Any Regrets?

[Traci Elizabeth]

Tomorrow is December, the last month of the year. Soon 2012 will be but a memory.

So does anyone have any trans-related regrets this year?

I'll go first.

I regret how I downplayed my daughter's emotions over me finally having my SRS. I just brushed off her feelings that she felt SRS was the final nail in the coffin of her dad. She see's nothing of her dad anymore and while she is in morning, I am celebrating.

The dichotomy of transition is alive and well.

[outhiking]

I regret that I only just discovered this forum this year. I would love to have been a member years ago.

[Annaliese]

I am regretting that I have not made more of an effort to go out more this year

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry your daughter feels this way. In the end, this IRS your life, and you have rights too. But your daughter hasn't really lost anything but the facade. You are the same person as ever living for the first time as you really are, without a false male veneer. Perhaps you can help your daughter realize that the person she loves is still there, revealed to her as you truly always were and always will be.

[Saffron]

I regret that I only just discovered this forum this year. I would love to have been a member years ago.
+1

My only regret is trying to ignore my inner feelings all these years.

[Tammy V]

I started my medical transition this year have hit all my goals but one so far and have but that one regret. I had set as a goal going at the beginning of the year to come out to my conservative parents about my transition this year but as the year wore on I upped the goal to telling them sooner and going full time by the end of the year. I will meet my original goal but not my revised one. I plan to tell them right after Christmas and that is nessesary before I file for my name change etc. Even though I am an adult for legal reasons (power of attorney etc.) they will have to be informed and my only regret is not bringing them into it sooner. That is also my only fear and dread in transition as everything else has been fulfilling beyond my wildest imagination...

[Kirsty_D]

A part from the obvious regret of not following through with this at 19 when I first went to see a therapist, for 2012 alone I have no regrets. Though it's been fought to step out of the shadows and expose my inner feelings I have no regrets about anything Trans related so far this year. 2013, though might be a different story… (though there will be no regrets about SRS)

[melissaK]

No regrets this year. Actually the opposite. I puzzled out some long standing mental health issues, came clean to my wife about where im at and started an honest dialogue. It's really not looking all that promising for us - but I guess that jury's still out. I have lost some weight, and guess I am doing ok. Aside from HRT the entire transition agenda awaits me. I've started building a transition plan. I'm scared to death, maybe I regret being this scared.

And Mrs Post Op, thanks for the tip about daughters. Not sure how mine will take it.

[Bree-asaurus]

My only regrets are being so darn afraid. All it did was hold me back.

[Britney Johnson]

Hi Girls... For me, I think to say "Regret" would be a poor choice of words. Am I disappointed that I have not been able to be truthful with myself and others, YES. Do I hope that my wife will accept me, Yes. Do I wish that my transition began years ago...., OMG Yes. I have made decisions though, that I thought were the best choices at the time. All we can hope is that the choices we make from here on out will bring joy to our lives and those around us. We all know this may not happen, but we hope. That is all we can do. I am happy that I have met so many friends here, and that we share our experiences so others may learn. I wish all of you strength in your journey, and may the choices you make be the right ones for you. Happy holidays... Hugs n Love...

[josee]

My only regrets are being so darn afraid. All it did was hold me back.

You took the words right out of my mouth, again...

[Michelle.M]

None whatsoever! This has been the best year of my life and the most important one so far with respect to my transition.

[DebbieL]

Regrets, yes, but not limited to this year. Yes, I wish Debbie had come out to my friends in high school, or my girls' college, or my first fiance, or insisted that we discuss my wanting to be a girl when I ended up in a psych ward and group therapy. I wish I had told my first fiance earlier and let her decide and tell me how she really felt. I wish I had told my first wife about Debbie before we moved in together. I regret the purges, I regret giving up transition for leadership training. I wish I could get a "do over" and be 6 or 7 years old, remembering how much I wanted to be a girl, as a girl, and just live and love the experience of being what I was.

But I didn't tell my friends or my sorority sisters, (they probably knew, but didn't want to scare me off), I didn't discuss being transsexual, but I did get clean and sober (for 32 years), I didn't tell my parents and friends when I was younger, but if I could, I might have been treated like other transsexuals of the time, who were given electroshock and orbital lobotomies, or sent to men's prison, where they became the "entertainment". I didn't tell my first fiance, but it drove me to seek help. I didn't tell my first wife until after we moved in together, but it resulted in my going to lots of 12 step meetings and learned the principles that helped me stay clean/sober and help thousands of other sponsees, grands, and so on, get clean/sober.

I didn't turn down the leadership program and the result was a huge weight gain, but I also learned to lead from behind the scenes, where I learned the secrets of real power, and how to make substantial changes to technology, communities, organizations, corporations, industries, and even the global economy.

I didn't tell my second wife that I wanted to transition, and was upset when she said she wasn't comfortable with it when I started thinking about it more seriously, but she was there for me during a stroke, from which I completely recovered thanks to her, and We've supported each other through several hard times, and she has shared her family with me (who know about and accept Debbie).

Yes, I have regrets, but I realize too that some of the disappointments and upsets were turning points in my life where I made decisions and took actions that made a difference in ways I could never have imagined. This happened the way they had to happen, and I was able to fulfill a purpose far greater than myself and my self centered focus on being young and beautiful (too late now :-D ). Maybe, at least for this lifetime, I'm doing exactly what I should be doing, even when it comes to my taking a stand as a transsexual.

[Jorja]

Regrets...... regrets for 2012....... Nope not a one.

[KellyJameson]

Only that it took me so long to figure this damn stuff out.

[AudreyTN]

i have to agree with KellyJameson. took me so long to figure all this out. wish I had dealt with it a long time ago.

but as the saying goes, everything happens in time, on time, just not on our time. ;)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Regrets or disapointments, only one though that may change latter on is , not haveing Jos by my side all the time,
For Jos & others i have changed im not the same as i was. 19 years ago i started my change it was a bit more than then of cause,
Im very much different, even though iv allways been female plus some male, i had to grow to be a woman & in so doing i'v changed along the way. you cant be the same person as i was told , sorry,,,,, if you dont change then theres something very wrong,in who you are as a person. to look back say 40 years & then see me now if you could not see how iv changed then i'd say iv lost the plot bigtime, theres just no way possibale not to change,

Jos can attest to that & we'v known each other for 39 years, my friends going back 55 years will say the same. i belive that is the everdence from those i know & still do .

I was never male enough to know what a male was, i knew as female, & then to woman. thats where my change comes in. even my own hormones worked in a way that was to change me , not those added meds ether,

so being who i am is change enough from what i was, or percived as,

...noeleena...

[Shapeshiffter]

It seems my only regret is the same as most of you. Too much time spent in denying it. First week in January will be my one year anniversary full time. Even the people I work with think I should have done this years ago. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i still have feelings of shame and guilt over my life..

but no "trans related" regrets..

i did my best with the cards i was dealt.

[Michelle.M]

After I responded to this thread last night I recalled an exercise I went through with my therapist, and as I still had the homework on my computer I found it and updated it for this and the coming year.

I began my transition in January 2011. Early sessions with my therapist covered certain key topics of adjusting to living in another gender and at times we discussed goals. What did I expect? What did I want? What were my dreams and wishes, realistic or not?

I made a list of all the goals I had for 2011. There weren't that many (2 big but realistic goals), and last December I updated it. All of those goals had been achieved and some unanticipated things happened as well. 10 key events and transition issues had been tackled and accomplished! 2011 was a very good year.

At the same time I made some goals for 2012. 5 goals, 4 accomplished so far (5th one might still happen before year's end) and 5 other big (but unanticipated) transition issues and events settled already. Again, another big year!

So, after reading and responding to this thread I just did the same for 2013 over coffee this morning. 7 goals so far, chief among them is GRS. I have a feeling that 2013 will be a VERY good year!

[Traci Elizabeth]

So, after reading and responding to this thread I just did the same for 2013 over coffee this morning. 7 goals so far, chief among them is GRS. I have a feeling that 2013 will be a VERY good year!


I sincerely hope you make your GRS goal. Keep in mind that all GRS/SRS doctors have waiting lists and there are tests to must provide in advance and letters that need to be presented. Don't wait too long into 2013 to get all of the requirements and scheduling done else you are looking at 2014.

[DebbieL]

i have to agree with KellyJameson. took me so long to figure all this out. wish I had dealt with it a long time ago.
but as the saying goes, everything happens in time, on time, just not on our time. ;)

I have two regrets:
One - that it took so long for me to figure it all out.
Two - that there are still so many barriers to actually making the transition.

[Nigella]

I guess this says it all for me

6E2hYDIFDIU

[Michelle.M]

Don't wait too long into 2013 to get all of the requirements and scheduling done else you are looking at 2014.

I'm way ahead of that. Tests for my doc need to be no more than 3 months out (2 months preferred), all other requirements are met and ready to ship. I'm at the point where all I need is a surgery date from the doctor, those tests and a plane ticket and I'm off like a prom dress!

[morgan51]

My only regrets are being so darn afraid. All it did was hold me back.

This is truly my thoughts as well nobody said it would be easy. It is however sooo fulfilling. My biggest regret is loosing my marriage.

[ChelseaErtel]

For this year. No. No regrets.

I told my wife and we are still together and I'm confident we can make it work. I now know I am a woman in a man's body and have accepted that. I have told my workplace and they are supportive and ready to transition me when I'm ready. I have told my mother and she accepts me and now only see's Chelsea and love's her.

Ms. Post-OP, I'm so very happy for you (jealous as hell too) and pleased you have recovered and can live your life without any gender confusion. Oh to be a woman and just live life - wonderful.

[Traci Elizabeth]

For this year. No. No regrets.

I told my wife and we are still together and I'm confident we can make it work. I now know I am a woman in a man's body and have accepted that. I have told my workplace and they are supportive and ready to transition me when I'm ready. I have told my mother and she accepts me and now only see's Chelsea and love's her.

Ms. Post-OP, I'm so very happy for you (jealous as hell too) and pleased you have recovered and can live your life without any gender confusion. Oh to be a woman and just live life - wonderful.



I hope things continue to work out for you and your wife. My wife and I are happier now than we ever were when I was presenting as a man and we were deeply in love back then and thought we were really happy. But today we know we are so much happier as wife/wife.

As far as post-op, your time will come. I can not express in words how wonderful it i to be "whole."

[StaceyJane]

My regret is that even though I've had very good results with HRT I'm still not close to living full time as a woman.

[Sarah Melviden]

I only recently finished reaching the conclusion that I should see a doctor about my desire to have SRS. I regret waiting the past 24 years, since the time I first struggled with this at age 3, to reach such a conclusion. I also regret, to an extent, trying to include my mother in welcoming her daughter to the world, which resulted in her (to be former) son being kicked out of the house. I have come to realize that very little of my family will accept my need to change in this way, and I do not regret my upcoming move. I do not regret my overall decision to move toward such a change. Being adopted, I feel my family can go on without me. I will try to keep up friendly relation to them, but as far as the ones who already know care, I am dead as a person.

[SuzanneBender]

Wow great thoughtful thread. This seems to be the year that the penance for many of my regrets has started to come to full fruition. There are many victories for me in 2012, but they are bitter sweet due to the regrets.

1. Like most of the ladies here I regret not facing up to my fears earlier on in life.
2. I regret not telling my wife earlier and the impact that all of this is having on my family.

A question for those of you who have completed the milestone of transistion...Do these regrets fade or are we doomed to carry them forever?

[Bree-asaurus]

Wow great thoughtful thread. This seems to be the year that the penance for many of my regrets has started to come to full fruition. There are many victories for me in 2012, but they are bitter sweet due to the regrets.

1. Like most of the ladies here I regret not facing up to my fears earlier on in life.
2. I regret not telling my wife earlier and the impact that all of this is having on my family.

A question for those of you who have completed the milestone of transistion...Do these regrets fade or are we doomed to carry them forever?

When I said I regret being so afraid, I didn't mean it's a regret that's constantly with me. Just something I pulled up out of memory since the question was asked. It used to bother me. I used to be pissed off about my past, about how unfair it was, etc. But I eventually realized that regret, contempt for past situations, sorrow for what was taken from me doesn't mean ****. Now, I live for today. The past doesn't bother me. It happened. It was. It is yesterday, not today. No amount of emotional turmoil will fix the unfixable. So today I am happy because today is MY day and it is awesome.