I no longer care if I get caught

[Danielle H]

Hey gals, really sorry I haven't been around much on here. Things have been a bit busy lately! If you don't mind, I'd like to share a bit about where I'm at in my journey, and some feelings I've been grappling with lately. Forgive me if this runs on a bit, some things are hard to put into words.

To tell you a bit about myself - I'm a 33 year old single guy with no girl at the moment. I've had an attraction to female clothing as long as I can remember. I typically dress or underdress once or twice a week and own a good amount of female clothes.

Lately, I've been stepping out of my norm much more, and being more daring when I get dressed. I'll walk around the house while the roommates are asleep, go out on the balcony, and regularly shop or browse for clothes at the store next to my house and work. I've almost been caught twice this week. Once when I was downstairs making myself breakfast and my roommate came out of his room to use the bathroom, and again while I was in meeting with my boss. The top of my girdle had come undone, and without even thinking I lifted up my shirt to fix it while he was looking at his monitor.

After that second time I thought to myself, what am I doing? If I got caught I'm not sure what I would say or how I would react, but I did realize something. If I got caught, I'm not sure i would care. It's not that I want to be found out, but if I was it would mean an end to the secrecy, and everyone would know who I really am.

But really, do I want to be found out this way? Truthfully I think not, it would be much better on my own terms and at a time of my choosing. I just don't think I'm ready to sit down and have that conversation with someone, the whole prospect sounds pretty daunting and a little bit scary.

Well girls, thanks so much for reading this far. If anyone has any similar experiences or advice, I would love to hear it!

[~Joanne~]

I agree, do it on your own terms. Take your time and think things out. It sounds as if you don't care but deep down you still do. Unless your planning on being more out and about, there really isn't a rush is there? Not having a SO is also easier but the room mates are not. You have to do what makes you happy though and I wish you the best of luck :)

[Randi1674]

can somewhat relate,living in a small town here,, and on several occasions found myself stepping out to check the mail, or other short outside chores,,,, my open is that I am getting more comfortable with myself,,, and just forget.

[Lady Catherine]

I'm at the point that I don't care if I get caught either. It's my SO that is concerned people will treat me differently. I really don't care. I'm not going to announce it to the world (it's really none of their business) but I'm not going to hide it any more either.

[kimdl93]

Definitely do this in a thoughtful proactive manner...it's needlessly risky and inconsiderate to just wait to get caught.

[Foxglove]

But really, do I want to be found out this way? Truthfully I think not, it would be much better on my own terms and at a time of my choosing. I just don't think I'm ready to sit down and have that conversation with someone, the whole prospect sounds pretty daunting and a little bit scary.



Carelessly allowing yourself to get caught could be a recipe for disaster. If you truly don't care whether people know you're trans, then it sounds like you're ready to get out in the world. But as you say yourself, you'd want to think about it first: what exactly are your goals and how do you want to go about things? Try to decide what you want, and maybe come up with some sort of strategy.

That's often a problem: you may not know exactly what you want, and no strategy in this little game of ours is fool-proof. Nonetheless, it's probably better to go about things rationally. Good luck!

Annabelle

[vikki2020]

Living in a big city, it's easier for me to get lost in a crowd, but, I go near the house dressed regularly. Lately, I've been going out without a wig, and very little make-up. So, the threat of being recognized is increased--but, I'm not that concerned at all. I figure it's a great way to start the conversation, lol! Otherwise, I'm at a loss to bring up my situation, in a regular conversation. So, Danielle, maybe you want someone to see you?

[Badtranny]

Carelessly allowing yourself to get caught could be a recipe for disaster.

Not true.

If somebody notices your corset and they ask you why? Just smile and say "I like to mix it up sometimes". If your roomies notice something fem or "catch" you dressed up, they will be surprised but don't act all embarrassed and ashamed. Just say, "ooops sorry guys I guess I haven't told you that I like to get a little freaky sometimes".

CD's make it 1000 times worse on themselves by acting like they got caught with kiddie porn or something. I was watching that awful To Catch a Predator show the other day and thinking that CDing is like a church softball game compared to what those dudes are up to. There is NOTHING wrong with cross dressing. In the pantheon of human kinkiness, this barely registers as kinky. If it bothers you that you are suppressing yourself just because you're scared of people finding out, then good. You SHOULD be bothered by denying your own identity. Wake up tomorrow morning and make a vow to be yourself. If you like Britney Spears, than admit it. If you hate watching football than admit it, if you like to knit than admit it. If you want to wear latex gloves so you don't screw up your manicure while rebuilding your hot-rod than do it and don't apologize for it. If you want to wear gloves while helping your brother-in-law landscape his yard because you don't want your soft hands to get blistered than do it and just own it.

If you are just dieing to wear yoga pants around the house with your roomies than do it already. Just tell them you gotta get your groove on and try not to stare at your butt. The key ingredient here is confidence. You have a femmy side or whatever, who knows and who cares, just be yourself and be proud of who you are.

Getting caught is not a recipe for disaster. It's a good opportunity for you to come face to face with your own trans-phobia. Your option is simple, own it and absolve yourself of shame and embarrassment, or let the fear and ignorance of everyone else overtake and defeat you. The most macho thing I ever did was finally drop the macho act.

[Kelley]

Amen Melissa, if you don't love yourself for who you are you will be a prisoner in your own closet the rest of your life.

[Foxglove]

Carelessly allowing yourself to get caught could be a recipe for disaster.
Annabelle


Not true.

If somebody notices your corset and they ask you why? Just smile and say "I like to mix it up sometimes". If your roomies notice something fem or "catch" you dressed up, they will be surprised but don't act all embarrassed and ashamed. Just say, "ooops sorry guys I guess I haven't told you that I like to get a little freaky sometimes".

CD's make it 1000 times worse on themselves by acting like they got caught with kiddie porn or something.

C'mon, Melissa. Look at the words in my post that I've bolded and underlined. I didn't say "is" or "is always". I said, "could be".

In fact, this forum is full of tales from people who've got caught, particularly by SO's and parents, and the result was fairly sobering, if not outright disaster. It won't always be. But it can be.

What I don't understand is why you would want to suddenly turn up in front of your roommates dressed, partially or totally. If you want to come out to them, why not sit down and talk to them about it? It's your choice, of course.

But when I recently decided to come out in my town, rather than just suddenly showing up in a shop, e.g., as "Annabelle", I went round to various people that I knew and who were important in my life to let them know in advance. I thought they might prefer this, rather than having a surprise sprung on them. It also gave me two advantages: I could gauge their reaction, and I could also explain to them a bit about myself, what I am and why I was going to do what I was going to do. This strategy worked. I spoke to ten people in all, and met with complete acceptance by all ten.

Is this to say they would have rejected me if I'd just suddenly appeared as myself? Not necessarily, but I'd have had to forego the advantages I just mentioned.

I'm not saying this is the only strategy. There could be lots of them, and a strategy that worked for me wouldn't necessarily work for somebody else. But is there ever a time when a bit of forethought is a handicap?

We need to remember, I think, that your average cisperson knows nothing about transgenderism, except perhaps the common misconceptions. Instead of saying "you like to mix it up" or "you get a little freaky", why not take the opportunity to educate them a bit? Of the ten people I spoke to, I gave a bit of info, if not a lot, to at least five that I spoke to. Now there are some more cispeople out there who have at least something of an idea of what transgenderism is. Why would I want to tell people I'm "a little freaky", when I can give them a much better idea of what I'm all about? Right?

Annabelle

[Foxglove]

Amen Melissa, if you don't love yourself for who you are you will be a prisoner in your own closet the rest of your life.

I don't see anything in the OP about loving or not loving yourself. In the last two weeks, I've constantly been out on the town fully dressed and love it and can't see myself ever going back to drab.

What I'm talking about is how to come out. If you want to let people catch you, that's your business. Or if you want to go about it the way I did it or in some other way altogether, also your business. But I'm not sure what that has to do with loving yourself.

The reason I did it the way I did is because I felt it was a bit more dignified than letting somebody get a glimpse of a bra strap or something like that. I took the issue head on. But it's each individual's choice.

Annabelle

[Tracii G]

I agree own the situation and just act like its nothing.They already know you anyway and it probably won't make any difference in the end.
Now they know to expect it sometime.

[ReineD]

After that second time I thought to myself, what am I doing? If I got caught I'm not sure what I would say or how I would react, but I did realize something. If I got caught, I'm not sure i would care. It's not that I want to be found out, but if I was it would mean an end to the secrecy, and everyone would know who I really am.

But really, do I want to be found out this way? Truthfully I think not, it would be much better on my own terms and at a time of my choosing. I just don't think I'm ready to sit down and have that conversation with someone, the whole prospect sounds pretty daunting and a little bit scary.

I'm a GG in a supportive relationship with someone who identifies as dualgender, and my SO and I are a generation older than you. Among the people in our age group, it was (and likely still is) of prime importance to "pass" or "blend" (i.e. not appear in public as an obvious male who is wearing a dress), simply because most folks that we know tend to misconstrue a male who does this as being either gay, fetishistic, or weird. And since my SO cannot completely obscure his/her facial features to the point of being unrecognizable to the people that s/he knows, in order to blend elsewhere she dresses with forms, makeup, etc, on a regular basis in the next town over.

I don't know if things are different among the younger folks but if they are, then this changes the face of CDing significantly from my understanding of it, which is to want to experience being treated as a member of the opposite sex rather than being seen as a male who enjoys wearing dresses.

So, I'm curious. Do you want to pass or blend, or is it OK if people just take you as a guy who likes to wear feminine things? I hope you don't mind the question, since things may be changing quite rapidly among people who are in their 30s or younger. Younger people may not view the CDing in the same biased light as many people my age do.

Also, when people talk about styles and they refer to "crossdressing" or "feminine things", there can be quite a large difference in what they mean. Some people might be thinking about unmistakably feminine clothing (such as in most of the pictures we see in the Gallery), while others may be referring to a more androgynous look which is entirely different since it does not give the impression that the male wants to be perceived as a woman.

Thanks for your thoughts. :)

[rocketscientist]

Yes. Where is the LIKE button? This makes a lot of sense. Too many people, including ourselves, are embarrassed at what we are doing. Why? There is NO reason. It's just WHO and WHAT we are. I too am tired of hiding everything from my friends. As it is right now, if anyone comes into my house, they're gonna KNOW something is up. I have femme items all over the place, some heels mixed in with drab shoes,cute tops laying on the couch and chairs, femme jackets and coats hanging up,etc. I used to grab all of it that was in sight when a friend came over and try to toss it into an adjacent room. More and more I just don't care anymore if they find out. There have been rumors among friends of mine for awhile now, but I've never confirmed nor denied anything. Actually, they've never asked me point-blank about it. I kinda think they really just don't wanna know.


Not true.

If somebody notices your corset and they ask you why? Just smile and say "I like to mix it up sometimes". If your roomies notice something fem or "catch" you dressed up, they will be surprised but don't act all embarrassed and ashamed. Just say, "ooops sorry guys I guess I haven't told you that I like to get a little freaky sometimes".

CD's make it 1000 times worse on themselves by acting like they got caught with kiddie porn or something. I was watching that awful To Catch a Predator show the other day and thinking that CDing is like a church softball game compared to what those dudes are up to. There is NOTHING wrong with cross dressing. In the pantheon of human kinkiness, this barely registers as kinky. If it bothers you that you are suppressing yourself just because you're scared of people finding out, then good. You SHOULD be bothered by denying your own identity. Wake up tomorrow morning and make a vow to be yourself. If you like Britney Spears, than admit it. If you hate watching football than admit it, if you like to knit than admit it. If you want to wear latex gloves so you don't screw up your manicure while rebuilding your hot-rod than do it and don't apologize for it. If you want to wear gloves while helping your brother-in-law landscape his yard because you don't want your soft hands to get blistered than do it and just own it.

If you are just dieing to wear yoga pants around the house with your roomies than do it already. Just tell them you gotta get your groove on and try not to stare at your butt. The key ingredient here is confidence. You have a femmy side or whatever, who knows and who cares, just be yourself and be proud of who you are.

Getting caught is not a recipe for disaster. It's a good opportunity for you to come face to face with your own trans-phobia. Your option is simple, own it and absolve yourself of shame and embarrassment, or let the fear and ignorance of everyone else overtake and defeat you. The most macho thing I ever did was finally drop the macho act.

[ArleneRaquel]

It might just be me but it seems that you are coming to realize that you are a crossdresser and that you are proud of that fact and who really want more people to know that you are a CD. Just my opinion.

[Ressie]

Maybe letting people catch you be getting a glimpse of something seems easier than proclaiming "I'm a crossdresser." Maybe you need to break free? The hardest part is coming clean with a wife, and since you don't have one being open about yourself may not be that big of a deal. I feel that I don't care, but I think it would be too big a shock for everyone at this point in my life.

[Dawn cd]

I support Melissa's observation 100 percent. There's absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing. It's not a perversion. So begin to educate your roomates. Bring them around slowly. Wear androgynous tops and women's flat shoes around the apartment. Pretty soon your closet will be nearly open.

But if you're determined to keep the closet door closed, then get your own apartment. You're 33, for heaven's sake!

[Danielle H]

Thanks a ton for everyone who replied, I knew I could count on you guys. :D There seems to be a general consensus that I should just "get it all out in the open" as it were. I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but I do think it's coming soon. I have a person in mind who might be my first victim, but it's going to take me some time to get ready for sure. In the meantime, I'll be a little more careful I think.


So, I'm curious. Do you want to pass or blend, or is it OK if people just take you as a guy who likes to wear feminine things? I hope you don't mind the question, since things may be changing quite rapidly among people who are in their 30s or younger. Younger people may not view the CDing in the same biased light as many people my age do.

This is a great question! I'm not sure really, I feel like passing may be too difficult for me with my physique, or I would still be recognizable. I've gone out a few times in a nice pantsuit and heels, and while I got some wierd looks nobody ever said anything to me, nor did I see anyone that I knew. I would love to be able to wear a dress out and about though, even to work or just to go grocery shopping. For now, that will have to remain a dream, I'm afraid.

<3 Danielle

[Beverley Sims]

I think you want to get caught.
It would probably be a positive life change for you.
How do you know your room mates are asleep? I watch the TV with my eyes closed, it helps the eyestrain.
I hope they catch you.
Now read Melissa Hobbes post, she says it better than I can. :)

[NyssaF]

I'm at the point that I don't care if I get caught either. It's my SO that is concerned people will treat me differently.

That is so me right now! I would rather be out so I didn't have to hide this anymore. It'd be so much easier if I didn't have to hide it. But my wife is terrified that if people find out, they will think that she's a fool for staying with me. It's about how she would feel, not anything about what I feel or need.

(sigh)

[NyssaF]

it would be much better on my own terms and at a time of my choosing. I just don't think I'm ready to sit down and have that conversation with someone, the whole prospect sounds pretty daunting and a little bit scary.

Yeah, it is pretty scary to have that convo. But like anything else that scares a person, the first step is the hardest. Once you start talking to whoever it is you want to reveal it to, the words will flow. You just kinda have to close your eyes, cross your fingers and jump. It'll be worth it.

But baby steps, too. Don't walk into a family reunion and scream at the top of your lungs that you are a cross-dresser. Tell people you feel safe with, let them support you and give you some of their courage.

[Dinsdale]

Hi Danielle,
As long as you appear confident , and positive, people will be less likely to make fun of you if they see you en femme.
People who make fun of you only enjoy it when they can see you feel bad or sad.
Who cares what other people think, as long as you aren't hurting anybody or breaking any laws , you do what makes you feel good.
You go Girl!!!