Thought i passed several weeks ago. Eating humble pie now.

[Alice Torn]

Several weeks ago, i walked across the stree, and into the drug store, dressed up. The cashier seemed to think she was seeing a very tall woman, ...until she heard my voice. Well, yesterday. i wemnt in, in drab, and asked here if she remembered that tall woman. She said, frankly, "I knew it was a man right away." Burst my bubble, ate humble pie. I only fooled myself, not her!

[brenne]

Don't worry, honey - but do work on the voice if you can. :battingeyelashes:

[Lady Catherine]

Reality checks suck. Don't give up, and keep on going out. That's all I can say. Wish I could make you feel better, though.

[Karren H]

As long as she didn't point and laugh then your golden..... imho!

[RADER]

Sometimes it is better not to know the answer to the question; What you do not
know, will not discourage you in the future.
So cut down your hight by a few inches, and try again.
Don't be scared, you most likely pass better than you think.
Remember, she probably See's 100's of people every day, and can "read"
someone at a glance.

Rader

[Kate Simmons]

That's one reason I don't worry about passing Alice. I honestly don't care. If some have a problem with it, it's theirs, not mine. Besides I kind of like the alternate identity shtick even if I'm fooling no one.:battingeyelashes::)

[LadyPilot]

If your goal is to pass keep reaching for the goal it will happen. Until then enjoy who you are.

[TeresaL]

I don't think we pass very often, I can relate. I was 50 miles from home, and in drab the other day when an FtM from my support group walks up to me and strikes up a conversation without skipping a beat. He's only seen me enfemme, so apparently I look the same either way. So much for incognito.

Go to the next town if you want to go unrecognized.

[Shelly Preston]

You have to remember you cant fool everyone Alice

The main thing is to be presentable enough that you dont get any hassle

She did the right thing by treating you the same as anyone else

[Eryn]

...She said, frankly, "I knew it was a man right away." Burst my bubble...

Let's look at this from her point of view:

Someone has come to her and essentially asked "Were you fooled by that man masquerading as a woman?"

What is she going to say? "Why yes, I was completely clueless!"? Not likely! She's going to make the statement that puts her in the best light.

The truth is the typical person out there is not on the continuous lookout for CDers and simply uses obvious cues to identify gender. They might sense something funny during an interaction, but there is always a chance that you are a genetic female so they won't risk embarassing either of you by calling you on the situation. They might suspect, but they will never be sure unless you open the door by allowing them to question your gender.

[Barbara Ella]

I have to agree, never assume you pass, but just accept the no comments, and keep moving. Don't give up trying.

Barbara

[Ozark]

In the grocery checkout lane the comment is made: "Look, that man is dressed up like a woman." And the subject (and object) of that sentence turns and says: "That's ok, it happens all the time. A lot of people make that same mistake."

[ArleneRaquel]

I agree with Barbara, just live your life and have fun. IMO what other people think is hogwash, you can never please everyone.

[Wildaboutheels]

Q for you Alice. DID she treat you badly or differently the first time...AFTER she heard your voice? Is it possible she "knew" before you even spoke up but simply did not care how you were dressed? [WHY would she?]

She obviously still considered you worthy of a conversation the second time around.

Maybe worrying about passing is not really productive?

Maybe since you now have a "raport" with her, you can ask her the next time you see her, if she thought you were in any way a menace to Society when she pegged you the first time? My guess is that she did NOT immediately run home and grab her kids and go get them signed them up for self defense classes.

And BRAVO for you for getting out.

[Cristi]

So from what I understand you went into the store, were not harassed, were treated well and with respect.

If so, then WHO CARES if you 'passed' or not! I'm not saying this in a mean way, I'm just saying 'don't the results speak for themselves'?

Up until a very short time ago, I worries a lot about if I passed or not, and probably fooled myself into thinking I was passing many times when I was not. Over time, I realized that the important thing was that I was out in public, being treated well, and able to be 'myself'. If I passed or not became less and less important.

Once I started thinking this way, doing my makeup started taking a lot less time (I no longer obsessed over every detail), I didn't worry as much about things I couldn't control (my adam's apple and voice) and I started being MUCH more relaxed while out.

Now it doesn't bother me AT ALL if somebody knows I'm a guy while out as long as they are polite. It is like a big door has opened for me. Now I'm going out with absolutely no nervousness at all.

I still make an effort, just because if I am going to dress up I want to look good doing it. So I do the makeup, nails, hair, etc and try to walk/act in a more feminine manner. But all I do with my voice is speak in a slightly higher register.

I'd LOVE to be able to fool myself and think that everybody sees me as female... but the last 10+ years of going out have shown me that a) they don't and b) it doesn't matter in the least.

PS: Yesterday I was out all day shopping. Skirt suit with above-the-knees skirt, hose, heels, etc. Except for cold legs while walking across the parking lots (high temps up here yesterday hit 25 degrees!) I pretty much totally forgot how I was dressed. Went to half a dozen stores, spoke to as many sales people, used dressing rooms in several different stores. Life is GOOD once you stop worrying about passing as much!!

[MeganHenry]

Yesterday I went out for the first time in public...makeover in drab and shopping. It was a good experince however I don't think I passed for a single second. However it was a great time! Being yourself is what life is all about... :)

[Nicole Erin]

She said, frankly, "I knew it was a man right away." Burst my bubble, ate humble pie. I only fooled myself, not her!

How rude is that for people to say?
It is a bit annoying for onesself when they didn't "pass" but the REAL annoying part is someone has the gall to say something like that.
It would be like if you saw her thug boyfriend and said, "I knew he was trouble right away".
Or like you said she was a cashier, what if you said, "I knew you were under-educated right away".

No TG wants to hear snarky-ass comments about passing. Doesn't matter if it's a full time TS or the occasional CD.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Totally agree Cristi (post #16). Indeed, those with whom I interact seem to appreciate my honesty in being who I am but also admiration for my effort in presentation, style and thirst for improving. Many are generous with their advice to improve my dressing and makeup skills.

Passing/blending remains my aim but being recognised as a male is no longer limiting. I'm somewhat happier to engage in conversation knowing that as soon as I speak any semblance of passing will be dashed. Interaction with others sure enhances the experience of being out and reduces the lonliness of a CDer.

[lingerieLiz]

While I passed in my teens and 20s, I couldn't pass with a total professional makeover today. So I just dress as I like.

[Beverley Sims]

I was a woman when I was 20, now I imagine I am a woman, things change. Drat!

[angpai30]

One thing that I have learned over time is that the more you stress and obsess over passing the more others are going to clock you. The less someone stresses or obsesses about passing the less of a chance they have to get clocked. I have seen several times where I must not have passed ficailly, but just kept on going and doing my thing and giving hugs to friends and in general having a good time and I have heard people close to me say she looks like a dude, she has amazing hair go ask her what she does with her hair, he has on an awesome skirt go ask her, I mean him where she got the skirt I mean him and see how much she paid for it. that last one I heard from someone I was passing in the mall before I started transitioning and had longer hair. Before I even started transitioning I went to a mall dressed last year for black friday and there was a guy who learned from his daughter that I was actually a guy and the guy immediately ran behind a sign large enough to cover a giraffe and looked at me through a little peephole in it. When his family left without him he came out from behind the sign and did the "Oh crap where did my family go" look. I thought it was hilarious!! My point is, is that the less that I have worried about passing the more I pass. I ask on occasion people attending the register at a gas station or something like that and I normally get the response "you passed.... what? what are you passing? A lot of people don't even realize that I'm asking if I pass as a woman, which if that's the case I think I'm doing pretty well!! In your case you need to internalize this lesson and remember it and push forward until you pass. Your voice will never be an issue if you believe in yourself ALWAYS!!

Angela

[MsJanessa]

I wouldn't worry too much about that honey---if you look like your avatar at all in real life, then you are definitly a classy looking lady, transgendered or not---see my prior comments on passing---there are two possible goals, since few of us here will pass with close scrutiny--the first is to blend, the second, and often at odds with the first goal, is to stand out as a really attractive person---for my money I would rather be looked on as an attractive crossdresser than a drab GG. and you are definitly attractive.

[Stephanie47]

For most of us who are plus sized women. it's more than just the Adam's apple. I know I will never be passable. But, honestly I have no desire to interact with cashiers or others outside the home. I do on occasion go out totally en femme for an evening stroll in a neighborhood nobody knows me. Although nobody may harass me or treat me badly, there is still family and job considerations for most of us.

[Alice Torn]

My computer has been in repair lately, so here is a late reply. there was no hostility, or trouble, with the cashier. She did seem surprised to see such a tall lady! And, when i spoke, I though t that was when she read me. We hit it off fine. I was only surprised, that later, she said she know right away it was a man! I am not bummed out much, just a little surprised, as i was dressed conservatively, in a longer skirt, itha a suit jacket. Come to think of it, I have not seen one woman or girl, in a skirt or dress, for about a month in this town! Maybe, it was
SKIRT, that made her guess i was a guy crossdresser! No one else wears skirts around thi town!!!!

[LaraPeterson]

Alice, I think you are marvelous. Just having the guts to go out dressed is more guts than most will ever have. I'm with the other girls who don't give a hoot what someone else thinks. Mind you, you have more guts than me. I've never been out in the vicinity of where I live. On the other hand, I travel abroad quite a bit and I have dressed in public in other countries many times.

As I've listened to the comments made about me when I'm dressed, one thing is almost always said (my wife even says it and she is still in the dark), "You have great legs." That helped me discover something important for me. My facial features are not androgynous, but I can easily do makeup tricks to hide the obvious. Like all genetic males, I have the "apple" to deal with. So, I concentrate on the part that IS most naturally feminine, my legs. I never cover them with pants, I always wear heels, almost always stockings--to draw the eye of the beholder away from my face. It works pretty well most of the time.

BTW--in Asia, I can board a plane with all my guy data in hand, dressed completely as a woman, and no one says a word or even gives a reluctant stare. I love it when I can have the confidence that in most places (outside the US) not many judge me for my looks; they accept me for who I am.

Keep on plugging sister; it ain't easy, but it's worth it.

[DeeArel]

From the discription of your two interactions, you did a better job than you give yourself credit. I see no mention of the fact that she recognized you on the second trip of being that tall woman.

[heatherdress]

If you thought you passed and felt comfortable - you enjoyed the experience. It's what you think and feel that count.

[noeleena]

Hi,

If in dought then ask. I would ask the lady in what way she thinks would help you to be more presentable . or how she see's you . then youll have more of an idear that may help you.

Are you known around your Village, do people get to know you well enough to be friends,

Or in my terms im accepted seen all the time very well known so there is no ? as to can i pass or do i theres no need or will i . so it is a lot different for this kid, & does not matter,

any way just a few idears,

...noeleena...

[Alice Torn]

I only go out once or twice a year, and i did this time on Holloween night, and was the only customer in the store. I don't want this town knowing about Alice. One neighbor lady knows, and is ok with it. With all the crises i am in right now, i don't think much about dressing.

[sometimes_miss]

Sometimes it is better not to know the answer to the question; What you do not
know, will not discourage you in the future.
^this. You felt wonderful, why ruin it with reality? That would be like me (wearing a size 16 mary jane shoe) asking someone if they thought my feet were too big to pass for a woman's feet.

[kimdl93]

when you think about it, going out on Halloween is probably a give away in itself. Being the only person in a place simply draws greater attention to you. Try another night and a busier place. But don't go out with the goal of fooling anyone - go out to enjoy being yourself.