To all the women on this forum: YOU are enough for him.

[Jenniferathome]

I have read a recurring theme in many posts by the women who come here searching, valiantly, for answers. And that is is essence, "Am I not enough woman for him that he needs to cross dress." I feel so badly for any woman who even imagines that. First, let me restate: YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR HIM.

Your beauty or femininity has no bearing on his cross dressing. It's not about you, it's about him. In the vast majority of cases, he was doing this before he met you and before he even knew what "feminine" was.

I can't put myself in your shoes (that's kind of funny) but I wanted to pass on a perspective that you may not have. Sort of an analogy from the cross dresser's side. In all likelihood, you asked your SO if he was gay or wanted a sex change. That is a perfectly normal thing to ask. And yet, when my wife asked me that, I was floored. How could she possibly think I am gay!? Here I was telling her that I like to wear women's clothes and I am shocked that she thinks I might be gay. I still find my incredulousness humorous even today. I can't get my head around that suspicion because to my core, I know I am straight. But I accept it is a legitimate concern. In the same way, you must accept that his cross dressing is only about him.

Please don't torture yourselves on this point. Don't even allow it to occupy even the most remote reaches of your thoughts. It's not you. And thank you for trying to understand.

[Kathi Lake]

Although the first word that came to mind was too short for a post by itself, here it is;

Amen!

:)

Kathi

[Tracii G]

I was asked those questions too.
GG's its not you at all and Jennifer thanks for posting that.

[linda allen]

And I have to agree 100%.

[ClosetED]

Absolutely! The crossdressing was present usually before puberty or at puberty. The CDer chose a spouse or GF based on loving the other person, not as a way to hide crossdressing. Getting involved with someone made it much harder to CD. I have not heard of a story where a SO was not enough of a woman that a man decides he needs to dress up to be the woman. The CDer just wants to be loved for the person they are and not what society demands. You likely fell for this person based on some of the qualities that separate them from other men. So don't blame them for having those qualities. Allow them to be expressed in a way that works for both of you.

[NicoleScott]

When comiing out to a SO, the big two questions are asked (do you want to become a woman? Are you gay?). But rarely is the important third question asked (does this have anything to do with me?). We should answer that, even if not asked.

[Karren H]

My wife never asked that..... she knew it wasn't her fault I was a pervert! lol

[TeresaL]

No bearing on our SOs whatsoever. Our cross dressing came from us, just because.

[Aloha Jayne]

My SO says she has to be enuf. What she doesn't understand that even if I had 72 virgins, it would not change who I am.

[kristinacd55]

Amen Jen.....it's so wonderful to have a gg who isn't threatened by our dressing. It's a wonderful gift!

[RADER]

My wife never asked that..... she knew it wasn't her fault I was a pervert! lol

Karren, you a pervert ? I thought all this time you where a Engineer.
Girl, you need to update your Resume.
Rader

[Cassandra Lynn]

Here here.....absolutely positively yes. :thumbsup:

I think that tendency to inflect everything is one of those inherent female traits.

Please good cis-women of this forum, we, for the most part, are trying our best to do well by you, but we are somewhat flawed (yeah yeah, go ahead and fling your arrows...i said it).
So please don't take what we do or say (or conversely..don't do or say) as evidence that 'something' your doing, saying or feeling is your fault.

And to my sweet irish lass :love: , this does mean you.

[Barbara Ella]

Amen here also. When I came out a year ago, the first questions were, what did I do to make you do this? Am I not enough? and the proverbial are you gay? It took awhile for her to realize it really is just something that is an integral part of me, whether I knew it or not.

Barbara

PS. Us olde time engineers had a high percentage of perverts, it came from playing with the slide rule too much.

[ReineD]

Thanks for posting this. :hugs:

And to add something if I may, sometimes our insecurities are caused by more than just the fact that our SOs want to present as women. In my case, I knew and accepted this at the beginning of our relationship.

But over time I noticed two things: my SO's preoccupation with how other women looked, to the point where I felt he was attracted to them and this made me feel as if I was old and ugly compared to them. He generally used to crane his neck around to watch the younger, pretty GGs. A lot. And I took it that he was drawn to them for the same reasons that most guys are drawn to young, pretty GGs. I would have preferred him to be less obvious about this when we were together, especially since we were fairly new in our relationship. The other thing I noticed was a phase in which my SO would dress to emphasize the curves, in much the same way that I would if I specifically wanted attention from men. This caused me to wonder if he was in fact attracted to men and wanted their attention. I am speaking of wearing tight, sexy, curve hugging, short sweater dresses with an emphasis on legs and curves. If I wear something like this I know that I will be noticed by men a lot more than if I wear something that is not so short and curve hugging.

I no longer believe that my SO is attracted to every young, pretty girl he sees, nor do I believe that he wants to attract men. But, it was a process to get there. :p

[Stephanie47]

I'll amen that also. In addition, when my wife told me not to buy her sexy lingerie anymore it was because she was always going to think I was eying it for myself. Just maybe some of us have some fashion sense, and, like to show it on occasion.

[bimini1]

The very first thing that will come out of someone's mouth if you tell them you CD is "are you gay?" Now if you were not a CDer and someone close to you told you they CD, I'd be willing to bet you'd ask the very same question.
Socialization is a powerful mutha alright.

[Lynn Marie]

Women are insecure by nature. They are always vulnerable to men who are bigger and stronger, and they are especially easy prey while child bearing and rearing. This is just simple reality. Therefore a woman will try to find a strong and fearless man to protect her. Take a look at nature. It's the very essence of life for all things on our planet. The females will gravitate towards the most powerful males simply to assure the propagation of the species.

When we men show up wearing dresses, her big, strong, protector just vanished. Now she's vulnerable again. We are off with "Another Woman", even if it's ourselves! We can tell her over and over again "to not be insecure". "Everything's fine". "Nothing to worry about, just a hobby". We're asking her to do some kind of mental gyration and be secure in herself when every signal we give her says she's living with another girl and now both of us are vulnerable. Words are cheap, I just can't imagine anyway we are going to convince our SO's that we are still all man with a dresser full of lingerie and dresses.

[Gillian Gigs]

Women are insecure by nature. They are always vulnerable to men who are bigger and stronger, and they are especially easy prey while child bearing and rearing. This is just simple reality. Therefore a woman will try to find a strong and fearless man to protect her. Take a look at nature. It's the very essence of life for all things on our planet. The females will gravitate towards the most powerful males simply to assure the propagation of the species.

When we men show up wearing dresses, her big, strong, protector just vanished. Now she's vulnerable again. We are off with "Another Woman", even if it's ourselves! We can tell her over and over again "to not be insecure". "Everything's fine". "Nothing to worry about, just a hobby". We're asking her to do some kind of mental gyration and be secure in herself when every signal we give her says she's living with another girl and now both of us are vulnerable. Words are cheap, I just can't imagine anyway we are going to convince our SO's that we are still all man with a dresser full of lingerie and dresses.

I find all people are insecure by nature, but point taken. I see that we have to balance ourselves on the razors edge, and man up and be the man of the house at the necessary times. I guess in my case, I don't get all girly just because I have a skirt and hose on, I am still me, especially around my wife. It really is a balancing act.

[GG7irish]

And to my sweet irish lass :love: , this does mean you.[/QUOTE]

Point taken.... I love you

[GG7irish]

I find all people are insecure by nature, but point taken. I see that we have to balance ourselves on the razors edge, and man up and be the man of the house at the necessary times. I guess in my case, I don't get all girly just because I have a skirt and hose on, I am still me, especially around my wife. It really is a balancing act.


It is a balancing act..... Women do want the protector, the knight in shinning armor to swoop in and take care of her. Yes that is old fashioned sounding, but that is what we was read to us as young girls. We grew up and we were then told we can take care of ourselves and that we are equal with man. Now honestly, ask yourself this, who doesn't need once in awhile, someone to come and say it will be ok, does it really matter if we are man, woman or one who dresses like the other? I guess we just need each other.

[AnneB1nderful]

And to my sweet irish lass :love: , this does mean you.

Point taken.... I love you[/QUOTE]

Cassandra and Irish,

You are just too cute!!!!

[AnneB1nderful]

Jennifer,

I totally agree. I told my I could be a man whenever she needed. But, there were just times I had to dress and be feminine. Unfortunately, her femininity felt threatened. I made lot's of mistakes trying to get her to accept that part of me. Mostly because I told her I didn't want it....but I really did. I was lying to myself and her. She saw thru my lie, but I didn't. I told her I wanted her more than this. That is still true. My wife left me 16 months ago to find "a real man". I was devastated and swore to never CD again. It's evil. It destroyed my marriage. But, I realize I can't do without this. It's like holding my breath saying to myself, "I really don't need to breathe." And then suddenly, you find yourself gasping for air because your life depends on it. That's an extreme picture. But, dressing and being Anne is my air. I'm stronger. I'm freer. I'm more complete. Yet, I'm still confused and need to find that balance. I just know I can't hold my breath and expect to keep living.

Thanks for starting this thread. Hopefully it helps some struggling with trying to find meaning behind crossdressing.

[JessiJ]

Anne I am sorry to hear that it dissolved your marriage. I really sympathize with you because my cd'ing wasn't easily accepted by my SO either. However over time in my case she has become more accepting of Jessica.

I don't think she will ever fully embrace it, because like the op said, it makes females sometimes feel inadequate. Despite our efforts to negate that.

[AllisontheGoddess]

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::c lap::clap::clap::clap:

[docrobbysherry]

I find the OP and most of the posts that follow to be overly simplistic! Most marriages/arrangements can be quite complicated and very different in their personal natures. I believe in most relationships, she'll know by your actions that, "---she's enuff woman for u", or NOT. The more important question may be, "R u man enuff for her?"
And, I think this is true for all marriages/relationships. Not simply those with one CD/TG/TS partner!


Thanks for posting this. :hugs:

And to add something if I may, sometimes our insecurities are caused by more than just the fact that our SOs want to present as women. In my case, I knew and accepted this at the beginning of our relationship.

But over time I noticed two things: my SO's preoccupation with how other women looked, to the point where I felt he was attracted to them and this made me feel as if I was old and ugly compared to them. He generally used to crane his neck around to watch the younger, pretty GGs. A lot. And I took it that he was drawn to them for the same reasons that most guys are drawn to young, pretty GGs. I would have preferred him to be less obvious about this when we were together, especially since we were fairly new in our relationship. The other thing I noticed was a phase in which my SO would dress to emphasize the curves, in much the same way that I would if I specifically wanted attention from men. This caused me to wonder if he was in fact attracted to men and wanted their attention. I am speaking of wearing tight, sexy, curve hugging, short sweater dresses with an emphasis on legs and curves. If I wear something like this I know that I will be noticed by men a lot more than if I wear something that is not so short and curve hugging.

I no longer believe that my SO is attracted to every young, pretty girl he sees, nor do I believe that he wants to attract men. But, it was a process to get there. :p
I went thru this very subject with my ex extensively before we were married, Reine. Her father was quite the philanderer. Married 3 times and his eyes were always wondering. I explained it to her this way:
"I'm not your father. I'm with u because I love u. When u go "shopping" for shoes and clothes, do u just look at those things you buy? Don't u also look at everything else, too? Even tho u have no intention of buying them? That's exactly what I'm doing when I look at a pretty woman, just looking and nothing more!"
I was always faithful and that issue never came up again!

[Diversity]

Nicely said, Jenniferathome. So simple and so true! I hope the gg's out there will really listen to your message, because as short as it is, it does indeed speak volumes.
Di

[ReineD]

Thanks Sherry ... it did take me a while to come to see this. But like I said, this was a brand new relationship. Had we had years of being together, had I known him thoroughly and had we gotten through thick and thin together, had we committed to each other through marriage or even living together, I might have felt more secure in his emotional commitment to me. But as it was, I just didn't know and so I took it that he was losing interest in me in favor of wanting to be with all those hot young girls, and he was interested in men too. It just felt for a few years as if I was not enough for him. It's different now. We've been together for long enough for me to know and trust him/her.

[Violetgray]

I find the OP and most of the posts that follow to be overly simplistic! Most marriages/arrangements can be quite complicated and very different in their personal natures. I believe in most relationships, she'll know by your actions that, "---she's enuff woman for u", or NOT. The more important question may be, "R u man enuff for her?"
And, I think this is true for all marriages/relationships. Not simply those with one CD/TG/TS partner!


Docrobby I think you misunderstand. No one's claiming that this is THE issue that comes up in a GG/CD relationship. But often the woman wonders if his embracing femininity is because she's failing to supply it in their home. This post is just a very specific answer to a very specific concern. No one is suggesting that it's the ONLY concern.

[Jana]

Jennifer, well said! Thank you for your post!