If you knew then what you know now

[kimdl93]

How often we say this, or hear it from others. It's a bit like one those what if questions that I dislike, but as a TG person who grew up well before the Internet I can't help but wonder how my life might have differed if I had access to the wealth of information and the shared experiences available to transgendered people today.

I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm very happy to have reached this point and to have the life I live. But as I said to a friend today, one can't help but look wistfully at our younger members and wonder what if...

[Miriam-J]

It's truly so amazing, and I hope our younger members appreciate the difference. The web to help us feel unalone, gain confidence, and improve our clothing and makeup. Social attitudes that, while far from universally supportive, at least encourage many to have an open mind - especially among the young.

At least we get to experience it now, while we're still alive. So many must have lived their whole lives with so much less.

Miriam

[UNDERDRESSER]

Yes, I wonder how much impact the web is going to affect us old fogies as the younger generation get to stretch their wings? If say, a couple of younger guys start wearing openly at work, and the world doesn't end, would you consider coming out?

[Kate Simmons]

I wouldn't change things one bit my friend.:battingeyelashes::)

[Launa]

I think about this a lot and if I had the support like I do here 25+ years ago then things would have been different alright!

[Julie Gaum]

I doubt if I'm exaggerating to say that Kindl's experience of feeling alone in the universe has been repeated a million times until the advent of the Internet.
Yes we all envy the younger generation for growing up in the information age. Actually in 1938 I saw my first TV (8 inches by 8 inches) in the home of a school chum by the name of Tom Sarnoff. His father founded RCA and transmitted from his office. Now the variety and capacity of mobile apps has gone far beyond my comprehension. What will the future hold for CDs? I will not live long enough to find out.
Julie

[kimdl93]

I doubt if I'm exaggerating to say that Kindl's experience of feeling alone in the universe has been repeated a million times until the advent of the Internet.
Yes we all envy the younger generation for growing up in the information age. Actually in 1938 I saw my first TV (8 inches by 8 inches) in the home of a school chum by the name of Tom Sarnoff. His father founded RCA and transmitted from his office. Now the variety and capacity of mobile apps has gone far beyond my comprehension. What will the future hold for CDs? I will not live long enough to find out.
Julie

Wow, Julie, thanks for sharing an incredible perspective!

[AlyssaS]

If I knew all the resources that were out there, I might have answered 'yes' to my parents when they asked if I wanted to be a girl after getting caught when I was 9 or 10. I assumed I was a freak at the time, so said no. I don't really regret that decision, because I have a wonderful life with a great family, but I do sometimes wonder what would have happened.

[Angela Campbell]

It's not just me knowing all I know now it is if everyone else did. In my younger days people were just not at all accepting of a man who wants to be a lady. If I knew then what I know now, and if society was then like it is now, well maybe things could have been different. Maybe not. Other than dressing and maybe transitioning, I would change a lot of things. I would have gone to college sooner, I wouldn't have married the two women I did, and I would buy Microsoft stock.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim, Growing up in the 40s' & 50s' it was a very lonely place for Crossdressers .
I had to figure out everything myself the hard way it wasn't till my late 20s'
that I found Crossdressing papers and magazines at the adult book stores.

It's hard to imagine what Crossdressing would have been like if I had
the INTERNET growing up.

[jillleanne]

Sort of like stating, " if pigs could fly". If you wonder what if, you also need to include changes in the cost of living, the economy, job perspectives, hatred, pigotry, and a million other things. We can't isolate one part of our life in relationship to our past without including all the other enviromental and social elements that exist today with what we know today. Sure, I asked myself that same question once and concluded; there simply is no way of knowing how I would have reacted, differently or otherwise, and secondly, love who I am, love being out f/t, and am having a blast riding on this merry-go-round discovering something new about myself every week.

[nvlady]

You mean there were other CD's before the internet? I thought I was the only one.

[Dawn cd]

Not only do we have a wealth of information thru the internet, but the whole science of treating gender dysphoria has developed geometrically in recent years. If I were a young person today—knowing what I know and having the science available to me—I would opt to transition in a flash.

[AllyCDTV]

I am very content with where I am at today. I do believe if I had access to all the technology there is today, I would be in a much different place now and given my perspective, I don't think it would be a good place. I doubt if my masculine side would have developed to the degree it did. And it is not only because of the greater amount of information available. I think technologies like virtual sex via Web camming may have hurt my over all social development too. I could definitely see the ease of virtual sex overriding the desire for actual physical human contact and I think that is a bad thing.

While the technology of today offers some bright spots, it is not without its pitfalls too. I think the challenges for young transgenders today are just as difficult for me when I was young, they are just different challenges.

[I Am Paula]

I think this question is most pertinant to those who began as CD/trans/omnigender etc. before the internet. It was the biggest advance to us. Medical advancements also made great strides since then. Transition in 1975 was not a viable option. Most Dr's knew nothing about it, and surgery was is it's infancy. I attempted to see what options were available to me, and my G.P. had me do the research, then chickened out, sent me to a 'specialist' in New York, who also ended up not knowing anything. I gave up. I met a few transgirls in Paris in 1980. At that point HRT consisted of larger and larger doses of premarin, and nothing to counteract increasing T levels. It made for a toxic drug mix, and questionable results. Anyone considering transition now can do tons of research, expect to find knowledgeable practicioners, and can go in knowing what to expect. If I was thirty years old now, I would have transitioned. On the flipside of the 'If I knew then...' arguement, I would not have met my current wife.-Celeste

[lingerieLiz]

Yes the internet has opened up the our knowledge about things that many would not discuss before.

I grew up thinking that because I liked to dress I must be gay and wanted to be a woman. And, if that was true, I was less a person. Today the internet gives us the chance to research and better understand differences in our makeup.

[Cindy J Angel]

Yes what if we did know more, for me that was a long time ago lets see born 1958 started to figer out what mom was doing with the bar and hose at 5 ,
1963 some were i got it in my head i need to shave my lags got the left one done and was all most done with the right whin it happened cut it all the way from the shin to the knee right on the front bone (steel have the scar).

around 1965/66 not much happen for a wile was a boy had good child hood. lets see around 76thuough80 was in the navy and got out in the wourld crossdress a coupl times try some more thinks. all ways had hose some were around.

I new a bout gays and all then in the 80 met quit a fue had some fun but wish i was more bolder then. 90 not much yet intell 98 when i get my first comp and figered out what the hell was going on with me

so back to what we were talk about this was a time that u did not talk about this kind of stuff.
I saw a gay at a show in 77 he had both ears done . all i could think of for days was that was what i wented tryed but just could not go through with it.

after 98 i have cout up with cindy and she gos out not all the time but i do get out and will be going to have my first hair cut dress as cindy
2012
so if i had know what i know now. I steel would have taken this long to get hear... I am tuff but we all need our soport group of people we meet with through out our life.

i would not trady enty part of it well mayb some if i could would take aver bad think i have done to all back.

but we all wish we could have had two lives and then pick witch one we went say we live as a girl for 16 years and then start over as a boy then we are given a chose we can remember both for a little and after we chouse well them that is what we will b nan i like it as it is lv cindy

[Amy Fakley]

If I knew where I was going, I'd have walked right to it in a straight line.

As it is, I was set on a wandering path. If I'd have had the knowledge of self I have now when I was 20, then I'd certainly have avoided more mistakes than I can count. There's very little doubt in my mind, that I'd have jumped right in and made a b-line toward transition. But there's so much I also would have bypassed ... the struggle to ignore my gender issues has focused my mind on so many unusual things over the years. I might not be a musician, nor write software. I might not have spent so many hours examining my own motives, pondering the nature of the universe and my place in it. I most certainly would not have the children I have now, nor my wife. I don't necessarily regret the path I've taken ... it was simply inevitable; there was no other path to take than the one the universe set me on.

Today's path is different for many. I'm thankful for the internet and some of the ways it's transforming our world, and the young'uns today ... for some of them, the world is limitless and accessible in ways I could barely imagine 20 years ago. It's an exciting time.

[Beverley Sims]

You have dug this up from the past and my view has not changed.
If I was twenty I would have probably transitioned along with three others that were successful.
They still looked fantastic when they were thirty.

[Eryn]

I would very much like to have had the information I needed to come to terms with myself a few decades ago. However, it might have taken my life in a different direction which, overall, would not have been a good thing.

[Henna]

When I was 15 to 20 years old, internet was just making it´s way to general public. I actually remember, when and where I used internet for the first time and what I thought afterwards: "Why on earth would I want to be using this?".

If I would be now 15 to 20 years old and have the information available for me via internet, it might have made me understand the fact, that sexuality and gender are not the same thing (which wasn´t discussed at home at all, nothing related to sexuality and genders). It might have prevented me being completely wrecked and end up with a mental disorder diagnose from doctors, who probably didn´t understand at all what was wrong with me. I can´t really blame them, as I never said anything about the other side of me, that it was feminine. They could tell another "personality" from the test, but nothing specific. I just thought myself as a pervert and that I really shouldn´t tell that to anyone, or I´ll stay locked up for the rest of my life. Internet might have made me understand earlier, that I´m not a pervert.

I don´t know where that road might have gone...

[noeleena]

Hi,

What if i had known what i know now, , i did, not in terms of all that we talk about as it would have ment nothing to me,

Allso iv had a life iv got expreance to back my self up. & with out that i would not be were i am now,

I belive for my self timeing of how things went were what i needed, i knew that the right timeing for every thing in my life was right,
How to explain that,

Had i not been ready for things in my life it would not have worked, there were things i had to do & so when i was ready it all worked in the way it was ment to, .& timeing for people to be in place for when i needed them, & that is what is so fantastic ,

Im so glad i dont have to look back & say what ...if...its i know what was right for me, & even now im in the right place & right time, i know its different yet most of my life has been different, so i cant be more happyer than i am now, really thats about haveing a peace with in & being content.


...noeleena...

[prescilla]

I so agree with you, I am 58 living a remote town in Australia with no previous hope of any interaction with fellow dressers. God bless the internet.
Prescilla

[Cheryl T]

Had I had all this information and the ability to discover all the support that's available I certainly would have come out much sooner.

[stephNE]

Thank you Kim, another good thread.
As I have said on here before, the only things I regret, are things that I DIDN'T do. So everyone, try to live life to the fullest, do what makes you happy, and strive to make others happy as well.

[linda allen]

The Internet has changed a lot of things. I'm really surprised to find out some people I know don't use computers or the Internet. My late mother in law thought it was evil and swore it would never be in her house.

Would my life have been different if the Internet was around when I was young? Certainly. As far as crossdressing, I'm not sure. I don't think anybody can say.

[Kaz]

Hi Kim, great thread as always!

I think about this a lot actually. And I don't really have an answer. Part of me says that I would have realised who I was sooner and been able to deal with it - who knows, maybe I would now be a GRS 'woman'... but then again would I have still spent decades in turmoil, albeit better informed turmoil?

I certainly know that I would have been more open, especially with regard to my wife and family. I rather suspect that my career choices would have been very different.

On reflection, Oh Boy... to start at the beginning again in today's world! What a very different life that would be!

[linda allen]

We can't just have the Internet and crossdressers.com available in, say 1955, and say how things might have been if we had the information available to us then that we have now.

Laws and attitudes towards "different" people were way different then. For all practical purposes, it was illegal to be gay, illegal to crossdress in public, and legal to harass anyone different than the majority.

We've come a long way since then. Not all good, but mostly good..

[kendra_gurl]

Great question Kim
As we have all thought about this many times before my wife and I both have tried to use this thought process as we raised our daughters. Not in the sense of I know what your up to cause I've been there done that so you better not. We instead tried our best to have meaningful talks with them about any and all issues they were encountering at the time.

Remembering how difficult it was at our young age to talk with our daughters about certain issues it makes it even easier now to talk candidly with our GrandDaughters trying to cope with todays issues

I used to use the example of the branches of a tree to explain how decisions one makes determines where they end up in life meaning once you go one way it only leads to that part of the tree. Now I see a road map is a better example. While a fork in a road leads to totally different directions on the path of life there are always intersecting roads that can lead you back in the right path.

I guess the information available on the internet is our new GPS to a happier life

[AlyssaS]

We can't just have the Internet and crossdressers.com available in, say 1955, and say how things might have been if we had the information available to us then that we have now.

Laws and attitudes towards "different" people were way different then. For all practical purposes, it was illegal to be gay, illegal to crossdress in public, and legal to harass anyone different than the majority.

We've come a long way since then. Not all good, but mostly good..

But the internet is responsible for much of that progress. If the internet was around in 1930, than by 1950 we'd see similar progress to what we saw in the 90s/00s.

[TeresaL]

Having the knowledge back in 1950 would have mitigated the suffering I went through believing there was a cure. It would have helped us stay ahead of much of the guilt, shame, and secrecy. Most of us would know better than to harbor that awful secret right into marriage, thinking it would somehow remove our transgender provlicty.

But thankfully, we have it now, and it is infact a great library of help.

Good thread Kim

[STACY B]

I watched this thread an gave it lots of thought . I think if I knew then what I know now an could be in the NOW an not back then it would be OK . Does that make sense ? But back then the OTHER PEOPLE wouldn't know an only I would . So it wouldn't matter to them only to me ,,,He's a WITCH !! Run ,,,, STACY run ,,,, I only wish I could restart time now an move forward from birth ,, Then I would get to see what happens ,,But it won't be a big deal cuz it will become the norm !

[MssHyde]

I was raised in the country, a loner, sort of a driven person when I have a goal.

if I had the resources when I was a puppy or kitten that I have now. I may have taken the big step.
"but I would be a lesbian."

there are times I still consider it.

[Stephanie47]

The Internet is nothing more than a deliver of information, nothing more. If the Internet was alive and well in the 1950's it would be exuding hate for gays and lesbians, cross dressers. blacks and Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, and, the list goes on. If you weren't alive in the 1950's and 1960's you did not miss any wealth of tolerance for others. Go read a good history book or hit the microfilms at a newspaper. Oh, and don't forget the McCarthy era of a commie ******* in every closet right next to the queers!

[BillieJoEllen]

If I would of had TS/CD information that is available now my life would definitely be different today. I believe that if other information about hate, intolerance, gays, etc. was available then also life would of been much more compassionate then also.

[Melissa_59]

When I was their age, I was denying what I was, and busy dodging explosions and being deployed to all sorts of nasty places in the world. Couldn't really pack a skirt in my mo-bag, we were very limited in what we could carry and there was no such thing as "privacy" on a deployment. I guess things would not have been very different for me because of what I was doing at the time.

[Beverley Sims]

The Internet is nothing more than a deliver of information, nothing more. If the Internet was alive and well in the 1950's it would be exuding hate for gays and lesbians, cross dressers. blacks and Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, and, the list goes on. If you weren't alive in the 1950's and 1960's you did not miss any wealth of tolerance for others. Go read a good history book or hit the microfilms at a newspaper. Oh, and don't forget the McCarthy era of a commie ******* in every closet right next to the queers!
I have ridden in the back of the bus in New Orleans with the black people.
The white people at the front looked at me and the black lady bus driver asked why when I got off.
I said I just wanted to ask their advice on where to go in N.O.
I got some of the warmest smiles from the back of the bus. :)
There is still an undercurrent of the 50s even today.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm not sure what our society would be like now if the flow and availability of information about crossdressing had been easily available back in the days when I was young, thin, doing my first experiments and feeling very guilty. It probably would have eased the guilt and given me a better idea of what I could achieve. There is no doubt I would have taken better care of myself and probably would have been out well before I was married. That would have changed a lot.

[StarrOfDelite]

I sometimes wish that I would have acquired knowledge about my essential self before I had made a complexly convoluted mess of my life. But, then I start thinking about all the other lives which have touched me, and been touched by me, and realize that it's like throwing a stone into a pond, the ripples never stop.

I was raised in an upper middle classs WASP world, not exactly repressive, but definitely homophobic and filled with fairly rigid rules about behavioral norms. With the wisdom of hindsight, there might have been a few occasions when I suspected that I was androgynous, and possibly bisexual when I was a teenager, but the pressure to keep on the straight and narrow path for which I was educated and trained never relented, and I just kept going, through military service in Vietnam, through college, through law school and grad school, through two marriages, and through fatherhood, and didn't come to any degree of self-realization until the mid-90's when I finally discovered the world of crossdressing/ transsexual/ androgynous/ bisexual people on the internet.

If I had known that I was androgynous and bisexual when I was 17-18 years old, I would probably have had a nervous breakdown, and would have been a risk to commit suicide. Certainly, I wouldn't have served in the war, wouldn't have married, might not have chosen the same educational path, and, at the very least, my children would never have been born, and the people I killed in Vietnam would have lived for a while longer.

It's nice to fantasize about being young and having options. But, on the whole, I think that the one thing I would have liked to have known on my 21st birthday would be the winning Power Ball numbers for the day after my birthday. :-)

[Desiree2bababe]

Yeah, no kidding. All I know is my friends would have had hard evidence to spread around about me rather than just rumors, what with every phone having a camera now. In that way, I suppose it would be a double edged sword for those who were scared of discovery.

All the info though has to help, at least they would know they are not the only one.

[Tina B.]

Seems to me reading from the young ones on here, they are just as unsure as we where, I don't think anything helps as much as a little maturity.

[lynnmcarthur]

For me it would have changed SO much personally, in my relationships, and in the shame and fear that being different caused

[RADER]

I remember that in the 50's, there was a person named Christine Jorgenson who shook up
the world by opening have a sex change. She was on all the talk shows, and a big write up
in the Sunday Chicago Tribune. That is where I saw that the idea of a man wearing female
clothes was not totally out of this world. Even though it was very much frown upon, It was
still a feasible thing to do.
The only thing I would change, would to be that I would have put more of my savings into
Stock instead of a savings account. They did not have "CDs" back then. They started in the
80's
Rader

[sometimes_miss]

It depends, upon at what age I would have known, and WHAT I would have known. I definitely wouldn't have gotten married, but would have pursued a career in finance instead of what I am doing. I've found that I can purchase companionship even if I can't entice a woman into a relationship with a crossdresser.