Would you give up CD for friends

[Laurel B]

I feel like I don't have any friends, I am deep in depression and can't find a way out. It occurred to me that I would probably give up cross dressing for some friends who actually made an effort. I have made efforts to get together with some friends (non-cd) but I never get a response. They don't know about this side of me. I don't know what else to do? Give up a part of me and have some friends or stay who I am and not have any friends.??????:sad:

[Cabana Boy Page]

From your post it is not clear how giving up CD would help you make friends. Is CD taking all your time? What are you currently doing to make friends?

On a separate issue, what are you doing to address the depression?

[Rhonda Ann]

Loneliness is a hard thing, and trust me I feel your pain. I have cut out some of my girl time to socialize more "to save a few friends" I was going down the same path as you right now. Quit CD is a decision you will have to make. If it is a passion it will be hard. You may want to pick a couple days out of the week and call those your girl days and use the other time to socialize with your friends and make new friends. This will give you time both ways and you will learn what you can live with.
Good luck to you, hope all goes well for you and you find happiness in yourself.

[Kaz]

Hi Laurel, just been checking out your profile and posts, but can't really work out much about you, apart from the running. Friends are people who you meet in life and find something in common with. If CDing is stopping you meeting people, this could be an issue. I keep my life sort of open... I play music, I work, I CD, I do other stuff... and it works...

My CD friends are here and basically 100% virtual, although there are many I would love to meet up with!

Reach out my friend... xx :hugs::love:

[sandra-leigh]

Laurel, I was in a pretty bad depression when I first realized I was a cross-dresser. When I did realize it, within a small number of seconds of the realization, I knew I was going to go out dressed. Since, after all, people were not being kind to me, was ignoring me or yelling insults at me, so "It can't get any worse so I might as well do what I want" and "Hah, I'll give them something real to yell insults at me about".

What happened when I went out dressed was rather unexpected. People started talking to me, started remembering me and welcoming me back. And people didn't yell insults (or not very much.. there was some laughter though.) I would go places, and people I only knew slightly would see me and come over and talk to me. Life got better.

And people remarked on how nice my smile was, when I hadn't been aware that I was smiling. People told me I looked happy. And they were right.

If you are depressed, then staying depressed-looking doesn't win too many friends. Doing things that make you happy, on the other hand, can transform you enough that people think you are someone they want to interact with.

If you do not have friends to lose, then what do you have to lose from going out cross-dressed? If it doesn't work out for you, you could always switch back.

[Stephanie47]

I saw from your introduction last year that you are forty-one, married and have two kids. I assume you work. I suspect your life is not void of interaction with other humans. I know a wife and kids are not friends in the classic sense. How does one make time for activities not involving wife and kids? Most of us older than you have walked in your shoes. First, take everything in moderation, including cross dressing. Rekindled interest in a hobby, a sport and volunteer activity. Frankly, we tend to have a lot of acquaintances, but, few true friends.

[Kate Simmons]

In my way of thinking, any friendships that are conditional, for any reason, are not worth having. We are who we are for a reason.:)

[Miriam-J]

You describe polar opposites (crossdressing or none at all), but perhaps it's possible to have some of each. If you crossdress all the time now, you're not transgender, and this makes your friends uneasy, then try reverting to private crossdressing for a while - or just with friends who are OK with it.

But, fundamentally, finding friends first involves getting involved with people who can become friends. Step outside your currently defined world into something new, like volunteering, music groups, or a religious group. Besides helping you to feel better about yourself and helping others, you'll find people who are interested in many of the same things - and who are likely looking for friends as well. You can decide which persona to present in each of these settings, but you'll find it easiest to find accepting friends if you present consistently - as all guy or all gal.

I hope it goes well for you.

Miriam

[Eryn]

I think that I've made more friends through CDing than I have in the non-CDing world. CDing is a fairly intimate thing to have in common which can lead to very close friendships.

[AllyCDTV]

I feel like I don't have any friends, I am deep in depression and can't find a way out. It occurred to me that I would probably give up cross dressing for some friends who actually made an effort. I have made efforts to get together with some friends (non-cd) but I never get a response. They don't know about this side of me. I don't know what else to do? Give up a part of me and have some friends or stay who I am and not have any friends.??????:sad:
When someone uses a term like being deep in depression, it raises a red flag with me. True depression is a serious condition and if you are in a state of depression, you need to seek professional help. If on the other hand you are sad and lonely that is another story. Can you give us a few more details? What efforts have you made to get together with friends. How did they respond? How do you think that giving up crossdressing will help?

[danielletorresani]

I don't understand. Why would you have to give up CD'ing to have friends? I still dress up and have plenty of non-CD friends that don't know I'm a CD.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Have you looked at why you dont have any friends, married with two no dought lovely kids that alone says something about you. have you any interests or hobbys , where do you take your S O = wife & kids, to have friends you need to be a friend first, are you a member of any groups .or do you live in the sticks .

Im sure there are groups around you , we have a pop of 3,500 people here in Waimate, with 160 different groups soc, & the like,
Im a member of some 5 all different groups, & i know many people & as for friends some . im not going to tell you because you wont belive me , its many......

...noeleena...

[Beverley Sims]

I would hone your social skills a bit and find out where you are going wrong.
Giving up a pleasurable past time is not going to help you gain friends.
Get out and mix with others more and keep the CD bit to yourself and quiet times.

[Cheryl T]

No, I would not give it up for friends. This is who I am and if they were to find out and could not accept me as I am then they are not truly friends and I would not need them in my life.
So many we call friends are really "acquaintances", so few are true friends. The true friend stands by you when things get rough, they don't turn on you and walk away.

[sallyjones]

if they dont know then its probably not the CDing, i would say its that i dont want anyone to know syndrome. accept who you are and others will also. if you dont think people will accept you then dont tell them. thats your thing..

[kimdl93]

Giving up CDing will not yield friendships. Although I don't know your age, you sound quite young. Consider joining transgender support groups or GLBT organizations in your area. And just get out and meet more people in general. Join social groups, service organizations or volunteer. The activity will lift you out of depression, you'll enhance your social skills and make new acquaintances.

[bridget thronton]

I would tend to avoid friends who are not accepting and my true friends know are are quite accepting.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I could not give up dressing for friends. Pretty certain that if I were to try to stop, I would get more and more miserable until I started again. But dressing doesn't have to interfere with your friendships. You can't spend ALL your time with your friends...

[ArleneRaquel]

Certainly not as Stan Laurel would say. :):thumbsup:

[Tina B.]

I couldn't give it up for the woman I love, I certainly would not try to give it up for anyone else. I'm a very out going person, and have all the friends I need, and none of them know about this part of my live. Join a club, or volunteer for something that you have an interest in, it's a way to find people you have something in common with, and a good way to meet people. Then turning them into friends is all up to you. To have a friend, you have to be a friend.

[justmetoo]

Would I give up an essential part of who I am in order to have friends? No, I wouldn't want friends who would expect that from me.

[PretzelGirl]

I am with Eryn in that a large majority of my friends are those that I have met because of CDing. But some people don't ever dress outside of the home. If you are in that boat, you have to be sure to get out and socialize. If your balance of time you dress vs the time you leave for friends is skewed heavily towards dressing, then you need to tip it back the other way. If your friends aren't answering, try and call them and just start connecting. You can't come out and say what is wrong, but if you haven't been available because of dressing, or even something else, sometimes people start moving on.

Life needs to have many components to it to be healthy. If you lean to heavy on one thing, something else suffers. You don't give a lot of information, but it appears that your friendship has suffered if they aren't returning calls. Don't give up if you treasure those friendships. If you keep calling, they will answer. Friends are an important part of anyone's life. Let them know that.

[Debglam]

Laurel,

If there is a transgender group in you area, check them out. You will find not only friends, but friends that "get" you!

Good luck!
Debby

[heatherdress]

Laurel - If you are in deep depression, see someone and take care of yourself first. Worry about friends and crossdressing later.

[AberdeenQueen]

I pretty much gave it up for my late wife, in 17 years of lovely marriage. I missed it and dabbled a wee bit on rare occasions, But she passed away at 52 (not long ago) and I'll never do that again. I told her about it before we were married and assumed that she was OK with it. I suspect she tried but just couldn't get past it, sincerely... so I did without and really didn't regret it because every other aspect of our life n relationship was perfect. She is my solemate and we'll be reunited someday but I still have allot of spunk in me and I plan on having other loving relationships... WITH CD'g. CD'g was not so terribly important to me as to even put strain on my wife for it. Every so often I would suggest it and she would sort of put it off... kindly.

[DebbieL]

I feel like I don't have any friends, I am deep in depression and can't find a way out.

Are you saying that you have come out and that you don't have any friends? Or are you presenting as a male and don't have friends. Having friends has more to do with being interested in others and letting them share about their lives. Ask them "What's great about your life" or "What do you love about your life" - and they will spend hours telling you about it.

I do know the feelings.you are talking about though. I couldn't be one of the girls and I didn't like playing with the boys. I turned to books, technology and science, and for many years I had very few friends. My mom even tried to force me to play with kids my own age, but I got into a scripture fight with the pastor and get kicked out of the youth group. When I started choir, it was a whole new world. I could sing and read music, but their interests were new and different, there were boys and girls, and I could be part of a group. I eventually learned that having friends is mostly a matter of being genuinely interested in other people, what they love, their hopes, their fears, they happy memories, their regrets, and just excepting them - just as they are, and just as they aren't. I had wanted so long to be accepted as who I was, but I was afraid I would be hurt, that my friends would leave me.

It took me 20 more years to find the courage and support of people who I could tell about Debbie, and who could help me find the courage to be myself. I did lose many friends, and more, but only because I had lived so much of my life based on lies. When I finally came out, I found new friends, new lovers, and found I was able to make a huge difference in the lives of others. Eventually, I was invited to take part in projects that impacted the lives of millions of people.


It occurred to me that I would probably give up cross dressing for some friends who actually made an effort.

I made the mistake of trying to stop, to give it up, and it almost killed me - 3 times. I gained weight, so much that I had a heart attack, a stroke, and suicidal thoughts. I knew I was transsexual, but I kept trying to settle for being a Cross Dresser, for being transgendered. Then I tried to fool myself into thinking I could stop. Each time I tried to stop, life got "messy". I may not fully transition, but I know that I am a transsexual and that Debbie isn't just a part of me, she's the REAL me. So much of Rex's personality was created to hide and protect Debbie, and yet there were so many wonderful aspects of Debbie's personality that could ONLY come out when I was Debbie. Debbie had more compassion for people, real love, real kindness, real caring, organization, authenticity - INTEGRITY.

If I had know how much more rich and wonderful my life would be as Debbie, I would have come out when I was 18, or maybe even when I was 12. I might have even insisted that my parents deal with my desire to be a girl
I realize today that it would not have been possible to get SRS, or even HRT back in the 1960s.or even the 1970s. I remember when Shannon went through her transition, getting one of the first functioning clitoris SRS procedures. They use anesthesia for the nerve parts because they didn't know what they were doing exactly. It wouldn't be until the 1990s that the modern fully functional equipment was available, and even now there are different options, some better than others.


I have made efforts to get together with some friends (non-cd) but I never get a response. They don't know about this side of me.

I don't know where you are located, but the only way to really let people become friends with Laurel is to be Laurel.


I don't know what else to do? Give up a part of me and have some friends or stay who I am and not have any friends.??????:sad:

I would strongly suggest that you get a therapists who has gender identity experience. You sound like you may be a good candidate for transition and don't know it yet. A good therapist can help by helping you assess your situation, giving you assignments that will help you safely explore the experience of being Laurel. The exercises will help you to explore, to meet new friends as Laurel, and to begin to discover who Laurel really is. If you like her, she can be a much bigger part of your life.

Today, I'm very open about being transgendered. There are many people who know me as both Rex and Debbie. Interestingly enough, most of those who know both, prefer Debbie. Even today, I consider the option of transition - even if it's only HRT, and I feel alive and excited. When I think of the prospect of spending the rest of my life, say another 20 or 30 years, trapped in a man's body, it makes me think very self-destructive thoughts.

When I go to a restaurant, if Debbie orders, I will eat a healthy meal, and lose weight the following day. If Rex orders, it will be loaded with fat, salt, and sugar. On a regular basis, Rex's meals would be deadly to a guy who has already had 3 close calls. Rex has gained over 300 lbs, and Debbie has lost over 400.