need advice on telling girlfriend about my crossdressing

[danielle42]

i first met this girl in the early 90's,but things did not work out between us .things have changed and she came back to me and now she wants to try again.i did not tell her then but dressing is more in my life than it was than. i feel things are better now,we are both free,but she thinks men should be men and not want to dress as a woman. any help would be appreciated.

[Rogina B]

Why do you want to get something going that probably won't work out?

[Dinsdale]

Hi Danielle,
You need to be yourself, dont try and change for her, because it will end in tears for both of you.
She has approached you to try again, if you want it to work you need to tell her about you"warts and all". If she can accept this then perhaps it can work, if she cant, then better for her to move along , rather then you trying to supress something that you know is not going to stop ( crossdressing), and also make you unhappy because you have to hide it.
Good Luck

[danielle42]

because we are good together and i have been alone to long and so has she, i just don't know how to tell her .when we joke about it she changes the subject

[danielle42]

thats what i am doing now is hiding it and thats why i am asking for help now.

[AmyGaleRT]

When you say "she thinks men should be men and not want to dress as a woman," is that how she felt back in the 90's, or how she still feels today?

If the former, then there's a chance that her opinion may have mellowed out in the intervening years. But otherwise...well, I hate to be blunt, but it may be time to cut your losses.

Would you be happy if you had to completely give up the Danielle part of you? Somehow I don't think so. You've been working on integrating the feminine aspects of yourself more closely into your life; it hurts to give that up, no matter how "good together" you are with the woman you're doing it for. I know this, having done it twice. Thankfully, neither time was permanent (the first due to divorce for unrelated reasons, and the second because I told my current fiancee).

If she's dead-set against it, or she would impose so many restrictions on your dressing that it's not worth it, then you need to make a choice...but be aware that the need you have to dress is NEVER going to "go away." And someday, if you stay with her, it could lead to her making a discovery that will turn things upside down, with consequences far greater than they would be at this stage of your relationship.

It's worth waiting to find a woman who will be accepting and supportive of your feminine side, and your need to express this side through dressing. Such women DO exist! I know this because my fiancee is one of them. You've read about others on this forum, no doubt. Regardless of whether you've been "alone too long," it's better to be alone a while longer and find the right relationship, than just venture into one you already suspect may not be right for you, only to have it turn sour later. "I told you so" would be bitter music indeed for your ears at that point.

I truly hope you make the right decision for you, and, if you wind up not pursuing a relationship now, that you find one eventually that will fit all of you.

- Amy

[Stephanie47]

You indicate you are alone. I would assume you are liking the attention she is showing you. When you state you did not reveal your cross dressing twenty years ago, and, she is sending out vibs that she does not approve of it, why are you setting yourself up for a bad relationship? If you bring up the subject of cross dressing and she changes the subject, it would seem she is uncomfortable discussing it. The question that arises in my mind is whether or not your persistence in bringing the subject up is not suggesting to her that you are in fact a cross dresser. Cross dressing really does not seem to be a subject that just arises over a dinner or beer.

I personally would not string the woman along. Sooner or later you'll reveal yourself or she'll discover your cross dressing. Then what will happen?

[heatherdress]

Simply tell her. Her response will lead you to your next step.