Non HRT/surgical

[I Am Paula]

My long strange gender journey began very early at 5 or 6. I struggled with all the usual gender issues throughout adolescence. This post is about the finished product.

Sixteen years ago I finally accepted that I'm 100% female, that wasn't going to change, so I had to make some changes. At 38, true transition was pretty much out of the running. I had discussed HRT a few times with Doctors, to not much avail, and by this time, pretty pointless. I luckily had a profession that I could pursue as a woman. I began a non surgical/non chemical (implants are still a work in progress, last issue with my wife) transition to Celeste. I had switched back and forth from male to female pretty much all my life, so dressing, and make-up was not really an issue. The bigger issue was just stepping out and living as a female, not living as a male who looks and acts female. I found a huge difference betwween getting up in the morning and 'getting dressed up as a girl' and 'just getting dressed' if you follow. Being very married, interaction with my wife evolved to being a two woman household (not sexually, just dynamically). Almost everybody in my life knew about Celeste, so my new identity didn't come as much of a suprise to most.

One of the first things I noticed was my wardrobe became more real world woman. My pants outnumber dresses, heels are for nights out, skirts are longer, lots of blouses and sweaters. Sneakers, yoga pants, all that stuff that makes CD's go Yuck!

Next, tone down the make-up. Brown lipstick and beige eye shadow.

Grew out the hair- Only Cher and Dolly wear wigs 24/7.

Alot of the changes are counter-intuitive to CDing, but nessasary to blending.

Bottom line- I found fulfillment and acceptance as a woman without full transition. I never felt that I needed someone else's diagnosis to know I was transgendered. Maybe if I had known where I was headed at 18, I would have followed the HRT/surgical route, but I didn't, and can still live happily as a woman just the same. The biggest hurdle was to stop 'acting', and start 'being'.

Anybody else followed a similar path. Is there more you need to accomplish? Do you feel you 'missed the boat' by not having HRT/surgery? Do you feel like you are the woman you were born to be?- Celeste

P.S. Twice in the last year I've had to go completely drab. I can still do it in a pinch, but it's wierd. I can 'fake' drab long enough to see my father in law, or cross a border, by wearing a man's shirt and putting in a pony tail, but even then I get Ma'amed.-Celeste

[kimdl93]

My life has taken a path that is similar in kind but not degree. I really only allowed myself to dress completely en femme over the past five years...till then I underdressed. But with the realization that I could do this, I have adopted a decidedly different lifestyle. I'm out to my wife, one daughter, several friends and most of my neighbors and live about 80% of my life en femme. I still go to business meetings and social events with my wife in drab. The trend line though is more life as a woman, and far less pretending to be a conventional male. I don't foresee HRT nor do I feel compelled to pursue SRS. But I will allow myself to be surprised.

[Beverley Sims]

I can see where you are coming from with the dynamics of a two woman household.
That is where the change bites in I think.
I hope you can resolve the last issues with your wife and still live happily.

[Angela Campbell]

My life is similar. I always knew I was a girl inside but growing up when I did there was no course for me to take but to try to be the man everyone wanted me to be. I got married at 18 (to a woman who would use something like this as a way to hurt me, so she never knew) and raised 3 kids, I dressed occasionally when I could but not very often. And never all the way. Something was always missing but there was little I could do about it. Over the years I got divorced but the kids lived with me so I couldn't dress then either. My kids finally went off on their own but stupid me I got married again. Another woman who would be disgusted if she knew I wanted to be female. I lived as I had always done. Now this last summer for the first time in my life I live alone. It was less than 2 weeks before I bought some clothes and dressed up. I found a wig my ex left behind and tried it on. I immediately went out and got some makeup and shoes and for the first time in my life the person looking at me in the mirror looked like a female. My life changed in that one moment.
In these few months I have decided that at 55 it is too late for me to attempt to transition. I have built up a life that I will not throw away, and after all these years I guess I have learned to live with the fact I was born a male and have to live that way. I will however learn how to make a female appearance so I can sometimes be a lady. I am learning and I am modifying my body in the process. No HRT but I am losing weight, waist training with a corset, removing body hair and getting a good wardrobe built up. I am learning makeup, (I do not need to learn to walk in heels I started that at 5 years old and never had a problem) and I have joined a TG group. I will make my first public appearance with a Girls night out this coming Friday at a nice restaurant. This is not as good as actually completing a transition but there is more time behind me than in front of me so I will make it the best I reasonably can.

[Leah Lynn]

I knew early on, but times were what they were. Not Allowed! Now I'm alone and go drab only to go to work. Transitioning is financially out of the question, otherwise, I'd have done it. I do hope all goes well for you; I love it when I hear that a girl made it across the frontier.

[NathalieX66]

Well, my gender journey began as just being a weekend crossdresser for fun, and only going out once or twice a month when I finally accepted myself about almost 4 years ago. Now I've come to realize that my brain just isn't wired to present as male.....never liked it anyway. It just isn't me.

I made quite a few changes in my appearance over the last two years, I lost about 25 pounds by running 4 to 5 miles every other day, grew my hair to shoulder length, did laser & electrolysis, which I'm not done with yet, and probably never will be).

So I decided to embark on a journey for the new year which will be me presenting as female more often on a regular basis, a question I have struggled for as long time with, and said what the heck. I mean, I have been treated great so far everywhere I've gone. Last week I went with a friend to see Skyfall (the James Bond flick) and then on to a pretty ordinary sports bar full of the kind of knuckleheads one would expect around midnight. So my confidence level is running pretty strong, and I feel quite at ease....and now I'm really enjoying it! I usually dress for the occasion. If it's a nice classy restaurant, I will most likely wear a dress. But the movie theatre, it will be pretty lowdown and casual, but still womens' clothes with some nice accessory.

So, the idea of toying around with HRT always sits on my mind, and thus I have a name of handful of therapists/counselors who specialize in gender issues ready to go. I'd rather get some words from professionals, and experience the road ahead as I see fit before I ever pull that trigger. I've seen the results of people on HRT, and I'm jealous and envious. However, there are two things I don't need to complete the picture in order to feel whole:

One is a legal name change, two is bottom surgery

On the other hand, I have absolutely no ambition to be that middle aged fat guy with a goat tee either. I took a risk in growing my hair while working in a professional environment, took some ribbing at first, but now everything is cool.

[I Am Paula]

I'm keeping my name and I.D. all male aswell. I've never had a problem with it. My wife and my parents call me my given name, my father in-law calls me a poof, and everyone else calls me Celeste.