Child-safe TDOR (Trans Day Of Remembrance) ?

[sandra-leigh]

(I had difficulty deciding where to place this discussion.)

Today I was having a discussion with someone who was fairly upset that our local Trans Day of Remembrance event was not suitable for all-ages, and in particular was not something she could bring her 10 year old to. The reading of the causes of death ("shot"; "beaten"; "tortured, throat slit, and dismembered") she felt was especially not suitable. I asked her for expansion around points such as reading the history of TDOR, around what the key speakers could say, around talking about matters such as people in our own city being beaten in school; but unfortunately she interpreted my questions as being condescending and would not answer.

I find I am having difficulty with envisioning how TDOR, an event centering on remembering murdered individuals, could be made "safe" for "all ages" without Hallmark'ing it down to just saying, "We are here to remember some people who died." I can imagine being careful to choose wordings and discussion that are (e.g.) PG14 (Parental Guidance, 14 years or older), but the "all ages" has me stumped. How can we talk about murder without talking about murder and without emphasizing the meaning right out of the event? "Delores De Silva: Gone to become a caretaker of the Outer Ring of the 7th Circle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_%28Dante%29#Seventh_Circle_.28Violence.29)" ?

I do not have any children, so I will have to ask: at what age range is it suitable to talk to children (meaningfully) about the existence of murder; and about its meaning; and about how ugly some of its forms can take?

What age would you take your children to a TDOR event?

Your local events: were any of them "child-safe"? Was there are recommended minimum age? Were there efforts to make it accessible to a younger audience? Were the causes of death read out? Even if it included elements such as "throat slit" ?

Is TDOR meaningful without addressing violence in adult terms?

[Rogina B]

My 11 yr old daughter is close,but still not ready in my opinion. I am planning to attend a service at the UU church in Eustis Florida on Sunday. Maybe I will get a better feel for the age at which children can handle the reality of senseless violence to those who chose to be different.

[DeeInGeorgia]

On a similar vein, I tried to get TDOR added to my
Company Diversity calendar, but couldn't because the Diversity Council wanted something that was positive, not depressing. I had to tell them there is not much positive commerative possibilities in the Trans community.

[KellyJameson]

I would probably recommend using the same methods that are used for teaching children about the holocaust.

Seems there is some similarity between the methods of violence and also the reasons.

[girltoy]

I think it would vary depending on the maturity of the child. Some are more "prepared" (for lack of a better word) than others in dealing with those things...which would place a large burden on the parents to prepare the child for it. It's all about the way the parents raise the child and the child's own ability to understand and accept such things.

[Vickie_CDTV]

In this day and age we live in, I doubt many children today don't have some understanding of death and murder. It is all a part of the insane world we live in; if they don't hear it about TG people, they will hear it about victims of terrorism, or some drive-by shooting in the inner cities, or some abusive man in the neighborhood who beat his wife to death.

[bridget thronton]

Memorial Day is kid friendly - not sure why tdor is any less so

[Dana921]

This is a tough question for any parent, I think. At what point do we educate our youth's so they have the knowledge to stay safe through their lives when we are not there at the right moment to guide them. When do we talk about not getting in cars or being alone with strangers? Drugs? Firearms? Racism? Violence based on hatred? Or the seemingly endless threats that can happen as they are growing up. How do you allow them to enjoy the innocence of childhood for as long as you can and still keep them safe? I believe often times the children are ready and needing the information long before the parent is. I think we have to take it on a case by case type of approach but always remember that if you do not teach them someone probably will, and is that what we want?