Almost caught and aftermath

[Ms. Laura]

So, I just had a need to share. The other night I decided to "have a friend over" as I call it. My wife has known and accepted for nearly 20 years now, since we were in college. Well, I have a little one who normally goes to bed and ZONKS. However, this time she woke up at 1:00 in the AM and came downstairs. I was actually starting to get cleaned up when I heard her door open upstairs. I quickly moved towards another part of the house as peeked around a door frame. I saw a very quick glimpse of her and retreated quietly.

Apparently, she went back upstairs to find my wife. My wife asked her where she went and she said that daddy was in the kitchen but he didn't come out.

So anyway, she was wide awake from the get go, which is unusual, she had to go to the bathroom, but it took awhile to get her back to sleep.

Now I am convinced that my little one (age 6) did not see me. I am sure that she would have said something and she didn't. I was cleaned up and upstairs to help get her back to sleep within 15 min. or so.

My wife however, became very agitated with me. The look she gave me was pretty vicious. So, now she doesn't want to talk about it and "Laura" is on the outs. Dressing at home while my daughter is home is over. (This was done only late, late at night)

I had been contacting my local TSNE chapter and found them to be extremely nice and welcoming folks. (Only online)

Now, on one hand, I feel like she might be more open to this kind of group, which in the past she was not, yet I'm afraid to ask her. Maybe I should just give it a few weeks..

Sorry for the long post, it's just been causing a lot of internal stress.

[RADER]

You are a lucky one; And your wife is correct in that now may not be a good time for
your daughter to see Laura. After all, she is a little young to understand what is going on.
Take a little time out, Since you have an understanding Wife, respect her point of view.
Remember, you do not harm a bear cub when Mommy is around. LOL
Good luck.
Rader

[Jana]

Since human beings are not that great in mind reading, it will probably be beneficial to sit down and talk to your wife. Listen to her feelings, expectations; share yours. Set up some ground rules. Though sometimes difficult, there's nothing like open and honest communication... especially since there's your little girl to be concerned about.

[RenneB]

I'm not sure I'm in any way qualified to assist, but in my case, I waited for the biological replacements to go to school, then had the SO get a job outside the house and that left me with the house all alone to do what I wanted..... By the time the afternoon school bus came around, Renne was all packed up and gone....

This worked for me....

Renne.....

[Stephanie47]

When the " biological replacement" units arrive things do change. Look at the wife's viewpoint. She may be tolerant of private dressing. Privacy is not guaranteed when little ones can observe and blab to their playmates and other adults, like grandparents, et al. Most CDers will get antsy if they cannot dress with the frequency, they desire. Alas, welcome to the real world.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes with young ones there is going to be a "drought" for you for about 15 years.
You just have to learn how to get around it.

[Bree Wagner]

I agree with the comments that talking things over with your wife is the best way to start handling this. I don't dress at home when the kids are around either, even late at night, which is good since my four year old has an uncanny ability to get up at any time and come searching for us. For me to get out my wife takes the kids out once a month so I can get ready and head out the door. I get back after they're asleep and have to quickly change but it's an arrangement that works for the both of us.

Good luck finding something that works for you!

-Bree

[Rhonda Ann]

When I fell in love with my wife CDing was tossed, not the desire, but the actual dressing. Then we had children and it became less of a passion to dress. As years past I really forgot all about CDing. In 1998 my wife past from cancer, my daughter was in high school and still never thought about CDing. After my daughter graduated high school and left home, a year or 2 had past and out of the blue one day something struck me when I was out shopping Walmart I bought panties, a bra, hoses, and a dress and it started all over again. That risk of my children finding out was not something I would have risked at the time. Now there are times I think about talking to my daughter, she is 30 now and more open minded than the boys 32 and 34.

[Meghan]

It's hard. On one really, especially bad night I waited for the kids to be asleep for an hour, then I started painting my toes. My oldest, who was probably 3 at the time caught me just before I slipped into the safety of the bathroom.

He looked at my feet, then looked me and said "oh, like mommy"?

Dooooh! Trust me when I say there were no long-term impacts. I doubt he even wrote that memory to the hard drive...and even if he did there are about 10 different plausible explanations. You'll be lucky if this the only time it comes up. My kids are still a little puzzled as to why my legs have no hair...

Meghan

[linda allen]

If you're dressing in a house with other people around, they will eventually see you dressed. It's not "if", it's "when". Even if you're dressing when they are supposed to be away, they will eventually come home unexpectedly and see you.

You have to find a way to deal with this that works for you and your family. Some folks rent a storage locker, some travel away from home, some just stop dressing. Whatever works for you.

[LeannL]

Talk to your wife. TCNE is a great group. It is a very calm group of people who share the need to dress. They are very supportive. You can get dressed there with no problems if you need to. I believe that if you are a member, you can get a key and use it any time to dress. So if your wife is worried that you would be joining a group of wild perverts (we are NOT perverts but others think we are so please don't flame me), you can assure her that they are far from it. They are so far from it that some might call them boring. I don't but I am almost 60 so a slower life is OK with me.
Leann

[Ms. Laura]

Hi,

Thanks for your advice, it is well taken. My wife and I had talked about it and she had felt that it would be OK, as she would run interference for me. It was just bad luck, as I was starting to get cleaned up at the precise moment. We've decided that the kid is of an age where that phase is over.

I'm just hoping that she'll go for my joining some sisters to be out of the house.

Thank you so much for listening!

[Ms. Laura]

So I thought I'd post a follow up. We had a talk about the "hobby." It turns out my wife didn't realize why I CD. You see, we've been together so long and she has known for so long, that it dates back to those days when dressing seemed more of a kick. A means to an end, so to speak. She has noticed and not really understood that it changed into more of a complete transformation type thing. You know, where you STAY dressed for as long as possible.

So I explained, as best I could, what it means to me. That it isn't just a kick, but an expression of something inside. I assured her I am not looking for SRS, which she believed, she said she feels she would have picked up on that. Myself, I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body, I just love the expression of a side of myself. And I love fashion, etc. She thought it was funny, because she does not consider herself "fashionable" at all.

I also assured her I am not gay. She believed that as well since we have a decent sex life. No problems besides time!

So, she said she was puzzled by it, and that it bothers her that she doesn't understand it. I explained that I don't think it is likely that she will ever understand, but I hope that she could accept it. She said that she is OK with it and tried to assure me that I shouldn't feel ashamed for it.

So, we agreed to discuss boundaries, beginning with no more dressing at night while the kid is asleep. She said she could easily come up with outings for her and my daughter, which they do already anyway.

She also did not poo-poo the concept of joining a group, such as Tri-Ess. She didn't realize that such a group existed. She asked me if I wanted to join one and I told her I wasn't sure if I could make that leap but that it would be so nice to meet some people who were like me.

So, thank you all for listening and for your advice. It seems to be working out well. My wife is a wonderful, understanding woman (so long as you're not lazy!) and I am very lucky to have her.

[5150 Girl]

I think if kids are raised arround somting from the start, they grow to see it as normal every day stuff, no big beal, ya know...
Get to them before outside society tells them somthing you don't want them to learn

[linda allen]

I think if kids are raised arround somting from the start, they grow to see it as normal every day stuff, no big beal, ya know...
Get to them before outside society tells them somthing you don't want them to learn

On the otherhand, having your child announce to the world that "My daddy is a crossdresser." may spell trouble for a career or such. Expecting a child to know his or her father is a crossdresser but expecting him or her to keep it a secret is a pretty big burden for a child.

Laura, I think you're on the right track and be sure to let your wife know how much you love her and appreciate her understanding.

[Jill Devine]

Yes with young ones there is going to be a "drought" for you for about 15 years.
You just have to learn how to get around it.
15 years! Yikes that's a scary thought and unfortunately true. One of the tough aspects of becoming a parent. Throw in several kids and you can easily lose 20 years and the best years of your life...
:-(

[Kaz]

I wouldn't bring up the going out alternative. I would talk to your wife and admit you are in a new phase with the children and show her that you CAN and WILL put the kids before your CDing. Most mothers will put their kids before everything else. They are a little more than 'biological replacements' - they are individuals with lives of their own and you chose to bring them into this world. They didn't. After a while, having shown that a) you care and b) you can control the CD thing... suggest going out. Priorities are important!

[Eryn]

I think if kids are raised arround somting from the start, they grow to see it as normal every day stuff, no big beal, ya know...
Get to them before outside society tells them somthing you don't want them to learn

This can work, but only if you are completely out to your community. If you have to tell your small child that Daddy's clothing choices are a Big Secret it gives them the unspoken message them that what Daddy is doing is wrong. It also puts the child under great pressure and sets the child up for failure as it is virtually impossible for them to hold something like this in confidence.

[Bree Wagner]

So, thank you all for listening and for your advice. It seems to be working out well. My wife is a wonderful, understanding woman (so long as you're not lazy!) and I am very lucky to have her.

Sure sounds to me that you are doing all the right things. I'm sure you'll find something that works for the two of you and your family.

All the best,
Bree

[Ms. Laura]

Hi Again. First, thank you all again for taking the time to post your thoughts.

Fortunately, I have shown that I can control CD'ing and that I do put the family first. My little one is almost 7 and my wife and I have been together for 21 years.

The interesting thing is that I didn't realize that she didn't really register the change from "sexual kick" to a component of identity. As a kick, she was able to file it away in a neat drawer of turn ons. As a piece of who I am it is more puzzling and threatening I guess. She had suspected something and I think our talk helped alleviate her concerns a little.

We're both on the same page as far as not feeling the kid needs to know anything. It's just how we're choosing to deal with it. With only 1, it's pretty easy to keep a lid on things.

Bye all!