ventured out on my own

[daphne_pynk]

so my wife said i should try going out once a week to get used to being me. we decided on sunday night as being the best time. less people about in the city and nothing is really planned on those nights with friends.

so i got myself all dolled up but very casual girl next door. jeans, open V neck sweater, flats and a light coat.

ran down my apartment jumped in my car and drove away..clean escape. As i drove i was always looking for someone pointing or laughing...no one..awesome. I parked close to the bar and jumped out and ran in. i sat down and chatted with everyone. i was a nervous wreck but i calmed down as the night drew on. everyone was totally awesome. i felt my confidence brimming as they were telling me i looked great and how brave i was. eventually it was time to head home. Just as i stepped out of the bar two giant dudes and a tiny drunk chick walked by it took her half a second to look at me and say "that chick is a dude"...confidence...back to zero.

ran to my car drove home and sat demoralized. oh well next time. just thought i would share with everyone. take care

[stacycoral]

MIss Daphne, girl you just keyed something up drunk chick, she read you, owell, she was drunk, and problemly did not care what she said, it sound like you had a great time at the bar until that so don't worry too much ok, i still bet you enjoy being in the world as a woman, i know i always enjoy it and i don't pass, but it is too much fun to worry about little things sometime, Thanks for sharing and keep your chin up, and girl don't stop enljoying life over one drunk chick, hugs.

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you for sharing. It will be better and never give in.

[daphne_pynk]

thanks. their is no way i can stop lol. i just thought i could pass better then 1.5 seconds of a glance. baby steps i guess

[kimdl93]

Don't let it get you down. We all have telltale features that a woman will notice...some to a lesser degree than others. But when you get out more frequently you'll be less concerned with being read on occasion and focus on the fun of interactingmwithmothers.

[Jana]

That sucks, Daphne. I had something similar happen to me, but it was inside a Target store. I went by this 10-year old and his mom. Mom didn't give me a second look, but the kid kept staring. He eventually said something to mom and then she kinda stared also. My confidence level fell to the floor. After that, I set my shopping basket down in a corner and just left, feeling frustrated for being read, and angry for leaving. With time, I learned to roll with the punches. Anyway, thanks for sharing and don't let it bring you down too much.

[Elsa Larson]

She was probably too drunk to add, "But she's really pretty!"

[Beverley Sims]

I agree with Elsa here, so go out and see what happens next time.

[bobbie c]

a drunk chic with 2 big dudes?? and her opinion is important??? ah no and next time turn and say yep ..and???

[MsRenee]

My reply like Ive done too many times Is yes and your point is. And I leave with. Cant please eveeyobe and I dont try.Sounds like your nivht was fun and dont let those ppl deter you from goinv out again girl. Kuddos one your night out.
Renee

[MssHyde]

awww sorry to hear a drunk threw you under the bus, sometimes we wear a wig thats just not right or our hair isn't quite right, maybe we need better beard cover, or a choker to cover up the adams apple.

don't let it beat you up. we went out OCT 27th My wife told be everyone will know you are a guy, (NOT)
we went out OCT 31 and she said If I didn't know better, "you look like a woman"
I was wearing a better wig and the makeup was a bit better.

I the first night I wore false upper and lower eye lashes. the 2nd night I used individual eye lashes from the corner of the outer eye to about 1/3 over about 1-mm apart spacing.

(I did the same smokey eye) she told me I could do a you tube video.)

my point is, try again.

this is my uncropped picture of halloween
http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af73/xHDrider/Brandi/11-4-12084.jpg

here is a picture with a cheaper wig.
http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af73/xHDrider/Brandi/DSC04315.jpg

this is an example of a cheap wig with an I don't care what I look like attitude. (it works)
http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af73/xHDrider/Brandi/DSC04319.jpg

[~Joanne~]

(I did the same smokey eye) she told me I could do a you tube video.)



Do one, I need help with my eye makeup bad and though I watch them over and over I am still not getting the results :)


daphne, I am sure we are all going to be read from time to time. Like the others stated, it was some little drunk chick who has too much to drink and had nothing holding her back from saying just about anything in the world that night. The big dudes didn't say anything though so you just got to roll with it. Don't let it bring you down after what sounds like a great night out. I am sure there are some GG's out there that get mistaken for a guy too ;)

[SissySandi]

Don't be sad, you sure inspired me!!! Now I just need to work up the nerve.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Drunks are the worst. I suspect many more people pick us as males than we know but few care. It takes someone drunk to make a comment.

Sometimes we are just ultra sensitive and if someone laughs near us we think they are laughing at us. Mostly not so - just a coincidence. It is enlightening to observe people when you are out not dressed and see how they interact.

The times like you experienced Daphne are what gives us the confidence that we need to venture out and deal with what can happen.

[ArleneRaquel]

Teenagers and near 20 year olds have been a curse to mie, but not of late. Daphne hang tough doll.

[mikiSJ]

I went by this 10-year old and his mom. Mom didn't give me a second look, but the kid kept staring. He eventually said something to mom and then she kinda stared also.

A couple of the first books I read on CDing was by Virgina Prince, "The Transvestite and His Wife" and "How to be a Woman Though Male". She made it very clear, unless your are completely passable, to stay away from children as they have no way to differentiate and like to verbally, and usually in a loud voice, tell everyone the views they don't understand.

Hang in there Daphne - at least you got the nerve to head out dressed - something I haven't done in 50 years.

[Nikki A.]

Overall I think it was a good night out. I think it is more important to be accepted (which you were) than being read. As long as you're treated nice, who cares what they think.

[DW]

Keep enjoying yourself. Other peoples opinions only matter to them.
I have been out a few times, not passable at all, but enjoy a level of acceptance as myself.

[sandra-leigh]

She made it very clear, unless your are completely passable, to stay away from children as they have no way to differentiate and like to verbally, and usually in a loud voice, tell everyone the views they don't understand.

I go out a fair bit, and I am read pretty quickly by nearly all adults. However, young children seldom pay attention to me. I've only had perhaps twice where a young child has said anything or even given me a stare. Teenage girls have been known to giggle at me, but they don't otherwise out me or follow me. It is the groups of boys in the 10-14 range who get uppity and threatening.

[StaceyJane]

I once walked into Dress Barn and a little girl on her way out with her mother said "that's a man!". Nothing you can do about that but find something nice to buy.

[daphne_pynk]

thanks for all the kind words! i'm not going to give up because their is no alternative for me. This is who i am and I need to learn to deal with who i am. so we're going to keep trying every sunday until i'm comfortable...that the game plan at least.

MssHyde: i did try out a new wig. it was a heavy bang number. i think after a while it just looked like a hair helmet lol, i might go back to my first.
Elsa: lol no i didn't hear her say that...i would have hugged her if she did lol.
Sissysandi: do it up! makes me feel like i'm making things a little better for everyone.

the two big dudes. they look like steroid ragers, all muscle no brain kinda thing. i didn't want to mix words..all 10 pounds of me wouldn't last too long. i was halfway across the street before she could finish her sentence lol.

I'll take pictures next week and see what cha think. love pointers!

[Cynthia Anne]

Never let it get you down! It will proberly happen again! Just enjoy your life and move on!

[audreyinalbany]

my first or second time out I was in a consignment store and overheard a young girl say to her mom, "Mom, is that a man?". " the mom shushed her and went about her business.

[I Am Paula]

Drunks say the strangest things. I was at the bar once when a clearly inebriated fellow asks if I want to 'party' with him. I declined in a guy voice. He looked confused and replied 'I don't do guys...but if I did, I'd sleep with you in an instant'. Talk about a back handed compliment.-Celeste

[rocketscientist]

After you get used to being out and the myriad of reactions you get from all kinds of people, you'll come to realize what matters most is how you view yourself. Hold your head up high and look them straight in the eyes. If someone asks if you are a guy, tell them what I tell them,"not today" or "only on the outside"!Lol. I've never gotten a reply from anyone I've said that to. Your mileage may vary! Hugs, Tonya

[Diversity]

Hey Daphne,
Don't let the drunk chick get you down. It soundsl like you had a great time and I applaud you for your enthusiasm and your courage to venture out as you did! Enjoy yourself and build upon the support of others as it sounds like you have a sound base from which to build upon. Good luck and thanks for sharing your adventure with us! I'm envious :).
Di

[PretzelGirl]

We have a lot of fears and bad nerves when we go out. It is a hard thing to learn to deal with, but over time you learn to accept some of these looks and not worry about it. They aren't putting a bullet in us, they aren't stealing our purses, it is a momentary look and maybe a comment and then it is over.

I feel that we also add a lot of unnecessary thoughts of "I was clocked" just because we don't want anyone looking at us. Remember, people look around in general as they walk. They may also be thinking what a great outfit you have on, you are pretty,.... just about anything other than clocking you. So it becomes an acquired attitude to first ignore it and later, maybe smile and great the people that look your way. It is disarming and may even distract them from examining you if something catches their eye.

[daphne_pynk]

wow thanks so much for all the support! i've always been sensitive...comes with the dress i guess lol. I've tended to always seek approval from people around me and i think its from being so self conscious of hiding my my sensitive side so much..if they approve then i'm hiding it well. so now the shoe is on the other foot. all the vulnerable parts of me are on the outside trying to hide the man i look like..

also i'm terribly she no matter what clothes i have on lol.

[oh hey its anya]

wow thanks so much for all the support! i've always been sensitive...comes with the dress i guess lol. I've tended to always seek approval from people around me and i think its from being so self conscious of hiding my my sensitive side so much..if they approve then i'm hiding it well. so now the shoe is on the other foot. all the vulnerable parts of me are on the outside trying to hide the man i look like..

also i'm terribly she no matter what clothes i have on lol.

This last post of yours says it beautifully. It just takes practice to act positively, which is hard especially if your mind is wired a certain way--but remember the good memories of the night too, and know there'll be plenty more in the future!

[daphne_pynk]

re wire my brain...sounds easy enough..... :|

[Jillian Faith]

Sweetie we all get read eventually. One day I was out shopping at Kohl's and ran into the ladies dressing room to try on a sweater in front of the 3 way mirror. While trying it on I was engaged in a 2-3 minute conversation with another lady trying on a winter coat for a trip she and her husband were planning. She gave me no indication she read me as anything other than a 40 something female. 5 minutes latter while walking into Walmart I had another lady noticeably giving me not only a long once over but a second and third very long look. She obviously either read me or suspected I was not 100% female. I gave her my best feminine smile and went about my shopping. The bottom line is we are not going to pass 100%, we just need to sit back and enjoy the feminine ride.

[daphne_pynk]

its scarier then any roller-coaster I've been on that's for sure! might try again this Sunday even just driving around might be nice. hope to post again!

[MichelleMiles]

It sounds like you've had a lot of positive experiences lately... don't let 1 drunk girl get you down :)

Maybe you just need a friend to join you on your outings, London isn't to far ;) Then again two of us may get even more attention. lol

[Eryn]

OK, I've read through 32 replies to the post but nobody came up with the obvious solution to this issue:

Don't go to bars.

Why go someplace where you will have to encounter drunk people who have lost their common sense and inhibitions? It's like jumping into a lion's den wearing a meat dress.

Try someplace healthier, like a restaurant, theatre, classical concerts, or even shopping. There are so many great things to do that don't involve endangering yourself!