Do Collaborative Fantasies Fulfill Needs for Affection?

[LelaK]

Are fantasies healthy? For those who have no SO or whose SO is not affectionate, does sharing fantasies or roleplaying with others online help much to fill the need for affection? Does it also help fill the need for action, excitement, creativity, or mental health etc?

I have no SO, so fantasies (stimulated by porn, online or otherwise) are "necessary" in order to satisfy sexual urges. But other fantasies relating to CD, which go back to my early childhood, of course, don't relate directly to sexual urges, although they get mixed together a bit.

Is it unhealthy for a relationship with an SO to be physically unaffectionate? Can mental or conversational affection be a suitable substitute for physical affection? And is it healthy in such cases to get affection via sharing fantasy with others online? If I have a prospective SO who is physically unaffectionate, can I get my affection from her in other ways, or get it from shared fantasies with others online etc?

Is there much risk of getting a crush on someone via shared fantasies online? Oo, that would be a pain.

Can fantasy help us achieve emotional or spiritual growth? It seems like I gained a helpful insight recently by coming to understand the meaning of some of my fantasies.

[ClosetED]

I think that if a SO is physically unaffectionate, then they are not Significant, just an Other. Fantasies by themselves are not unhealthy, but if they interfere with your relationships with others then they are a problem. If they get you by until you find the right person, that is different. You may want to consider if you merge your CDing with releasing your sexual urges, then are you more of a fetishist? It is how many start, but learn to separate. Fantasy may help you decide what kind of person you want, but real people will never equal that of a fantasy. A supermodel may look pretty, after hours of makeup and photoretouching, but how many are such nice people they stay married to one person their entire life?

[Jorja]

Fantasies are great and even healthy. That being said, when fantasy starts to over take reality this is when you run into problems. Learn what is fantasy and what is reality and have a ball.

[alwayshave]

I had a SO, ex-wife, who would have sex but absolutely refused to kiss. I probably went 15 years, until after we were separated, without knowing the feeling of being kissed. That said, she was not un-sexually adventurous. So we had relations, but it was with no feeling that she loved me or wished to be with me, I could have been anyone who would fulfill her physical desires. That was not what I was looking for. So, to finally answer your question, I don't believe that a relationship can survive without affection. I don't mean sex, I mean affection.

[Beverley Sims]

You can have fantasies and go off in a dream world, sharing on line fantasies with someone would be ok but I would be wary of uncovering your true identity.
Some fantasies can be discussed here as long as there is a level of decency and consideration of others.
Fantasies can be very off beat and to some appear obscene whilst to the OP they seem quite normal.
So remember your level of decency when posting here.
It does interest me to read what turns people on as long as it is not too personal.
You know...."Too much information." and the likes.. :)

[Angela Campbell]

My most recent ex wife began with the no physical contact and thought it just was not important in a relationship. She had no desire whatsoever. No cuddling, no holding hands and never more than a peck on the cheek. (she called that kissing) For me a lack of physical contact is unhealthy for a relationship and it is one of the reasons we are no longer together. She will never understand. Love dies without intimacy. After almost 4 years of waiting for this to change the marriage just wasn't worth it for either of us. There was no glue to hold us together anymore.

[AllyCDTV]

Sexual fantasies can be healthy. Still I can't imagine someone who I would consider to be an SO that would be unaffectionate no matter what. I think affection is more important than sex in a relationship but that is not to say that sex is not important in a relationship too.

If you have an "SO" that is physically unaffectionate but a great conversationalist, what you have is a friend. Some people find sharing fantasy online to be satisfying. It works for me for a while as an alternative but does not hold up for long. I think most people need the real physical affectionate contact. If you have a perspective SO that is not affectionate, I would recommend moving her to the friend list and continuing to look for an SO that will be physically affectionate.

Of course there is a risk of getting a crush with someone online. The news is filled with stories about Internet stalkers. It is a dangerous path to go down.

IMO, fantasy can be used to achieve emotional and spiritual growth. Your mind is the most important sex organ and it is responsible for all emotional and spiritual growth. The trouble is, the mind is difficult to control and can lie to you. Nothing can beat coupling the mind with real physical experience.

[docrobbysherry]

My problem with sexual fantasies is with making them come true. Which they HAVE for me for some time. Then, they can become compulsive! Or, so they have for me.

If u don't share them with people u r attracted to, they can cause u to become ISOLATED. And, with very antisocial results!

Be careful when pursuing your fantasies. They may prove addictive in unhealthy ways.

[MsJanessa]

Why not explore you fantasies with another like minded person----it's fun to make them a reality--sometimes can be disappointing but other times can work out beyond you willdest dreams--gool luck

[kimdl93]

Personally, I think that online fantasies are a poor substitute for real life intimacy. If a couple has problems with intimacy, it's often a shared problem...not the fault of one or the other, but a problem with how the two interact. An online alternative potentially creates even greater distance between the two.

[Shari]

I believe that sexual fantasies are healthy. They're brain stimulating as well as physically stimulating.

Wasn't dressing up like a woman a fantasy at one time for all of us here? How did that one work out?

A sexual crush on line? I couldn't imagine that, let alone fall into it.

[Jaymees22]

Hi Lela, I think fantasies are healthy, otherwise I would think of myself as very ill. I also think fantasies can only supplement your real life and relationships. I too get my CD fantasies mixed with sexual urges, but usually when I'm not dressed (kind of weird). I would avoid sharing fantasies online, I feel I'm putting too much out there already!...Hugs Jaymee

[reb.femme]

My only collaborative fantasy was joining a lottery syndicate in the vain hope we would win. I called it my investment portfolio. :)

Rebecca

[ReineD]

Most everyone fantasizes and this is healthy providing it does not negatively impact a relationship with someone else. But, if a person cannot deal with anything that is less than perfect and if they use fantasy, whether online or otherwise, to avoid the challenges of being in a mutually close relationship, in my opinion they are robbing themselves of all the physical and emotional benefits that come from bonding with another human being. Being alone with one's fantasies has got to be empty after awhile.