How do I warm my wife to the idea of HRT

[Miss Mandy]

Hello,

As some of you may know, I have a wonderful wife that accepts and partially encourages my dressing. However, I been contemplating taking things to the next level- partial feminization. I have no desire to have SRS but I would love to have a more feminine (but still male-presentable appearance as needed).

I currently take an ACE inhibitor for high blood pressure. My thought is to replace this with Spiro for the anti-hypertension benefits as well as the anti-androgen effects. Later, I would start low dose estrogen. I have thought a lot about this and it has even begun to keep me up at night. If my wife would only say yes, I would do it in a heartbeat...

Your thoughts?

Jessica

[Moxie]

I think you need to ask your wife this question as only she can know if she would live with you changing your appearance permanently.

Me? No way. That's a dealbreaker.

Good luck with that.

[Diane Smith]

As well as your wife, you need to discuss this plan with your doctor. Your blood pressure still needs to be professionally monitored, as should your HRT.

- Diane

[Sandra1746]

You do need to discuss this with a doctor first. However there are 2 recent threads in the TS-section: "Calmer" and "Is This Real" that discuss the calming effects of estrogen. Your reaction may vary but testosterone and aggression do correlate strongly.

First though, see a doctor.

Good luck,
Sandra1746

[Kathi Lake]

How do you warm your wife to feminizing yourself near-irreversibly with hormones? You don't. That's something that she is going to have to come to grips with herself. She will first have to know why you are wanting to do this. Of course, before that happens, you're going to have to figure it out yourself - why, how much, etc.

Good luck.

Kathi

[kimdl93]

Boy you need to start by discussing things with your wife. Not the step by steps, but the long range..the direction you want to head. Have you ever talked with her...given her any indication? If not, you need to at least begin the long slow process of working this through with her.

[Jessicaa]

You should consider yourself lucky that your wife accepts your crossdressing! I know many people on here that have ruined their relationships by telling their SO. I would advise you to be extremely careful about this subject with your wife!


"To know when you have enough is to be rich."
Lao-tzu

[DebbieL]

Hello,
As some of you may know, I have a wonderful wife that accepts and partially encourages my dressing. However, I been contemplating taking things to the next level- partial feminization. I have no desire to have SRS but I would love to have a more feminine (but still male-presentable appearance as needed).

There are several issues all going on at the same time. You say your wife accepts and partially encourages your dressing. Why does she do so? This would be a very important question. If she had always considered you a bit effeminate, a bit too gentle and too nice to be a "typical man", then she may actually love that you are embracing your feminine side. If Jessica has brought new life to the relationship, more love, more passion, better sex (lesbian style), or you're doing more to help around the house, then she may want even more of that and toning down your testosterone by taking spiro could be something she would like as much as you would.

You may have already noticed that the blood pressure medication impacts your ability to get erections and to have orgasms. If you and your wife have come to terms with that, that is the hardest part. My medications have those effects, and I find that I actually LIKE not having so much testosterone, being able to enjoy things longer, and making love in ways that don't involve erections. My wife enjoys that too, in fact, we have both reached the point where we would rather do the "lesbian sex" than the other kind, and it's been that way for 8 years.

You also need to stay in communication with each other. If she feels that you are losing interest, or are less willing to enjoy her company, physically, emotionally, or romantically, then she needs to be able to let you know that, and you need to see what it's going to take to keep your marriage alive and exciting for both of you. Don't settle for "Comfortable" or "Stable", the two of you should be considering the possibility that Jessica is like a new lover, a new relationship, with all the excitement that can come with that, as well as the love and compassion that comes with being your true self and being loved as your true self and loving your wife as your true self.


I currently take an ACE inhibitor for high blood pressure. My thought is to replace this with Spiro for the anti-hypertension benefits as well as the anti-androgen effects. Later, I would start low dose estrogen. I have thought a lot about this and it has even begun to keep me up at night. If my wife would only say yes, I would do it in a heartbeat...

In most states, you need to see a therapist to be approved for HRT. It's vital to have a therapist who can talk with you and work through the process determining whether you are transsexual or not, and determining whether you are a good candidate for HRT. If you are transsexual it's unethical for the doctors and therapists to try and talk you out of it. You don't have to have the operation, but there is a point where you will not be able to hide the breasts. Even with baggie men's dress shirts and compression camisoles, the HRT can cause growth that can't be hidden. You should definitely consider the impacts and implications. If you are transsexual, those impacts could be very positive, if you are just a CD who wants to get a little cleavage for you occasional outings, it might not turn out so well.

We can't diagnose you in this group. You need to see a professional. Since you want to stay in the relationship, you need to include couple's counseling as part of that process.

If you are transsexual, and you wife understands that NOT transitioning could be bad for you, could result in mental health problems, even suicide - but transitioning could literally save your life, would she want to be part of your life?
If you had testicular cancer, she would want you to have the surgery that could save your life before it became so serious that it would spread and kill you.

A professional can help assess both of you, and help you come to terms with what options might work best for you. The two of you could have a really wonderful new marriage. You might need to move to a state which has better protection for Transsexuals, I don't think Alabama is one of those states that protects LGBT.

[Jenniferathome]

This is NOTHING like cross dressing. She may be accepting of cross dressing but HRT is a whole new level. First, you need to have a discussion with your wife. Regardless of that outcome you must see a doctor before you head down this path.

My two cents: this is a huge mistake but you still need to talk to your wife about this.

[NikiMichelle]

You also need to think through and be prepared with what to do next if she is against this move???...a serious issue YOU will have to be prepared to deal with in addition to all the other good advise given above...

[Eryn]

HRT isn't an interesting idea that you talk your wife into accepting. It is an irreversible and fundamental change to your body and your relationship with your wife.

To a TS person, HRT is what she needs to do as a step toward being whole. It isn't an option. If you are in that category then you need to discuss being TS, not simply HRT, with your wife as soon as possible.

[Beverley Sims]

Life is an experiment but HRT and marriage are not.
One is life changing and the other is for life.
Just dress up and enjoy it unless you have serious doubts about what you are.

[Fashionista]

Very bad idea if you are not a TS. Where did you get that idea from? Do you think it is logical to progress from crossdressing to taking hormones? Think again.

I was in psychological therapy for months before I was allowed to start HRT. If you have no desire to have SRS, if you want to keep living as a guy and be "male presentable", you should see HRT as a line you should NOT cross.

When I started hormones (before my 30th birthday), after just about 2 months I did get leg cramps sometimes, which stopped after I stopped taking hormones (I was under medical supervision by a doctor, hormones were administered via injections). If you are older, if you don't do sports (running, walking), you face a higher probability of thrombosis after taking hormones, especially if you are taking them via pills (oral administration).

I still have all of the breast tissue that I developed during that time. If you stop hormones and do not go all the way, you can only get rid of the breasts via surgery. I am not able to go to the beach naked, to go swimming in a swimming pool or wear a non-oversized shirt in the summer anymore.
Do you think your wife wants a man with permanent breasts?

Hormones also (nearly) completely stop your sex drive. Trust me, I've experienced it. If you are crossdressing for the sexual thrill of it, you will completely lose your interest in dressing up. I felt very "calm" during the time I took hormones, but I also didn't have a wife which might have certain needs / expectations.

Think about all of this before you start taking hormones - some changes are irreversible. Wake up. This is not a game.

(for all of those that are TS, hormones are great. Everyone else should think very hard whether you want to go down that route)