It isn't our fault, you know

[Foxglove]

Hi, Everybody!

Lately there’s been some talk about guilt, fear, shame, etc., the old faithfuls, so I thought I’d mention one angle that I sometimes take to the problem.

A transfriend of mine once asked the question whether we transpeople suffer from a disability. I’d never looked at it that way myself, but she said she believed that she did. Her birthsex (male) caused her some serious difficulties, both physical and psychological, that in the end could only be addressed by transitioning.

The point can be debated. But when you look at the serious problems that so many of us face, I think a case can at least be made for saying that we suffer from a disability. As one of our members has just said,


This IS a birth effect, but you are apparently only seeing it as birth defect..

Some of us might see it as a “birth defect”, and I think a lot of transphobes do. In their view we’re deeply flawed. The religious transphobes might call us sinners, while the non-religious variety might stick with “sickos” or “perverts”. So let’s accept for the sake of argument that we suffer from a disability or a birth defect or whatever you want to call it.

Why then should we be condemned? If we see someone who’s blind from birth, do we hate and despise and harass them? If we see someone who’s mentally handicapped, do we claim they should be persecuted? No, the approach we take to any sort of disability is that such people are deserving of our compassion and that we as a society should do what we can to help them live lives that are as full and rich as possible in the circumstances. A lot of times we even put public money into helping them do that.

So why is it different for us? The hard-core transphobes don’t want to see or hear or even have to know anything about us. In effect, they want us to be locked up for good in the closet. Is that their policy towards every disabled group of people? Yet a lot of us hardly treat ourselves any better, the way we agonize over our condition and torment and punish ourselves for years.

One of the most poignant scenes I’ve ever seen in a film was the one in “Good Will Hunting”, when Robin Williams was telling Matt Damon, “It wasn’t your fault.” Matt Damon tried to brush it off: “Yeah, I know.” “It wasn’t your fault.” “Yeah, I know.”

But Robin Williams kept repeating it until finally he got through to him. Matt Damon was trying to brush it off as a defence mechanism. He didn’t want to face the pain that he had suffered all his life. In the end, Robin Williams forced him to confront it, and it was an extremely painful moment for him. But it started him on the road to healing.

Our TGism isn’t our fault. So why beat ourselves up for it? It isn’t our fault. We believe in showing compassion to other people in difficulties, so why not to ourselves? It isn’t our fault. Why is that whereas we’d never dream of being cruel to the blind or the mentally handicapped, we’re so perfectly vicious towards ourselves? It isn’t our fault. Can we feel no sympathy for ourselves? We want understanding from society in general, so why not give it to ourselves?

It isn’t our fault, people. It simply isn’t our fault.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[GabbiSophia]

Anna you rock!! I know it doesn't hinder me I just want to have a full life!!

[sandra-leigh]

Historically, at least in some cultures, blindness, and mental handicaps, and diseases, were seen as indicating that the person was either being punished for sins committed, or had been taken over by evil spirits as a result of moral weakness or unbelief or insufficient belief.

Even today, some faiths consider that personal success and wealth and health is a result of approval for what one is doing and of deity approval for one's personal faith, and, conversely, that misfortune and sickness and handicap are a result of deity punishment.

I don't think I can say much more without mentioning specific religions or faiths or people, which would not be appropriate for this section.

[Foxglove]

Historically, at least in some cultures, blindness, and mental handicaps, and diseases, were seen as indicating that the person was either being punished for sins committed, or had been taken over by evil spirits as a result of moral weakness or unbelief or insufficient belief.

Even today, some faiths consider that personal success and wealth and health is a result of approval for what one is doing and of deity approval for one's personal faith, and, conversely, that misfortune and sickness and handicap are a result of deity punishment.



Very true, but fortunately bit by bit we're making progress. It's about time we transpeople were included in it.

[ChaCha]

Wow!!!! That's awesome. I've never really thought of it that way. Thank you

[dianne_1234]

Thank you Annabelle for a very thoughtful and well-written post. I like the idea of forgiving ourselves, and not accepting blame for something that isn't our fault. Thank you!

I also want to point out we should be cautious of a potentially slippery slope: that we don't take on an identiy of a flawed type, of of a victim. Thinking of ourselves as disabled too much could backfire.

I for one desire to be accepted as normal, just as I am, not set aside, apart from the mainstream, as diabled; and I certainly don't want to set myself apart by publicly claiming that disability myself.

Annabelle, I don't think this is where your thoughts were headed, so I apologise for taking this thread there. But it did occur to me so thought I'd share.

What do you think?

[Beverley Sims]

It may not be our fault but a lot of people suffer depression trying to blame someone.
I say think positive, try and look as attractive as you can with what you have and endeavor to deal with it.

[Foxglove]

I also want to point out we should be cautious of a potentially slippery slope: that we don't take on an identiy of a flawed type, of of a victim. Thinking of ourselves as disabled too much could backfire.

I for one desire to be accepted as normal, just as I am, not set aside, apart from the mainstream, as diabled; and I certainly don't want to set myself apart by publicly claiming that disability myself.

Annabelle, I don't think this is where your thoughts were headed, so I apologise for taking this thread there. But it did occur to me so thought I'd share.

What do you think?

Hi, Dianne! I absolutely agree with you. I don't want to go too far in this direction myself. But this post would be my answer to transphobes who regard us as people who are simply "messed up". OK, well if we're messed up, then we're deserving of your sympathy.

It's also my answer to those among us who are struggling with what we are. As one of my friends pointed out recently, "transphobia can be internalized." That is, we more or less subconsciously adopt the attitudes of our enemies and start blaming ourselves for our predicament. We think for some reason we're at fault and that we should fight what we are. No, it's not our fault, it's what we are, so let's learn to accept it.

So this would be my answer to two types of people. But it's not really my own view of things. Although my TGism has cost me a lot of grief, I don't regard it as a disability, and I believe I could have done a lot in the past to reduce that grief. Regarding myself as "disabled" doesn't really do much for me.

Annabelle

[stephNE]

Disability? Maybe we can get passes for those special parking spaces too! (kidding of course) This isn't a disability, it is a part of each of us and we can not only live with it but embrace it and actually let it enrich our lives. Steph.

[TeresaL]

Thanks again Annabelle for putting our "gender challenged" condition in proper perspective. Shame on society. We have done absolutely nothing wrong, as my gender therapist reminds me, there is nothing to cure.

[kimdl93]

I know many of us view being TG as an affliction at one point or another in our lives. Often this is learned behavior. We hear other people disparaging trans people and adopt that attitude about ourselves. It doesn't happen over night but eventually we can come to treks with ourselves and eject the negative messages. Being trans ceases to be a defect and becomes an attribute, like blue eyes or left handedness.

[Lady Catherine]

Though I agree with you in principle, and believe I understand your intent, I can't (and won't) think of myself as flawed. I am no different than machoman jerkface, except that I am more compassionate and understanding. It's good that you remind people it's not their fault.

One. would argue that green eyes was a birth defect. They would be wrong.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes there are transphobes who think we are "messed up" but in truth they are the ones who are messed up because they have a fear of things out of the normal. I consider my case to be a birth defect, not a disability. Disabled means you do not have some ability. I can think of no ability I lack so I am surely not disabled, or handicapped. I was simply born in a boys body instead of a girls. This comes down to the cards I was dealt and now it is all about how to play them. No it is not my fault, but then again it is not everyone else's fault either. There is no fault. I will not get sympathy from society in general nor do I want it. Acceptance would be nice but that is up to me. If I want to be accepted all I need to do is pull off the illusion of looking like a girl. If I can do that I am home free.

[bridget thronton]

I find it interesting that people with challenged (like the inability to walk) - refer the other folks as "temporarily able bodied people". This does put disabilities in a very different light. I never view anyone as flawed.

[Cassandra Lynn]

There is that sad fact in society and tho it has gotten better, it is still there....the 'stigma of the ism'.

And even tho i've (just for today) beaten alcoholism, and are at peace with my transgenderism, i see how people react.
I like to own my issues tho, and i choose to see this thing as a 'birth effect' like Teresa said.

ISM= (is m)ine, and how i deal with it is to step out of the darkness and into the light. Sure, life could have been much easier and this thing does really really bite at times, but it's mine and i embrace it and try to nurture it the best i can.

[Fiona K]

It absolutely isn't our fault, wherever we are on the spectrum. However, this doesn't mean that we can entirely absolve ourselves of the actions we take as a result, particularly where family is concerned.

[Melissa_59]

Annabelle, I think you're completely correct. This isn't something we have absolute control over, it's a part of us. I know I'm not alone in the times that I've purged everything I had and then ended up buying things back after a period of time. The only "defect" labels we get are pinned on us by religious people, and what we do doesn't seem to fit within their superstitious definitions. I know that religion is 99% of the problem, and it's incredible to me that we get so much grief from people who might as well believe in the Tooth Fairy, for all the good it does them. I think Hawking said it best when the said that "God is for people who are afraid of the dark." But you can't convince religious people that they're barking at the moon, they can't hear you over the sound of their barking.

If you could snap your fingers and make religion go away in a moment, we wouldn't be seen as defective, or deviant, or anything else like that. I don't know anyone outside of a religious context that has any problems with LGBT or CDs. I also wonder how many more wars we could avoid if we could just get rid of superstition.

~Melissa

[Jenny Doolittle]

I see my being trans as a gift from God in that I have the privledge to know both sides of the gender fence a little bit better then my biological male counterparts.

[2B Natasha]

I'm not sure I could disagree with you more then I do now.

I am not broken
I am not flawed
I have no disability, physical or mental.
I want no special treatment
I want no special exceptions
I do not need to be fixed


I am perfect just like I am

The transphobic parts of society see as odd or strange. Not because they think we have mental issues. They think we CHOOSE to be this way. The same as they believe gays CHOOSE to be gay.

So your right. It's not my fault. It's nobodies fault as there is no fault to assign to anybody since nobody did anything wrong one way or another. But to continue to play the victim does NOTHING to help you or the community in general.

[Barbara Ella]

What has happened to me is not a disability. I have been enabled. Society and the people who must have someone to look down on have produced the negative connotations. I try my best to not live them, and have enough angst with my inner search for my self without bringing an unthinking society into the fray. there will always be those people who must percieve themselves as on the top, and taking away religion will not change that, it will only take away one of the many excuses they use.

So yes, I can see this as a birth effect that has enabled me in a most unique manner. That is how I choose to look at everyone, as being uniquely enabled.

Barbara

[Foxglove]

I'm not sure I could disagree with you more then I do now.

I am not broken
I am not flawed
I have no disability, physical or mental.
I want no special treatment
I want no special exceptions
I do not need to be fixed


I am perfect just like I am

The transphobic parts of society see as odd or strange. Not because they think we have mental issues. They think we CHOOSE to be this way. The same as they believe gays CHOOSE to be gay.

So your right. It's not my fault. It's nobodies fault as there is no fault to assign to anybody since nobody did anything wrong one way or another. But to continue to play the victim does NOTHING to help you or the community in general.

Natasha, I don't know who you're disagreeing with. The point of view outlined at the beginning of my OP isn't mine. This is what I said:


So let’s accept for the sake of argument that we suffer from a disability or a birth defect or whatever you want to call it.

Just for the sake of argument. It doesn't mean that's my point of view. And I also said this:


A transfriend of mine once asked the question whether we transpeople suffer from a disability. I’d never looked at it that way myself . . .


Regarding myself as "disabled" doesn't really do much for me.

In other words, if someone wants to argue that we're flawed, this is a way of answering the argument. I didn't say that was my argument.

Annabelle

[sissystephanie]

Crossdressing is Not a Disability in any way or form! It is something that the crossdresser does because they want to!! It is not done because of any birth defect! It is done because their MIND wants to do it, not because of something within their body!! The problem that many crossdressers have is that they don't realize that they are doing something that they WANT to do!! Crossdressing is not forced and is not a sickness!! It is merely something that the person wants to do! And yes, you can stop doing if you really want to!! I did stop completely for a 5 year period and only started up again because my wife begged me to, because she missed Stephanie in her life!! I will stop crossdressing now if either of my children or my girlfriend want me to!!