Caught in the act

[Paula DAngelo]

I know I should have talked to my SO before now, I just wasn't able to find the right time or the right way to tell her about myself. After this morning finding the right time or way is no longer an issue. As I was getting dressed she walked in on me and saw that I was wearing a pair of panties. For the first minute or so she just stood there, then she asked me why. When I told her she thought about it for a little and then seemed to accept it. Her big question was if she was enough for me, which she is and I let her know that. Hopefully she is as accepting of me as she appeared, I guess only time will tell. At least things are in the open now and I don't have to worry about her finding out anymore.

[linda allen]

Welcome to the real world and welcome to the forum.

There are many ways to "come out" to a wife or "SO" (I'm guessing live in girlfriend here). Reading the different threads and knowing your SO will guide you in what to do or say next. At least she didn't walk in on you fully dressed with a wig and makeup. And carrying a purse.

You may find her degree of acceptance will vary up and down, at least for a while. That's pretty normal.

[sonna]

thats one weight lifted off you shoulders, but i hope things go wonderful for you.

[Eryn]

You still need to talk to her. She has questions running through her mind, and if you don't answer them she may assume the worst.

[stephNE]

You'll get losts of advice here today, but basically be honest, talk to her, and continue to reassure her of your love and devotion to her. Good luck, Steph.

[Paula DAngelo]

Thanks for all the advice, it's great to have a place to be able to open up and know that you're accepted for who you are. I plan on talking to her, but I won't push it, I realize it will have to be when she's ready and I plan on being completely honest with her about anything on her mind.

[Jana]

First of all, since this seems to be one of your initial posts, welcome to the forum. Now, let's cut to the chase.

You are probably still overdosing on the adrenaline from getting caught. Probably still feeling relieved from having all that weight lifted off your shoulders. Many of us have been there, one way or the other. However, reality is bittersweet.

Amidst the relief, like it or not, you broke your SO's trust and made her look a little (a lot?) like a fool. Nobody likes that, especially coming from the person closest to them. I don't know you or her, but the odds are high that there's a TON of very legit questions going through her mind. While you've had your whole life to sort out your CDing, to her it's all very new, foreign and even intimidating. Try to imagine it were the other way around. You walk in on her doing drugs, or something you had no idea she was hooked on. How would that make YOU feel? Would you want to wait till she talked about it, or would you push the issue for answers?

So, I hope that, in addition to wondering whether "she's accepting of you", you are also considering her feelings, which may be badly hurt and in need of healing answers. It's time to "man up" and face it. You owe it to her, that is, if she, and the relationship as a whole, mean anything to you at all.

[Michelle 51]

There is no going back but on the brighter side life can be a lot better when you are out to your SO.When i came out to my wife I came out of the closet into the living room.I dress around our home at will and its nice.Hope things turn out well....Michelle

[Jenniferathome]

Make sure to tell her everything. She may think itis just panties. You can't afford to be caught in a lie nonstop of the lie she just discovered. Get everything on the table, now.

[Kerigirl2009]

good Luck to both of you, se will come up with lots more questions and concerns. Be prepared to get yelled at later, but pleae try to resist the urge to yell back

[Beverley Sims]

I welcome you both to the fray you need to get together read what others have discovered about themselves and get on with it.
You both have a lot of life and love together, don't let a few pair of panties get in the way.
Start talking and don't argue, it achieves nothing.

[Paula DAngelo]

Again, thank you to everyone for the support and advice. I plan on talking with her and answering any questions that she has, and I do mean talking not fighting or yelling about this. I'm hoping that this works out well, but I realize that one way or the other it will work out some way.

[bridget thronton]

Caught wearing panties is not the same as caught fully dressed - talking may or may not go well when that part settles in. You will need to work to regain the trust.

[Nocturnal Kaylee]

Like everybody else has said, make sure you talk to her and be honest. My ex accepted me at first but it was faded quickly and ended with her attempting to blackmail me. So initial acceptance sometimes is just a knee jerk reaction

[kimdl93]

Remember that its as important "how" you communicate with your SO as it is "what" you tell her. My advice is to not wait too long for her to ask - try to initiate a conversation. Once that conversation starts, certainly answer any questions you can and as honestly as possible, but also pay very close attention to her feelings, and if you don't know, ask her how she feels. She may feel a mixture of things - anger, it fear, confusion, frustration, jealousy, shame...whatever. But its very important to let her talk about how she feels. And don't try to change how she feels or suggest the feelings are mistaken...just listen. If you're sensitive to her feelings, and reassuring in your behavior, then those negative feelings can moderate over time.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with Bridget. I wish postings would not use the term SO. That is so lacking when trying to elicit advice. The responses of the female may be totally different depending on whether the SO is a wife or a girlfriend. Length of marriage? Length of relationship, years or months.

Did you tell her your only wear panties, a fetish to me? Or, did you tell her you fully dress, including wig and makeup?

I'm sure your woman is weighing whatever you told her.



Caught wearing panties is not the same as caught fully dressed - talking may or may not go well when that part settles in. You will need to work to regain the trust.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

All I can say is now be totally honest with her, remember that just because she doesn't ask you a question that don't mean that she isn't thinking it.

[Karren H]

Honesty is the best policy..... but full disclosure may give her overload and send her attitudes south.... I'd take it easy and answer her questions.... if you've gotten past the "you lied to me by not telling me your secret" thing..... you've gotten over a large hurdle.... imho

and welcome to the forum!

[Paula DAngelo]

Just thought I'd keep everyone updated. My girl and I talked yesterday about my dressing. I was surprised how well things went and at least at this point she is accepting things, she's confused which I'd expect, but she didn't flip out. Even more surprising is that she took me out and helped me buy some clothes. I just hope things continue to be this good

[ClosetED]

Congratulations on a great beginning. Now show her how much you appreciate her by showing her the most love and attention you can to her.

[Allsteamedup]

Oh dear!
Her first response was 'Am I enough for you?'
That puts her thought process straight in the sexual arena. If she now thinks that you do this for some sexual thrill you are going to have an awful lot of explaining to do.

Her question immediately went to the heart of your relationship, her place in it, and any threat to her own sexuality.
NONE of that needs to get mixed up with external clothing, makeup and presentation. You need to address the above before you reveal the dressing aspect of this. Don't confuse the two.

[Barbara Ella]

Paula, it is good that her first reaction is accepting. It may not stay that way depending on what you do next. Don't push your dressing. When my wife saw me dressed for awhile, it changed her attitude dramatically, as seeing the full monte just added to her insecurities and worries about where it was going, and what it would mean for her. Let her push the issue and ask for things, don't let the pink fog take control.
Barbara

[gina_edwards]

oh well it out in the open now no turning back hun just got move on give her time good luck i am sure you will be fine

[Paula DAngelo]

I'm not planning on pushing the issue, I plan on letting things progress at her speed because I think if I try to go to fast with things all I'm going to do is cause problems. I'm happy that things are in the open and that she's willing to talk about it as she feels comfortable.

[reb.femme]

I got busted with nightie and robe, so know only too well the feeling of how the ground would not open up to swallow me,when I needed it to most. Oh, well....'ye age olde' genie is well and truly out of her bottle. :heehee:

I hope it progresses well for you from here. It did for me. I under dress most days and my wife accepts.

Rebecca

[Jorja]

Too bad she had to find out the way she did. It is out there now. Just remember to show her how much she means to you..... often. Learn to balance it out. She married a man and expects to seem him once in a while.

[Tracii G]

I'd say she is pretty touchy with the whole issue right now so tread lightly.
Be honest and up front is all I can suggest.

[Paula DAngelo]

Believe me, I do plan on continuing to show her how much she means to me. Now if I could just get her to agree to marry me I'd be in heaven, but that's a totally different story altogether.

[Annette_boy]

Yes take it at her speed dont overdose with to much data at one sitting and be honest.I was lucky my late wife knew from our second date
and I had a wonderful 30 years with hershe was fully a participant. Again slow and honest is the best course.and Hi from Wheeling PM me when you become able if you wish
Hugs Annette

[Paula DAngelo]

Taking it slow does seem to be working. Every day we talk it's getting a little easier and it's amazing at the little things that she picked up on before she even "knew" anything. I have a feeling she new something was up but didn't know how to bring it up. Whether she really new anything or not doesn't matter, what matters is she knows now and we are talking about it. So for now things are getting better every day.

[Camille15]

Good luck, and make sure to go at whatever speed she is comfortable at. My wife has known for 6 months now, and is generally accepting. But sometimes I still think I share more than she is comfortable with (like about a purchase), so I look for nonverbal signals about that, and try to hold back.