Looking for a new partner

[Dinsdale]

Hi All,
I am recently separated and am now starting to look for a new partner.
I posted my profile on an internet dating site , and have been upfront in my profile and how I like to crossdress.
I state i am hetrosexual , and enjoying doing all the normal manly things , such as rugby, BBQ's sport Blah Blah,.
It is interesting , I get a lot of women viewing my profile , but only a couple of women responding that they would be interested in emailing , and potentially meeting up for a coffee. One women , responded to say how brave I was in stating I like to crossdress upfront,and suggested it would would be better if I did not mention this in my profile, my point is no point hiding it , this is who I am, and better to be upfront than waste time for the lady or myself, if she finds out later on and is not comfortable with it. Life is too short.
What are evryone's views in the best way to handle the search for a new partner?

[Rogina B]

If you are an out and about girl,think whom you have encountered that is warm to [seems accepting of] your lifestyle.You need to find a person that is confident with themselves and non judgemental.Perhaps there are some datable partners that attend a UU Church near to you...If you are looking for an open minded woman,that may prove to be a good start.

[tammysmiles]

While I haven't been looking in quite some time, I agree with your approach of being up front with things.

It seems like a "quantity" vs "quality" thing in that you could omit it from your profile and potentially get more responses, but you'd still have to ultimately address your enjoyment of CDing with them, likely to lose the interest of some.

Of course there could be some that might be on the fence over whether or not they'd be comfortable with a CDing partner you might miss out on meeting with your upfront disclosure.

Either way I wish you the best in finding a new partner.

[~Joanne~]

I think up front about dressing is the best way if your single and looking. Saves the time of going through all the steps on how to tell someone later. Yes, you'd probably get more hits not telling them you dress but at least this way you may find the person your are looking for. Leave the profile as is.

[Babeba]

I feel mixed. On the one hand, I applaud you for being so up front and honest, it's wonderful.

On the other hand, I feel like cross dressing is rare enough that most women don't have any personal experience with it. Sometimes the unknown is enough to cause someone to move on to the next person.

If I were in your boat, I might save it for when you are messaging and see if 'so, what hobbies do you like?' Comes up.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Can I ask if you are posting pictures of yourself dressed or in male mode?

[Diversity]

Hi Dinsdale,
I think you are doing the right thing, in that you are being open about your CD'ing. This way those that respond to you know up front and neither their or your time is being wasted, and you will be getting those who are sincerely interested in you as a complete person. Good luck to you!
Di

[Dinsdale]

Hi All, Appreciate the comments so far, mmm mixed reponses , so yes dont know whether I should change my profile or not , I'll see what other comments come through , then go with what the majority of you all think.

Paulinescotlandcd, my pictures are in my male mode , as my profile says I dont make a big deal about it, it is just one part of who I am, I dont want women to think this is all I am. Maybe do you think I should put some pictures of myself en-femme would be helpful or a hinderence?
Thanks again all , your comments are very helpful.
Cheers

[Sheren Kelly]

I admire your honesty, however posting it upfront makes the statement that this is highly important to you (and may dominate the relationship) and that may cut you off before you ever begin. I think potential partners need to see that you share common interests and values, and starting off with crossdressing makes this harder. Give a relationship a chance to start, then you owe it to your prospective partner to address this before she becomes emotionally invested.

[paulinescotlandcd]

This is a bit tricky for me. I was on a dating site but it was all very light hearted. I started filling out some information and before I knew it I had a working profile along with 10 photographs. I got many emails regarding my "wardrobe" and many more asking me to look at their profile to ask if i would change anything. I had been a bit cheeky in stating near the end that I was happy to asnswer any questions if they needed any fashion tips . I was upfront and I clearly stated that I was married. I must admit that for a long time i simply enjoyed reading the profiles as they were simply very interesting.
Now, what do I suggest you do. Well, I would do as I did and keep it very light hearted and post say 5 pictures doing the manly things and maybe 5 enfemme. Pet hates of a lot of women were men standing next to their cars and bare chests. Just passing on what I gleaned.
I have kept in touch with one woman who at first said she did not like my "lifestyle" but who I did meet up for a coffee at her request. We still meet up for a laugh and a coffe and chat on Facebook but nothing more.
Not sure if any of this helps in any way.

[jillleanne]

You are right on the money. Good luck in finding the right partner.

[Dinsdale]

Thank you all.
I have decided I am going to keep my profile as is .
will show some pictures of me dressed if an interested lady asks .
I am not going to change who I am , and will not hide the fact I crossdress.
If a woman doesn't like it , well thats her loss.
Too many people are judgemental without knowing all the facts . I am not one of them , and will not change just in the hope of pleasing someone else, knowing I will also want to continue to dress and hope they may tolerate it in the future.

[Beverley Sims]

Don't change your profile, you may wait a little longer for a quality response.
I assure you it will be worthwhile.

[Phoebe]

I tired a dating site and one following up email with one woman who asked what types of activities I liked. I mentioned that sometimes dressed in women's clothes. She wrote back, "I don't want another girl friend, I am looking for A MAN!" :brolleyes:

[Kasandra]

One thing we often overlook when trying to seduce someone is our gestures. We often check our clothes, hairstyle, makeup, shoes, but what about what we express, did you know that we transmit thousands of micro-expressions, and now the police have a scanner to check if you're truthful just by the way you look. I love that man keith barry the mentalist, he is so cool, he does some profiling on you and then can tell when you had your first boyfriend, your favorite flower, and all sorts of stuff. I got some good information from http://www.seduction-key.com/subliminal-dating-gestures.htm
I didn't realize that our conversation is the least important factor for picking up a guy.

[bobbie c]

i think you are right ...up front...but no enfemme pictures till it's the right time.good luck and it will work out....smile

[Tracii G]

I was on one for a while and my profile pic was in female mode.
All the info I listed was my regular guy profile.Key words Like CD/TS/ were in there too.
I got plenty of hits from some very accepting ladies that were interested.
Had one respond asking why I had used a ladies pic in the profile.I said that was me and she said no way!
I emailed her my guy pic and she was stunned.
We went out a few times but never really hit if off.Still a very nice lady and quite accepting.

[Samantha_Smile]

It seems like a "quantity" vs "quality" thing in that you could omit it from your profile and potentially get more responses, but you'd still have to ultimately address your enjoyment of CDing with them, likely to lose the interest of some.



Thats precisely my view.
You might get more offers, but they may not be right for you.
Good luck

[kimdl93]

I quess you can try it both ways and see what happens!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Dinsdale , Good luck BUT please do be careful out there.

[Julogden]

I agree that your approach is the correct one, but I would also suggest that if you have even the slightest inkling that you may have not finished working out your CD'ing/gender issues, do that before getting into another serious relationship, because once you're in a relationship, your SO is almost certainly going to expect that what she saw at first meeting is what she's getting, and if you find at some point in the future that you need to take things further than CD'ing, that can be a major issue for your relationship.

Carol

[heatherdress]

If golf or fishing was an important hobby to you, if you stated that in your profile, with pictures, you would most likely turn off many possible women who would might even readily accept those activities. It would come across that you were more interested in doing your own thing than joint activities with a new partner. You would seen to be perhaps too self-centered. I understand that many women might enjoy golf or fishing, but my point is that do you really think that many women would have any interest in finding out who you are if you list a totally personal, expensive, socially unaccepted, threatening, not understood activity, like crossdressing, as one of the first things that she should know about you? You may find a rare person who either has some experience, or interest - but you will most likely be wasting your time. If crossdressing is more importnt to you than finding a partner, go ahead and identify it cold, without her knowing what a great all-around guy you are.

If, however, you really want to meet women, then introduce yourself to them, then after she has a chance to be introduced to you, you can then introduce your interests and needs, to include crossdressing. I think you will be much more successful. You could then explain what you do, why you dress and provide answers and assurances she would not get from an on-line profile. Good luck.

[Lorileah]

I tired a dating site and one following up email with one woman who asked what types of activities I liked. I mentioned that sometimes dressed in women's clothes. She wrote back, "I don't want another girl friend, I am looking for A MAN!"
:lol2:

My question would have been "So you are just looking for sex then?" Or maybe she needed someone who could slay dragons and ride white horses? Or someone who grunts and scratches? Since there is only one thing a "man" has that a woman doesn't, I am thinking maybe she will be very disappointed when her "man" does something "unmanly".

In Re: the OP. I will assume that crossdressing is an important part of your life no matter how seldom or frequently you dress and as such being upfront with a potential partner is an excellent idea.


I feel mixed. On the one hand, I applaud you for being so up front and honest, it's wonderful.

On the other hand, I feel like cross dressing is rare enough that most women don't have any personal experience with it. Sometimes the unknown is enough to cause someone to move on to the next person.

If I were in your boat, I might save it for when you are messaging and see if 'so, what hobbies do you like?' Comes up.

I get your point, but I think you maybe misspoke when you infer it is a "hobby"? Camping on a weekend is a hobby, living in a cabin without running water and electricity is another matter. If one would say "My hobby is cross dressing" the person could believe that it is just something you do on the side. You could like cooking, but being a gourmet chef is not a hobby. And while you could omit living in the woods like a pioneer or being one of the best cooks in the world my not be necessary in your profile, it does give insight into who you are. Sort of like telling someone your religious likes. It is only fair and honest. Hard to disagree with being fair and honest.

[BRANDYJ]

I think if finding a woman for more than just casual dating or sex, it's a huge mistake to put that information in your profile. There are women that can and will accept that you occasionally dress to fulfill your need or desire to dress. Of course, if you are very out and dress female in private or go out dressed frequently, that's another matter. If your fem side and need to express it is more important than finding a long term partner, then I'd say go for it. Be aware, your INBOX will not be overflowing.

Since I am recently out of a 6 year relationship, I am back on 5 different dating sites. None of them mention my being a CD. Once a connection is made and it appears that the relationship can or will grow into being exclusive, then and only then, by all means tell them before you or her invest to much time and emotions into it.

The one site I really like is OkCupid. If you take the time to answer the "MATCH" questions, they rate potential dates based on how her answers compare to yours. The questions cover religion, sex, lifestyle, dating, ethics, and other questions that don't fit in the other categories. The questions are authored by other members; In fact I authored about 5 questions concerning cross dressing and other related topics. Base done how a woman respond to my questions and a few others, will give me a clue as to whether or not she will accept that I am a CD.
An example of one question and answer choices is:

:Assuming you dated long enough to trust and feel comfortable with a potential partner, could you accept that they are a cross-dresser?

Yes

No

Add an explanation


I feel your profile should be about you the MAN you are. Telling your secrets is not a good idea.

I'll let you know how it works out for me.

[Dinsdale]

Hmmm, Thanks all,
All interesting and valid points. A dilemma, I dont want to put a potential partner off , if they are "fence sitting" or may accept it once they get to know me, but on the other hand , I would rather any potential partner know this is part of me and it is not going away.
I am not interested in quicky sex or one night stands. I simply want a partner whom I can share my life with , and crossdressing is part of my life. It is not an all consuming part of me, I have many interests , sport, family, travel etc etc , Crossdressing like for most of us is a part of us that we accept and like. I think a partner has the right to be aware of that , certainly before any intimacy happens. The key is when do you let a potential partner know? That is the $64000 question.

BrandyJ , I would be keen to know how it works out for you, hopefully if it does, I can follow your lead!
Appreciate your input and advice

[paulinescotlandcd]

Hi again. I was going to send you a note of the dating site as it was very good and above all it was free. I can't seem to send you a message as you are a new member but you can always email me (paulinescotlandcd@yahoo.co.uk) for details if you want. Hell, i might re-activate the account and post some new pictures from my Flickr site.

[Dinsdale]

Thanks Pauline, I'll send you an email over the weekend.
Appreciate your advice

[BRANDYJ]

BrandyJ , I would be keen to know how it works out for you, hopefully if it does, I can follow your lead!
Appreciate your input and advice

I just checked. The site I referred to is available in Austalia. Many users there. It's called OkCupid. Google it. Good luck

[Melissa_59]

I'm with a lot of posters here, I think it's good you're up front and open about your cross dressing. It's best to weed out the ones that will run for the hills right off the bat. I call it an investment of time, and there's no sense in buying food for a dog that won't hunt, if you know what I mean. Just be careful if you do find someone interested, I've heard of people running into people "that want to save their souls" and they meet with you under false pretenses.

~Melissa