Do you "test" your accepting/supportive SO?

[~Joanne~]

Lately I have found myself wondering about a lot of things when it comes to My crossdressing.

Since coming out about my crossdressing with my GF I have found her to be accepting and supportive. She rarely says anything about it. I now have my toes painted all the time and she never really comments on it not that I really want her to but at the same time I am wondering what she is thinking.

We have never had a strong communication in our relationship. Usually something festers until it becomes a fight instead of talking about it. It's been well over a month now so I assume (which I know is wrong) that she really doesn't have a problem with it.

For the record, Our communication has been a lot better than it has been in the last month due to being open about this. we talk a lot more, even up and beyond the CDing.

So when it came to her asking about Christmas presents and what I would like, I just said "well, I wear a 36 C". She said " you don't wear a 36 C, you don't have boobs" My reply was well when I create boobs they are a 36 C and your always saying I am so hard to shop for". She didn't say much after that but she wasn't in a negative mood or anything along those lines either.

So what I am wondering is, am I testing her? I mean, if she does buy me a bra for Christmas is it that she is saying she really has no problem with this? If she doesn't is she stating the opposite?

Have you ever done this to try to test your SO?

Yes, Sometimes i think too much into things and even confuse myself at times lol ;)

[Jana]

If she hasn't shopped for you before, sounds like you are pushing it a little. Talk to her about it, ask if she's ok with getting you Xdressing stuff for Xmas. Maybe she isn't and you should try to respect that.

[Gillian Gigs]

We are always testing the limits whether it be, on the Highway, and in the bedroom. Question is, bend, but not break, the only person that knows how far to push it us. Funny thing is that when I gave up pushing the limits was when things started to change for the better. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, maybe when I was pushing the limits, and she was pushing back!

[Wildaboutheels]

I think you are treading on the fine line between "accepting" and "embracing". I think it is usually best to err on the side of caution with other people concerning ANY matter if you are trully unsure about how they feel. Many people are tumbleweeds by their outward appearance.

[Joanne f]

There is nothing left in that department to test so I just test everyone by getting up in the mornings :devil:

[AllieSF]

I agree that it is a fine line between accepting and embracing or tolerating. Another thing is that since there is only so-so communication n general, which makes it even harder to talk about more serious and even more touchy subjects like crossdressing and all that it implies, there may be some insecurity/unsureness on your part as to whether she really does accept/tolerate your dressing. I can relate to that based on another type of experience. I was dating someone significantly younger than I and was always doubting her acceptance of me based on that age difference and found myself constantly asking her (or maybe just periodically asking her) whether that age difference was an issue for her.

So, I do think that in a way you are testing her, or maybe better stated questioning her acceptance of what you like to do. I also think that based on the experience of others here, it is always best to be more than satisfied if your SO tolerates your dressing and try not to keep pushing the envelope when it comes to her involvement in it. Maybe a better answer to her question about what you want for Christmas may be a list of things for your guy mode and then maybe one item that says "a surprise for your other side". Good luck.

[~Joanne~]

If she hasn't shopped for you before, sounds like you are pushing it a little.

She has never shopped for me either which way but has shopped with me. We actually have fun while doing it. I don't think I am pushing, just testing....hence the question ;)


Maybe a better answer to her question about what you want for Christmas may be a list of things for your guy mode and then maybe one item that says "a surprise for your other side". Good luck.

That's the reason I gave her my bra size lol I didn't think of it even as a test till I was reading a few posts here and there. It got me to thinking.

We shop for our christmas together now.We have for the last three years. Most of everything that we get each other is known long before Christmas. There are a few items though that we get each other and do wrap and know nothing about.

I have a short list of five items she wants and plan on getting and wrapping, she on the other hand realized that we got most of my "boy toys" on black friday and was looking for ideas. I gave her one;)

[Moxie]

She pointed out that you don't have boobs then quit talking about it.

Translation: "I am not going there!"

I would stop pushing right here if I were you. Just sayin' :)

[ReineD]

I hate mind games and I would hate to be "tested". lol This implies that my SO would be willing to not tell me the truth, should my attitudes about something not go according to what he wants. So my personal preference is to put everything out on the table. If you want a bra, tell her WHY you want a bra, ask her directly if she has a problem with it, and be prepared to make compromises if she does and you want to stay in your relationship. If you don't do this, one day she will stop thinking about your painted nails and other tastes as just a harmless kink, and she will feel a fool for not having been told that you have deeper reasons for wanting to be feminine.

Also, the "not being good at communication" is often a synonym for "putting one's head in the sand", or "sweeping things under the carpet". If you fear that she will not want to go as far with this as you would like, and she fears that you will want to go further with this than she feels comfortable with, it's much easier, isn't it, to not face potential difficulties or be willing to explore them. This, in my opinion, is a recipe for future relationship disaster.

But, that's just me. The stark naked truth isn't for everyone.

[~Joanne~]

She pointed out that you don't have boobs then quit talking about it.

Translation: "I am not going there!"

I would stop pushing right here if I were you. Just sayin' :)

hm, I don't think that's what it means at all. She was probably just curious as to why I would say a bra over say pantyhose which I use and wear more often, beyond crossdressing. I also wear them for medical reasons.

I also don't feel as I was "pushing" anything when she was the one to ask lol. Of coarse I should have thought about it more ;)


I hate mind games and I would hate to be "tested". lol This implies that my SO would be willing to not tell me the truth, should my attitudes about something not go according to what he wants. So my personal preference is to put everything out on the table. If you want a bra, tell her WHY you want a bra, ask her directly if she has a problem with it, and be prepared to make compromises if she does and you want to stay in your relationship. If you don't do this, one day she will stop thinking about your painted nails and other tastes as just a harmless kink, and she will feel a fool for not having been told that you have deeper reasons for wanting to be feminine.

Also, the "not being good at communication" is often a synonym for "putting one's head in the sand", or "sweeping things under the carpet". If you fear that she will not want to go as far with this as you would like, and she fears that you will want to go further with this than she feels comfortable with, it's much easier, isn't it, to not face potential difficulties or be willing to explore them. This, in my opinion, is a recipe for future relationship disaster.

But, that's just me. The stark naked truth isn't for everyone.

I like the stark truth and I also don't like mind games. I don't think I was intentionally trying to test her in any way or form when I answered her question :) It just kind of dawned on me that maybe I was when I was doing some reading here and there and that wasn't the intention .

I only asked if anyone tested their SO's out of curiosity. I am sure there are a few here that do. While our communication skills, My SO and I, aren't the strongest, I believe we are working on that on all fronts of our relationship.

[ReineD]

I only asked if anyone tested their SO's out of curiosity. I am sure there are a few here that do. While our communication skills, My SO and I, aren't the strongest, I believe we are working on that on all fronts of our relationship.

Fair enough. :) I said this because my SO and I were also not good about communicating about certain things in the beginning of our relationship and it nearly caused our relationship to end.

[~Joanne~]

Fair enough. :) I said this because my SO and I were also not good about communicating about certain things in the beginning of our relationship and it nearly caused our relationship to end.

I am sure My SO and I have dodged that bullet a couple of times ourselves to be honest. Like I stated we use to let things fester till argument point but since I told her about the dressing we have a more open and honest relationship and really have been communicating a lot better and more often :)

I have always believed that communication is key to any good relationship CD or not :) Thank you for your point of view Reine, I always value your opinion and wisdom ;)

[MssHyde]

my wife told me I'm hard to buy for. I once told her buy me anything that is girly. (she told me she knew that)

[RADER]

It might be a good time to just slow down a little; Let her find a present she
is comfortable in giving, and take it from their.
Rader

[GG7irish]

I know as a GG that I would not appreciate being tested in this way. This scenario could go horribly wrong or beautifully right. But wouldn't it be better to discuss everything openly and then if she buys you something be that much more special?

[Beverley Sims]

Don't push it! You are making progress, let her ask the X dressing questions and don't do too much suggesting she will do it when she is ready to take it on board.
Think yourself lucky if you get a bra for Christmas.
I test my wife nightly.... I give her points out of ten for her meals.
Lobster gets a ten and spaghetti on toast is a four.
She scores about 7 most evenings.
Christmas dinner might get a nine. :)

[Laura28]

My SO says i am the hardest to buy for, i have said numerous times you know what to get me, she always comes back with i would like to be able to put it under the tree (we have kids). So she gets me some tools 9never can go wrong with tools) then she puts a couple presents in my closet for me to open that night together.

[Cheryl T]

Not really testing, but whenever we talk and it turns to cleaning or housework I always say that I don't mind doing it but one day I'll have to go on strike as I still have not received my Uniform (read French Maid). It's become a joke between us so I wouldn't consider it testing anymore.

[NicoleScott]

I think it's never a good idea to test relationships.

[Jennifer in CO]

When I told my girlfriend it was in a letter. I explained my feelings, my wants, my goals. I also told her that while I didn't want to "BE" a woman, that if I was dressed as one I should present as one to avoid humiliation of either of us. I got a bra and pantie set back in the mail. That was her only "test"...

Jenn

[linda allen]

Do you "test" your accepting/supportive SO?

I suppose I do. I "test" to see what her limits are. For example, we were talking about "my" purse, the one she gave me when I bought her a new one. She said "I don't know why you need a purse." I said "To hold my wallet and things when we go out." She said "I guess you'll have a mouse in your pocket when you go out because I'm not going out with you."

So I performed the "test" and I know the results. That doesn't mean the results won't be different the next time, I just keep nudging the envelope. I never would have thought I would have gotten this far.

[kimdl93]

No, I don't I certainly asked her when I want to do something that was a significant change. I try to treat her as an adult and hope to behave and be treated as one.

[~Joanne~]

It might be a good time to just slow down a little; Let her find a present she
is comfortable in giving, and take it from their.
Rader

I think some have misread the whole bra thing, she asked, I answered. I am not trying to push anything on her at all. I was just stating that now that she knows about my dressing, she is free to think outside the box that she wouldn't have thought about previously.

One of her biggest complaints has always been how hard I am to buy for around Christmas. I usually have everything I want long before waiting to see if I am going to recieve it around the holiday. I gave her more options is all :)


I know as a GG that I would not appreciate being tested in this way. This scenario could go horribly wrong or beautifully right. But wouldn't it be better to discuss everything openly and then if she buys you something be that much more special?

I never thought of it as a test when I responded. I never thought of it as a test weeks later. I was reading some posts around the forum which made me think, "am I testing her?" hence the question. The truth is, we test each other every day. Not just my SO and I but society as a whole.



Do you "test" your accepting/supportive SO?

I suppose I do. I "test" to see what her limits are. For example, we were talking about "my" purse, the one she gave me when I bought her a new one. She said "I don't know why you need a purse." I said "To hold my wallet and things when we go out." She said "I guess you'll have a mouse in your pocket when you go out because I'm not going out with you."

So I performed the "test" and I know the results. That doesn't mean the results won't be different the next time, I just keep nudging the envelope. I never would have thought I would have gotten this far.


Thank you for a great response but more so for being honest Linda :) You know, I read a lot around here about testing SO's to see how they would handle a dresser coming out to them, everyone has an approach but none reject to that testing at all that I have ever read here. This is what made me think am I testing my SO. She now knows everything but was this test when it was never meant to be?

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting a feel as to how someone may respond if you are trying to bring them out of their comfort zone. When I gave my SO my bra size, she was not negative in the least even though the thought of testing her never came until later.