Attractive or not? Who r u trying to attract when u dress and go out?

[docrobbysherry]

A thread got me thinking about this. I'm old and have had lots of experience with women. However, I'm not great looking, don't have a imposing stature or build, and normally dress quite casual. I believe all my life I've attracted women with my personality and accomplishments. I've gotten so used to this that I never think about attracting folks with my appearance. Until I read that other thread!:eek:

When I began dressing in the closet, it was just for me. Trying to mimic females that were attractive to me. When I began going out dressed, it NEVER occurred to me that men mite find me attractive!:daydreaming:
When it happened, it was quite a shock! Now, I think about how I mite look to men before I go out. I want to look good, but not too attractive to men as I'm straight.:straightface:

My questions to dressers, or GGs who go out, r:

Do u think about attracting folks when you're out? Or like many men, r u as oblivious to that possibility as I used to be?

If u r aware of being attractive and working at it, who r u trying to attract?:battingeyelashes:

[ArleneRaquel]

I live as a female so when I dress and leave the homestead I have no feeling one way or the other if I attract attention. If a man notices and comments favorably I feel great, but I'm also worried about his vision. Ladies that I met when I'm Arlene are very kind and very talkative, both traits I adore and I feel so good after I have such an encounter. :)

[Kate Simmons]

Nope, just trying to look nice RS. The attraction would be the icing on the cake though.:battingeyelashes::)

[Jana]

I was totally oblivious to that. Even after I started going out enfemme, I dressed strictly for me. However, one day I was window shopping at the mall and this guy went by and looked at me funny. At first I was angry because I thought I had been clocked. Coincidentally, that same day, on my way out, I noticed this other guy staring at my rack and then at my butt. Then it hit me: both men that day were checking me out. And I was wearing a casual outfit, jeans, sandals, a blouse showing almost zero cleavage. It was just hillarious because I never thought I'd even pass, let alone be considered attractive as a girl. Anyway, aside from the fact that it amuses me, I don't dress in a particular way to attract any kind of male attention, as I'm not into men either. I continue to dress for myself, perhaps just a bit more aware of my surroundings... lol.

[reb.femme]

For those of us that are straight, I suppose this is the ultimate conundrum.

Trying to look like a girl (for an oldie in her early 50s) and assuming we look anything girl-ilke to the world at large, would almost certainly result in attracting male attention. I haven't really given too much thought to this Sherry, but will have to from now on. Bit on the slow side you know!

Up to now, my only real thought, if it should happen, is to advise Rover that he is definitely barking up the wrong tree. Not looking for male attention at all, but I would have to be very naive in retrospect, thinking this will not happen. I'm hoping to go out en femme with my wife before too long, so attracting male or female attention is likely to get me a thick lip too :heehee:.

Therefore, it's looking like dress down for out, dress up for home :sad:.

Rebecca

[ClosetED]

Is "Attract" the right word? Or are you hoping to get affirmation, acceptance, attention as a feminine person? Or even better, as a good looking person? You can enjoy the attention and not have to desire the person sexually.

[Karren H]

If I were trying to attract someone.... anyone.... for any purpose...... to date i've done a piss poor job!

[Lynn Marie]

I'm not trying to attract anyone, but I do. It's pretty easy to attract women at LGBT clubs and elsewhere. For some reason they find me unthreatening when dressed and love to tease and talk and hang out. It's really a lot of fun, but so far these women have way too much baggage for me to put up with.

Men are respectful and occasionally compliment and on rare occasions ask me out. I'm thrilled, but in truth, "I'm just not that kind of girl". I'm not even sure men make all that good of a distinction between gg's and CD's!

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I hope to "look nice", which I would characterize as dressing in a style thats appropriate for the situation and becoming of a woman in her VERY late 40s ;) and to be presentable if not pretty. I am not interested in attracting a potential companion. I'm happily married.

That being said, I have been surprised on several occassions that I have attracted some attention - but not from me, from women. I was oblivious to the possibility that any women I met in a LGBT bar might be interested in a tall, rather obviously male CDr. But, its happened several times in the past year. Although I've passed on these opportunities, I have been very flattered and made several friends in the process.

[Foxglove]

I like to look good, but I dress for myself. Two or three women have told me I look good, and that's very flattering, but I'm not trying to attract guys. Not interested in them.

Annabelle

[TonyaV]

Strictly for me. Compliments are always welcome, though!

[bridget thronton]

Honestly I select clothes that make me feel good about my self. Not really dressing to start a realtionship (other than friendship)

[bobbie c]

fun question doc.....I dress for me first and yes I look in the mirror and see what others might see. do I like to look sexy , cute and attractive...heck yes! and if that attacts compliments,interest,and smiles from either women or males then thank you...I'll take all the help I can get! keeping in mind I pretty much stay with the lbgt places...it's all fun and heck I worked hard at it!!! proud of who and what I am...smile

[Kati F]

Like many have said, I dress for me first. If someone (male or female) finds me attractive... they made my day! ;)

[AllieSF]

Yes, a fun question. I don't dress to attract, though I do dress to be attractive. Just like you said, I dress to emulate a woman's style or styles that I like experimenting with different looks now and then. Now if someone finds me attractive, I would take that as a compliment and nothing more. I ma just happy being me.

[Cindy J Angel]

Well i went to look like a ladie and i try to walk and talk. So yes i do dress a little sexy but on the blend side of that. and yes i would love to have man look. That would put the stamp on my day. but most of the time no body pay enty ation at all. lv cindy

[Stephanie47]

Sherry, you cannot stop everyone from having designs on you. Some women may find you an attractive male, while others will pass you by. Some men will be attracted to you, when presenting as a male. Some men will be attracted to you, when presenting as a woman.

I am an in home cross dresser, who has gone out alone on occasion. When I buy my en femme clothing I buy them to please me. If I were to go out en femme, I would be attired to please my inner self and not a man or woman.

When I lived in New York on several occasions men did actually approach me while I was commuting in to work on the NYC subway. Once I was pole holding with my wife. She did not appreciate his advances. Once one offered to perform oral sex on me. Brazen to say the least! People hit on others all the time. It seems it like casting for fish. Most of the time you don't hook a fish, but, sometimes it makes it all worth while when you hook the big one.

[kendra_gurl]

I dress to attract myself. I know that my sound a little odd but in reality I dress in the same fashion that women do that I find attractive. In doing this I guess you could say then that I dress to attract other men except for the fact that I have no interest in other men. I do admit that approving looks, compliments, or just knowing I'm being checked out by men or women validates that I have suceeded in the look I am tyring to create

[SissySandi]

When I first started dressing as a youngster it was purely for the fun of it! It made me feel comfortable and sexy! When I discovered I was Bi-Sexual I started dressing in a way I thought would be attractive to men. I have always dressed to look as attractive as I can for both men and women. I just feel better when I take special care of myself and pay attention to my dress and grooming whether I am in boy or girl mode.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The person I am hoping to attract is... well... myself. If there were women that might find me attractive dressed, I might dress in a way they find attractive. Since the vast, vast majority of women are not attracted to men who dress and therefore the pool of available partners I am interested in is virtually zero, I have only myself to dress to attract.

I like to dress nicely and I hope people appreciate the effort I put into my appearance when I am dressed at least, and I appreciate complements on that.

[~Joanne~]

While I have only been out three times fully enfemme I attracted a cop, does that count? lol

Seriously though, on my third time out I went to a CD friendly shop to purchase a few things and to get help with my wig. There was an older guy in the store, at the register purchasing ??? and he was staring a hole through me. I clearly attracted his attention, whether it was good or not, I may never know.

I dress to dress though, I am not out to attract anyone's attention one way or the other. Male or female.

[Lorileah]

Do u think about attracting folks when you're out? Or like many men, r u as oblivious to that possibility as I used to be? I very much dress to be attractive. Men or women. If I didn't want the attention, I could just stay home dressed like a guy with one hand down the front of my shorts. But I do try and dress in a more classy and sophisticated way verses glaring sexuality. I am painfully aware of how I look when I am out, I don't want to perpetuate a stereotype or present in a negative manner.


If u r aware of being attractive and working at it, who r u trying to attract?:battingeyelashes:

I am trying to attract someone who I can go out with and be with. Someone who is attractive and kind and nice. Someone who likes to be seen with me and is not afraid of what others will say. I have met several people, both male and female, who have filled that niche. And amazingly, they have all been fun to be around

[Michelle (Oz)]

I do try and dress in a more classy and sophisticated way verses glaring sexuality.

My aim too. Though, as per my avatar, my dressing age hasn't caught up with my biological age (60+) and I hope it never will.

Mind you the one wolf whistle did give the ego a boost. Thankfully a car of young fellows some distance away.

[heatherdress]

When I venture out, I try not to attract anyone's attention. As said in My Cousin Vinny, I try to "blend".

[Mikaela]

I try to be attractive to feel good about myself. I don't try to attract other people.
Being in a relationship with someone who loves me both ways, does add a bit more to the equation because I care what she thinks.

[KellyJameson]

Try a different perspective Doc.

Forget about how you classify yourself as being straight because that has nothing to do with it and will ony prevent you from seeing another truth.

Attraction is about power not sex but sex can be used as power.

Think of the rush an entertainer experiences when on stage and everyone is screaming their name. In that moment they feel immortal because the feeling of their own power is so great they feel invincible and beyond death so is a spiritual experience.

Beauty and muscles are two forms of power as is being famous so it is the power we all crave.

Life is based on power. Death on the absence of power.

Immortality on the giving away of power which Gandi understood.

Being beautiful is a very powerful experience and it is this power you are feeling when people find you attractive. The power of affecting them sexually underscores your own power or lack of it, to use or be used.

Everything starts with the power to cause affect or the power to respond to affect.

Who is more powerful the prostitute or the customer? It depends on who has more power.

[Angela Campbell]

I don't really attempt to attract anyone, especially a man. It would be nice to be noticed and accepted by a woman, but I am not looking for any relationships at all. Not even a one night stand. All I do is try to be as pretty as I can.

[justmetoo]

I dress for myself. Not to attract anyone. I do not want any attention from guys, but wouldn't mind a bit from women.

[suchacutie]

One of the lovely things about being married to a wonderful wife is the only person whom I'm interested in attracting in any way is her! That fact makes Tina's life incredibly free since she doesn't care what anyone else thinks!

:)

[Debra Russell]

Attention is an affermation and desirable thing but I only dress for my self but on a few occasions when a stray male eye glances in an admiring way it feels nice, any compliment a lady throws my way is cherrished........................Debra

[erika_kerrie]

First off, yes I dress for myself, now having said that if I am out and a man notices me, then that's great...as long as he is polite about it. When I was younger and I went out to tg clubs I would try to dress like a college girl my age would dress so I guess yes I did dress to attract men, especially considering how visual men are. But most importantly I dressed for myself and to feel good about myself.

Cheers,

[Confetti]

Probally have no business posting but, the person I was crazy over we met at a halloween party and was interesting well dressed above all striking, it was obvious a cd but I was smitten. So you dolls must do it to be happy and will find admiration by all.

[becky77]

We are just trying our best to conform to the current medias fashion idea of female beauty. My wife goes out for the night with friends the last thing on her mind is to attract the attention of other men, so does she dress down and wear no makeup, of course not because she still wants to look her best, but what is her best? What is the bench mark? In my opinion looking 'attractive' is not the same as trying to attract someone.
You may not want someone to be attracted to you sexually but its very nice to be complimented or admired. How would I feel if a good looking man made an advance on me? Very, very flattered and happy, as someone else said it validates my efforts. How would I feel in drab mode, still flattered but much more uncomfortable, don't ask me why, i'm still way confused lol.

[AllisontheGoddess]

I generally dress to please myself. With that being said I dress in what I find attractive. Usuay what I find attractive --other men seem to find that attractive as well, but that's not really my intention. I've attracted men before but that's not really what I'm in to so I just take it as a compliment and keep it movin. I just love being me and seeing THAT side of me and I think she's beautiful and don't care what anyone else has to say about her .

[Alice B]

Interesting post Sherry. I've never given it any thought about attracting men when dressed and out, but it has happened a few times. Like you, at our age I can't help but think it is a compliment. But, I see it as nothing more. I always make it clear that I'm a cross dresser only, happily married and not interested in any thing else. Have never been really hasseled, but have a couple of insistant drunks that still tried, but have never steped over the line. I truly enjoy my time dressed and love going out, but to what I consider safe venues. I want to look as best as possible and being honest with myself enjoy the attention.

[carhill2mn]

When I go out I am not trying to "attract" anyone. My goal is to look nice, enjoy myself and to be treated as a lady by everyone.

[mersades]

I agree with Allisonthegodess. I dress to please myself. I enjoy the feel of boobs; walking in heels; wearing lipstick, a dress or skirt; and jewelery; and having a nice hairdo. I prefer the company of women and other CDs. My idea of a perfect evening would be to dress to the nines and go out for dinner with four of five of my fellow members here.

[drushin703]

Honestly, it frightens me. When any sexual advance is pending I wan't to say, "Hey man, don't you know i'm a guy"! But to that, some might say, why go out
at all and if so, why pantyhose and short skirts? I fully understand me from a cd perspective,live fully on both sides of the spectrum, am NOT bothered by
the contradiction but just don't understand what you can get out of a straight guy in a dress........ dana

[AlyssaE12]

I dress to be attractive to me first: that means looking like a woman my age who has a hip, student like style. basically like the women i meet and encounter in most of guy mode life. But I do like the idea of others being attracted to me, be they women or men. But i do know, that when I am dressed, I think more of how I would see me when I am in guy mode and most of the time i think, hey that girl is pretty. but maybe im just vain, lol.

[Rogina B]

That is how I see it as well.You don't have to go to bed with everyone that likes you!
Is "Attract" the right word? Or are you hoping to get affirmation, acceptance, attention as a feminine person? Or even better, as a good looking person? You can enjoy the attention and not have to desire the person sexually.

[AmyGaleRT]

I haven't been out in enough situations where this would be a problem, but I do know that I dress to look feminine and to please myself first. (Myself-as-guy, or myself-as-Amy? Probably a bit of both.) I suppose that, if I then attract the attention of men along the way, I should feel complimented. If one of them gets a little too forward, thankfully, I have an "out": I can just flash my engagement ring at them. Hopefully then the dialogue will go something like this:

Guy: I'm sorry, I didn't realize. No offense.
Amy: None taken. Thanks for the compliment, though! (cheery smile)

or:

Guy: Your fiance is/must be a lucky man!
Amy: You don't know the half of it. (disarming smile)

But I certainly wouldn't be trying to "pick up" anybody; my fiancee is plenty for me to handle, and she can get insanely jealous. :heehee:

- Amy

[Ceri Anne]

I try to dress attractivly, and enjoy when others notice. I enjoy the flirting, but am dressing for myself primarily. I mostly enjoy emulating as best I can the qualities I most admire in women. Their grace, style and mannerisms. I've been hit on by guys and girls (that was the big shock) and have made many friends of both sexes, but I dont try to hook up, just flirt and have fun expressing my fem side.

[noeleena]

Hi,

For my self im seen for what i hope any way is as a normal woman , i expect people to treat me for who i am. & because of being well known in the main i am,

I treat people with a hi how are you. & be friendly towards them male or female. when your in the public domain for myself its a bit different , at first some people will be unsure about myself because im not very female looking infact very ...not...

For many thier thinking will be is this person a male or female, till i interact with them they really wont know, i dont conform to how a female should look yet some will think i am a woman any way, so there is no hard & fast you are with out a dought a female/ woman. so its about getting to know me first & clothes really dont come in to this ,

Yes i have nice clothes, & i get nice comments its just this first impression of what am i. & to really make it easy i would never be asked by any men to go out with them. yet women & girls are safe around me. they sence in me a safe haven as a friend or just to be close to. & Jos can tell you that as well.

And im not interested in men & never have or will be ever,

as iv said before if i were to turn up at say the big crossdressers convention & see the many who would pass like being a woman & you see me, itll be ummm you wont fit in here, id be embarissed to be around yous, i would feel so out of it, & i know i would not feel at home, hey iv been in that position i know what its like, 6 months ago it happened,

I was in charge of the photography. yet i felt so out of what was going on. all i can say is some of us dont have that passability, i dont . yet i talked to others with out a problem who had nothing at all to do with that weekend, or the others that were part of the get together.

So the bottom line is im at home with my women friends, because im a woman it works,

...noeleena...

[Cheryl T]

I dress only for myself. I don't try to 'attract' anyone.
I've had compliments and it's been flattering of course, but it's never been the intent or desire.

[Beverley Sims]

I always dressed to look sharp.
I wanted women to envy how I looked and as this was successful men were attracted to me as well.
At any gathering they were soon informed that I was not all they intended me to be. :)
Occasionally one individual was not informed and I would extricate myself from his clutches.
I dress to pass and look like a lady these days.
The less I attract the better.

[ReineD]

My questions to dressers, or GGs who go out, r:

Do u think about attracting folks when you're out? Or like many men, r u as oblivious to that possibility as I used to be?

If u r aware of being attractive and working at it, who r u trying to attract?:battingeyelashes:

When I was single, I did think about dressing to attract men. I didn't dress like a hooker or anything, but there was a difference between my style of dress when going out with girlfriends (you never know who you'll meet), and just going to a girlfriend's house for pizza and a movie.

When I was married, in the early years before my kids were born, I was interested in attracting my husband. After my kids were born my style changed subtly. I still enjoyed dressing stylishly when my husband and I went out, but there was less focus on the "sexy factor" than before. This all came back after we separated and I was interested in attracting my SO. lol

Most women will say they dress for themselves and this is true, if they are not looking for a mate. But, if you compare general style trends, you'll see a difference between the single women in a nightclub or single girlfriends who are out for dinner together, and women who are attached and not looking, even if it is subtle. Also, different styles are attractive to different groups. For example in the biker crowd, women feel they are sexy when they wear entirely different clothing than women who work in more conservative offices.

That said, I think that CDers (generally) dress for different reasons than do GGs. There is more of a "kick" involved in appearing as a beautiful woman for it's own sake, whether it is to attract a man or not. It is more "self-focused" in my opinion than "other-focused" when a GG who would not dress seductively just to stay home or share a pizza with a girlfriend, wants to dress in her version of what she defines as seductive in order to attract a mate.

[BiancaEstrella]

I dress as a form of self-expression for me. I appreciate compliments wherever they come from, but sexual approval isn't my goal nor is it something I actively lobby for.

[sometimes_miss]

For those of us that are straight, I suppose this is the ultimate conundrum.

Trying to look like a girl (for an oldie in her early 50s) and assuming we look anything girl-ilke to the world at large, would almost certainly result in attracting male attention. I haven't really given too much thought to this Sherry, but will have to from now on. Bit on the slow side you know!

Up to now, my only real thought, if it should happen, is to advise Rover that he is definitely barking up the wrong tree. Not looking for male attention at all, but I would have to be very naive in retrospect, thinking this will not happen. I'm hoping to go out en femme with my wife before too long, so attracting male or female attention is likely to get me a thick lip too :heehee:.

Therefore, it's looking like dress down for out, dress up for home :sad:.

Rebecca

^this. Even more so, I'm not likely to be sexually attractive to anyone when dressed as a female, I wind up as more of a caraciture, and old guy in a young girl outfit. Just going to look odd no matter what you do with it. Well, maybe I'd be o.k. in a driving rainstorm in the middle of the night wearing a long black coat, wearing gloves, boots and holding a huge umbrella close over my head.

[dallasmann]

I like attracting masculine women or women who have a desire for feminine boys and girly girls.

[Jane P]

I view this question as the ultimate problem for me going out. I would not want to appear as though I wanted to attract male attention , but as a man I constantly notice women wherever I am , I do not pursue and try not to stare , but I do notice. There are those that tend to attract more attention than others though , I guess the trick is not to be anywhere near that person and no one should give you more than a second glance.

[Shananigans]

There are advantages to being attractive that go beyond just gaining sexual attention. Overall, people tend to have more favorable attitudes towards people who are attractive. It sucks...but, there are too many studies out there to deny the truth in this. But, at the same time, being attractive (especially as a female) can be harmful in certain areas...especially male dominated fields. So, it's kind of a balance of being attractive...but, not looking *too* attractive when you are trying to elbow your way into the Boy's Club. I have noticed that I wore a completely different style of clothes when I was peddling my research to people. It wasn't exactly a conscious effort...but, in the back of my mind I realized that I was going to be taken more seriously if I downplayed my sexual attraction. But, the other end of the sword is that you still want to be attractive lol...because, again, it is advantageous to be attractive. My SO and some guy friends were horrified by a conversation that I was having with my best girlfriends...essentially, we were talking about how we would not want to be an unattractive female in this society...it feels many times like I have to be beautiful, smart, funny, sexy. I can't just be smart or funny....BECAUSE I am a woman, it's like I will always be judged arbitrarily on my appearance. So, I was just talking with my girlfriends about how that feels...we were talking about how hard it would be to be "unattractive"...and, we were talking about the pressures to be everything bottled into one. My boyfriend was a little disappointed in this conversation until he found this article http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html and read #4 on the list, describing the Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. He finally understood what we were talking about after that.

So, in response to your question...it depends. I feel like I need to look attractive, because I am expected to be beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy...I can't just be one of those things...but, if society were going to choose one thing for all women to be (if we could only be one thing), it would probably be that women need to be attractive above all else. Why? Because, no matter what you do as a woman....no matter how powerful you are...you will still be judged VERY critically on your looks...even if "beauty" has really no real value in your field/work ethic (like the Supreme Court Justice, for example).

Yeah, I feel like I have to look good for some reason. But, at the same time, I am told that if I am too sexy, no one will take me seriously. So, it's essentially a balancing act. When I go out of the house in the morning, I try my best to look good. But, there are many mornings that I am worried about my outfit looking too good.

And, if I am going out with my friends, I am really not dressing for male approval. If I was desperate for male attention, I'd just walk out the door naked. Heck...I bet I could roll up to the bar tonight in Pajama Jeans and a sweatshirt and still find someone that wants to have sex with me. Finding sexual attention from men is the easiest part lol. It's balancing this role that society has placed on me that is the real killer...and, I couldn't imagine how frustrating it would be to be extremely successful, but criticized by everyone based on an "ugly" appearance. So, yeah, if I am going out with the girls....rarely is it that I am dressing up to gain sexual attention from men. Usually, I am trying to dress similar to my friends. I have had the weirdest fights with my girlfriends over one person not telling the other person that she was "getting dressed up tonight." And, it's not even a fight so much as it's just annoyance. So, to resolve all of that, there is usually a phone call before we all go out that surveys all of our outfits. It's a weird ritual and I am not entirely sure why we do it...other than we are all going to be judged when we go out at night, and no one wants someone saying that they are the "ugly one" of the group. It's crap.

I remember one day in class....it was probably 3rd grade or so...and, all of the kids were writing about the "super power" that they would possess (if he/she could have one). You had your standard breathe under water, fly, become invisible...but, because I was a very strange child, I chose that my super power would be to be so powerful that people would fear me. As you could imagine, this was not the correct answer lol...or, it wasn't the answer that the teacher wanted. I remember an awkward parent-teacher meeting where this "super power" was discussed...and, as the teacher described her "worry" for me, my mom countered the argument by asking if the "super power" would have been "inappropriate" if a male had written it. Before the teacher could answer, my mom continued that it would probably be funny if a boy wrote it...maybe even that boy would grow up to be some incredibly powerful CEO. For some reason, a compromise was made...the teacher simply could not put my inappropriate super power description up on the wall with all the other super powers...it was supposed to be cute...you were supposed to draw a picture of yourself flying in the clouds...not standing on top of the world with a smug expression on your face. So, I had to do the assignment over...and, the next time around, my super power was to possess people's minds...but, not to read their minds...I basically wrote about how I would hack into people's minds and sway their opinions. In actuality, this was probably the beginning stages of me becoming a smart ass...and, the picture of a girl staring into a teacher's head and having the thought bubble of "A+" pop into that teacher's mind only solidified it. But, at least I didn't draw a picture of the teacher being mind-possessed and putting up the picture of my old super power lol. Anyway, it kind of bothered me what my mom said...I didn't really have much of a concept of gender roles at this age...but, I figured them out pretty quickly...the other girls had super powers that would grow their hair ridiculously long (lame), become a fairy (not even a super power), and be the most beautiful girl in the world (don't get me started on that girl). The boys were flying around (why we have planes), breathing under water (we can scuba dive), become invisible (this kid will grow up to be a perv). It was just ridiculous...I realized that girls were supposed to not do ANYTHING cool...like, seriously, grow out your HAIR???...THAT'S your power??? No one called a conference on her...no one called the parents in concern that their child was acting like an idiot. Nope...it was appropriate...Why?...Because, that's what little girls are supposed to care about. And, when you get older, you learn that you need to be attractive...you will be judged by your sex appeal, no matter what you do...BUT, beware of being perceived as a skank or completely vapid. Dressing to get sex appeal from men??...Pfftt...Chances are that if your only goal is sex, you can get it no matter what. It's a bit more complicated than just that. So, that's why I try to look attractive when I go out...but, depending on the scene, I might try to look "not too sexy."

Also, I got my super power...not the mind control one...the one about people fearing me. I have a whole set of first year clinical students that seem to think I am the ruler of our unit...I'm not even sure how it happened. But, thanks to one of the guys in the group, I was told that it was "weird for a hot girl to be giving him the 'stink eye' about not about not know the patho of his patient's diagnosis." This was the same guy that broke sterile field about a million times on his validations and had to start over each time...finally, after he took a "mental break," one of the professors said it might be best if another one of the girls acted as the observing nurse for the simulation. I won...I was feared...and, I apparently looked good doing it...and, I did it all in scrubs and a ponytail.

["Mary"]

Is "Attract" the right word? Or are you hoping to get affirmation, acceptance, attention as a feminine person? Or even better, as a good looking person? You can enjoy the attention and not have to desire the person sexually.

I'd agree on this view.

[irene9999]

I'm not sure I'd say I dress to "attract men", I dress for myself and try to look as feminine as possible. Having said that, I do find other CDs attractive and don't mind looking good for them. As far as men go I'd say I'm flattered by the attention but that's not the reason why I dress.

[docrobbysherry]

Is "Attract" the right word? Or are you hoping to get affirmation, acceptance, attention as a feminine person? Or even better, as a good looking person? You can enjoy the attention and not have to desire the person sexually.
R u talking about me or yourself, ClosetED? If u don't dress to attract anyone, just say so! I'm NOT a feminine person in any way, shape, or form! I'm obviously an old man in a dress when I'm out.

Actually, my use of the word "attract" was toned down so that others mite respond. What I would have preferred to say was; "smokin', sexy, hot"!




Jeez, I've missed u, Shana! Your inputs give me and probably many others, the closest thing we'll ever get to understanding how women think!

There are advantages to being attractive that go beyond just gaining sexual attention. Overall, people tend to have more favorable attitudes towards people who are attractive. It sucks...but, there are too many studies out there to deny the truth in this. But, at the same time, being attractive (especially as a female) can be harmful in certain areas...especially male dominated fields. So, it's kind of a balance of being attractive...but, not looking *too* attractive when you are trying to elbow your way into the Boy's Club. I have noticed that I wore a completely different style of clothes when I was peddling my research to people. It wasn't exactly a conscious effort...but, in the back of my mind I realized that I was going to be taken more seriously if I downplayed my sexual attraction. But, the other end of the sword is that you still want to be attractive lol...because, again, it is advantageous to be attractive. My SO and some guy friends were horrified by a conversation that I was having with my best girlfriends...essentially, we were talking about how we would not want to be an unattractive female in this society...it feels many times like I have to be beautiful, smart, funny, sexy. I can't just be smart or funny....BECAUSE I am a woman, it's like I will always be judged arbitrarily on my appearance. So, I was just talking with my girlfriends about how that feels...we were talking about how hard it would be to be "unattractive"...and, we were talking about the pressures to be everything bottled into one. My boyfriend was a little disappointed in this conversation until he found this article http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html and read #4 on the list, describing the Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. He finally understood what we were talking about after that.

So, in response to your question...it depends. I feel like I need to look attractive, because I am expected to be beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy...I can't just be one of those things...but, if society were going to choose one thing for all women to be (if we could only be one thing), it would probably be that women need to be attractive above all else. Why? Because, no matter what you do as a woman....no matter how powerful you are...you will still be judged VERY critically on your looks...even if "beauty" has really no real value in your field/work ethic (like the Supreme Court Justice, for example).

Yeah, I feel like I have to look good for some reason. But, at the same time, I am told that if I am too sexy, no one will take me seriously. So, it's essentially a balancing act. When I go out of the house in the morning, I try my best to look good. But, there are many mornings that I am worried about my outfit looking too good.

And, if I am going out with my friends, I am really not dressing for male approval. If I was desperate for male attention, I'd just walk out the door naked. Heck...I bet I could roll up to the bar tonight in Pajama Jeans and a sweatshirt and still find someone that wants to have sex with me. Finding sexual attention from men is the easiest part lol. It's balancing this role that society has placed on me that is the real killer...and, I couldn't imagine how frustrating it would be to be extremely successful, but criticized by everyone based on an "ugly" appearance. So, yeah, if I am going out with the girls....rarely is it that I am dressing up to gain sexual attention from men. Usually, I am trying to dress similar to my friends. I have had the weirdest fights with my girlfriends over one person not telling the other person that she was "getting dressed up tonight." And, it's not even a fight so much as it's just annoyance. So, to resolve all of that, there is usually a phone call before we all go out that surveys all of our outfits. It's a weird ritual and I am not entirely sure why we do it...other than we are all going to be judged when we go out at night, and no one wants someone saying that they are the "ugly one" of the group. It's crap.

I remember one day in class....it was probably 3rd grade or so...and, all of the kids were writing about the "super power" that they would possess (if he/she could have one). You had your standard breathe under water, fly, become invisible...but, because I was a very strange child, I chose that my super power would be to be so powerful that people would fear me. As you could imagine, this was not the correct answer lol...or, it wasn't the answer that the teacher wanted. I remember an awkward parent-teacher meeting where this "super power" was discussed...and, as the teacher described her "worry" for me, my mom countered the argument by asking if the "super power" would have been "inappropriate" if a male had written it. Before the teacher could answer, my mom continued that it would probably be funny if a boy wrote it...maybe even that boy would grow up to be some incredibly powerful CEO. For some reason, a compromise was made...the teacher simply could not put my inappropriate super power description up on the wall with all the other super powers...it was supposed to be cute...you were supposed to draw a picture of yourself flying in the clouds...not standing on top of the world with a smug expression on your face. So, I had to do the assignment over...and, the next time around, my super power was to possess people's minds...but, not to read their minds...I basically wrote about how I would hack into people's minds and sway their opinions. In actuality, this was probably the beginning stages of me becoming a smart ass...and, the picture of a girl staring into a teacher's head and having the thought bubble of "A+" pop into that teacher's mind only solidified it. But, at least I didn't draw a picture of the teacher being mind-possessed and putting up the picture of my old super power lol. Anyway, it kind of bothered me what my mom said...I didn't really have much of a concept of gender roles at this age...but, I figured them out pretty quickly...the other girls had super powers that would grow their hair ridiculously long (lame), become a fairy (not even a super power), and be the most beautiful girl in the world (don't get me started on that girl). The boys were flying around (why we have planes), breathing under water (we can scuba dive), become invisible (this kid will grow up to be a perv). It was just ridiculous...I realized that girls were supposed to not do ANYTHING cool...like, seriously, grow out your HAIR???...THAT'S your power??? No one called a conference on her...no one called the parents in concern that their child was acting like an idiot. Nope...it was appropriate...Why?...Because, that's what little girls are supposed to care about. And, when you get older, you learn that you need to be attractive...you will be judged by your sex appeal, no matter what you do...BUT, beware of being perceived as a skank or completely vapid. Dressing to get sex appeal from men??...Pfftt...Chances are that if your only goal is sex, you can get it no matter what. It's a bit more complicated than just that. So, that's why I try to look attractive when I go out...but, depending on the scene, I might try to look "not too sexy."

Also, I got my super power...not the mind control one...the one about people fearing me. I have a whole set of first year clinical students that seem to think I am the ruler of our unit...I'm not even sure how it happened. But, thanks to one of the guys in the group, I was told that it was "weird for a hot girl to be giving him the 'stink eye' about not about not know the patho of his patient's diagnosis." This was the same guy that broke sterile field about a million times on his validations and had to start over each time...finally, after he took a "mental break," one of the professors said it might be best if another one of the girls acted as the observing nurse for the simulation. I won...I was feared...and, I apparently looked good doing it...and, I did it all in scrubs and a ponytail.
Your post hi-lited for me some of the reasons I dress as I do. I want to see someone in my mirror who is ALL WOMAN! With everything I'm VISUALLY attracted to: shapely, pretty, sexy, erotic, hot, teasing, tempting, and ultimately available.

Would I want a REAL woman that looked that way but didn't have the other attributes u mentioned: smart, funny, good company, affectionate, with a sense of humor? Maybe for an evening or a weekend, but no more. Been there, done that and was nearly bored to death! Looks aren't everything in a steady companion.

So, why do I enjoy Sherry just being a pretty face, (and etc. Ha ha!) The answer's obvious after reading your post. That's all she can give me!

One other important thing I learned from your post, Shana. From now on, I'm asking the other girls what they're going to wear in advance to avoid the issues u mentioned. Mature men don't tend to think of that!

[ClosetED]

You were asking this community for their varied opinions, but I thought the word chosen "attract" might limit the views expressed and offered words with less emotional baggage to see if that would fit better with some. I also am interested in seeing what makes us the same and what makes us different across the spectrum here. And from your pictures, you certainly don't appear as an old man in a dress.

[Beverley Sims]

Well Doc! it's like this, I always dressed to impress, meaning dress well and have those around me be impressed as to what I can do.
When I was twenty I hung out with a group of girls, some of them in showbusiness, they encouraged me to dress like a girl and look as good as they did.
It worked and on one occasion I did did dress to attract boys, they wanted to set this guy up and take him down a peg.
Yes it worked and he was extremely embarrassed that he had been caught in the back seat of a car snogging a guy, no matter how attractive I was. :)
Other times Sherry, I always dressed how the girls wanted me to look, and that meant looking good to any one.

[NicoleScott]

For a very long time I made up and dressed for the mirror. Then I started going out a little, gradually coming out of the shadows but never going mainstream public. I know that as an over-the-top dresser I don't pass very well, but I like some attention, some validation that I did a good job at transforming. From spending a lot of time in AOL chatrooms over ten years ago and sharing some of my photos, I know that there are many people (mostly guys but some women, too) who like the over-the-top look. Even negative attention, like glares from GG's in public, seem to have some positive effect on me. While I like attention, the last thing I want is a hook-up. I went to a tg-friendly club in Florida, had a great time (even as I seen as an obvious crossdresser) and had many good conversations. One guy, however, said that he wanted to kiss me, and I had a very hard time trying to convince him that I was not there for a hook-up, just a crossdresser who wants to be out and about. I want to be seen as hot, pretty, sexy, and I want to be noticed, but nothing else.

[docrobbysherry]

You were asking this community for their varied opinions, but I thought the word chosen "attract" might limit the views expressed and offered words with less emotional baggage to see if that would fit better with some. I also am interested in seeing what makes us the same and what makes us different across the spectrum here. And from your pictures, you certainly don't appear as an old man in a dress.
Thank u for that, ClosetED. Most of the pics I post r taken at my home. Where I can wear my special faces and dress to attract only one person, ME!

I don't dress or look like that when I'm out in public. Because I don't wish to attract anyone, or too much attention. I wondered how many others considered that when they went out?

[Loni]

i try to dress nice, but not to attract any thoughts of maybe a "date". i have been asked but only by a "tranny" chaser.
so my main deal is to dress to blend in and not be noticed, as in like having a ball gown on in sears.


but ok for wal-mart. :-)


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