Nature of crossdressing - addiction or disposition ?

[linda.wai]

Discussions ongoing in another thread has made me ponder over this question again.
"Will urges to crossdress increase if we engage in CD more often ?"
In other words, will I have greater urges to CD if I spend more time and thoughts on CD?

There are 2 schools of thoughts.
School A : CD is sort of like an addiction. Someone even label it as a fetish. It is a manifestation of one's psychological issues and can be treated or altered.
School B : CD is a part of that person's disposition/personality and is ingrained. Therefore, there is no point in suppressing it.

If A is true, more crossdressing will lead to stronger urges to CD. Some might believe that if we allow our CD to persist, it will lead to transgenderism.

If B is true, urge to CD is unrelated to how often one crossdresses. Suppressing one's urge to CD will then be counter-productive and might lead to depression, anxiety and bad feelings.

We all know that transsexualism or homosexuality is an inborn part of a person. However, there is no medical consensus on what constitutes crossdressing. Psychiatrists are inclined to think its more of A but actual crossdressers mostly feel that their situation is more like B.

What is your thought on CD - A or B ?

[Melissa73]

interesting question!!!! is it an addiction???? or is it apart of who we are? idk, but as for me.....i have attempted to stop, most recently for 2 yrs. And my urges pushed me and grew and became very sexual dreams (usually me dressed up!) Now that im out, and dressed around the house the sex dreams have stopped! But my need to dress still grows. Sometimes, sitting around the house is not enough. I want to go out! But do i want to be a girl? NO! I just wanna dress and look girly. it makes me feel good and sexy inside.

melissa73

[noeleena]

Hi,

Heres a thought, & itll depend on wether dressing in different clothes has any bearing on any thing.
In our group of some 200 people about half are women ,

Now our men do dress in skirts & dress's of many different colours, now this is where its different none of the men wont to be women , okay, yet they dress similer to us just the fit / size is different,

Now of cause its not as is like here with dresser's or crossdresser's & with the frame of mind thats talked about here,

& the men are just real mens men so not a problem go back to our 1400 to 1700 & what did men wear. have a look at the dress style of that time,

...noeleena...

[ReineD]

I think it's more complex than just A & B, although if you look at it in a very general sense your division of the community is accurate. Some CDers do it for fetish while others experience a milder form of gender dysphoria, although you've left out a third important major category, which is the overlap between the two.

Does more CDing cause a greater need to CD? In some people I think it does for a period of time. On the other hand, in other people, NOT CDing causes huge urges to CD to the point where they can't stop thinking about it, regardless of whether it is a sexual fetish. It can become a mental obsession. Maybe sexual fetishes and mental obsessions are both different ramifications of the same, unfulfilled desire to dress.

But I think that if a not overly sexual CDer is in the fortunate position to take it as far as he'll want to, if he either lives alone or has a supportive wife and he is not feeling as if he *must* CD at every possible opportunity the minute the people in his life have their backs turned, then he will reach a plateau which will define for him his own, personal end point. I do not think that every CDer is on a short or a long road to transition.

[Rogina B]

There is no A or B type answer. It is an individual thing.Some of us were definitely born with the desire,while others were not.Suppressing it often causes a big meltdown eventually in some people.For others,it is just another item on their fetish list.

[WifeofWrenchette]

B - Suppressing one's urge to CD will then be counter-productive and might lead to depression, anxiety and bad feelings.

[Beverley Sims]

Starts off a bit of A and then progresses to B.
That is one school of thought.
I do like Reinee's insight into it as she has given more thought to it than I have.

[Jana]

Linda, one could argue the motions forever and not reach any meaningful conclusion. What matters is what YOU get out of your dressing, REGARDLESS of what other people think.

[Kate Simmons]

Crossdressing is an intrinsic need for many but if we address it properly, it can become a choice.:)

[kristinacd55]

Great post....my thoughts about in my case are when I was in the closet it was definitely an addiction/fetish. Now that I've been going out in public the last 2 years that has totally changed. I barely dress anymore at home and interacting with others LIVE just changes the whole lifestyle that I'm living now. It has become a way of life for me, and I don't fit it into either A or B really.

[missmars]

B. but urges to crossdress becom opportunity to like crossdressing. When I saw crossdressor in Television when I was in primary school It made me crossdresser.

[xdressed]

I agree it's not quite as simple as a and b, but B is pretty close for me.

[kimdl93]

I think its naive to suggest that there are only two possibilites. , I would submit that Psychiatrists are not inclined to think CDing is simply an addiction. Second, your dichotomy suggests that there are only two possibilites - an addictive behavior or an inborn aspect of human nature. I would submit that many, perhaps most, cross dressers manifest transgendered characteristics and have from early childhood. But I would also submit that the degree varies dramatically between individuals, so some individuals are comfortable with a limited expression - such as occassional dressing or underdressing. Others perhaps are more towards the Transsexual end of the spectrum and prefer presenting as a woman in much or most of their lives.

Fetish dressers often object to being lumped under the Transgender umbrella. That's fine with me. I view the term as a way of understanding human behavior, not as a lable.

As to the addiction analogy, many human behaviors, including cross dressing regardless of the underlying motivation, has the potential to become an obsession - particularly for people with a tendency towards addictive behavior. And if that obssessive behavior begins to crowd out other aspects of life, resulting in harm to personal relationships, reckless spending or other damaging behaviors, then it might be considered addictive behavior. The same might be true of gambling, drinking, or model train collecting.

However, becoming addicted to cross dressing does not "lead to transgenderism". I can dress in a gorilla suit, but ...even if I really get off on dressing like a gorilla, that will never make me a gorilla.

[linda.wai]

My experience is both A and B.
I was trying hard to suppress my CD urges for years and I needed to hide and CD every 8 or 9 months to release the built up tension. I also was obsessed about it when i don't CD (in private without anyone knowing) Then, I started having one week CD vacations alone when I live as a woman entirely and go out and interact with everybody. The urge to CD plateaued. I no longer feel the urge to CD. Sometimes, I feel nowadays that the hassle involved is not worth it and the urge dies down. I'm now unsure I still want to CD in the long run although I think about it every now and then still.

[stacycoral]

I personally feel like a T-girl, so it is both a and b for me, iknow i am more than a Cd but will not be a Transexal,so i a+b=C that's me, hugs

[Karren H]

So what expert in crossdressing said there were only 2 schools of thought?

[TeresaL]

As others have said, it is important that we are able to seek our own level. Otherwise, our desire will increase irregardless of whether this is on our fetish list or not. It's unhealthy for someone or something to impede our development. Our gender proclivity reaches to the bottom of our souls, as many have committed suicide in trying to work it out.

If crossdressers could be defined as transgender persons with less dysphoria than TS, then its origin is an inborn birth condition of the brain, as the rest of our LGBT are prone to submit. We just have varying levels of gender expression.

Rogina's reference to another item on the fetish list defines me starting at puberty, and continuing into adulthood until I decreed two things;

First, however silly, that my transgender image when dressed as Teresa demanded more respect than being a sex object. Secondly, that the list of props could be shifted to lingerie and apparel catalogs or girlie magazines. The difficult problem is that crossdressing is a 3D prop and easy to take advantage of. Whilst crossdressing isn't a choice, things that we do when in enfemme mode are.

However, using crossdressing as a fetish is indeed making use of a superior prop. Medications and aging take it's toll on the fetish side too.

Oh, I ascribe mostly, but not exclusively to "B."

[Rebecca_Annette]

I always Thought I was school B have a wonderful SO. REALLY wonderful.

If I lose her, perhaps school A will become true, because sometimes I think it is. I went for the counselling thing once, they said I was transgendered rather than just a crossdresser. So . . .

I don't know.

My SO makes me happy. If she wasn't here, perhaps . . .

I don't know.

Heck I'm getting mixed up between A & B!!

But I hope the girls here will follow what I mean?

[ClosetED]

I think you are trying to simplify why people crossdress. For a minority, they cross dress as a fetish for sexual gratification. For those, you might expected dressing would lead to sexual release, a reduced desire, and then a rebuilding of desire depending on libido and opportunity. For a few who feel they are women, then their natural goal is to become women and dressing in woman's clothing is just part of the normal part of a woman's life. But for most, I believe it is a based on that fact we are not 100% masculine and 0% feminine despite being 100% male. For a person who by disposition/personality is 90% masculine and 10% feminine, then crossdressing once a week may be their stable level. For someone who is 50/50, they may dress every day after work. For someone who is 10% masculine and 90% feminine, then living full time may be their level. As circumstances allow. If someone is suppressed from their desired level, then tension builds and the fantasy of what they desire may over-reach their disposition, leading to temporary over-reaction. For those who find acceptance, the amount of crossdressing is likely to exactly fit their amount of femininity. Does this fit in better with the member's self-assessment? This group is the best one to argue this out btter than any licensed psychiatrist.

[Dawn cd]

Addiction no, since that implies some kind of physical compulsion, but for some people crossdressing can become an obsession, in the sense that it's an activity that pushes all other activities out of the way. Obsessions can be unhealthy because they disorder our priorities. When we get into a "pink fog," we are in the grip of an obsession.

For genuine transexuals, however, crossdressing and other kinds of feminine behavior is not obsessive. It's a psychological imperative. One might call it a vocation—a calling—to be who they were meant to be.

[Foxglove]

School A : CD is sort of like an addiction. Someone even label it as a fetish. It is a manifestation of one's psychological issues and can be treated or altered.



It's the part in bold that I don't understand here. What sort of psychological issues are we talking about? Gender dysphoria or something else--e.g. feelings of insecurity, Oedipus complex or whatever. Because if it's something else, how would that lead someone to start CDing?

Annabelle

[Gillian Gigs]

Famous last words, " I am not addicted, I can stop anytime that I want". LOL

I believe it is possible that CD’ing could be addictive, but only under the right circumstances... For many of us our first times of masturbation involved dressing in some form of women’s clothing. The act of masturbation releases endorphins into the body, it has its effect, in that we desire to have the same feelings of well being again. Over the years of repeating this "well being exercise" it gets ingrained into us, our want, or need, for this sense of well being, which comes through sex, masturbating, and/or the dressing in the clothes. As the desire in one area decreases through age, are there increases in other area to offset the decreased change, and help maintain the feelings of well being? My experience leads me to believe this to be true, as well as the talk from others on how dressing is a great stress relief in their lives. If I get a boost of endorphins into my body while I wear my lingerie and skirt, it might be considered by some to be a cheap "high", so what! Then again what if it is only a well formed habit? In checking the dictionary, I found that the word habit, refers to something that is; settled or regular tendency or practise, practise that is hard to give up; Habit forming causing addiction.

So, is something that is habitual, something that will automatically lead to an addiction? CD’ing definitely seems to be something that is hard to give up, which is based on the number of comments that get posted, as well as my own experience. We all have habits, yet how many of them lead to any kind of addiction? We all have good habits that we could get compulsive about also. So, if I for example get a compulsion, as in irresistible urge, to eat some chocolate ice cream, am I addicted to it? Or, as what literally happened to me this morning, I had this urge to wear pantyhose, and was not settled until I dressed in a skirt and hose. So, what is the difference, other than the society that we live in which has set some standard in which we don’t seem to fit.

I am one of the fortunate ones that has an understanding and supportive wife. The only down side I see to this "habit" of mine is that I have to keep it from anyone who doesn't understand, or who is prejudice, through ignorance of why I do what I am doing. Unfortunately I, as well as many of us are doing little or nothing to change the ignorant. Mea Culpa

[ArleneRaquel]

I believe that most of us are predisposed to this life style, to varying degrees. I have had the urge since the age of 8, since 2002, after my wife died to has leaped to wear I dress nearly 24/7.

[LelaK]

Whether one calls it a fetish or an indelible personality feature, I desire to always retain my love of beauty and my love of trying to express beauty. I believe that's why I CD.

[AllyCDTV]

I think it is far more complex than it being between A or B. Either implies that the individual has no choice in the matter. I don't believe that is the case, at least not for everyone. In addition, the word "addiction" gets thrown around so much that the true meaning of the word has become lost.

In my case, in my latest crossdressing era, I decided to let things continue until I reached a plateau. That occurred about a year ago. Since then, I have noticed my interest in crossdressing decline. I have gone months with no interest in crossdressing and as time goes on, it becomes less and less desirable to crossdress. If given only 2 choices, perhaps a bit of B provided the spark and A fueled it for a while. Being that to me it is not a true addiction, A ran out of gas and B alone is not enough to sustain my interest at the level I once attained.

[Lynn Marie]

I think it's a lot less complicated than either "A" or "B"! To me, it's a fun hobby. I have others that require the weather to cooperate and certain places to be and expensive equipment to maintain. Crossdressing can be done anytime, and almost anyplace with just a small increase in laundry and ironing duties. What's not to like!

[Jane G]

So A. would be Nurture & B. would be Nature.

Well in the A camp, I have enjoyed Cross dressing for as long as I can remember, so I guess the positive reinforcement I get, every time I dress, will have had some effect over the years.

On the other hand the urge to dress is no stronger and no less now than it was when I was 7 or 8 years old. The opportunities to dress are far more regular now, so I do dress a lot more, but the reason for dressing is the same in my 50's, as when I was 6. I'm just being me and I have a feminine ellement in my make up, that feels, safer, more at home when I dress. I think that put's this particular CD firmly in the B camp.:)

[carhill2mn]

I think that B is the most likely. Some CDs can alter behavior so as to not actually "dress" but desire to do so is still present. So, is that a "successful treatment"?

[AllieSF]

I agree with Reine that there are more options than just A and B. It also depends one where one is in their own personal development, acceptance and ability to dress when wanting or needing to. A newbie who all of a sudden has more freedom to dress may quickly get into the Pink Fog and dress, and dress more as they take advantage of that freedom to do what they want. Depending on the person, I could see a lot, if not most CD's reaching a point where they are actually comfortable and happy at where they are and have no need to continue pushing to dress more toward that "full" time situation. If they need to get to that full time mark, then they are probably further along that TG spectrum line and closer to being TS than CD. Now, put some restrictions on that freedom and the person may keep the Fog at bay for quite a while. If someone is "just" a CD, they may reach a point where whatever time is available is enough or almost enough to satisfy their own needs in this area. For example, I started 5 years ago, have had and now have more freedom to dress when I want and to go go out into the real world one or two times a week. I believe that I have reached a point where I am satisfied with how much I dress. It can actually get to a point where it is too much for me if I go out maybe 4 times in a week. I am then happy to have some time off from dressing.

I believe that whatever causes this CD thing in me is there to stay. I don't fight it and I accept and actually embrace it for all the fun that I have when out dressed. So, is it addictive? I really don't know, but do recognize that there is a strong need for me to get out dressed.

[Stephanie47]

I would like to know who these authorities are on the subject of cross dressing. I've yet to see anything in the medical/psychology fields that come to a consensus on the root cause of cross dressing. Also, I really to not ascribe to any faulty logic issues, i.e., If A, then B.

I first tried on a feminine garment, a slip, probably when I was a single digit kid. I liked the feel of my mother's slips which she hung in the sole bathroom to drip dry. I would not consider that any cross dressing activity. I had no desire at that time to wear any other feminine garment. Fast forward to early teen years and there was still that desire. I tried on nylon floor length nightgowns. Why I progressed to trying on her dresses and stockings and bras and panties. I have no idea. I had a total normal boyhood. There were years I did not have the opportunity, nor the desire to wear feminine attire. It was rekindled after marriage. Why? I have no idea. My early years of marriage were stressful. Not from the relationship with my wife, but, family dynamics of people not accepting my choice as a wife. I figure maybe cross dressing became a stress reliever. It offered an escape from male issues. Self examination of later issues would conclude I cross dressed for stress relief.

There may be some aspect of compulsive disorder involved in cross dressing. But, it is no different in my opinion than a woman's desire to amass more heels than she could possibly wear. Some people collect stamps or coins. Some guys collect sneakers/basketball shoes. I have hundreds of slips. That may be a compulsion. PS: It does not harm my family because I can afford to buy them, and, my wife blows money in others ways I cannot understand. However, I can understand that may be stressful for a family which does not have the money for that. It would be the same for buying hobby supplies.

So, why is now immaterial to me. What would be the alternative for stress relief? Should I not cross dress and substitute alcohol or illegal drugs? I think not.

I cannot think of a single reason why a heterosexual male would want to wear feminine attire! I do not buy into the argument a man wears feminine attire because he likes the colors, styles and fashion. My wife tried to participate when she realized I was a cross dresser by substituting nylon fabric from a bolt with caressing. It does not work. I want the full feminine experience.

All the angst on this site concerning the relationships between husbands and wives is really a different issue. It is in itself a problem. How does a cross dresser and a wife co-exist in an activity he enjoys and needs and she rejects?

Fortunately, I have paid my dues. I do not bask in shame and self loathing. I have given up trying to figure it all out. If anyone on this site needs to go to a therapist, please go with the understanding you will not change. The therapy should be geared to dealing with the misunderstandings and negative feelings of others and how they impact you.

There is nothing like a little shopping therapy to get over the bumps in the road.

[Angela Campbell]

When I was 4 or 5 I knew I wanted to be a girl. I thought being a boy was hard. I would try on my mothers clothes as I wanted to see what I would look like as a girl. This is my earliest memory. (of crossdressing) In my teen years it became sexual, but then again almost everything was sexual then. As I grew older I lost any sexual feelings towards it but just the same I wanted to wear the clothes. I knew I wasn't a girl but I dearly wanted to be one. In time it faded a bit with marriage, kids, and carreer being of so much importance. I still had the desire but just no outlet for it. Later on I would start travelling for work staying in motels. I would go out and buy some panties, bras and slips and whatever I saw and would wear them in private and as I slept. I would have to throw them all away before I went home of course.
For me I think it was less about the clothes than it was to get a feminine experience of some kind.

Fast forward to my recent divorce. For the first time in my adult life I was living alone. It wasn't more then a week until one day I found an old wig of my ex wifes and tried it on. I had to go out then and buy makeup (never had worn either a wig or makeup before) and clothes. That was last summer. I saw what I looked like in the mirror the first time I dressed the full extent and I saw a girl for the first time in my life. It was an experience I will never get over. Since then I have been learning how to look like a female version of myself. I have a long way to go but I will get there.

No I will not get the compllete thing with hormones and SRS, but I will have a portion of my life where I will live as a woman. After 55 years I think I deserve it. All my life I did what I was told was the right thing, now I will do what I think is the right thing.

[bimini1]

I often thought it could very well be an addiction of some sort and have asked for opinions on the subject here from time to time. The word addiction always seems to have a negative connotation to it. When opps to do it were extremely limited, when I lived at home younger, the urge would become so strong I thought I was going to explode. I'd get moody, angry, depressed all at the same time.

Once I got out on my own and had all the time I wanted to do it, I got bored with it. It took a back seat. Even today there are times when it hurts not to do it. If I see a woman wearing something I'd like to be in I can get jealous and angry. But I am able to put myself in check. I always quote Dirty Harry, a man's gotta know his limitations. I just don't know.
I think it can be both. Innate and addiction at the same time perhaps.

[heatherdress]

If the crossdressing school of thought says there are two other schools of thought, school A and school B - then are there three schools of thought?

[mirandacdgirl]

I find it in myself being a lot more complicated. I only consider myself a cd because I like the person I am as a male, I would transition if I could, but my situation doesn't allow me to do that, and I feel if I transition too much I would completely lose the male side of me and I don't want that either as it would destroy my relationship with my significant other.. I think there is a fine balance I need to find between both. I want to dress all the time... take hormones and go nuts but...hehe . I have to take a step back from time to time to think about others in my life and not be greedy.

[KellyJameson]

Maybe everything is an addiction. I enjoy breathing and hope I will not have to give it up anytime soon.

Could crossdressing be something that sustains you much like breathing?

I think the only danger to those who crossdress is if they use it to hide from life so deprive themselves of the full rich experience of life

If it makes you unhappy because you are trying to use it as a substitute for something else more necessary and vital to life such as being loved similar to substituting porn for intimacy than there is a possible danger.

In my opinion anyone who has the opportunity should experience living life as both genders because it opens the mind to other worlds and possibilities and will enrich your life experience.

The only way you discover yourself are by the worlds you immerse yourself into. The trick is to not destroy yourself while you are trying to discover yourself, your world should expand not contract.

Balance in everything but each must find their own balance.

[Tina B.]

For me it was an obsession, right up to the point I quit fighting it. Once I gave in to the fact it was just a part of me that was here to stay, and I gave up resiting it, I was no longer obsessed, unfortunately I then became obsessed with shopping, until I had filled a closet and a dresser of my own with womens clothing, then that too pasted, now it is something I enjoy from time to time as time allows, fortunately time allows me a lot.

[DeeInGeorgia]

Food for thought.

From my viewpoint, the addiction is conforming to binary gender expression, trying to fit in. Accept who you are. Consider, for many crossdressers, the first time dressing was from about 5 years of age to eight years of age. This is long before sexual pleasure raises it's head.

[Ann Thomas]

Having only read the first post in this thread, I must give my answer is C - It's hereditary, and is urges are reduced dramatically by dressing female all the time.

Sorry, but I don't fit either A or B the way you explained them (I realize you got those explanations from other places.)

I discovered my father was a crossdresser about a month or so before he passed away, when I was cleaning his house. How did I know? Because I'd been crossdressing since very young and had, like him, hidden it. Five years or so later, I shared it with my son, who had just turned 18. He then came out to me that he as well had been dressing female in secret since young, off and on. So, crossdressing "GALLOPS" in my family (to steal and modify the line from Arsenic and Old Lace).

Further, in order to be productive and focused on life in general, whether that be relationships, school, work, and so on, I found by experimenting that I have to dress virtually full time (all but maybe 4-6 hours per week, I am dressed female.)

I don't fit A or B, but clearly a whole new place, I'll call 'C'.

Ann

[docrobbysherry]

I view my dressing as an addiction or compulsion.

However, if I dress when the feeling hits me, the less often I feel the need to. (Until recently, that is!)

[Moxie]

A, B...?

There is one binding thread often forgotten here - you're all MEN! There are no women discussing their CD desires in this forum, or perhaps anywhere! Women don't cross dress. And no, pant suits don't count.

So be this addiction or disposition, it's an inherently MALE thing to do, and that's surely where the answer lies - if in fact you really want an answer :)

[xdressed]

A, B...?

There is one binding thread often forgotten here - you're all MEN! There are no women discussing their CD desires in this forum, or perhaps anywhere! Women don't cross dress. And no, pant suits don't count.

So be this addiction or disposition, it's an inherently MALE thing to do, and that's surely where the answer lies - if in fact you really want an answer :)


I disagree, while it is considerably rarer than MtF there are plenty of FtM crossdressers out there, and some are on this forum.

[Foxglove]

There is one binding thread often forgotten here - you're all MEN! There are no women discussing their CD desires in this forum, or perhaps anywhere! Women don't cross dress. And no, pant suits don't count.

So be this addiction or disposition, it's an inherently MALE thing to do, and that's surely where the answer lies - if in fact you really want an answer :)

Sorry, Doormat, you're wrong on this one. There are in fact FTM transpeople, and their dilemma and problems are every bit as acute as ours. I have plenty of contact with some of them myself. This is the MTF forum, which is one reason (among others) that you don't see any FTM's here. But there is a FTM forum on crossdressers.com.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[ReineD]

I disagree, while it is considerably rarer than MtF there are plenty of FtM crossdressers out there, and some are on this forum.

I think most would be insulted if they read this. They do not "crossdress" according to "A" in the OP. The exception to this might be a young transman who was socialized as a female all his life and who is beginning to figure it out, but the motive is not sexual. For the most part, the transmen that I've interacted with here and that I've met in RL (there is a trans campus group locally), present the way they do in their daily lives because this is WHO THEY ARE internally. The biggest difference between birth males and birth females who need to present as a gender opposite than birth assigned, is the sexual motive. Transmen do not get off on themselves dressed as men. They also don't claim that nurturing and compassionate males are cross-gender as a justification for who they are, they don't say that other males are jealous of their pecs, they don't say they dress because they find male clothing so much more attractive than female clothing, they don't discuss what color briefs they're wearing, and they don't hide who they are from their partners.

I do not know why there are hundreds of daily threads in the MtF sections, vs. only a few threads monthly in the FtM sections. Maybe it is because transmen are less likely to fantasize about being who they are, since they are out there living their lives?

But, Doormat is quite correct, if you compare the volume of MtF participation in this forum to FtM, especially when you look at the types of things that are discussed in the respective sections, on average.

[Kate Simmons]

The thing I like most about F T M guys is they are practical thinkers with no drama. I don't go to that Forum any more though since my heart throb Captlex left. I've tried to touch base with some but Cap was a unique individual and a dashing Pirate nonetheless. :)

[Foxglove]

I do not know why there are hundreds of daily threads in the MtF sections, vs. only a few threads monthly in the FtM sections. Maybe it is because transmen are less likely to fantasize about being who they are, since they are out there living their lives?


One transguy told me recently that transguys don't feel the need to talk about things so much. But maybe that was just one person's view.

[Angela Campbell]

I think most would be insulted if they read this. They do not "crossdress" according to "A" in the OP. The exception to this might be a young transman who was socialized as a female all his life and who is beginning to figure it out, but the motive is not sexual. For the most part, the transmen that I've interacted with here and that I've met in RL (there is a trans campus group locally), present the way they do in their daily lives because this is WHO THEY ARE internally. The biggest difference between birth males and birth females who need to present as a gender opposite than birth assigned, is the sexual motive. Transmen do not get off on themselves dressed as men. They also don't claim that nurturing and compassionate males are cross-gender as a justification for who they are, they don't say that other males are jealous of their pecs, they don't say they dress because they find male clothing so much more attractive than female clothing, they don't discuss what color briefs they're wearing, and they don't hide who they are from their partners.

I do not know why there are hundreds of daily threads in the MtF sections, vs. only a few threads monthly in the FtM sections. Maybe it is because transmen are less likely to fantasize about being who they are, since they are out there living their lives?

But, Doormat is quite correct, if you compare the volume of MtF participation in this forum to FtM, especially when you look at the types of things that are discussed in the respective sections, on average.

One reason why the MtF are in it in a more sexual way than FtM's are is because of testosterone. For a male there are periods where EVERYTHING is sexual. I do mean everything, parking meters, cookies, chairs...anything is thought of in a sexual way. The more related to a female the more intense it is. So something like crossdressing is going to be super sexual to a person full of testosterone. Not so much for a person with high amounts of estrogen.

[Foxglove]

For a male there are periods where EVERYTHING is sexual. I do mean everything, parking meters, cookies, chairs...anything is thought of in a sexual way.

Well, there's the proof I'm not male. And I always thought I was weird.

[Jaymees22]

I'm a B, I'm definitely not a type A personality in this or other things. I'm so happy to be doing this I can't suppress it. Hugs Jaymee

[ReineD]

One reason why the MtF are in it in a more sexual way than FtM's are is because of testosterone. For a male there are periods where EVERYTHING is sexual. I do mean everything, parking meters, cookies, chairs...anything is thought of in a sexual way. The more related to a female the more intense it is. So something like crossdressing is going to be super sexual to a person full of testosterone. Not so much for a person with high amounts of estrogen.

Yes, I totally agree with this, up to a certain age ... although libido does vary among men. Some can keep going past middle age while for others, things calm down considerably then. This is why I think there is less sexual focus to the CDing in later years, although all the neural connections that were made in earlier years when pleasure was associated with dressing have caused a CDer to form a bond with the expression of femininity so that it has become a source of comfort. But, this is pure conjecture based on academic papers that I have read ... and of course this does not describe transsexuals.

[Moxie]

For a male there are periods where EVERYTHING is sexual. I do mean everything, parking meters, cookies, chairs....

LMAO! I won't be able to look at a teenage boy in a grocery store the same way again! :)

[Ally 2112]

Everyone is under an different umbrella we all do this for different reasons (but kinda the same ) .As far as i know there is no 12 step addiction procssess to solve this little delema we all seem to have in so many different ways !! .I have personally been to the DR;s (my xwife told him )and other specialist so far they have said ???????????????????? lol .Carry on ol chap or lady or ????? :)

[TeresaL]

TFirst of all, disagree with me if you must, but please research and analyze medical, psychological, and physiological resources. The less abstract reasons for our dilemma is preferable because we are examined and questioned by society at large.

Adult males are sexually aroused by visual, graphical images, and it makes sense for MtF's, who may possess both M/F brain mapping to utilize their own cross-dressed visual image as both a turn-on and stimulation for arousal. If FtM are more prone to rely on female arousal methods, then they will use those other methods for stimulation.

First, testosterone wash at puberty is an aggressive agitation looking for an access route. For cisgenders, the route is through pictures. Otherwise, these males with ragng hormones will find a female with raging hormones. This hormone rage is probably the third wash since conception, and all cisgender males supposedly recieved greater volume or correct timing of testosterone in the fetus development of male ingredients -- for both body and brain.

While TRANS men probably are not aroused by graphical means, but retain female arousal means. Therefore, FtM do not exhibit nor propagate needs for sexual graphical interface. Crossdressing is without a preponderance of a doubt, a 3D graphical image.

Our brain mapping is all over the place, and mostly doled out to us before we were born. Then came societies blue and pink storm which pinned us to the wall, and is still alive and kicking.

Society accepts birth defects or brain development anomolies with little to no complication. But not necessrily so for transgender minds. However, referring to American Psychology Association, American Psychology Association, and American Medical Association have all addressed birth issues in regards to transgender issues. Understanding from a straight person is impossible if they aren't or haven't done the research. Some of the GGs (RD:thumbsup:) have done remarkable at deciphering this mess, and much thanks to them.

[Soriya]

I have to ask, all those saying they fall into this 'A' description, how are you defining the word 'urge'? It has various definitions but all center around it meaning a super strong feeling of 'having' to do something. That's not the real question here. What is causing the urge? That's different for everyone but from my own observations, research, and my own discovery of why I dressed throughout my life, I believe the reason why a CD dresses is caused by some type of event early in their lives. I am speaking specifically about the 'standard' heterosexual CD, not TS's or CD's who are undiscovered TS's and such. The early event theory is fact for me and only something I learned by CD'ing again and studying what it was for me. I buried those memories as I believe the 'standard' CD as I described may have done the same.

So, all those years CD'd without knowing why, it came on as an urge. The 'urges' were triggered by an outside event. For me each phase of CD'ing started during really dark and lonely times in my life. When things were going well and I felt good, no 'Urge'. After I figured it all out for myself. No more urges.

Same thing with addiction. CD'ing is not a compulsion or addiction in itself. That's up the CD to make it that way as anything can become either or or.

So those who say they have the 'urge', what is causing it for you?


LMAO! I won't be able to look at a teenage boy in a grocery store the same way again! :)

LMAO if you are generally a physically attractive woman, you have no idea how many times teenage boys have had sex with you in their minds. :D

[ReineD]

LMAO if you are generally a physically attractive woman, you have no idea how many times teenage boys have had sex with you in their minds. :D

Having not lived in a male body, it's difficult for me to imagine the full extent of this, but I believe you. And, it explains why fantasy is so prevalent in the CD community. :p

[Soriya]

Having not lived in a male body, it's difficult for me to imagine the full extent of this, but I believe you. And, it explains why fantasy is so prevalent in the CD community. :p

:thumbsup: Precisely why I posted it. I was wondering how long it would take someone to pick that up. I should have known you would Reine. That's a compliment BTW. :D

[Foxglove]

LMAO if you are generally a physically attractive woman, you have no idea how many times teenage boys have had sex with you in their minds. :D


Having not lived in a male body, it's difficult for me to imagine the full extent of this, but I believe you. And, it explains why fantasy is so prevalent in the CD community. :p

Reine, it might explain one reason why fantasy is so prevalent among us. There are other reasons. I'm presently living the fantasy I've always had: living in the world as myself.

That said, when my son was a teenager I was absolutely shocked when I began to see the extent of his sex drive. Sure, I had a sex drive myself, but nothing like that. I just couldn't believe it. It did get me asking some questions about myself, too. I don't think I was ever very close to being a typical teen in that respect--and the fact doesn't bother me, either.

[Soriya]

Reine, it might explain one reason why fantasy is so prevalent among us. There are other reasons. I'm presently living the fantasy I've always had: living in the world as myself.

That said, when my son was a teenager I was absolutely shocked when I began to see the extent of his sex drive. Sure, I had a sex drive myself, but nothing like that. I just couldn't believe it. It did get me asking some questions about myself, too. I don't think I was ever very close to being a typical teen in that respect--and the fact doesn't bother me, either.

Annabella, agreed.

I wasn't the typical teen in this regard either. Yes, I was exploding with hormones. It really sucked being on the bus to school then hit a bump in the road and 'BING", the ' little soldier' stands at attention causing me not to want to get off the bus until it went down. LOL. But as much as I felt lust as the next boy, even after the first time I had sex I felt something was missing. Even today in my 40's, I still naturally have youthful levels of testosterone but zero lust. I can look at an extremely physically attractive women and feel my mouth hit the floor when looking but that's it. My friend however who is close in age to me, he has to turn if brain off or he will be that teenage boy with his pants bulging out!

My sex drive hasn't changed at all since I was a teenager, the difference for me is it's activated my intimacy of a woman's mind, not her physical appearance (all though that does help). Otherwise, 'just sex' for me is empty and pointless feeling, just like the empty feelings I felt after my first time.

Hmmm, I am going to start a different thread expanding on this so I don't distract from the OP and topic. :)

[Victoriana]

I think it starts off with "A" and ends up to "B". To explain a little further I think that it can be "treated" or "altered". For whatever reason, each of us started dressing for different reasons. Maybe our sisters forced us into it, an aunt, or maybe we found a pair of pantyhose and tried them on out of curiosity. Here is where the "alter it" comes in. You wear pantyhose, you are intrigued by it. Yes something is different about us...maybe we are more inclined to wear female clothing than other males but we start young and we get curious. Then the next thing comes along...you find a skirt and panties and you try it on. You go on to other female clothing. Your curiosity grows until you basically sitting in front of the mirror looking at your "female" self. You are officially becoming a crossdresser who is going into "B". You have not suppressed it so you made it a habit and then your personality. It is who you are now. And the curiosity keeps going. Going out, new clothing, new wig, more pictures, etc. Finally you reach a limit and then you see it either flatten out or decline. But I am guessing...that is how I think it works. If you want to quit you need to stop at the first, second, even eighth curiosity of what is next. The more you dress the harder it is. Still possible but try unlearning all that. At that point it is a matter of what makes one better off, crossdress or not. Is it worth it? Only you can answer that because nobody here really wants to quit. And when you do say you want to quit you know that the real answer is you don't. But if you really choose to quit and you aren't lying to yourself...very few will be on this forum telling you how. Only those who are in the process and then they won't say much either because they will stop cold turkey and not look back. This seems to be the pattern and this post is great because I didn't look at it that way. It goes A then B. For some it is straight B. Everyone is different and everyone will reply to this to counter my opinion and that is fine but just remember, everyone's crossdressing circumstances are different and you, me, nobody knows why we dress...you can just guess. This is my opinion based off this post. I haven't quit...will I? I have no idea. But unlike some I will support those who do and let them know they can...if they will it.

[gracee]

Ann Carpenter: "I shared it with my son, who had just turned 18. He then came out to me that he as well had been dressing female in secret since young, off and on." Wow. Three-generations! Too bad y'all never got to go out together, the looks you'd have gotten, assuming a family resemblance, would be something to behold.

I see you live nearly full-time as a woman, has your son ever joined you by dressing at home? Have you ever gone out with the kid, both en femme? Just curious... but whattagas!