Is it us or is it them?

[SweetNikki]

Hi Everyone

My first post in this forum bit nervous to be honest but going to give it a go :battingeyelashes:

I have been a woman now 24/7 for 1 week & i feel great & this is how i felt since the age of 7 ( well earlier but that's a new story). Been up town now twice shopping with my wife (BilliebabeGG) & my 19 year old daughter. At first i was terrified & was looking at the floor for the first 15 mins but after i got my ears pierced & was treated really nice by the man who did them i got my head up & started to just be me.

Now it was a Wednesday & the town had a lot of people got a few strange looks but no comments but what i did notice is when i smiled at people or was polite like open a door etc. it seems everything changed towards me & it was like i wasn't a threat in fact it made me feel more accepted & it made the day go even better to a point i didn't want to go home.

So out i go this Monday & that was just even better even the ladies in Boots were nice so what i wanted to ask was Do you think its not how we look but our body language that gets us accepted? Or If we look like a nice person we get treated like a nice person?

:hugs: Nikki

[josee]

If you are confidant and present a positive attitude towards the world, you are more likely to get a positive reaction back. I think you proved that.
Looking presentable which you no doubt did with the input from two GG's helps in both your attitude and the way you are perceived.

[Saffron]

Definitely attitude is everything.

[kimdl93]

If people judged each other entirely by appearances, then the world would be a much less friendly place. In our own lives, we have friends and family members who are probably not handsome or pretty, but they are good, kind and warm-hearted people, that we love. In the same way, if we respond to the people we meet with a smile and good humor, its more than likely that others will respond in kind.

[DebbieL]

Men, women, and transgenders - EVERYBODY is assessed based on "Presentation", which is a combination of appearance, body language, confidence, and enthusiasm. Your mood is reflected in your presentation, and your mood can be changed by your presentation. When you first started out in your first trips out in public, it was all unknown, you didn't know how others would react. When I first came out in public, I was terrified that I would be hurt in the same ways I was when I was 5-10 years old. At first a few people laughed, I made many mistakes, dressed to sexy for my age and weight, wore a wig that wasn't appropriate, and made other mistakes that GGs usually make when their in the early stages of puberty. After getting a few tips and pointers from friends, other women, and my therapist, I started gaining more confidence, dressed more appropriately, and before long I could pass when I wanted to, or bring a room to life when I wanted to. I felt so much better about myself and others when I was dressed, and most important, when women began to accept me as "one of the girls", I felt like I had real friends for the first time in a very very long time. These people were relating to ME, not the sock-puppet I had created to survive and avoid the beatings, bullying, and harassment I got as a 6 year old "Sissy". Even when I came to the same meetings and events as Rex, people began to relate to me as Debbie.

I started to transition and stopped because there were going to be consequences I wasn't ready to accept at the time (loss of ALL visitation rights to my kids, with NO Reduction in child support). In 20/20 hindsight, I should have continued, but I didn't know the future. Congratulations on your successful outing, on the support of your wife and daughter, and living the dream of 24/7 for your first week. You are very blessed, and I know it took a lot of courage, commitment, and integrity to get where you are today. This is probably the beginning of a new and wonderful life for you.

[Laurie Ann]

Congratulations on a very successful trip. The more confident you are the more likely you will find acceptance.

[I Am Paula]

The first time I spent a whole week as a woman was the most liberating time of my life. All of a sudden going out wasn't 'Hey look at me I'm at a nightclub' it became 'Don't bother looking at me, I'm just buying bread.' I think confidence, body language, and friendliness is 99% of being accepted. -Celeste

[docrobbysherry]

Good thread, Nikki! Congrats on being who u want to be!
There's passing and there's NOT passing but getting out there anyway.

It's VERY IMPORTANT that TS's realize they don't have to pass to present your fem self out in Muggleland. However, the down side to this is, you MAY be treated politely and with a smile by MOST folks. But, they may not think of u as a female! That's why many of us CD's that can't pass prefer NOT to go out in vanilla situations!

[Barbara Ella]

You have it correctly stated, and the responses of others reinforce it. If you act confused, sullen, stare at the floor, frown, etc. people will react to that and expect only that from you, so they tend to only give you that. If you appear confident, head up, smiling, engaging and looking them in the eyes in a friendly manner, they will return that to you. This is true for all persons regardless of who they are.

Congratulations on your week. I hope the next many get even better for you.

Hugs, Barbara

[KellyJameson]

People will sense your nervousness and may think you are dangerous to them so they become aggressive first as a defensive response.

Being different can be a gift to others because it makes life more interesting and less bland so even though the way we are is not a choice it can still be an opportunity for yourself and others but you must fearlessly embrace it.

When you come from a place inside of yourself where there is no fear than the vacumn created by the absence of fear is filled with joy and joy is contagious so others respond.

Do not try to make others like you but instead go out into the world already liking "you" and others will feel this and than not be threatened by you so they will relax.

We become trapped because being different becomes a challenge to than have personal acceptance of ourselves so we feel that others will reject us because we have already rejected ourselves.

People feel this fear but do not realize where it is coming from or what it means so they play it safe by assuming it is dangerous and react.

Go out into the world not with arrogance but quiet acceptance of yourself and you will be quietly accepted.

Great first post Nikki and I love your bangs, I have them to but only mine are black and I think I found a white hair today mixed in. OMG now I'm old!

[abigailf]

Congrats on living full time. It's a wonderful world. I think the previous comments were pretty much on the mark. Here is what I would add.

As you seemed to figure out, presenting as a woman is more than just a dress. It's about being a woman inside and out.

The biggest bang for your buck and the most inexpensive thing a girl can do to feminize herself is ... smile. Practice it all the time and not just your lips but smile with your whole face. You are a woman, be happy.

A smile is very disarming to those around you and will put others at ease. Just as it is sung in a big Disney attraction; "... and a smile means friendship to everyone ...".

There are a ton of other things that most women have been socialized in since birth and we now need to learn. These will come in time as you live like a woman and begin to be socialized as one. Things like the way you move, the position of your your head as you talk, the location of your hand on your hips, the swing of your arms and direction your elbow points, the space between your knees as you stand or walk, etc, etc, etc.

Speech is another item altogether that requires training but the socialized aspect of it can come over time; such as the words you use and the inflections you use on them.

You can speed up your socialization studies by watching woman on TV and in movies with a critical eye. Pretend you are watching to learn their part in the movie and try to mimic it.