathing all the clothes, makeup, wigs, and shoes immediately self destruct with no trace. Probably a wife or girlfriend would do the same thing rather quickly. It just becomes a worrisome issue when you are single.

[ArleneRaquel]

Before and during my marriage, especially before I dressed female when in bed, only when my wife was out of town, I often thought about dying while enfemme, so I frequently jumped back to drab sometime during the night. Now I don't care as everyone knows my way of life, relatives I mean.