HS friend of my SO wants to be friends on FB

[Aloha Jayne]

I can't figure this out. I got a friend request on my facebook page from a guy my SO went to high school with. I've met him, and his wife. But as far as I know, he has no idea that I'm a CD. And there is nothing on my FB page that would indicate who I really am.

So that begs these questions:

1. How did he find me? Was he trolling for CD's and put 2 & 2 together? Has my SO told him about my CDing? She claims she hasn't. And she is not aware of my FB page.

2. Why does he want to be friends with me? Is he just trying to tell me that he knows something secret. Does he have other CD friends, is he a CD himself?

3. Should I accept his request? If I do, then it will be very easy for my wife to figure out who I am. btw, I am out to my wife, but I keep this site and my facebook presence to myself for the time being. It's a long story, so look at my earlier posts if you want to know more.

4. If he does know that I'm a CD, does that mean everyone my SO knows, knows?

I'm really curious, and can't figure out what to do.

Aloha Jayne

[Leah Lynn]

I'm not sure what to do, but it does sound creepy. I think I'd pass on the friending.

[stacycoral]

Aloha, i don't do facebook, me girl, i problemly would not accept him as a friend, for safety, and keep your secret as best as possible, good luck girl, hugs.

[shellie marie]

if you r wife did tell all her friends,without you knowing sounds like she has broken a trust isue?

[**Sasha**]

Who are you on your Facebook? If you are your alter ego (en femme), then you are pretty much busted, but I would ignore it anyway. My facebook page is of my male self for this exact reason!

[~Joanne~]

Facebook has many different algorithms (sp?) running in the background. It has face recognition, and my ghostry brings up 17 things happening behind the scenes that I wouldn't know about if I didn't run it. Any one of these things could identify you, or that your a CD, or a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend....you get the point lol

For these reasons alone, I do not use facebook. Sooner or later it will out you if your not very careful. If your wife hasn't said anything, and you have no mutual friends between your femme self and your wife, then I would more than likely think he's looking to make connections to a crossdresser. His finding you, may just be purely by chance.

I'd pass on friending him but that's totally up to you. will curiosity kill the cat? we'll find out lol

[Deedee Skyblue]

Facebook continues to track your actions even when you are not logged in. I use a different browser for FaceBook than the rest of my web use, just so FaceBook can't track me. But once, just to see what would happen, I went to crossdresser.com with my 'facebook browser'. You know those ads that run along the right side of FB? They now show my ads for crossdressing stores! FB has also suggested as friends people I just barely knew in high school - for example, a guy who was a senior when I was a freshman, with whom I have no current friends in common. I find it fascinating; I'd really like to see some kind of visual representation of how FaceBook figures out what ads to show me and what people to try to connect to me.

(oh - and algorithms is spelled correctly...)

[Lady Catherine]

I use a different browser for Catherine then I do for Glen just to keep all cross over to a minimum.

Maybe, if you feel adventurous, you could PM him and try to figure things out. I do strongly suggest you have no common friends between male and female facebook pages. Good luck with this one.

[cd_wunders]

Aloha Jayne, if you got a friend request from someone you know, you have to ask these questions to yourself first.
a) Do any of your friends on your facebook account know the real you?
b) Are there any common friends in your facebook account and his?
c) Is your facebook page that identifies the account holder as a crossdresser?
d) Is your SO friends with your facebook account and him? If (d) is true then it has the highest probability of you being randomly picked as a friend suggestion. The truth is that there is nothing as 'random' in computers. So, there is some tiny shred of information like your email id or any resemblance to it that the algorithms found a common link to and suggested you as a friend.
If the answer to (b) is yes, it is just the way facebook algorithms operate. I get friend requests from people I have not heard of even once. You would be surprised to know that it takes very few links to connect any two people or two objects in the universe.
If it were me I would just ignore the request. There is a bigger chance of your friend curious about crossdressing himself that your SO betraying you.

[rachel_rachel]

I'm openly out on a few closed groups on FB, I admin those groups too. Am i worried that i might be found out? Yes, do i care? unless it's family, no.

[DanaR]

I think that I would pass, but I don't do Facebook anyway. Too much potential for bad things to happen.

[Krististeph]

I can find nearly anyone born in the US. Facebook is one of my LAST resorts.
I do not mix facebook with my work, school, CD or several other interests.
I know i am paranoid, but the question is: am I paranoid enough?
Always pay attention to you instincts. Choose caution first.
PMs are a good way to flesh someone out- but not a guarantee.
Personally, i'm more suited to "Jerk-book", i'm cynical and defensive. But that is what i needed to be comfortable growing up.
on the plus side, it is nearly 2013, and if anyone give you shit about being CD- shove them! Say 'yeah, so what?' and that will stop 90 % of the arguments right there. You have more friends here than you will ever get on facetube...

[Beverley Sims]

Danger! Danger! Will Robinson!
I steer clear of Facebook on all accounts.

[Aloha Jayne]

Thanks to everyone for your insights. I may need to delete my FB account it looks like. Even though I am very careful to not have any references to me IRL. I do not share any friends that are mutial with my SO, and there is no personal information about who I am, where I work, or live.

Even so.....if facebook was able to somehow match me with one of my SO's friends that I have only met once and barely know, then the bigger question is......why him??? Why hasn't any of the other 100 or so mutial friends of my SO found me? And why is he contacting me? I know there are no answers to this question without knowing the particulars of the situation, it just makes me really curious about what he knows and what he is up to!!!!!!

[Kate Simmons]

FB is somewhat of an "odd duck" sometimes Hon. I have my regular and femme accounts and mutual friends on both. Sometimes I post comments back to back in both guises. No one seems to notice, or if they do they don't say anything. If you have nothing to lose, like myself, you have nothing to worry about. I always have fun with it in any case.:)

[kimdl93]

I don't know what I'd do. Are you identifiable on your FB page? Could he know who you are based on the information you provide or your picture? Also, I don't do FB, but if you friend him, doesn't that open your page to everyone he is connected with?

[TonyaV]

Jane - I have an idea. Why don't you have one of your CD friends from this Forum maybe, who has a FB account, try contact him and find out indirectly if he likes CD's or if he is one? Just an idea

[Alice B]

Asking to be a friend may well have nothing to do with your being a CD, unless he made reference to it. Many people like to gather as many friends as possible on facebook. I get 4-6 requests a week, often from new members of professional groups I belong to, or people from school. I usually do not respond.

[TonyaV]

Asking to be a friend may well have nothing to do with your being a CD, unless he made reference to it. Many people like to gather as many friends as possible on facebook. I get 4-6 requests a week, often from new members of professional groups I belong to, or people from school. I usually do not respond.

I agree, but what if she's concerned, even curious, and wants to know his possible motives? Exactly, she can have a CD, stranger to him, try to befriend him. If he accepts, then "we" can figure out his intentions.

[MeganHenry]

Ignore, ignore, ignore...something is rotten there.

[PretzelGirl]

Here is the way I look at it. If he knew something, don't you think there is a better way to bring it up rather than just friend you on Facebook? I am more in the middle on Facebook. You can have security issues with it if you don't use it smartly. But I think some of the concerns are well overblown. But when it comes down to it, what do you have to gain by accepting the friend request? Accepting friends is totally up to you and there are no trophies for having the most. So if you friend him and he didn't know, now he may just find out. All the other scenarios don't add a whole lot other than another person to chat with. So the easy answer is to ignore it and wait and see if he approaches you. This is certainly a situation to sit back and not force anything like asking him. If you do that and he didn't know, he will now.

[~Joanne~]

Jane - I have an idea. Why don't you have one of your CD friends from this Forum maybe, who has a FB account, try contact him and find out indirectly if he likes CD's or if he is one? Just an idea

This is a good idea, Maybe if enough girls contact him, he will wonder how they found him, and the like, the same as you are now wondering. Technically if FB matches people based upon what they look at while on the site or who they try to friend, then either he will have opened a can of worms or he is a CD and trying to make contacts and will accept every request sent to him.


Facebook continues to track your actions even when you are not logged in. I use a different browser for FaceBook than the rest of my web use, just so FaceBook can't track me.

(oh - and algorithms is spelled correctly...)

Yeah for me! +1 on spelling! I knew my edjumacation would pay off someday! lol

It has been proven that it does. Even logged off the site. Some countries are even trying to sue them for it. It happens because FB puts cookies and a few other things directly on to your PC. Though you may not have any problems currently with the accounts criss crossing, you may in the future no matter which browser you use for what.

One day you'll notice your femme self in the suggested friends box lol Then again, anything you put online has the chance of being found and such. Seriously, If everyone was closeted like me and wanted to be outted, this sure is a fine way to do it ;)

[Beth Wilde]

If you use your home location on FB, maybe he just likes CD/TG/TV people and saw you were nearby, see if you have mutual friends or if he has other CD etc friends. It's not always bad news :)

[NyssaF]

I understand your worries. My first thought would be that my wife had spilled the beans. My wife does have one friend that she has told about the dressing - without asking if it were okay with me. But we love her friend dearly, and I trust her. But still...