Has anyone told their kids?

[Regan]

My wife and I are probably on the verge of divorce because of my dressing and sexual orientation. She discovered this in the summer and we both have been in therapy. I have realized I want to be dressing 24 x 7 and be with a man. So we are sleeping in separate rooms and talking about what to do. My question is I have a daughter 15 and a son 12, my daughter knows a little about the gay situation but not the dressing. How have others told their kids and how old where they?

Thanks

Regan

[Kate Simmons]

My kids found my "stash" years ago when they were teenagers. That's when my wife told them. They never said much about it as they know I will always be their Dad no matter what. All of them have seen me en femme since but they never shared their feelings on how it made them feel. At least they understood me a little better.:)

[StaceyJane]

My 19 yr old daughter surprised me and told me she already knew and was fine with it. But she had just ended a year and a half lesbian relationship that my wife and I had supported so she was open to different things. She really returned my support of her in a wonderful way.

[Daisy41]

My daughter is only 14 months and my wife and I are pretty much going to see what we can do about integrating it as part of or lives. We do realize that it may cause issues with teasing once she is in school, but we are still willing to give it a shot, rather than just hiding it from her.

[TeresaL]

My wife told them all twenty years ago when they were 15, 20, and 22. She called the oldest two late at night and had them make the 80 mile trip to let them know. For her, it was an emergency, similar to or worse than a heart attack.

Today though, things are good. No hiding or secrets. My kids all learned LGBT issues, studied transgender online, and my daughter even took gender courses at IU. They help my wife with support and therapy, letting them know that things are ok, and I will always be their dad.

Since I'm still making appearances as male, I have drab clothes in our closet, mixed with Teresa's garments. My wife moved Teresa's clothes over to her side so that all the female clothes are in one place. So she does accept that Teresa is here to stay, and that her and I are one and the same persona, not a split personality, narcissistic, pervert.

[Marcia Blue]

I told two of my boys, 24 and 20 years old at the time, about my crossdressing. They were both fine with it. The younger one is also CD/TG. The 24 year old has also meet my fem side and gone out with me when I was dressed. The 20 year old might go out with me this December. My oldest does not know, and my wife has warned me to not tell him.

[Lady Catherine]

I told my son (25) and he was very cool with it. Plan on telling my daughter while she's here for Thanksgiving.

[Rogina B]

I showed my daughter when she was 5 years old. She is now 11.All newness has long since gone and she often[whenever I get home] goes grocery shopping with her "Aunt Rogina"..her father's twin sister...She is a fashionista,like her mother,so there is common areas of enjoyment. And,no matter how I am dressed,I am always her dad.

[Marissa]

I have two adult daughters, had the talk about 4 years ago when they were about 19 and 24. Even though both had some kinda clue thanks to the ex trying to paint a bad pic of me on her depart. That didn't work :) Oldest has gone out with me a couple of times and is fine with it, partially to her openness and being bi. Youngest is fine with it, in a way..about the same way on how I feel of being dressed around her (which was only once by accident), there is something about being 'dad' only to her that we both feel. Who knows, maybe someday I'll push it further with her..

Wish you the best with the proceedings if that is the direction it must go for all to be happy or at least content.

[kimdl93]

My kids learned from my ex wife under less than optimal circumstances. Fortunately they were able to put aside their initial problems and we restored a healthy relationship within a couple of years. That seems like a long time, but it takes time to work through feelings.

[PretzelGirl]

I told my daughters at 25 and 19 and everything went great. My son doesn't know yet as he is clear across the country, so there is no rush. I would think you are in a tough zone. When kids are real young you can make the argument that if they are brought up with it, that they are just used to it. When they are adults, they can have a more mature approach. High School/Jr High age can either go real well because kids are just accepting these days, or their could be issues if they feel peer pressure, which is what teenagers live by.

[Melissa73]

i dont have any bio kids of my own, however my wife/ roommate (we are separated, but due to the fact that she came out as gay same times as i told her i cd), but she has 2 kids 21 and 16 (boy and girl respectively). Wife told ther son 1st, he was like no problem. But we just told her daughter... said it was way cool! And now i dress whenever i am at home..... (never ever dressed in front of anyone b4... and it is beginning to feel normal :)

Michelle

[Eryn]

I'm considering telling my daughters soon. They're both young adults and we're to the point where the burden of knowing won't weigh too heavily upon them. Still, it is a tough decision as the secret, once told, cannot be untold.

[bridget thronton]

My kids are adults and married. I told them and their spouses. It doesn't not bother any of them

[Marissa V]

i told my 8 year old few weeks ago. She was fine with it but she wanted to see Myrdin. So last night she got her wish. And she totaly loved it.

[ReineD]

If you want to transition there might be a chance to stay married if your wife is open to this, but not if you are attracted to men unless your wife is also willing to give you free rein. So divorce is likely inevitable.

My children were shattered when their father and I told them we were divorcing. The youngest was 12 at the time. Without getting into all the adult details, we told them that we were not happy living together, that we had tried to make it work, but had not been successful. They had sensed there was something drastically wrong between us for years and they were not surprised, even though it was hard on them. They suffered in subsequent years each in their own way, although one is OK now and the other two are on their way to be OK. It has been 6 years. Kids do survive divorces, as long as the parents don't put them in the middle.

My ex is not trans.

You may want to consider consulting a therapist before deciding to tell them why you are divorcing. The news that their dad wants to live as a woman and is attracted to men might be too much for them, on top of being told of the divorce.

My thoughts are with you, your wife, and your children.

[Marissa V]

. Kids do survive divorces, as long as the parents don't put them in the middle.


Thats the key. Its what happened in my devorce. My ex used me daughter as a weapon in court. Too bad it wasnt of any use to her but thats an entirely different matter. Only result it had was that my daughter became angry with her mom. It took me months of explaining that sometimes things happen where it is better that mom and dad split up. Now we're exactly 1 year since the split up and finally she understands that a devorce was the best option. How did she understand? By showing her that now she has 2 wonderfull homes (co-parenting). And yesterday was the climax of this. Ran into my ex and her new bf...and i got apologies from both of em for acting like morons since the start of the devorce. Not that I needed those apologies (allthough i have to admit it gave me a sese of 'i win') , but they did it infront of my daughter, and you could see by the look in her eyes that it finally made sense to her.

[Rogina B]

I answered what I thought was the question asked.."if you told your kids". That I have experience on. However,sexuality issues and transitioning issues are something else. Wrecking a childs image of their Dad could damage them for life.Professional help needed...and not your average couples therapist,either!

[Raychel]

I have told our okdest son, he is 25 now and still living at home.
He has knocked on the door to my home office a few times when I was dressed all pretty,
I told him I could not open the door at the moment.
I felt that he needed an explaination, best not to keep him in the dark why the door was locked.
I told him and he said he didn't care, I was still his father, then whet on to talk about something else.
End of story.

A few weeks later I was going to h ave the house by myself for the weekend. Of course I was going
to take advantage of the time, So I sent him a text and told him that I may not be dressed in a
manner he wished to see, and he should give me a call before he came home to prevent
irreversable images from being planted in hs head.
He just laughed and said he would call.

[Erica Marie]

I have a son that is 16 and a daughter that is 19. So far it is still a secret to them. Their mom found out when they were real young and attempted to use it against me while we were divorcing if they kids ever found out. Needless to say it wasnt the sole reason we divorced but I think at the time it was just a spite thing. Move 12 years ahead, after dating I had told my gf of 3 yrs about it and at first she was very accepting but a year later used it an excuse to leave for her boss. So again it was some ones excuse. Just the other day I had come out to a good friend and she is very understanding as she knew another cd in the past. So that was step one that finally went well. I guess you could say I am a little gun shy about telling the kids, but after living this life for well over 25 yrs hidden it starts to take its toll. My daughter is in college and is heading towards a psych major. Hopefully in time I can come clean to her and she may have an understanding and acceptance.

[hosierylover]

Hi Regan, i haven't told my kids yet, I'm still scared. As you said you want to be with men I'm aloud to when I work up the courage as long as she's aloud to with women.

[SallyS]

I'm getting close to telling my eldest daughter!

She's 18 and pregnant and still living at home (until she has a deposit for her own place).

I work from home. mostly en-femme, so having her and a new grandchild in the house (in May 2013), might be problem?

I think she knows about me in some way already, as my female clothes hang the oppsite end of the wardrobe, as my SO clothes :)

I have no problem if she does find out 'officially', as I think she'll be OK with it.

I'll wait until my younger children are a bit older though.

I guess it boils down to how important it is to you, for them to know?

[Marissa V]

I guess it boils down to how important it is to you, for them to know?

Well, its part of who you are...i cant find anything more important than that tbh. Not saying you HAVE to tell them, i know there are numerous things that hold it back, like being subject to teasing in school and so on. But imo its better to tell them BEFORE they get the mindset thats accepted by society. Just my 2 cents ofc...

[Melissa_59]

I have two daughters, one who is 30 and the other who is 25. I've told the oldest. She's not happy with it, but she said she accepts it because she loves me - she told me in those words. I haven't told my youngest for all kinds of reasons. I will one day, but this isn't the day.

[Regan]

I just want to say thank you so much, this is just an amazing site. I do not know where I would be without all of you. Love you all.

[Vanessa Amber420]

I wanted to thank everyone for sharing.

XOXOXO

Vanessa