too much for me, I quit

[famousunknown]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

[Meghan]

Yeah, I know, I have said that many many times. I have wanted it so badly I thought about nothing else other than NOT being a CD/TS/TG/etc.

Hang in there.

Meghan

[Eryn]

You might think that you can quit being TG, but will it quit you?

Setbacks happen and moods swing. Things will get better.

[Jenna J]

We will see you soon!

[marion]

not a day goes by when i think shall i just forget dreaming and trying to be feminine. but the next minute i am back dreaming and longing of being a woman. my urges just take over i cant hep it x

[Jana]

Just remember not to purge your stuff. For when the urge comes back, you know.

We've all been there, sister. Hang in there!

[PaulaAnn]

No way I'd ever quit ....I've come too far to give up now ....my greatest adventure is just beginning.Take a break and sort it out ;you'll be back .
Paula

[Amanda_P]

I've quit many times myself but always came back. Now I'm just happy to be me.

[vplshowoff]

I've purged at least 3 times. I wish I still had some of the clothes that I purged.

[TGMarla]

I understand. It gets all up in my head, too. Or has sometimes. Then it seems like such diminishing returns....and maybe just ditch it. Ditch it all. And the overwhelming truth of it all comes back, and you're kind of right back where you started. With maybe a purge or two......really sucks. A lot of us have been there, are there, will be there. Comes with the territory.

[Kate Simmons]

I never "quit" anything Hon, just kind of mosey on down the road sometimes.:battingeyelashes::)

[Marcy]

We'll be here if you need us - you have friends here who understand what you are going through.

Marcy

[Being Paige]

There have been two times that i have purged everything only to restock the dresser drawers again. After the second time I vowed that I would never throw out anything again. This is who I am and there are always times that I get filled with dought, reget, you name it, but I continue to go on and grow.

[Raychel]

Good Luck with that, I have tried that in the past, never worked for me.

[STACY B]

See I told you ! They all agree with me ,, Just take it easy an go do something you like for awhile . All this will still be here when you catch your breath . There is not a person here that hasn't done or atleast thought about the same thing . Settle down ,,, You can always talk to me ,,,I am close ,, An I am CRAZY too so that will make you feel way better than me that's a Perk,,, Check the Moon ,,Maybe it's Full ?

[Stephanie Miller]

See ya back here in 6 months or less.
(No need being embarrassed coming back either, we've all been there ;) )

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

It can become a continuing struggle to find acceptance and understanding with oneself. Sometimes there is a feeling of being eaten inside out as your true self strives to evolve. Suppress, quit, deny, hate yourself, hurt yourself curse every thought you have about it, it gnaws away at your mind imprisoning and tormenting. Fear grows and you try to run from it but it lurks at every corner waiting for you to pass bye. For some they continue to struggle and some accept it and try to control it and for some like me, its like a re-birthing of your mind, body and soul. Its what YOU find and how YOU handle it. My god it has taken me years of self hatred and punishment to finally accept me for who I truly am.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Anyone remember that looney tunes cartoon with the sheep dog and wiley e coyote?
The sheep dog is named sam i think, and he, of course, keeps catching the coyote.

In one scene they clock out at the end of the day and tell each other g'night, then it starts all over again the next day?

That sheep dog just keeps kickin ol' wiley e's butt, time after time, after time........after time.

In other words...see ya tomorrow.

[linda allen]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.
Well, you're not giving us any information to go on, but regardless of what others say, if you don't want to do it any more, if you really want to quit, you can do it. It's entirely up to you.

You may notice that most responses here say that it's impossible to quit, but just keep in mind, those folks who have quit aren't members of crossdressers.com anymore so they are not here to advise you.

[CuriousCurious]

Yeah, I've just come to realize those feelings are here to stay. Haha... Good luck, hun.

[AndreaT]

I've stopped numerous times myself, by having a purge.
Really wish I hadn't now as its difficult for me to buy clothes, so throwing them out just makes it more difficult for me.

[heatherdress]

When you have figured out that you don't have anything figured out - you really have figured it out.

[MssHyde]

I quit about 40 times. good luck with that! (halloween gets its hooks in me too)

[Cynthia Anne]

Think about it this way! After you purge everything, you WILL return! Sorry but life works that way! Good luck!

[Trysha]

I'm sure many of our forefathers felt the same way at times when exploring uncharted territories,but with discipline, patience and courage they reached their
destination and victory was theirs.

[Silmaril]

No sarcasm intended: best of luck to you. I hope you can leave it all behind. If you actually figure out how to do it, please come back and leave a message for those of us who would love to follow you out.

[~Joanne~]

I have said that so many times, purged so many times, and could never get away from it. Why? because it's part of who I am. You can't run from yourself. I wish you the best though, I really do.

[Lorileah]

quitting is easy, I have done it a hundred times. Don't call it quitting call it a hiatus

[Meghan]

I have been thinking about this all post night. Why not just quit? Quit trying to understand it, stop trying to explain it and stop trying to hide it.

Then again, I spent 30 mins in the shower and full body shave this afternoon, had an incredibly intimate and intense evening with my wife, and as I am writing this, I cannot wait to slip under the sheets tonight with freshly shaved legs.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Successful people do things that unsuccessful people aren't willing to do. That's probably why we are here.

Meghan

[luvbridget]

Anyone remember that looney tunes cartoon with the sheep dog and wiley e coyote?
The sheep dog is named sam i think, and he, of course, keeps catching the coyote.

In one scene they clock out at the end of the day and tell each other g'night, then it starts all over again the next day?

That sheep dog just keeps kickin ol' wiley e's butt, time after time, after time........after time.

In other words...see ya tomorrow.

Hahahaa.. I remember that cartoon. So true :)

That sounds so familiar. I've purged so many times, only to go back and buy everything all over again and I'm right back where I was.

For me, this need comes in waves. I'm "normal" (whatever that is) for a while, but then I feel overwhelmed by the need to express the feminine side of myself before too long. I've noticed the waves have had shorter swells each time.

I understand your frustration, but you will probably return to this lifestyle at some point. I don't necessarily speak for everybody else here, but I'm sure we'll be here for you when you do. Good luck to you!

[Celeste]

Just try to understand,our desires with all things come and go and there's not always an explanation why.We may or may not understand why with the passage of time.But there's no reason to overreact,we can still keep things under control and give ourselves that "time" to better understand. I've questioned my reasons-motivations in the past and found I was putting myself through something I didn't have to..I don't have to be in a state of indecisiveness always and if the desires change periodically,I can be ok with that too.

[whowhatwhen]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

It doesn't go away, I'm sorry but it's just going to keep coming back.
If it has become this stressful to deal with then maybe it's time to start seeing a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues.

That's not to imply you have gender identity issues, but a therapist will be more than equipped to help you with any TG issues you're having.

[suzy1]

Anyone know if she is back yet?:straightface:

[prene]

I have quit before.

Never worked for me.

[k lynn]

I have quit before.

Never worked for me.

Been there done that nearly drove me insane now I am sane at least I think I am

[ChelseaErtel]

Do what you feel you need to. If you can, store your girl things so when you start again you haven't wasted all the money.

Noticed I said "when"....I tried to purge over 45 years and it never worked.

[bimini1]

I know what u mean. All these labels. Sometimes u ask yourself are these really me? You might be able to simply rise and walk away from it. Some days I look in the closet and see all these lovely clothes I've collected thru the years and I go what's the point of it.

Just like it chose me all those years ago maybe just maybe one day it will decide on it's own to just leave me alone.

[Cheryl T]

Sounds like so many purges I've done in my lifetime...

We'll keep the light on for you....if you're anything like us...you'll be back.

It's in the blood....

I stopped saying all that you said when I accepted myself and the fact that this is WHO I am and not WHAT I do....

[Erica Marie]

Hon we all get frustrated. I have "attempted" to quit numerous times in the last 27 yrs. Needless to say it doesnt quit you. I have told myself Ill stop, I have thrown away many hundreds of dollars worth of cloths. I have lost a gf due to it. Well here I am just as much dressed as ever. Things get difficult but you need to keep your head up that is what we are here for. There are alot of gurls here that feel the same way. Talk to us if you need support.

[Valerie Nova]

I've found that trying too hard to categorize yourself is pointless at best, and counterproductive to self-understanding at worst. You need to realize that the majority of words that categorize people are far too simple-minded to use to describe yourself, or really anyone that you want to have more than a cursory understanding of. Categorizing people as being a specific descriptive noun is intellectually lazy, and was the cause of some really harmful discrimination practices throughout history. The less you do this, the better equipped you will be to understand other people and yourself.

[Angela Campbell]

I tried to "quit" many time as well. I found out it is like trying to quit being short. I just can't. I was never really happy until the day I finally accepted myself for what I am. Oh I suspected all along of what I was but was embarrassed by the thought. On the day I finally saw myself in the mirror fully dressed and made up it finally clicked. This is who I am and this is who I have always been. Yes I still have to keep it a secret but I feel happier now than I ever have because I no longer deny who I really am. I like being a girl.

[MindyJ]

Only one purge many many years ago. I love every concievable aspect of CD. Cannot get enough of it. :) :)
Yes, I will admit, there are many frustrating times. Who cares if Rudolph cannot participate in anymore reindeer games. Leaves more times for living.

[Jenny Doolittle]

"YARD SALE" We will come buy your things, and then sell them back to you at cost when you return.

[Wendy G]

I've quit and purged about every two years for over a decade. It's really frustrating to have to start from scratch over and over. Acceptance broke this pattern. It seems once I came to terms with it myself, the whole CD experience heightened. I realize that everyone's experience with this matter is different, but I'm not aware of many that have been able to drop it.

[DebbieL]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

If you can really quit, and be happy with that decision, for the rest of your life, and not become self-destructive - overeating, drinking, drugs, suicide - then God Bless You - and I wish you the happiest of all possible lives.

If you find that you are NOT happy with that decision, if you start to think self-destructive thoughts - I hope you will come back quickly. What matters most is that you are doing what is best for you.

Good fortune and happiness whichever way it goes for you.

[Valerie Nova]

I've quit and purged about every two years for over a decade. It's really frustrating to have to start from scratch over and over. Acceptance broke this pattern. It seems once I came to terms with it myself, the whole CD experience heightened. I realize that everyone's experience with this matter is different, but I'm not aware of many that have been able to drop it.
Yeah, sometimes I feel no attachment to my Rubbermaid container of women's clothing and shoes, and would rather get rid of it and not have to explain it to anyone that might come across it. But experience has proven that I'll find myself back to excitedly putting together outfits from that container again.

[Susan4]

I don't know what more I can add. I agree with so much of what has been said.

I suppose all I can do is a) wish you well and b) note that I'm just returning myself after a long hiatus. I understand. One's gone on vacation ... and one is back.

Love
Susan

[Tina B.]

Nobody said being a CD is easy, for some it's harder than for others, Sorry your having a hard time with it, I've been at it for 50 + years and I haven't figured it out either.

[Sharon B.]

Like the rest of the group we all have at one time or another has tried to quit, purged it all only to have to go back out and buy more whether it was a few days later or a few years later. I myself will go a few days to a few weeks with out dressing but will always have a reminder of who I am. From having a hair free body to having nail polish on my toenails. The best thing I can say is to box it all up and put your stuff in storage, the urge will come back. You may be able to put it on the back burner so to speak but it will return and when it does it will stronger than before.

[Ressie]

Being a CD almost always interferes with everything else in one's life. I wonder if through hypnosis one could give it all up? But then would you be losing a part of yourself? If you can just go thru one day without thinking about wearing female clothes...

[Marleena]

I think we need to start a crossdresser's anonymous (CA) to help people quit. Somehow I don't think it will be too successful though...

[Beverley Sims]

You have been here for a couple of weeks now.
I advise you put all your clothes in a plastic bag with mothballs.
You may stay out of it for a while.
If you have good will power you will succeed in your quest.
Most of us here are lame brained in one way or another and have decided to take the easy way out.
If you do well please come back and laugh at us the way we are laughing at you now.
There is plenty of moral support here but not a great deal of sympathy to some one showing a lot of angst.
The advice here is store your clothes, they are expensive to replace and if you feel frustrated you might reflect on what might have been.
Also do not burn your bridges behind you, someone else will rebuild them anyway. :)
I wish you well in your quest and hope you have a good outcome.
Do not be embarrassed to post again as we have all had similar frustrating times.

[Launa]

Don't completely quit so fast. Go execise, go on a small road trip into the mountains or country side for a few days. Then in a month you just need a good fresh head to toe makeover, a waredrobe consultant and a couple days shopping.

[Jill]

I hear you brother/sister, CDing is a burden. It complicates every part of my life. But I have learned that it is far worse to resist it and hate it, always returning back to it than to accept it and do my best to keep it in check. A lot of people here have said things like, "see you tomorrow." I personally do believe that a person could quit if they really wanted it bad enough, if their motivation is high enough. We just don't ever see those people, good luck.

[Kate Simmons]

Evidently the OP meant what he said. He hasn't replied since the beginning.:)

[Foxglove]

Well, you're not giving us any information to go on, but regardless of what others say, if you don't want to do it any more, if you really want to quit, you can do it. It's entirely up to you.

You may notice that most responses here say that it's impossible to quit, but just keep in mind, those folks who have quit aren't members of crossdressers.com anymore so they are not here to advise you.

Linda, you frequently make this point: "If you want to quit, you can." I fail to see, though, that it actually says anything. Everybody knows, as the witnesses on this very thread prove, that you can give up CDing for a while, maybe even a long while. But you can't give up being trans. You do see the difference, don't you? Because if you don't, you don't understand what TGism is--which would be rather odd, coming from someone who's trans herself. What I'm saying is that the point you're making is pointless.

And then you assume that there are people who've quit for good. On what grounds? On the grounds that they aren't on this forum. In other words, you're assuming something is true on the basis of a lack of witnesses, testimony and evidence. Which seems to me to be a rather odd procedure. I'm not sure how well it would go over in a court of law.

And to the OP: hang in there. We've all been there. We're still your friends. Call on us if you need us.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Princess Chantal]

Not all people that purge their crossdressing activities come back to crossdressing again. Since being involved in the local tg/cding community and the kink community, I have had friends that did in fact quit. Most of these friends just became bored of their crossdressing activities and totally lost the interest.

[Jorja]

"Quit" ? Such a foreign concept I had to go look up the meaning. I wish you well in your endeavor.

[Lynn Marie]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

Bye bye. Call if you find meaningful work or a better hobby. One nice thing, you can always come back under a new identity with better lingerie and no one will ever know. Cool huh?

[kimdl93]

I wish her the best. I know the feeling - until one accepts oneself without worrying about which label to affix, its a difficult life. By the way, the labels are not a badge or labels on a box. CD, TG and TS are abstractions, just descriptive terms that we can use, if we have a shared vocabulary, to describe ourselves to others. "Apple" is a word that we use when we want to refer to that particular fruit. But its just a word, not the object itself. Similarly, I may characterize myself as CD and TG but those words are not me...merely convenient decriptors. Its easier if to accept yourself if you use words to gain understanding, but not to label yourself.

[mmandy31]

i tried purging many times but i get the urge and start all over again

[AllisontheGoddess]

She'll be back. She's probably just flustered about something--I'm sure we've all been there before <3 come back when you're ready ok =]

[linda allen]

Not all people that purge their crossdressing activities come back to crossdressing again. Since being involved in the local tg/cding community and the kink community, I have had friends that did in fact quit. Most of these friends just became bored of their crossdressing activities and totally lost the interest.

Thank you! :thumbsup:

[Tara D. Rose]

Not all people that purge their crossdressing activities come back to crossdressing again. Since being involved in the local tg/cding community and the kink community, I have had friends that did in fact quit. Most of these friends just became bored of their crossdressing activities and totally lost the interest.

Or these dressers did it just for kicks and wasn't really a part of them like so many. Maybe it was just a kinky little hobby of theirs.

[NathalieX66]

One has to ask one's self why one desires to crossdress in the first place.

[linda allen]

Linda, you frequently make this point: "If you want to quit, you can." I fail to see, though, that it actually says anything. Everybody knows, as the witnesses on this very thread prove, that you can give up CDing for a while, maybe even a long while. But you can't give up being trans. You do see the difference, don't you? Because if you don't, you don't understand what TGism is--which would be rather odd, coming from someone who's trans herself. What I'm saying is that the point you're making is pointless.

And then you assume that there are people who've quit for good. On what grounds? On the grounds that they aren't on this forum. In other words, you're assuming something is true on the basis of a lack of witnesses, testimony and evidence. Which seems to me to be a rather odd procedure. I'm not sure how well it would go over in a court of law.


Please read post #58.

[Jay135]

If I may add something- I haven't been Cd-ing for very long at all (4-6 months), but I liken my mental feelings to a pendulum. Sometimes, the pendulum swings over to the "girl" side of me, and I get the urge to dress up...sometimes all the way, sometimes not- depending on how far that pendulum swings. Once that pendulum has swung towards the "girl" side, it'll swing back towards the "boy" side, and that's when I feel these "why am I doing this?" or "anti-CD" feelings... Then, the pendulum swings back the other way, and so forth....

That's at least one way to look at it at least...

[Ressie]

1) It isn't too difficult to quit smoking if you've only smoked one pack. But a pack a day for 10 years makes quitting a real challenge of self discipline. <analogy :)

2) Also, if there are no cigarettes within easy reach there's less temptation.

As far as CDing goes I've gone months, even years without wearing a single article of women's clothes. (See 2, change cigarettes to panties)

[Sandra1746]

You can check out any time you want...
But you can never leave.

Don't do anything rash or expensive, you can always come back.

Sandra1746

[Princess Chantal]

Or these dressers did it just for kicks and wasn't really a part of them like so many. Maybe it was just a kinky little hobby of theirs.

Actually a few of them were at the point where they were questioning their gender. One in fact was in the process of transitioning, met and married a bisexual women while living fulltime, decided to get off the hormones and stop the transitioning, had a child, was nudged on to still atleast crossdress by his spouse, then decided that crossdressing is not for him any more and hasn't crossdressed since.
A more recent case was a friend that was the president of the local crossdressing group a couple years ago, had to take testosterone because of a genetic medical condition. His drive to crossdress has declined to absolutely nothing.

[whowhatwhen]

Actually a few of them were at the point where they were questioning their gender. One in fact was in the process of transitioning, met and married a bisexual women while living fulltime, decided to get off the hormones and stop the transitioning, had a child, was nudged on to still atleast crossdress by his spouse, then decided that crossdressing is not for him any more and hasn't crossdressed since.

That right there is the scariest thing IMO.
Starting to transition only to later discover that you were dead wrong.

I think at that point I'd lose the will to live, how could you ever trust yourself with anything ever again?

[AllyCDTV]

That right there is the scariest thing IMO.
Starting to transition only to later discover that you were dead wrong.

I think at that point I'd lose the will to live, how could you ever trust yourself with anything ever again?
I often wonder how many people that transition wind up with grave regrets later. To me it would seem like a case of exchanging one set of problems for another set of even bigger problems. Couple that with the questionable success of creating a clitoris and possibly loosing the ability to ever achieve an orgasm again must make for a very difficult set of circumstances to deal with.

[Barbara Ella]

To the OP, I can only say that I hope you at least stop by and read the thoughtful posts here. They will help you in your quest to find yourself. One thing that stands out, that is said over and over in other posts, is that even as regards feelings of quitting we are an assemblage of individuals of varying makeup. Do I believe that some can quit cold turkey completely, of course. If the OP can do that, more power to them. I believe many can quit dressing for periods of time, but they do not lose the thoughts, and for most, those thoughts draw us back to complete the thoughts.

I have such great willpower that I can stop dressing for 4 or 5 days easily....lol But I cannot stop thinking about what it is within me that drives me to do this, and these thoughts are far more comforting than the actual dressing now.

I wish the OP all the best. Just don't beat yourself up if you find the thoughts returning, don't let you rdesire to quit bring on a depression when it gets difficult. We are all here for you, and anyone else.

Barbara

[Michelle 51]

I think we all wish you well.Hope it works out for you.Most of us on here have gone through it.Just don't throw out your stuff.Over the last several yrs I've tried to put Michelle away for awhile but it was almost like breaking up with someone you love.I felt so lonely and empty inside.I missed that side of me terribly.My femme side is now a big part of who I am.I'm finaly coming to grips with the fact that it always was but I was running from it.

[Foxglove]

Please read post #58.

I've read it. I've read all the other posts on this thread, too. There's more than one.

Someone who CD's for a while isn't necessarily trans. Look at Post #71. People can question their gender orientation and eventually decide that they're not trans. It makes giving up CDing easier because it's not really for them. Such people would be a very tiny minority on this forum. In fact, I don't recall ever having seen one. Your remarks might be pertinent to them, but they wouldn't be for everybody else here.

It reminds me of a woman I knew who experimented for a while with a lesbian lifestyle before eventually deciding that she wasn't lesbian. She didn't give up lesbianism. She was never a lesbian to begin with.

[Victoriana]

Crossdressing is complicated obviously but to see many posts including older posts that say "you can not quit crossdressing, it is who you are" and "you will crossdress again" is discouragement for any crossdresser who wants to quit. Anyone can quit, it isn't easy but you can...you just need to figure it out for yourself. I think it is easier if you are younger but you can probably quit if you are older too just might be more difficult. I have quit...done.

I totally agree with many on here that crossdressing is a burden. Do the costs outweigh the benefits? If so then it is worth quitting if you can. Figure out what makes you dress and then you can quit. It is something that needs to be figured out by oneself. It is hard but if you want it...do it.

[Foxglove]

Crossdressing is complicated obviously but to see many posts including older posts that say "you can not quit crossdressing, it is who you are" and "you will crossdress again" is discouragement for any crossdresser who wants to quit. Anyone can quit, it isn't easy but you can...

OK, let's take up this issue of "you can quit". Yes, I think we'd all probably agree that it is possible to quit if you really, really, really want to (though even that wouldn't be true of some people). The problem with this advice is that it doesn't tell the whole story.

Many people on this forum have quit for varying lengths of time. I myself did for years. But the reason that so many of us come back to it is that we're miserable without it. And we decide that we'd like to be happy.

If you want to give someone complete advice, you might say something like this: "You can quit if you have enough will power. But the chances are very good that you're going to be making yourself miserable. If that's the case, you have a choice: continue to make yourself miserable, or accept what you are and see what happiness you can find in life."


you just need to figure it out for yourself. . .

It is something that needs to be figured out by oneself.

The problem here is that nobody has as yet figured out exactly why transpeople are trans. And even if somebody figured it out, it wouldn't necessarily help them give it up. As a matter of fact, it might show them it would actually be unhealthy to give it up. Knowing why you do something won't necessarily help you quit. It might on the contrary show you that you need to continue doing it.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[STACY B]

Thats right ,, The question is can you stop an still be happy ? Anyone can stop ,, But can you stop an truly be happy that you did ? Other wize why stop ?

[Princess Chantal]

"Someone who CD's for a while isn't necessarily trans. People can question their gender orientation and eventually decide that they're not trans. It makes giving up CDing easier because it's not really for them."

I agree with Annabelle's statement and probably is a living case. I've crossdressed in some part for awhile, came to the question and came up with the answer that my crossdressing is not in fact gender related. I am sure I would not have much of a struggle to give up crossdressing entirely whether it is due to losing interest, due to clashing of life choices, due to health conditions, or anything else that may all of sudden come up.
In my #71 post,
The first person I referred to, in my opinion quit his crossdressing activities once he answered the "gender question" by going on the path to transition. Not when he decided to discontinue his transitioning process. I wasn't all surprised that he couldn't get back into crossdressing with his wife's urging (she had a flaring attraction for Brenda, and I can't blame her.... he was a hottie).

[kristinacd55]

Ah yes....very familiar statement. I used to say that every once in awhile, but no more....got to let it come out and embrace it :daydreaming:

[daviolin]

I wish you luck. Stay strong, and believe you will. I've tried and tried, but I always come back. Daviolin

[TeresaL]

For most of us, it's harder by far to quit than cigarettes. The success rate depends to some degree on how much gender mismatch was imbedded in our brains in the first few weeks of fetal development. If the OP recieved a fairly full testosterone bath in the womb, and the timing was correct, then quitting may be easier. OTOH, the OP could be borderline cisgender, which can alleviate the propensity of CDing. In that case, he may have just been dabbling with crossdressing. If not, she will be back.

Putting the lid tightly on true transgender activity will eventually cause a high pressure blow out.

[audrey-lynn43]

Good luck. I've tried many times. Always come back. All it takes is for me to walk thru J C Penneys or any mall and see all the beautiful clothes and I'm hooked again.

[Maria 60]

Now now, did your mother raise a quitter.

[AllyCDTV]

The success rate depends to some degree on how much gender mismatch was imbedded in our brains in the first few weeks of fetal development. If the OP recieved a fairly full testosterone bath in the womb, and the timing was correct, then quitting may be easier. OTOH, the OP could be borderline cisgender, which can alleviate the propensity of CDing. In that case, he may have just been dabbling with crossdressing. If not, she will be back.
That sounds rather authoritative. Do you have any scientific proof to back that up or it that just your opinion? I ask this in all sincerity because being an engineer, I would like to see some solid research on this subject but to my knowledge, there has been very little done. If your statements are based on research, do you have any links to it? I would certainly like to examine this further.

[Victoriana]

Yes, maybe some can't quit. I think someone said that there are different types of crossdressers on here. Some have high intensity and need to do it very often others not. Those who do it often must really enjoy it and like it. Those who do not probably have the best chance at quitting. I have seen so many crossdressers who want to quit and say it is a burden. In terms of quitting and feeling miserable like said in a post replying to my post above...some crossdressers crossdress and feel miserable too. Others enjoy it and live dressed most of the time. It varies! So many different aspects to this topic. There is no "whole story". I'm sure many have quit...you just don't hear from them because they are done. I am not here to advise because I can't tell anyone how to quit. All I am saying is YOU CAN if you WANT to. I am not going to discourage and say that it is not possible. The question is...does one really want to quit.
Gluck to those who do and are in the process. :)

[Laura28]

I have tried over the years i think my longest stretch was about 10 yeards but in the end i came back to it. Now that i am older and the kids are alomost out of the house and my SO enjoys me dressed i am doing it more and more.

[ReineD]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

What happened, exactly? Do you mind sharing this with us?

Is it because you want to be accepted when you dress, and you feel that you aren't?

[sallyjones]

qitters never win lol./

[TeresaL]

That sounds rather authoritative. Do you have any scientific proof to back that up or it that just your opinion? I ask this in all sincerity because being an engineer, I would like to see some solid research on this subj.
I'm not sure which part you feel is authoritive, is it the concept of brain differences in regards to gender anomalies?

This very feasible theory is not derived from my opinion, but is from various sources.
Follow Anne's resource list at the end of her essay papers.

http://www.avitale.com/etiologicalreview.htm
Then try visiting to her home page for other studies. Also google gender influences on embryonic brain development.

It's the best theory I've heard, and is not unknown by either medical or psychological circles from the turn of this century.

[Stephanie47]

Famousunknown said in one of his early posts that cross dressing is not "normal." I will agree cross dressing is outside of the societal norms and customs. I grew up in the 1960's and can attest trying on women's clothing was a source of great angst, self doubt and self loathing. It takes a long time to really to gain self acceptance. So, now I do not beat myself to death over being a cross dresser. Does that mean I throw on a dress and march through the streets? No! That is not my comfort level. Militancy is not for me because it would negate the peace and serenity being en femme brings me. I suspect too many cross dressers have not and do not know how to achieve balance in their lives. That also means having a balanced relationship with their family, employment and other facets of life.

Putting aside the question of why, the question is what happens when you try to stop? Will you be able to toss it aside for a week, a month, a year, indefinitely? Will you start yelling at your wife? Or kids? Or the boss?

It's be damned if you do cross dress, be damned if you try to suppress the need. I wish to the best.

[Jamie Ann]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

It seems to me that we have to balance crossdressing with the other parts of our lives. We have careers or jobs; we have families; we have recreational interests other than crossdressing; and, of course, we have urges to express feminine parts of ourselves. We have to balance those. Sometimes that may mean taking a break from crossdressing. But it is predictable that we will come back to it. I would urge you to recognize that all parts of our lives have their ups and downs. If you are going through a down time in your crossdressing, then accept that as normal. Don’t “swear of it” as if you had eliminated those feelings. Focus on other things for a while and accept your crossdressing when, inevitably, the desire returns. As for conflicts on this forum, keep in mind that forums attract a variety of persons, some of whom are not sincere about the central purpose of that forum. Focus on what’s right for you, not on what anonymous others may be saying.

[AllyCDTV]

I'm not sure which part you feel is authoritive, is it the concept of brain differences in regards to gender anomalies?

This very feasible theory is not derived from my opinion, but is from various sources.
Follow Anne's resource list at the end of her essay papers.

http://www.avitale.com/etiologicalreview.htm
Then try visiting to her home page for other studies. Also google gender influences on embryonic brain development.

It's the best theory I've heard, and is not unknown by either medical or psychological circles from the turn of this century.

Your statement on testosterone's influence on the fetal brain appeared that it came from a point of authority.

Thanks for the link. I will check it out. As I said, I am an engineer and not a medical or psychological professional so I am not familiar with this theory. Still I am interested in it from a scientific point of view.

[Meghan]

The problem here is that nobody has as yet figured out exactly why transpeople are trans. And even if somebody figured it out, it wouldn't necessarily help them give it up. As a matter of fact, it might show them it would actually be unhealthy to give it up. Knowing why you do something won't necessarily help you quit. It might on the contrary show you that you need to continue doing it.

Best wishes, Annabelle

Ty for this perspective, Annabelle. Knowing the why and having a cure are two separate things. Knowing why may give me validation. In fact, I think I am as close as I have ever been to the why, and that is only helping me to accept what I am and learn from it. I would guess I have put on makeup more times in the last 6 months than I have in the 41 years leading up to it...and that's not a small number.

Self understanding is freeing for me, anyway.

Meghan

[Foxglove]

Ty for this perspective, Annabelle. Knowing the why and having a cure are two separate things. Knowing why may give me validation. . .
Self understanding is freeing for me, anyway.

Meghan

I agree entirely with you, Meghan. Unlike a lot of people on this forum, I'd love to know why I am what I am. Even if I don't understand the "why", understanding other things about myself is very important to me.

As for finding a "cure", I don't believe there is one, and if someone's suggesting that understanding why you do what you do will help you stop, I'm not convinced of that at all. At any rate, I myself don't want a "cure", because I don't think one is necessary. There's nothing wrong with me that needs to be cured.

Annabelle

[ReineD]

As for finding a "cure", I don't believe there is one,

The cure? :) Each person in this forum should take it to their own natural limits, if they either live alone or they are fortunate enough to have supportive spouses. And eventually there will be an end point, a plateau so to speak that is different for everyone. And when this is reached, I think that certain things that used to be hugely important when it seemed as if the goal was out of reach, will lose their importance and things will come full circle (with a twist), become integrated, and just all fall into place.

[ringedjohn]

Quit?

Been there, done that, didn't work.

Back to being normal for me, whatever normal for me means.

[Traceyjo]

I've never wanted to quit, always loved it and will do it as much as possible for as long as I can. It adds a wonderful dimension to my life and I'm always grateful that I discovered such a wonderful source of pleasure

[Beverley Sims]

That right there is the scariest thing IMO.
Starting to transition only to later discover that you were dead wrong.
I think at that point I'd lose the will to live, how could you ever trust yourself with anything ever again?

I am pleased to see you replying to threads after all the S**T thrown at you.
Have a big think about it and there will be support for you I can assure you of that.
Beverley.

[linda allen]

I QUIT. All this CD, TS, TG, whatever the hell it is - I QUIT. It’s too much to deal with. I thought I had it all figured out and now realize I don’t have anything at all figured out. So, I QUIT. Y’all can have it. I’m done.

OK, famousunknown is in situation where crossdressing is causing problems and has decided that it's better to quit dressing than deal with the problems.

Why can we not support this decision? Isn't that at least part of what crossdressers.com is about, supporting each other?

What purpose does it serve to make fun of the decision, to say it's too difficult, or claim that that nobody has ever quit crossdressing?

Life is full of choices. Get up in the morning and you can choose to put on a T shirt and BVDs or a bra and panties. You can choose to put on a pair of slacks or a skirt. A shirt or blouse. A necktie or a necklace. Clothes don't make the man and they don't make the woman. We are the same inside regardless of what we are wearing.

famousunknown, you can do it if that's your choice. You have my support.

[Kaz]

The cure? :) Each person in this forum should take it to their own natural limits, if they either live alone or they are fortunate enough to have supportive spouses. And eventually there will be an end point, a plateau so to speak that is different for everyone. And when this is reached, I think that certain things that used to be hugely important when it seemed as if the goal was out of reach, will lose their importance and things will come full circle (with a twist), become integrated, and just all fall into place.

I am with Reine on this I think... why should there be a 'cure'...to what exactly? This assumes that there is something wrong that needs curing. For me the 'cure' will come when I am truly happy in myself. Not sure that I will ever get there as that is in my nature... I question too much so will never have the definitive answer, nor the cure...

In all aspects of life there are no right answers... but there are wrong answers... but then we need to understand the questions - both of others and the ones we ask ourselves.

Quitting? Yeah it is a choice. For many it doesn't work, but for those it does work for, of course we never hear from them again. What we need is an ex-CD to come back here and say... it has been 10 years and I don't miss it! But they won't... because they don't need to.

And so to the scientists and engineers... My first degree and job was in science - microbiology... I like to think that I have never lost that approach, even though I now work in social sciences (very different but with similar problems regarding evidence and causality (or 'proof'))...

So evidence is always good in a constructive argument, and if we can't provide that, a well reasoned narrative is a pretty good alternative!

And to those of us who believe we can't put a sentence together (yeah I am there at times! :))

[Foxglove]

OK, famousunknown is in situation where crossdressing is causing problems and has decided that it's better to quit dressing than deal with the problems.

Why can we not support this decision? Isn't that at least part of what crossdressers.com is about, supporting each other?

What purpose does it serve to make fun of the decision, to say it's too difficult, or claim that that nobody has ever quit crossdressing?

What people are trying to do here, Linda--although I believe that some could be more diplomatic about it--is impress upon Famousunknown exactly what he/she is undertaking. Giving up CDing is not like kicking a nasty habit such as smoking or drinking, as you constantly assert. CDing is one manifestation of what we are. We are trans. Give up CDing if you can, if you like, you're still trans. Give up CDing, you're giving up one set of problems for another. It's up to you to choose which is better for you personally, but it's very important to be aware that your problems won't disappear, you won't cease to be trans, simply because you give up CDing.

The problem with your advice, Linda, is that it's very simplistic--so simplistic as to ignore the nature of the problem. Unlike smoking and drinking, CDing, as a manifestation of our nature, is an intrinsic part of what we are. We cannot give that up. Smoking and drinking are unhealthy things, and there's no harm in giving them up. Giving up CDing could on the other hand potentially be unhealthy if in doing so you're trying to totally repress what you are.

Equating CDing with smoking and drinking, as you often do, trivializes transpeople and their experience in life. It's also insulting insofar as you're comparing our nature to a filthy addiction that we'd be better off giving up. This is the sort of thing that transphobes do, and I find it odd coming from one who's trans herself.

But you might consider also the possible result of the advice you give. I don't know anything about Famousunknown's circumstances. But suppose you gave this advice to some young person who was considering marrying a woman who he knew was opposed to CDing. Would you say, "You can give it up if you want to?" Lots of us have been there, done that. We know what that will lead to. Give it up, get married. And what's going to happen a few years later?


Clothes don't make the man and they don't make the woman. We are the same inside regardless of what we are wearing.


Precisely. Give up CDing, you're still trans.

Rather than try to ignore what we are, we need to find out what we are. For some, it's possible that CDing is something they do only on rare occasions, and perhaps they can give it up altogether without too much of a wrench. I've never seen anybody say that on this forum--but we assume those people must exist because when they give it up they withdraw from this forum. That is, we assume they exist because we don't have any evidence that they do.

Other people need to dress more frequently, some need it quite frequently, some are happier doing it all the time. Each person finds their own level. People need to come to terms with themselves and discover what will make them happy.

But ignoring the problem isn't going to help. Some of us tried to do that for a long time and in the end we learned that it simply doesn't help matters.

So if you want to tell people, "You can give it up if you want to," go ahead. But you might also tell them, "But don't think that's going to be the end of your problems. In fact, the chances are good you'll only be exacerbating your problems." If you're only giving people half the story, you can be seriously misleading them.

And Linda, one thing I'm curious about: why are you always so pleased to advise people to do something you haven't done yourself? And given that you haven't done it yourself, how exactly do you know what the consequences are?

Annabelle

[ReineD]

Has anyone ever wondered where are all the members who used to actively participate here but who have disappeared? There have been thousands. Have they found other forums to participate in? Have they transitioned and are now stealth? Have their wives accepted their need to dress and have they found ways to dress happily on a regular basis so they no longer need support? Are they out and accepted by their families, friends, and co-workers?

I think there are indeed many people who have stopped, for a variety of reasons.

[Julogden]

You may be able to quit dressing, for a while anyway, but you can't quit being who/what you are inside which is where the dressing comes from. I'd urge you to just box up all the clothes, etc. and store them, don't get rid of them, as chances are that you'll change your mind at some point and probably not too far down the road. Just take a break for a while and see how things go. ;)

Good luck!


Has anyone ever wondered where are all the members who used to actively participate here but who have disappeared? There have been thousands. Have they found other forums to participate in? Have they transitioned and are now stealth? Have their wives accepted their need to dress and have they found ways to dress happily on a regular basis so they no longer need support? Are they out and accepted by their families, friends, and co-workers?

I think there are indeed many people who have stopped, for a variety of reasons.

I'd guarantee that the vast majority are still dressing, to one degree or another. I'd also pretty much guarantee that very few have stopped for a significant amount of time, and very, very few that quit for good, if any.

Carol

[Jane P]

I still think that it is possible for someone to quit if that was something that becomes necessary to do . Looking back to when I first joined this forum , I found this post :

As far as the question goes. I would not say that I am actively trying to quit. I am actively trying to understand what it is that makes me have these desires and I am actively trying to keep these urges under control. I am finding the diversity of experience among the forums membership quite helpful in this regard. For so many it is about so much more than just clothes and I can't imagine the turmoil that they have gone through in their lives.


A year or so ago I wrote that I was trying to abstain from dressing and found it possible , but still the thoughts behind having this "desire" did not go away. So today I am still trying to understand it , I am no longer actively trying to abstain and have started to take the attitude of "if you are going to do this , maybe you should try to do it well."

If any person truly wants to change something that they don't like about themselves
they should try . You need to be happy with yourself for making this change or the change won't last.

[ReineD]

I'd guarantee that the vast majority are still dressing, to one degree or another. I'd also pretty much guarantee that very few have stopped for a significant amount of time, and very, very few that quit for good, if any.

It's hard to say, although I think that both may be true. I agree, the members who dressed for identity reasons likely are still dressing. But, the members for whom this was a kink or a thrill might have stopped or it diminished considerably. We have a lot of members who log in but who do not participate. I think there are only a few hundred members who put their thoughts and feelings out in the threads, compared to the other current 5,000 or 6,000 members who log in but only to read, or perhaps look at the Gallery pics. So, I've got to believe that for many CDers, the motives for dressing has nothing to do with a need to express an alternate gender identity, especially when you consider the wealth of sex and porn focused other sites out there.

[DebbieL]

It took me many years to come out, my wife was the only person who had seen me dressed between 7 and 25. I didn't start going out in public until I was 34. When I was 40, I was offered a leadership program and the opportunity to be a public leader and speaker, but I had to give up dressing. I tried for 6 months, but in that 6 months I gained over 50 lbs, and I started having other physical and emotional problems. I eventually went back to dressing, but I had gained so much weight I didn't like going out anymore. Eventually, I topped out at 325 lbs, and realized that I had to start dressing on a more regular basis if I wanted to get back my health and my effectiveness.

When I don't dress pretty regularly, my health, my performance at work, my marital relationships, and my mental health suffers. I gain wait, can't sleep, get moody, get sloppy, get lethargic, and get sleepy in the middle of the day. When I do dress regularly, the good stuff comes back and I feel more confident, happy, enthusiastic, and my health improves, I exercise more, eat better, and lose weight.

On a few occasions, the side effects of quitting have become nearly fatal, including a heart attack and a stroke. This is one of the reasons I asked the OP to watch for any indication that life is being altered in a bad way by NOT dressing.

A Transvestite can take it or leave it, it's mostly for pleasure anyway. A CD, TG, or TS dresses because it addresses a need of their personality, and trying to "Go Butch" can lead to problems ranging from mild irritability and a short temper to suicidal activities, even actual suicides.

[linda allen]

What people are trying to do here, Linda--although I believe that some could be more diplomatic about it--is impress upon Famousunknown exactly what he/she is undertaking. Giving up CDing is not like kicking a nasty habit such as smoking or drinking, as you constantly assert. ..............................
Annabelle

Annabelle, I wish you would think about what I post, not just think about what you are going to write in your reply.

My points:

Not everyone who ever straps on a bra or slips into a pair of panties is "trans".

A true female or even a "trans" person does not need to wear a skirt or heels to feel female.

Men who have stopped dressing as women are unlikely to join a crossdressing forum just to tell others about their status.

Just as we support a member who wants or needs to dress, we should support a member who wants or needs to stop.

That's about as simply as I can put it.


..................When I don't dress pretty regularly, my health, my performance at work, my marital relationships, and my mental health suffers. I gain wait, can't sleep, get moody, get sloppy, get lethargic, and get sleepy in the middle of the day. When I do dress regularly, the good stuff comes back and I feel more confident, happy, enthusiastic, and my health improves, I exercise more, eat better, and lose weight.

On a few occasions, the side effects of quitting have become nearly fatal, including a heart attack and a stroke. This is one of the reasons I asked the OP to watch for any indication that life is being altered in a bad way by NOT dressing..

Debbie, If not crossdressing causes you such serious health problems, I believe you need help from a real live professional, not a web forum. I hope you get it.

[Foxglove]

Annabelle, I wish you would think about what I post, not just think about what you are going to write in your reply.

Dear Linda, are we going to start getting rude with each other now? Just because I disagree with what you've said doesn't mean I haven't read your post. What it means is I actually have read your post and disagree with it. It is possible for people to disagree with you, you know, and perhaps even to have good reason for disagreeing with you.


My points:

Not everyone who ever straps on a bra or slips into a pair of panties is "trans".

On the contrary, they are trans, if trans is being used as an umbrella term, which it often is, to include all of us here. That's the sense I generally use it in myself.


A true female or even a "trans" person does not need to wear a skirt or heels to feel female.

That may well be so, but what's that got to do with this issue? We're talking about someone saying they're giving up CDing. Regardless of how Famousunknown feels about, he/she says he/she's giving it up.


Men who have stopped dressing as women are unlikely to join a crossdressing forum just to tell others about their status.

Yes, I know, Linda. This is at least the third time this point has been raised on this thread, and it's meaningless. For this reason: assuming there are such people, we have no way of knowing how many of them there are, precisely because they're not here to tell us about themselves. It could be nobody, it could be one person, it could be 100, it could be a million. It could be significant numbers of people or it could be next to nobody. You're trying to suggest that significant numbers of people quit, when you have no way of knowing that. You cannot draw conclusions when you have absolutely no evidence to support them.


Just as we support a member who wants or needs to dress, we should support a member who wants or needs to stop.

If Famousunknown wants to quit, I have no problem with that. It's everybody's choice. But it's not a bad thing for people to know that if they can't quit because their need to dress is such a big part of them, there's no shame in giving up the idea of quitting.

But you still haven't answered the questions I asked above: why do you advise people to do something you haven't done yourself? And since you haven't done it yourself, how do you know what the consequences will be? And have you taken on board the notion that advising people to quit could be bad advice? Linda, why is this idea of quitting so important to you? You do bring it up a lot, you know. If it's so important to you, why don't you just quit?


That's about as simply as I can put it.

You can make it more complicated if you like. I could probably handle it. Just because somebody disagrees with you doesn't mean they're simple-minded.

Annabelle

[Eryn]

Moderator hat on:

I note that some of the discussion is starting to lean toward people discussing each other. Let's please stick to the topic.

[Ressie]

Get a room girls!

[Soriya]

Those of you who who took the time to create nothing but a sarcastic remark in here are unbelievable. What's the point in doing so? What are you getting out of being a smart-ass to someone who clearly is venting?


I often wonder how many people that transition wind up with grave regrets later. To me it would seem like a case of exchanging one set of problems for another set of even bigger problems. Couple that with the questionable success of creating a clitoris and possibly loosing the ability to ever achieve an orgasm again must make for a very difficult set of circumstances to deal with.

Ally, my TS friend knows of someone in her local community who transitioned from MtF to only transition back 10 years later. Imagine that one. Kind of makes you wonder how the therapists missed that one.

[TeresaL]

Perhaps we could weigh in with professional opinion from multiple resources, AMA, both APA groups, or gender therapist who specialize in transgender (transvestite, CD/TG/TS) issues.

For starters, I'm willing to share my therapist's comments. She is the TG therapist for thirty or forty clients, currently in one location, with both MtF and FtM. Every session usually starts with her asking how I'm doing. My first comment is to ask her if she has a cure or "magic pill." This has become a standing joke for me, because you and (finally I) know there is none. Repeat, there is not a psychological or spiritual method to cure that little (or slightly larger as dispensed) spot that was inborn to push our lives into doing this cross gender thingy.

Secondly she tells and reinforces in me that there is nothing wrong with me to cure.

Please assimilate that concept and use it for yourselves. This is from a Veteran's hospital for cry in' out loud. We went into service being as macho as men and women could muster.

Funny I'm writing this during an unintentional and unexplained hiatus of two weeks without cross-dressing. No urge! So I will relax for now and not provoke it.

[famousunknown]

Wow, this many replies to my stupid little post?
I don’t think my head is any clearer than it was a week ago. I still don’t know what I’m doing. For those who say a person can never completely “quit”. Well I sure don’t have all the answers to that. I think I can quit if I decide that’s what would be best in the long run. Will I be 100% happy if I quit forever? I doubt it. But who is unquestionably happy with all decisions in their life anyway? Maybe it’s good that I pushed myself to experience certain things before deciding to make permanent changes. Maybe I should have pushed myself more? Maybe I’m just delaying the inevitable and running from the truth? Maybe I will see the light at the end of the tunnel or maybe just find out the light is from another oncoming train bound to run me over. I’m in a holding pattern. Waiting. Waiting for what? Who the hell knows? I figure I’ll know when I know.

[Foxglove]

I'm in a holding pattern. Waiting. Waiting for what? Who the hell knows? I figure I'll know when I know.

If you're really uncertain about things right now, what you're saying may well be a good strategy. If you can't find the answer, maybe you should let the answer come to you. Answers do that sometimes.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[morgan51]

Only you know what you need. I beleive when you know you should follow your heart, to thy own self be true! Good luck with what you decide. I support your decisions for you!

[Beverley Sims]

I do like your choice of names, it it very apt.
You may be a famousunknown if you leave. All these supportive replies. :