If CD'ing isn't about sex, then why....

[WIFE GG/SO]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

[Bree Wagner]

Any question that starts with "Why" and contains crosdressing in it is really tough to answer. There certainly isn't a right answer and once again it's different for every individual.

With that said, for many of us there is definitely a sexual component. It seems to vary greatly as to how much the sexual component makes up the overall urge to crossdress. Also, it can change over time. As a teenager it was a huge part of it for me but it's changed as I've 'grown up'. I'll admit that component is still there, but it's not the primary driver anymore. For your husband the sexual component is there and it may be just like any other fantasy. When you get to act on your fantasies it can be very stimulating.

Is it all he cares about? Almost certainly not, but that's probably for you to discuss with him.

Good luck,
Bree

[~Joanne~]

You have to keep in mind that CDing is different from girl to girl. To some this is a fetish. To some this is who they feel they are. to some this is a release without being sexual, to some .....the list goes on and on.

When I started dressing, It was more fetish. At this point, many many years later, it's more about being content. Since I have accepted this side of my personality, I am more content, less stressed, and less judgmental. I do not need sexual release when dressed.

Your SO on the other hand may. I think you should be asking him more questions at this point hon. I think for whatever reason there has become a lack of communication in your marriage. Only your SO can provide you with these answers. Everyone else is just speculation and opinions. Have a sit down and discuss what is on your mind in a clam and relaxed manner.

[NicoleScott]

For some CDers, it isn't about sex, so dressing doesn't excite them. For them, it's about having some degree of internal feminine identity. For others, crossdressing (and/or different and separate aspects of it) is exciting and arousing. Men that like to dress up for excitement.
But we don't fit into labeled boxes. We're all different, with different intensities and combinations of femininity, masculinity, interest, style, excitement, comfort, drive, etc.

[docrobbysherry]

Unfortunately, being turned by being dressed or by our female image is a large part of dressing for most of us, Wife. I say "unfortunately", not because I don't enjoy that part of dressing. But, because I enjoy it too much and that is the most embarrassing part of dressing. I could tell family and friends that dressing is simply about expressing my "female side". But, I can't tell them it's consistently arousing!

Many here have passed that embarrassing, "getting turned on by dressing" stage. But, VERY FEW have not experienced it at one time or another! Whether they'll admit it or not.

[whowhatwhen]

Penises have a mind of their own and while putting on a dress for you may be nothing, for someone growing up male there are a lot of different factors that could be the reason Mr. Boners gets up.

[Karren H]

At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes..... nothings changed.... obviously I should have been a nun! lol

[Matia]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

It is definitely sexual for me - but it doesn't mean it's -only- sexual. Sexual arousal with crossdressing is refered as fetishist transvestism . I think the only problem here, is how western society often sees anything sexual as dirty or perverted. We are all different with different kinks, dressing is what makes many crossdressers tick. If you embrace it and loose prejudice it can be a lot of fun and improves quality and happiness of crossdressers life significantly. I personally see crossdressing as kind of "sexual orientation" I see many things that people of this orientation have in common - interest in tight/shiny things, similar fantasies etc - I had all that before I found about internet and saw how many other people share the same fantasies. It was shocking but liberating as well. I discovered that it is not something I can "choose" it's something you are born with, it is your software - probably even hardware that you cannot change.

If you love your husband, you can help him out and he will love you that much more, if you try to change him it won't work - the same way as how gay people cannot change who they are


At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes..... nothings changed.... obviously I should have been a nun! lol

I had the same desire, and the same way I didn't know what sex was. But at the same time, with experience now, I can say that the excitment and actually even some kind of disgust towards lingerie or female clothing I felt - was simply because I was too young to bear such sexual energy and was definitely not ready for it yet.. Then since about 12 years old up I started having sexual "accidents" with clothing - only later I found out what it really was. It definitely grew on me . The thing is, the kids experience sexuality to some degree wheter we like it or not, it is a tabu topic but kids from the young age are interested in opposite sex - and in some periods even in the same sex. It's not like all of a sudden we become sexual beings, we are like that from the early age we just get more ready and experienced in time

[TeresaL]

Men are stimulated through the eye gate. Magazines, photos, lingerie catalogues, and other like images usually suffice. CDs have an "extra" and very often utilize that for eyecandy. It worked for me for a long time.

[Annaliese]

For some women when they dress to the nines they also get aroused, The truth is we don't come with an instruction book for a lot of us we can't tell you Why it is, it is just part of our make up. To tell us not to dress or not to shave it is like telling a fish not to swim up stream. The fish do not know why they swim up stream they just do.

[ClosetED]

Di,
Most, but not all, will tell you that they started young and that sexual release was part of their early interest. I have a belief that self-esteem is usually low in CDers and the tight feeling of feminine clothing and feeling of being more attractive (to themselves) in their own mind (many use the term "sexy"), is a sexual stimulant. Some stay in this phase. Most move on to dressing to look more like a normal woman and the sexual component decreases (allegory intended). If you were to see you husband dressed, you might see for yourself.If he still does it for sexual gratification, he would likely be embarrassed and less likely to say so.

[Lorileah]

Crossdressing is not a point on a map. It is a line, so that everyone who is on that line is different. It is true that frequently, especially when young, the sexual component is strong. Men are visual for one thing so seeing wheat we have been taught is sexy elicits a sexual response. It isn't really much different than seeing a naked women in am magazine (or when men are young breathing can do that). The feel of certain things can do it too. Soft and silky reminds men of the softness a woman portrays.

To say that "Crossdressing isn't a sexual thing" as a blanket statement would be wrong, but for the majority it is no longer sexual or it never was. Why your husband reacts as he does is normal. It is good (trust me on this there may come a time when the reaction is virtually impossible no matter how hard we want.)

Think this way, when you were just reaching puberty, so much of what you wore was directed at sex (I know you didn't want sex, but really, women are looking for sexual mates). This isn't far off from what a new CD feels. While women don't get to show it visually, you know that when you wore a certain article of clothing you felt sexy. Men have difficulty in hiding this reaction. Women soon realize that in general clothing is just clothing but it is still a visual thing for sex. CDs often grow to this level also.

So when the posters here say it isn't sexual, they are mostly correct. It is sexual in that they are working to be attractive. It isn't because usually the physical reaction wears off. If the CD gets to live their hope, to wear what they want when they want without concern, the "physical" part becomes just as common as a woman who gets that sexy dress for teh party. It is there but less common

[Beverley Sims]

When younger and around girls I was aroused with my dressing.
I still find it stimulating but having dressed regularly other interests do take precedence.
Dressing for me always led to an intimate association with women that was always returned.

[alwayshave]

Like others here, I started cross dressing way before anything sexual had popped into my head. When puberty came along, lingerie was a large visual turn on for me. Still is. Did not matter whether it was on me or my SO. Being a lot older at this point and raging hormones being long gone, I am still excited by lingerie and women's clothing, but there is also a relaxation aspect to it. I hope my perspective helps.

[MsRenee]

When I started dressing, It was more fetish. At this point, many many years later, it's more about being content. Since I have accepted this side of my personality, I am more content, less stressed, and less judgmental. I do not need sexual release when dressed.

I so agree with Miss Joanne on this. Sounds like me when I first started and now its to the point were it puts me in a happy place just to deal with everyday life.
Renee

[Jenniferathome]

You have to remember that men are simply far more sexual beings. Testosterone is a crazy hormone. Just THINKING about my wife wearing certain articles of clothing will get me going. And this is not necessarily a prelude to sex. It can be the line of a calf muscle in high heels, perfume, almost anything. It doesn't take much to get us up.

Getting dressed used to have that affect but over the years it I have moved from excitement by the taboo to a simple feeling of being satisfied. with my presentation or appearance. And yet, there are some cross dressers for whom sex IS the reason to dress. It's impossible to diagnose your husband but as I always recommend, talk about it. He'll be embarrassed for sure, but that is no excuse to not talk.

[shawnsheila]

Hmm, it was sexual for a while until I was able to come to grip that I was a cross dresser (and acceptance from my wife) Now it is much less sexual for me and more of a feeling good in my own skin type of deal. There are still occasional sexual components for it but not as it was when I was restricted from dressing up.

[Amy Fakley]

At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes...

I can't tell you about your husband, but my experience was very similar to Karen's in that CD'ing was a non-sexual thing from about 7 or 8 until I hit puberty ... then it became sexual from about 12 through my late 20's.

At some point it just stopped being about that. That's not to say the ol' boy won't get excited now and then. That does happen from time to time, but not a majority of the time, It's certainly not centered around the sexual aspect, though for a time it seemed like that was the case. Honestly I think it was just a normal young man's hormones through the prism of my trans-tastic brain.

This is a complicated business. It's wrapped up in all sorts of layers of shame & guilt which for the most part are unwarranted. Getting a straight answer from your husband on this point might be difficult, but there's no other way to know than to just ask him :-)

[Wildaboutheels]

You are a sharp cookie WIFE as you have already figured out THE key to the vast majority of CDing. It just is rarely talked about at this site, but almost all at this site admit to STARTING OUT THAT WAY in one thread or another. It would not take much digging at all to come up with a whole page of quotes to that effect. Apparently at most of the other sites, the sexual aspect is THE main topic. I'll bet you, that the vast majority on other sites are generally much younger people than at this site and I will also bet very few have ever felt any guilt about using women's clothing as a means to an end and probably never stay dressed for more than a half hour. Do the math here. Almost ALL here are either STILL ashamed" or "disgusted" or feel "guilty" to some degree OR did at one time...

For men to feel guilty about a man's most basic programming, I find simply "odd". A man's VISION is an elegantly simple solution devised by EVOLUTION to enable him to impregnate as many females as possible - HIS most basic programming. It enables him to "get ready" literally in seconds. Women don't suffer from this as it would not be in their best interests. Their most basic programming is to also have kids BUT to find a "successful" man to have sex with, so visual presentation is way down a woman's list. A "successful" man would have greater odds of being able to contribute "stuff" to/for the child. Add in MOST female's much tougher/ L O N G E R time to even achieving orgasm with a man and all the pieces bgin to fit. A man's ability to give a woman an orgasm is simply ANOTHER screening mechanism for women developed by good ol Mother Nature over tens of thousands of years [one theory by the EXPERTS who study these things] It makes absolutely perfect sense and fits/solves the puzzle that few folks ever even consider.

IS there anything more "fun" than an orgasm? Apparently many men lose a "lot of/most" interest in sex as they get "older". Much of it is self induced, by weight gain, cigarettes, alchohol, diabetes, high blood pressure, job stress, family stress and on and on it goes. I think you will recognise [even] from this thread alone, that dressing often escalates in general as men get older. Dressing fully at least puts one back in the frame of the younger/more orgasm friendly days and also most likely serves to somewhat subdue the guilty feelings most have always felt about it. It all fits.

Look at the unbelievable amounts of money spent on porn and men's magazines becauase men ARE VISUAL. Women do not need such stuff. Does NOT WORK for them to "get ready" for battle. They NEED to be slow about warming up so they don't pick a bad partner/possible BAD father for any possible offspring. Jumping into bed for them at the drop of a hat every time they were VISUALLY excited goes against her most basic programming to find a "good" father. VISUAL APPEAL n a man tells nothing about his ability to possibly be a good father.

In essence, dressing provocatively is no different than porn or magazines. It serves as a quick, easy way for a man to "get ready" for the big O. Even if he "dresses" without having one, there will likely always be that mental connection by association of the FEEL and SIGHT of the clothing.

As far as the big O and a man's vision. IF a man does not get "one", GAME OVER for him. No possible way to impregnate ANY females and pass on his genes. Women, on the other hand DON'T need an orgasm to get pregnant, period, end of story.[Although some newer recent studies show indications that a woman having one MIGHT increase the odds in that particular batch of sperm.]

In other words WE as men, don't control our "equipment". For the most part our vision DOES. We are designed that way by EVOLUTION. Women's minds simply don't operate the same which makes it very difficult for most women to get a grip on this CDing "thing".

My "guess" is that a large portion of "accepting" wives are also far more "visually" oriented than the average woman.

One last thing. So many here want or need to "pass". Look at the popularity of the photo gallery too. IF a man can pass OR get good feedback, surely it "helps" tell him that he is not crazy about possibly being "turned on" when he looks at the GIRL in his mirror?

[BRANDYJ]

Some very good answers here. I think Bree pretty much nailed it. And if you wanted a broad range as to "why" Bree gave the best answer in my opinion. It does usually start at the age when boys go through puberty and are just starting to get interested in girls sexually. It is very sexually stimulating at those tender years of exploring and getting to know ourselves sexually. It can remain the main focus for years to come. In my case, I'd say that I was in my early thirties before the stimulation or arousing stage diminished and took a back seat to other reasons. but like Bree said, the arousing part is a constant, but to a far less degree.

[Jana]

Di, CDing does different things to different people. Some get sexually aroused, some don't. Seems like your husband falls with the former bunch. This response can be attributed to several things, but I don't want to get off topic. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this further.

[Bree-asaurus]

Crossdressing is not a point on a map. It is a line, so that everyone who is on that line is different. It is true that frequently, especially when young, the sexual component is strong. Men are visual for one thing so seeing wheat we have been taught is sexy elicits a sexual response. It isn't really much different than seeing a naked women in am magazine (or when men are young breathing can do that). The feel of certain things can do it too. Soft and silky reminds men of the softness a woman portrays.

To say that "Crossdressing isn't a sexual thing" as a blanket statement would be wrong, but for the majority it is no longer sexual or it never was. Why your husband reacts as he does is normal. It is good (trust me on this there may come a time when the reaction is virtually impossible no matter how hard we want.)

Think this way, when you were just reaching puberty, so much of what you wore was directed at sex (I know you didn't want sex, but really, women are looking for sexual mates). This isn't far off from what a new CD feels. While women don't get to show it visually, you know that when you wore a certain article of clothing you felt sexy. Men have difficulty in hiding this reaction. Women soon realize that in general clothing is just clothing but it is still a visual thing for sex. CDs often grow to this level also.

So when the posters here say it isn't sexual, they are mostly correct. It is sexual in that they are working to be attractive. It isn't because usually the physical reaction wears off. If the CD gets to live their hope, to wear what they want when they want without concern, the "physical" part becomes just as common as a woman who gets that sexy dress for teh party. It is there but less common

This

But I also wanted to share a little tidbit.

We have a cockatiel. When he's happy or excited (like when we wake up and he gets to have attention) he masturbates. He's not attracted to humans, but he's just so thrilled to be in our company that he gets aroused and... well... he's learned how to take care of that lol.

My boyfriend used to work with chimps. He was a good friend to the chimps and they loved hanging out with him and interacting with him. There's one chimp that would get so excited if you let him groom you, he would get a little too excited and start... you know...

Anyway, my point is that just because someone gets aroused by something doesn't mean it's a sexual thing. But once they're aroused, that in itself kind of leads to... sexual stuff lol.

And even if it is a sexual thing for him, so what? Is it any worse than having any other kink, like bondage or talking dirty or even watching porn? As long as you're both fulfilled sexually what's wrong with him liking what he likes? Some people are so silly and think that if a man gets aroused by someone or something besides them, that it is somehow replacing them... and that's just nuts. Don't be that girl :P

What you should take away from this? Just be happy his junk works so you can use it :P

[Angela Campbell]

I too started long before I knew anything about sexual excitement, and at that time (4 or 5) it had no sexual connection whatsoever. As I entered puberty it became a sexual thing, but at that age almost everything is. You see I was enamoured with the female. I adored them, I worshiped them. Anything that has to do with them excited me. Especially the forbidden things like panties, slips and other underclothes that boys are not supposed to see or know anything about. If it had to do with girls it was exciting. This was the case with me for a while into young adulthood. Eventually as life went on it returned to what it was in the beginning. It was for me the desire to be a girl. I have always had it, I have always hid it and I always knew it. I recently accepted it. There is no sexual stimulation in dressing for me at all now. It is just my way of looking the way I want to look. If I cannot be a girl at least I can look like one at times.

Wife, if the underclothes excite him then you do too, because it is the femininity that causes it and the clothes are never quite as feminine as the real thing.

[Kaz]

I tend to agree with many here. Puberty has a lot to answer for! It is when we become fascinated by this 'other world' but at the same time we are going through a massive emotional, psychological and hormonal upheaval. Maybe this is where it all gets cemented in... who knows. I sometimes get aroused by being dressed, but most often this is not the issue. I certainly do not get 'dressed' in order to be aroused... never have. But men do get aroused by all sorts of crazy things. We joke about the trouser snake having a mind of its own and it does! It even surprises ourselves on numerous occasions... hence the term 'c**k up'!!

[jodie k]

don't question it...take advantage of it...

oh my, spoken like a man, i must run and get my liipstick and fingernail polish.
aha, just found the gender difference

[Inna]

hey wife, I have a deep understanding of the processes of subconscious mind and associated denial, through which I will try to explain as clear as I can.

I suppose it would be safe to say that every CDre does what they do to achieve expression of the opposing gender within the image they portray.

There are different levels of expression though ranging from fetishistic all the way to congruity of body and mind.

After most of the criterion had been sifted through selective screen, two main expressions remain, on one hand, that of projecting the image of a female separate from self and on the other hand, image of self in the other (proper) gender.

Both can have tendency of sexuality tied into the expression because Cders body still runs on TESTOSTERONE, a hormone mainly responsible for expression of physicality!!!

Their bottled up femininity had no way of expressing it self, and exploring the world. being males, throughout their life all they could hope for is the feeling of releasing the energy through masturbation or sexual act, or perhaps anger and frustration, something very centric to masculine character.

Now, the most precise test, which by the way is seldom used by therapists because of its still controversial intervention, is to devoid the organism of Testosterone, which in fact renders person sexually void. At that point if dressing still feels pleasurable or just simply right, then it is rather clear that such person would have a transsexual tendencies, however, if such patient becomes confused and dislikes the idea of just the act of dressing then it is rather clear that they are fetishistic in their approach and NON transsexual.

I am not suggesting such test but I am merely using it as an illustration of how things work.

So, here is where it gets complicated, your hubby may indeed be a fetishistic or non fetishistic dresser, the bast way to test for the difference is.......well, I have nothing more precise then a THERAPY!

TG experienced therapist with vast expertise and few sessions to uncover the subconscious mechanism, no one has to know besides you both, no one will ever know if you choose to keep this intimate, and NO, no one will render your husband a FREAK if such knowledge is kept away from the mainstream.

But all in all, this is the way to find out and make peace with the reality!

All my love, hon, Inna

[MssHyde]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.
Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

Thats a tough one, some aspects have turned me on in the beginning but normally, for me its not a turn on, it's more of a must do. or want to do type of thing.

I have a deep need to experience things as a woman would, to emulate a woman in dress and looks. be be a woman the best I can be. (with in reason) I have had these desires (to be female since I was a child) ITS LIKE A HUNGER PAIN but you can't ignore it very easy. you can take your mind off it, but it comes back. like a pulling within to be a woman.
I have no attraction to men its like an attraction to women or to my self when dressed.

another strange aspect is I like to be seen as a woman. I'm not happy if I'm picked out or made as a guy. I want to pass as a female in public.

[Kate Simmons]

Simply put, dressing for guys increases the positive energy flow. Sadly, many do not know how to utilize that to it's fullest extent and at that point it can tend to be overwhelming if not harnessed.:)

[ColleenA]

Hello Wife,
As many here have said, CDing does have something to do with sex and arousal, but it's not confined to just that.

When I was started dressing at 12, I either snuck into my older sister's closet to "borrow" a few articles of clothing or I pilfered a few things (like pantyhose with runs she threw away) that I hid under my mattress. As the youngest in a family of four kids, though, I didn't get many chances to dress up for very long. Ninety-five percent of the time I would put on the clothes and get aroused (or start getting aroused and then put on the clothes), take care of the business at hand, and get the clothing back where it belonged. Over the next few years, as my older sibs moved out, I had more opportunities to stay dressed afterward, and it was fun to go into the kitchen or to listen to music and read a book, pretending to be just another girl.

Once I got out on my own, though, I really learned how enjoyable it could be to stay dressed long after - or even separate from - any arousal-related business. If the point was exclusively sexual, then it wouldn't matter if I went back to wearing my "regular" clothes soon after. But there is a lot of pleasure that can be derived from women's clothing, pleasures that come in a range of forms:

- tactile pleasures, such as the feel of fabrics like nylon not available in men's clothing
- aesthetic pleasures from the wide variety of colors, styles and combinations of clothing that far exceed the limited options for men
- the emotional pleasure of playing at being someone "else" or more someone "more complete" than who we have to be in our daily lives (so CDing is the original cosplay)

Regarding your husband's CDing, I don't know how open he is with you or how receptive you are if he wants to talk about it, but if he claims arousal isn't part of why he dresses, then from what you have said, I would assume he is trying to use that as a smokescreen. As it is for many others, CDing is likely just one component of a multi-dimensional life, and there doesn't have to be anything wrong with that.

Sending love your way, Colleen

[WIFE GG/SO]

Wow, thanks for all of your responses. You've given me a LOT to think about.

Di

[suchacutie]

For me it was a very specifici experience: As a male, my wife and I are mates. Tina and my wife are completely platonic girlfriends. There is no sexual energy there for Tina.

However, dressing...especially dressing to the nines...is sensual. There is a difference, but the biological function can always see the difference in the beginning, so there is a physiological response, or at least the start of one. It doesn't go anywhere, but there is a certain stimulation for a guy who is used to boring guy clothes to suddenly find his body encased in stockings and satin!

So, I would say there is probably always a sensual response, not necessarily a sexual response to crossdressing. At least that was my experience.

[ArleneRaquel]

I love dressing as a woman. It makes me feel great and glorious. In fact it's dabomb. :):thumbsup: I still get a sexual kick while enfemme.

[ReineD]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

I don't know either since like you, I'm a GG. But, I do know there are a number of things that excite men ... they're wired that way. If a man is hetero, he can become excited over anything having to do with women, from seeing a hot woman walking down a street, to pics in a Playboy magazine, to seeing his wife's negligee on the bed ready for her to wear even if he is not a CDer and has no desire to wear it himself, to even just thinking about naked women and sex.

Where the line is between garden-variety male libido and fetish, is hard to tell. But, if your husband's arousal over getting dressed does not negatively impact your sexual relationship, if he does become aroused by you in your normal course of having sex together, then his sexuality is not impacted by the CDing. It does become a problem when a male can no longer function without a fetish object though, no matter what the object is whether it is a pair of panties or bondage or latex, if he is in a relationship with a woman who is not into the same fetish ... since this causes all kinds of issues with the GG who then feels that she no longer arouses her partner and he is rather aroused by something that is not her.

And, because we're in a forum where the threads in the CD section are also read by transsexuals or people who question whether or not they are transsexual, I am not implying that arousal when dressed is always just a fetish. I know that for TSs and some gender non-conforming individuals, there is a need to experience sexuality in the target gender.

[Lorileah]

You've given me a LOT to think about.

Di

oh oh that can be a bad thing :)

[Moxie]

I read something recently that suggested the only difference between a non CD man and a CDer is puberty. It was noted that nearly ALL small children take to playing dress up in their mother's clothes, but only a select percentage will take this back up in puberty, sealing their fate as a lifelong Crossdresser.

As a mother and aunt and friend of many, I have to say I agree with the dress up part. Funny how often small children role play 'families', even the boys. So I'm not convinced crossdressing isn't based in sexuality and I'm also not convinced that most are born this way.

Actually, I'm not convinced anyone has any clue, but sex is a HUGE part for my H, even when he's just experiencing comfort in feminine attire as for many people, sex equals comfort.

[Kate Simmons]

When we are born, we gradually progress in life. First physically, then emotionally, then spiritually. If we are successful we are all of the above as a mature being. The problem comes in when we develop forms of "arrested development" from a variety of reasons. The ultimately developed being is balanced in both male and female aspects regardless of physical plumbing.:)

[AllyCDTV]

As you can tell, there are a lot of different answers to your question but the best are the ones that tell you to talk to your husband.

As far as I go, there were a few threads here that gave me a lot of insight into why I get sexually aroused when I dress. One in particular asked which celebrity you would most like to look like. The two I picked were Elke Sommer and Julie Christie. I thought they were the hottest looking women when I went through puberty. I posted a picture of each along with my reply to that thread. What struck me was how much I have unconsciously tried to look like Julie Christie in terms of the hairstyle I chose and my clothes. I also didn't realize how much another one of my wigs looks like the typical hair style Elke Sommer would wear. So when I dress up. with the help of my imagination (probably a lot of help LOL), I see one of the 2 the sexiest women from when I went through puberty. Talk about imprinting. So when I see that, how can I not get aroused?

[Kate T]

Wife, you have probably realised by now that there is no real one answer to your question. To be honest I think hormones do have a lot to do with it. Testosterone wihtin a physiologic range is a very strong arousal hormone. There is far less higher level thought goin into male sex drive and once it all kicks off for a male then it is not that hard for them to climax, it is really just biology.

I think for almost all CD's, sexual gratification has been a part of the experience at some stage. HOWEVER it is not the entireity of it and it does tend to decrease with age and self acceptance. If you think of it a little bit like, you enjoy sexual relations with your husband but that is not the only reason nor even for most women the major reason why your married him.

Personally I think it is worthwhile trying to determine the origin of the arousal. Is it a tactile thing with certain fabrics, some are turned on by restictive garments (e.g. corsets etc.) and like the feeling of confinement, some like the idea of being told what to do (i.e. submissive) which they associate with a certain female role (please, I'm not saying that this is fair, just that some guys are into it), whilst others are aroused by the idea or the thought of being female or having a feminine body (e.g. breast forms) this is usually referred to as Autogynephilia. Once the source (or sources) of the arousal are identified then you can make decisions on whether / how they will be a part of your physical relationship and this often results in either a greater understanding between partners or once the origin is identified and analysed it may no longer hold any interest and start to drop off (hence the tendency I think for the sexual element to decrease markedly once a CD / TG / TS comes to self acceptance).

[whowhatwhen]

OR OR OR...
You could use his penis as a towel/hat rack, beauty and utility combined.

:P

[Sally24]

For me the only sexual part is in fantasy. I still can get excited about various CD or TS sexual fantasies. But that's not dressing. I've never been turned on by the act of dressing. Exhilarated? Sure! Enjoying the sensual aspects of smooth skin, beautiful and soft fabrics and all the other external things, yes! Now I may be a minority because I didn't have sexual experiences of ANY kind until I was in my early 20's. But there is a portion of our CDs that are interested in the sexual side of things. And there is a sizable portion that start out with a sexual nature but find that isn't where it leads them eventually.

When I started dressing and going out in my 50's I was quite surprised to find out that it wasn't some sexual kink. Up until that point it had really been mostly fantasizing so I never knew the difference. I don't know if this will change for your husband as he continues to learn but it might.

Now to address a few comments.....


Unfortunately, being turned by being dressed or by our female image is a large part of dressing for most of us...............VERY FEW have not experienced it at one time or another! Whether they'll admit it or not.

Sorry Doc, but just calling many of us liars still doesn't make you right. There is a good portion of us that have never experienced dressing as a sexual act. You can speak for yourself but I think you are way off when you say "most".


You are a sharp cookie WIFE as you have already figured out THE key to the vast majority of CDing. It just is rarely talked about at this site, but almost all at this site admit to STARTING OUT THAT WAY in one thread or another.

This is not a sex site so we only talk about sexual aspects of dressing when they are germane to another conversation.


.......So, I would say there is probably always a sensual response, not necessarily a sexual response to crossdressing. At least that was my experience.

Exactly my experience. I really love all the textures and scents and visuals that surround many of the feminine accoutrements. But there is a major difference between an enjoyment of sensual delights and a sexual response.

[sandra-leigh]

It took me decades to realize I was a cross-dresser. Once I so realized, and started going out in public more, I discovered something interesting: that more and more, imagining myself going out dressed a certain way and certain place was erotic but the actual doing of it was not for me. And over time, the imagining died away, became less frequent.

There were still times when I became spontaneously aroused while out dressing, but those were times at which my mind was full of non-erotic thoughts, not thinking of pleasure, and suddenly realized that without my noticing, part of me had expanded. Those times were generally a nuisance.

[docrobbysherry]

[QUOTE=Sally24;3034927]-----------------Sorry Doc, but just calling many of us liars still doesn't make you right. There is a good portion of us that have never experienced dressing as a sexual act. You can speak for yourself but I think you are way off when you say "most".--------------------
I think u may have misread my post, Sally. I said, "Most", and, "Very few". Let me reiterate. You're claiming you've NEVER been turned on by dressing or your looks in a mirror? If that's true, then I guess you're one of the, "Very few". Which I BELIEVE to be about one in ten CD/TG/TS's that have NEVER been turned on by some aspect of dressing. Congrats!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Strictly speaking, little boys can be stimulated and get an erection even though they have no understanding why it is happening. I have known many folks who said they experienced this when they were little and tried on their mothers' clothes and such (or other items of clothing like rubber or whatever happened to attract them.)

[Meghan]

Di,

There is a certain connection that I feel with my sexuality now that I am out, that I comply did not feel when I wasn't. It's as if I have totally opened up. However, it is rare that I get excited any more just because of dressing alone.

To give you an example, I had my first "O" ever when en fem at age 11 or 12. However, I had been dressing every chance I had since I was at least 10. I thought the "O" was linked to the dressing, but looking back, I only had chances like that when I was alone, so it's not a coincidence that conditions that produced dressing also produced "O"s.

But as many have said, gender is a continuum. No two of us are alike, and some men are attracted and aroused at the thought of being a woman and seeing themselves as such.

The only way to know for sure is to ask your H...and even then he may not completely know why.

This is one of the zillions of puzzles about our condition :)

Meghan

[Bree-asaurus]

And, because we're in a forum where the threads in the CD section are also read by transsexuals or people who question whether or not they are transsexual, I am not implying that arousal when dressed is always just a fetish. I know that for TSs and some gender non-conforming individuals, there is a need to experience sexuality in the target gender.

Yeah... and that's whole different bag of worms lol! Many transsexuals, who have no sexual feelings for crossdressing will often think they are crossdressers because dressing up seems to make them... excited down there. But as another poster mentioned, that might have a lot to do with testosterone being an erection's best friend, in addition to a non-sexual excitement from expressing one's self when they spend the rest of their lives pretending to be someone else.

Let's just hope he's not transsexual... lol.

[Tracii G]

As you can see Di there is not a black and white answer thats why the CD world is soo hard to understand.
I have been crossdressing off and on since i was in high school. I'm 60 BTW.
At first it may have had a sexual glint to it I'll admit that but I felt the act of dressing to be an outward expression of myself (TG).
At that time I had no idea what made me like dressing in womens clothes I just enjoyed it.
The sexual aspect faded after a few times dressing and to this day has not even a remote factor.
I just enjoy the release from being my male self.To be honest I prefer my female side.
Imagine it was you that had the constant battle with your gender and not your husband? Would you want to be chained and bound and told what to feel and what not to feel?
Told you must be gay or a sexual deviant maybe even told you have a mental disorder because you feel a certain way.
Di you seem to hold on to the notion all that your husband is doing is wrong.
He may be in some way or another as far as your relationship goes but please don't shackle him and put him in a box.That won't solve anything.
I really am glad you are here I really truly am and I wish you both the best.

[Jacqueline Winona]

It's possible tha thte thought of you is what's encouraging him- he likes dressing and the fact that you're at least watching him may excite him, even if you're not fully participating. This could be a turn-on simply because you're seeing him in what could be a vulnerable state, accepting him in his femme site, and showing him there's no shame in it. He may not get excited at all if you're not around. Just a thought.

[chrismy]

The truth is we don't come with an instruction book for a lot of us we can't tell you Why it is, it is just part of our make up. To tell us not to dress or not to shave it is like telling a fish not to swim up stream. The fish do not know why they swim up stream they just do.

for me ...this is one the most insightful observations i have read... ... i felt ... strangely centered with a possible way forward to some sort of peace

[Tara D. Rose]

I can't say that we dress or become our female side to become sexually aroused. For some that may be the case. I will speak only for myself as not to say this applies across the board of cross dressers. I started wearing girl clothes by my own choice when I was very young, around 4 and 6 years old. That was long before I ever knew what sex was. It was natural for me to feel this way. I still kept it hidden when I was that young for I at least knew that these were girl things. Then like any other young boy, puberty hit real hard and so the usual self exploration stage of life begins. Then when the dressing in girl clothes continued during the years from 13 to 35, I used to think that it was for sexual arousal. Now that I’m much older and wiser, of course the natural decline of libido takes place, but yet, the desire to dress or become Tara is still here today stronger than ever, regardless of libido. During my teens, of course I was so confused and with so little information about what I was, I had to try so hard to figure it out on my own. I didn't have it figured out nonetheless, but I was still confused.
So I ask myself now, why did I do this as a very young little child before I knew what sex was, and why do I still do this now when I do not get aroused by dressing or becoming Tara? I don’t do this with the hopes of getting turned on, I will always do this from now on. I mean I can get aroused from some things, whether I’m as Tara or not, but it isn't the dressing that gives sexual arousal. Maybe some are in the stage of confusing the dressing that has been done for all of their lives, and when puberty hits, it may seem that it is the dressing that causes arousal, but it may be just the natural full blown testosterone. What is your husband's age?
But WIFE, answer this question, does your husband get aroused when he does not put on women’s clothes? If so, it may not be the clothes. But when we dress, it does feel so good inside and so relaxing and brings so much more joy in and of itself than for sexual arousal. I apply my philosophy not only to myself, but to those that have done this since very early childhood, but not to the late bloomers that started up one day and just decided.

I look back over my life now and can see very well in hindsight, that as much as I loved and needed to do this, it wasn't for sexual arousal, it wasn't at 5 years old, it's just that I would sometimes incorporate it into my lonely times during puberty, when I thought I was very strange. Some cd's MAY dress in women's clothes only for the purpose of sexual arousal, and maybe many years from now when it no longer does that to them, maybe they will hang the clothes up for good. But for me, I will always become Tara because it feels so right sometimes. Just a few hours or minutes before I take my shower and shave with the intent to become Tara, there are no sexual thoughts going through my mind before hand at all.

[Wildaboutheels]

After most of the responses thus far, if you are still having doubts, just ask yourself one simple Q.

WHY do you think so few CDers are WOMEN wanting to dress up as men? The obvious reason accounts for the lopsided ratio so easily visible here. No way to really determine it accurately but probably 20 to 1 [at least] if not 100 to 1. Possibly much higher?

[noeleena]

Hi,

I have been in a situstion that for myself was not a good place to be, in regard to a surposed crossdresser, him being a him.

I was invited to this persons place as i thought was a dresser, while i was there fortunatly another woman come just after i arrived so two of us were women , natal.

The guy concerned started to make comments of going to bed with him & as iv told this before you know what i said, yes i am a woman & im not in the least bit interested in jumping in to any ones bed, for sex, so i told him in no uncertan terms dont even think about touching me in an in aproproprat places, ill deck you . & ill defend myself, so he asked again he got the same responce, ,so he left us women to talk then he got abusive & told us to leave ,we did,

I did not expect this to take place so was it because im a woman & a easy catch, or he thought i was , answer is not going to happen, so sex is on mens minds a lot remenber a males mind is continuly in sex mode, most of the time, for many. age will have a bearing on this as well.

He was dressed as a woman though i dought his thinking was any thing like a woman it was total male .

Just as a thought so you know, im a non sexual woman, & that started 20 years ago. so the sex act is not or sexual encounters is not a part of who i am, not all of us have that door to open,

,..noeleena...

[Cheryl T]

Just look around you...EVERYTHING is about sex. Advertising has made it that way.
We are sexual beings or we would have died out with the Neanderthals.

That being said, many of us began our journey well before we knew what sex was (I was 7 or so) and it was definitely not a factor. Of course, as we went through puberty all the images of the 'perfect' woman flooded our thoughts courtesy of Playboy and advertising. Naturally some of that became incorporated into our dressing. We wanted to be that image on the screen or in the magazine. For some of us dressing still holds that 'thrill' while for others it does not. It's individual, but it's not because it's sexual. It's not an indicator of some hidden desire to have sex.

Let me ask it in reverse, and I've asked my wife this also.
If you are going out somewhere special, and you are dressing to look your best, your makeup perfect, your outfit divine, don't you feel 'sexual'?? Don't you feel at least a little bit excited? Isn't part of all your effort at least a little bit intended to entice others into "feeling" how good you look? Of course it is or you wouldn't go through all the effort. Therefore whenever you dress to look nice you are being at least a little bit 'sexual'. Of course your response is only seen in a flushed face by the world. It's not as evident to others as your husband's response is to your eyes.

It's not that big a deal...it's natural.

[Beverley Sims]

Well wife,
If you were confused when you wrote this thread what are you now?
Did you find this useful?
Marks out of ten please. :)

[kimdl93]

Di, I think the two can be intertwined from adolescence and puberty. Even those of us who felt "different" from an early age, often rediscover Cding as adolescents...coincedentally, around the same time we become sexually aware. Its not surprising that women's things become arousing, because at that age, everything is arousing. And, honestly, for a male that can true well into middle age.

Many of us have at times a bit annoyed by arrousal, because in some sense it detracts from what we really are seeking. As one gets older...sadly in some respects...its a little more difficult to get sexually arroused, but many of us welcome the ability to dress without that annoying side effect. I think of it as kind of a divergence that occurs with maturity. Sex and CDing go down the same road together, but as we get older, they may follow different paths.

[Stephanie G]

Sister, For me because of where I live and my size, cross dressing is exclusively done at home and is almost always related to sexuality. My wife knows that when I cross dress I am totally sexually charged - even at the age of sixty six. I love the feel of lingerie and the peace and strength my feminine side brings me. And my wife LOVES it also. Sometimes we even wear matching outfits. Occasionally when she is away because of her job, I get thoroughly dressed and it is still definitely highly sexual.

[TGMarla]

Di, you ask a very pertinent question. For some CDs, it is about sex. For others, it's sometimes about sex. Yet still, for others it's NEVER about sex. So really, sex in CDing is the same as it is with sex in all other walks of life. We read sex into everything. You can watch a soda commercial, and sure enough, some sexy babe is practically doing fellatio on the can, wearing her sexiest dress, and ruby red lipstick. We see sex everywhere, especially in American pop culture.

But as it pertains to heterosexual crossdressers, I think the answer is pretty easy. Many of us, myself included, have been attracted to, and even found sexual stimulation in, the way women dress themselves. We are very attracted to the feminine presentation, and all things feminine. A beautiful dress, pretty hair, sensual perfume, jewelry.....all of the female acoutements, act as a sexual releaser to us. That's not to say that crossdressing automatically progresses every time to some sexual climax, but uh....it's been known to happen.

The crossdressing itself is more often in answer to something internal, some desire to present as female, and live in the moment. But all our lives, we have found the very same things we use to crossdress very sexually alluring and stimulating. Have you ever gone out on the town with your husband all dressed to the nines? Was he acting towards you in a way that suggested that he was more attracted to you than usual? If so, I imagine you enjoyed the extra attention. It's probable that he's very attracted to the fact that you wore something beautiful, feminine, and very attractive. When we crossdress, we also wear things we find feminine, beautiful, and very attractive. So the sexual stimulation, while not always manifested, is always there somewhere, waiting for the opportunity to arouse. At least that's the way it is for many of us.

[Beth Cooper]

Ok so whats the story with being a CD and sex? here's where most people get confused and try to relate gender identity with sexual orintation.
What they forget to take into concerdiration is the fact that although conected they are completly seperate things. As a famous TG once said, (sorry can't remember the exact person) Gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs. In an effort to understand this issue a little more and as general information for all those who don't know about this, here's a link to a web site that has a multitude of articles on the topic on being TG and CD. http://www.wpath.org/journal/www.iiav.nl/ezines/web/IJT/97-03/numbers/symposion/index-2.htm Pay attention to the last article at the bottom of the page when you scroll down, (A Sex Difference in the Human Brain and its Relation to Transsexuality.
J.-N. Zhou, M.A. Hofman, L.J.G. Gooren and D.F. Swaab
Reprinted with permission by the authors from NATURE, 378: 68-70 (1995))

This article clearly shows that being TG or CD is a pure genitic condition just like most everything else about us.
As for your husbands sexual arrousel gained through CDing this is just a normal male reaction to sexually desire females, as Darwin pointed out this is mealy the 2nd of the 5 basic human instincts, which is servival of the species. All he's doing here is externalising his internal sexual desires towards females by wearing womens clothes. Do not mistake this however for him being less attracted to you as that is not the case at all, it's just basic animal instinct which at the end of day is all we are realy, and can be seen in any animal behaviour.

But my main point here is to say that Gender ID and Sexual ID are seperate things, and although they cross over at times, they should never be confused as being one in the same.

In my instance to follow what everyone else is saying, being "dressed" as it were is sometimes about sexual stimulation and sometimes not, it's about being comfortable with who you are and the qualities and attitudes that you want to express, just like everyone else regardless of being CD or not. For example for me personally, I don't own any male underwear, and just like every other female, I have normal underwear, and 'sexy' underwear all of which I wear at different times to achieve different things, I have my day to day underwear which I wear day to day, and then I have my special underwear if you will which of gets me sexually aroused as it is designed to do to any person, after all why would we have all the frilly female underwaer if it wasn't meant to provoke a responce? I'm sure you sometimes wear underware that makes you feel sexy per se while you go out in normal clothes and do normal things like go to the supermarket etc.. and all the while you think to yourself or you catch yourself occasionally throughout the day thinking I feel sexy because I'm wearing my sexy underwear and no one knows it but me. That in itself is the clicncer. No one else knows. And the thing to remember here is that men are no different when it comes to this, and often CD's are just more responsive than most.

Cheers,

Beth Cooper.

[ReineD]

I have my day to day underwear which I wear day to day, and then I have my special underwear if you will which of gets me sexually aroused as it is designed to do to any person, after all why would we have all the frilly female underwaer if it wasn't meant to provoke a responce?

The big difference is in whom the wearer wants to provoke the response. Women wear sexy things to arouse their partners, not themselves. Men, not women are aroused by seeing women in lingerie (http://www.magicsilk.com/Lingerie-Catalog.wd) and an entire industry is built around this concept. Frilly underwear simply do not arouse women sexually just by themselves.

Men are simply more aroused than women are with sexy women things, whether the man is a CDer or not. Sex = women = women-who-wear-sexy-things (if he's hetero). :) If he's a CDer, then he'll become aroused when he's wearing them in addition to seeing them on a woman. If he's not a CDer, he'll just become aroused by seeing them on a woman.

[Beth Cooper]

Hi Reine,

I take your point and I think your right. however isn’t feeling sexy per se a state of mind rather than what you may happen to be wearing? therefore is it not possible for women to feel sexy while wearing lingerie without having to show it to someone to get the validation of their state? Hence self perception theory which I think for the most part plays a huge role in how and why some people get aroused while wearing lingerie, or not. After all some people get aroused by dressing up in animal costumes, for what ever reason, but their self perception is what triggers them to change their state of mind and what they wear or don't ware is mealy a device for the conscious mind to represent what the sub conscious associates with whatever particular state they are trying to achieve.

[ReineD]

Yes, we do feel sexy when we wear lingerie (if we're in a sexy mood to begin with). But the lingerie, in itself, does not arouse us in the same way that it does a CDer. We are aroused at the prospect of being appealing to a man. Please believe me. :p

[MonctonGirl]

I know a lot of women who have admitted to becoming sexually aroused while trying on nice shoes, boots & dresses in a store.

So when you figure that out, you'll probably have the answer.

[Bree-asaurus]

Yes, we do feel sexy when we wear lingerie (if we're in a sexy mood to begin with). But the lingerie, in itself, does not arouse us in the same way that it does a CDer. We are aroused at the prospect of being appealing to a man. Please believe me. :p

Exactly. The cloths themselves are just cloths. They don't elicit a sexual response. But if you're in the mood and want to give your man a little extra kick, looking sexy for him can also make you feel sexy.

Sometimes I'm feeling a little sexy and that might influence what outfit I pick when I'm going out with friends or the boyfriend, but the that short skirt doesn't do anything for me by itself.

[sometimes_miss]

For me, it's not the crossdressing that gets me turned on. However, that doesn't mean that I never get turned on while I'm crossdressed, either; I dress as a girl about 90% of the time when at home, so just watching some steamy action on TV will get me aroused, and that can happen whether I'm in boy clothes or girl clothes. They're not mutually exclusive.

[anastasiaprincess]

I have to admit that occasionally i have looked at myself in a full length mirror when fully dressed and have actually found myself attractive and become aroused (DONT JUDGE ME LOL ) i guess i have looked at myself and thought " I would" Ha ha but yeah most of the time no i dont become aroused when dressing up For me its day to day life ! I get home from work stressed to the max and just slipping into something girly seems to release all that tension and i feel human again ! Lucky for me is i have a very open minded partner who doesn't mind my Crossdressing (she actually supports it and has admitted that i does add to the fun of our more personal activity's together) So really i can only say that for me it can be a turn on and can (with the right person) enhance sexual activity ! Thanks for starting such an interesting Thread :)

Anastasia