I wish my wife accepts me

[Wanna be Heather]

Well, I can't call it an out today since I am new to real CDing. Today I had fun shopping at Victoria secret. I bought lots of panties, bras and slip ons for my wife (i tried some). For the first time I wore panties and slip ons outside my bedroom. I went out to dinner and a bar with my boyfriends. I must tell you that it felt so liberating. It is not just sexy, it just felt natural to me. I wish I can talk openly with my wife, however I am afraid to risk our marriage. What is your advice. Please help:confused3:

[Lucy Long Legs]

Hi Heather
I've been there too. When I told my wife, she immediately jumped to two conclusions: firstly that I was gay and wanted an affair with a man and secondly that I wanted a gender change. Both of these would mean she lost me and neither are true. So you have to establish that straight away (unless of course they're true!).
We all enjoy dressing for a variety of reasons and the easiest one for both of us to understand is that I am not at all masculine and am unable to perform the traditional male role. We had both accepted this as being unimportant in our relationship but, by presenting as a woman, our intimate moments have been hugely enriched.
You must take one step at a time and dressing outside the home is a very big step unless you are really convincing - I think that is where many wives have difficulty.
I hope this helps.
L

[Stacy Myrdin]

as a gg and girlfriend , I can only say honesty and talking is the most important issue,and take the journey together
trust each other , you would want her to be honest with you , that's what I think about the matter,
greetings,
ps I would love to hear more from both of you :)

[Beverley Sims]

Welcome to the forum and you will have to come clean with your wife.
You possibly need to explain your boyfriends and were you fully dressed?
Keep posting and asking questions and you will get there, wherever there may be. :)

[Tina B.]

First, here, you are Heather, now on to your question, What to do about the wife. It's easy keeping the secret at first, but as your wardrobe grows, and your desire to go out, or spend more time as Heather it gets harder, and living with a lie is not that easy either. Also if you read a few post on the subject, you'll find most wives have as much or more problems when the find out, about that lie of omission. And you'll find out it is not the easiest thing to hide, leave out a piece of clothing, a trace of make up. Computer history of being on sites like this, so many ways to give yourself away. It's better to tell than be caught. Back on the first page among the sticky notes at the top, there is a thing on how to tell a loved one, read it, it will help you if you decide to tell. As far as risking the marriage, your right it is a risk, so women accept us as we are, some learn to live with a Don't ask don't tell relationship, and some want out, not knowing your wife I of course can't say which way she will go. But I do know it's hard to live a lie, it's hard to live in a house where you can't be free to be who you are, and the secret can destroy a marriage as well as anything else can. I hope whatever way you go, you stick around here, there is lots to learn and many that would love to help you do it. Most of us had to figure out the same thing you are wrestling with now.

[Jenniferathome]

Telling my wife was the best thing I ever did for our relationship. If you do tell her, tell her everything and be ready for every question: are you gay, do you want a sex change, etc. help her by having information available in case she wantsmtomdo some research. But when you tell, get it all out, no more secrets. That's what bothers women most.

[AmyGaleRT]

Heather, the ladies here will tell you that it's best to tell your wife. A year ago, they were telling me that it was best to tell my fiancee. I was afraid to do so, much the same as you are now. However, I did wind up telling her (or she wound up dragging it out of me, is how she tells it :) ), and she turned out to be perfectly OK with it and supportive of me. And it felt so good to let go of that secret! It's changed me for the better; she's even noticed this and said so. It might not be as bad as you think!

But, yes, do be ready with more information for her, like answers to the frequently asked questions (such as "Are you gay?" and "Do you want to become a woman?"). And always, always show her that you love her and want her as part of your life.

I do so hope it works out for both of you! :)

- Amy

[ClosetED]

You do need to tell your wife and to be prepared to answer some hard questions. There are several old threads here devoted to the topic. Do you know how far you want to go? What will her role be in a more cross-dressed lifestyle? She may consider herself a front for you while you find male bed partners. This site has a wide spectrum of people - hetero CDs and transexuals. Many started very young. My wife knows and allowed me rare opportunities and has now changed to ultimatum status. I am hoping to change that as I love her and don't want to separate. But talking honestly has to occur.

[heatherdress]

Honesty and good communications are essential to any successful loving relationship. Hopefully your wife will understand, accept and support. Good luck.

[stefanie]

definitely not easy as there is both a reward and risk side which is obvious and stated above... here is some additional insight from my own 'mistakes' and learnings...

My wife knows before we got married. She is an artist type and thought she would be okay with it but has since grown to really not like it. I have a full closet of clothes, shoes, etc. She knows but rather just not talk about it. Some or much of it was my fault as I become more comfortable in my own skin... shaved, plucked, mannerisms, wardrobe, crazy about keeping my skin soft, etc. I do understand though I too wish it would be more accepted or rather "me be more accepted" but I have not balanced enough yet for her needs. Quite frankly, was still learning about me and who I really am and how far I would move into the the tg world....

so as the years have gone by.. here is at least what i have learned....

1) it is not that she does not understand as she gets we all have different gender and desires
2) it bothers here because she believes she might have to defend herself about me and my girliness... e.g. Why does your husband have such arched brows, he has no hair... or worse, I think I saw a woman who looked exactly like your husband... etc. this would put her in a very awkward position.
3) More so, this creates stigmas then about her.. that is my wife bi. Can't believe she is like that, etc. So in essence my dressing puts not her on the defensive for me but also on the defensive for her and her womanhood
4) and last but not least when it comes to intimacy... that if she likes the looks of me, the feel of my smooth legs against hers, it again raises concerns about her own gender which makes it confusing for her.

hope the above helps so as you tackle your own direction, understanding more of the psychology of your wife and her needs might be the trick to the whole thing. I am still learning about this myself and admittedly hard to balance my own selfish girliness as I too am trying to come of age about me.

hope some of the above helps...

stef

PS... strange enough, at times my wife has asked me for certain girly things to use.. polish, remove, hosiery at times, etc.. Small stuff but it all counts to making me feel good that she is still trying and that my tg'ism is really a blessing in disguise :)

[sweetgal]

It's always nice to hear success stories with wives. I do not have one. My wife doesn't like it. Doesn't want to know about it. Doesn't want to see it or talk about it. Sucks...

[Shari]

"I went out to dinner and a bar with my boyfriends."
Boyfriends immediately throws up a flag. Most say male friends or buddies.
Are you bisexual? If so, what difference would dressing make?