PDA

View Full Version : Been found out...



RachelDee
11-28-2005, 07:30 PM
Well i had a bit of an incident tonight, i was posting on this forum and while i was typing out my post i happened to turn around, to look at the time and my dad was stood at the back of me reading what i was writing... :eek:

He didnt see too much i think just 'gender' and a few other words so he thought i was talking about being gay. He wanted me to let mum read what i wrote (i obviously minimized it instantley when i saw him there - gave me a heart attack anyway :P) and well i said its not something for other people to read, but they said im posting it on a forum so other people will be reading it... I managed to put them off anyway and then it wasent mentioned until i came out of the bath later.

My mum was on her own as i was walking through with a towel around me - she wanted to know what i was hiding, and couldnt tell them, im pretty sure she was upset that i wasent telling her something. I said id tell her after christmas its nothing that cant wait and well, she asked if i was gay at first. Which of course i answered no, then she guessed i had some female clothes, from opening the package for me by accident last week (DAMN THAT LABLE) and well i couldnt just leave it at that, though she asked me what else anyway... so i just told her. I actually remembered that story line from Coronation Street with a women on there called 'Haily' seems everythings been done before nowerdays lol. She asked me what was happened with the therapist, not sure if she is thinking if im going to get 'cured' or im going to change into a girl :) but she left it there....

She asked me if i wanted her to tell my dad.. I told her its up to her i didnt say anything because i didnt want to upset anyone. I thought Dad wouldnt take it too well, he already calls me 'wierd' now. Well she isnt saying anything for now i think, not until after Christmas.

Well i will just have to see how it goes and how she takes it. She said of course she isnt 'happy' about it but she didnt want me to hide things from her.

I feel odd, its not something that i feel proud to tell people. You know all the media and such shows things like this as really sick and bad. Mum and Dad know about the OCD and that adding to it isnt very nice feeling, put me right off the clothes i have now... feels unclean to wear them. Like ive just admited a bad thing.... Not that i want to be anyless female, id be female in jeans and a top :) I just think some of the clothes girls can get are really pretty and they have much more choice in styles and color... so i bought some (eBay). Then it kinda started becoming a habbit... I like buying clothes and obviously skirts and such are more feminin and so i wear whatever i can when i can (when im alone ofc).

Well there it is... I will await to see what happens and if there is any Fallout. :confused:

Denise Robinson
11-28-2005, 07:42 PM
As one who hasnt told my parents i wish you luck. i told my wife a while back and still dealing with the fallout. just take it easy and dont push it. they will need time to think on it.

RachelDee
11-28-2005, 10:37 PM
Ok...

It seems my dad knows, my mum seems to have told him. She just let me know... and she said he is upset. :( I wondered why i could hear music playing loud, its not something usually hear unless something is bothering him.... 2 out of 3 i guess wasent bad going. I just hope i havent ruined things for other people too.. just making things difficult for them. I can't seem to be much use at the moment :(

Sharon
11-28-2005, 11:18 PM
Robert, give your father time to absorb the information and allow him to come up with a way to talk to you about this. Hopefully, your mother is doing her best to convince him that you are still the same person you have always been and is managing to refrain him from overreacting before he mentally processes what he must consider frightening or upsetting news.

If he chooses not to discuss this over the next few days, and he seems to be distant or incommunicative, then you will have to decide what to do. You can either withdraw from him and hope the subject doesn't come up, but you must understand that this will always be hanging over both your heads.

If your father attempts to discuss this with you, try to remain as calm as possible and not be overly defensive. Just talking to you about this is difficult enough for him because he most likely feels that your upbringing is at least partially responsible for you turning out this way. Do whatever you can to reassure him that you are still you and that your feelings towards him and your mother will never change.

Prepare in your mind what you want to say, and how you want to say it. Invite him to read the forum (especially this section), but make sure you explain to him that, like all walks of life, there are many different people who feel as you do, but that no one else is exactly the same. Try to educate him as simply as possible and don't pour too much info on him at one time. He needs to know that you yourself are still trying to figure things out and that it would be much simpler if he and your mother are emotionally there for you.

This will be a difficult and unnerving time for all of you, the duration of which will be determined by the ability of you all to communicate honestly and calmly. When you think about what you want to say, try to imagine things from your father's point of view. Fathers, whether they admit it or not, always dream that their children(especially sons) will succeed in life far better than they have and this news has suddenly made him confront the fact (in his mind) that his son will not turn out as he always dreamed he would.

Good luck to you, Robert, and I'll be thinking only the best thoughts for you and your parents.

Marlena Dahlstrom
11-28-2005, 11:51 PM
Sharon said everything I going to say, so I'll just say hang-in there. :itsok:

OK, two more things. It might be helpful for you to write down what you want to say to your father. It will probably help you organize your thoughts and you can use it as notes when you talk with him. And if your father doesn't end up talking to you, you might consider asking him to read it -- which may be easier for him than a face-to-face.

From what I've heard from others in this situation, it's not unusual for parents to gone through a greiving process for the son they feel they're losing. Yes, you're still you, but as Sharon said parents (especially fathers) often have big dreams for "their little man," which obviously aren't going to turn out the way they thought they would. So it's likely you may see them working through the stages of dealing with "catastrophic" news (http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm). Anticipating what they're likely to be feeling will help all of you get through things.

Helen MC
11-29-2005, 12:50 AM
To ape Tony Blair's famous slogan "SECURITY! SECURITY! SECURITY!".

When I lived at home in the mid 1960s with Mum, Dad and my big Sister (who's knickers I borrowed to wear from the age of 12), it soon became apparent to me that I would need to take steps to ensure that my wearing my sister's panties and later other female clothing would never be discovered. I never got dressed or undressed where I could be observed and luckily it being a family of its time we all had our own bedrooms and privacy was observed. I always ensured my bedroom door was bolted and likewise the toilet door so nobody could walk in on me at home and I also put a few pairs of Y-Fronts in the laundry basket each week as my Mum would have been suspicious if they hadn't been there. I put the panties I had worn back in the laundry basket each day before taking another pair, didn't keep them in my bedroom and ensured I didn't make any tell-tale "male" stains on them. On the days I had to do PE and Games at school I wore a pair of the hated Y Fronts as I had to get undressed in front of other boys and would change back into "my" knickers afterwards. When I was able to ditch PE when I was 15 I wore knickers and panties from then on 24/7. Obviously any "dressing up" was done when I was home alone and I ensured the curtains were drawn to prevent nosey neighbours seeing anything they shouldn't. As far as I am aware neither my parents nor my sister knew of my crossdressing.

Of course I didn't have a Computer in those days nor did I keep any written journal, diary or "Blog" (a term not then invented) which could have been discovered . Had my parents or my sister come into my bedroom when I wasn't there they would have found a typical teenaged boy's room, male clothing, fishing tackle, model aircraft and boats, school books and other such ordinary male items, quite boring in fact.

As to Computers, well you have learned your lesson the hard way. If it's your own PC password protect the Log On, make sure the door is locked or you are alone if you are typing sensitive material, password documents etc in Word or Excel , buy a utility such as Cyberscrub (can be downloaded) to wipe the Cache etc and use it.

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube Robert, so Good Luck and the advice given by other posters is wise. I hope others can avoid such a possible disaster by being careful and observing basic Security measures such as I have mentioned , unless of course they know that their parents and siblings are sympathetic but that is the excption rather than the rule in most familes.

Nyx
12-01-2005, 12:26 AM
My advice: Don't ever be ashamed of who you are.

Do give them time to accept. But they can't decide who you are. I'm not saying you shouldn't let the decide who you are, I'm saying they actually can't. If you are transsexual, then you will always be. This is not something they can change because they don't like it... And there is nothing innately evil in being transsexual. We're not zombies or satan worshipers.

Natasha Anne
12-01-2005, 02:34 PM
Also remember, now that they know, you've just become a little more free. Even if they refuse to accept it, or become judgemental, they still know, and that can never be changed.

You'll find that despite any resistance, you will be more able to be who you are.

Time heals most wounds, so as others have said, give them time. Remember it was a shock to them, and let them recover from that. Hopefully their final reactions will be positive, respectful and supportive.