Have you ever wanted to tell someone (anyone other than SO) about your hobby??

[Rondawants]

Hi ladies! I was wondering if you ever wanted to tell someone about your dressing? I have a real strong feeling to tell someone other than my SO! I guess maybe I just want to share with them as I live in a small town!!!! If you did please let me know how that worked out for you!!! Loves to all Ronda! :battingeyelashes: :o

[suzy1]

I think I am a bit odd as I have never wanted to.
I think part of the reason is that I know my family and friends and therefore I know that although they would be polite and accepting their opinion of me would drop.
So why do it?

[Erica Marie]

To be honest if it was socially acceptable I would want to tell everyone, but it seems as if you are out of the norm you are looked down upon. I had told my exgf about me about a year into our relationship and she was ok with it then turned it around and said it was too much for her. Well that was just an excuse to mess around behind my back. So it makes me a little gunshy telling others. I have told one close friend and she was very accepting. It does help to have some one to open up to and be able to talk to. I guess that is why a good percent of us belong to the forum. Its a safe place to be among others like ourselves.

[Angela Campbell]

I am very careful about who knows about this side of my life. If there is a reason to know then ok but otherwise I do not. With exceptions of strangers only people here and with tri ess know.

[Jill]

Want to tell others? I have told many friends over the years. I choose who I tell wisely but I have found that it's really nice to have someone around to talk too about it, it just makes it feel less strained, less hidden, less shameful.

[Lady Catherine]

I've told a few family members, but I would love to have a friend I could talk to who was understanding and wouldn't judge. I think that would be awesome.

[reb.femme]

I let my wife tell her sister (a problem shared, is a problem doubled and all that :)).

She took it quite well but has neither seen me in pictures or dressed in the flesh yet. Once she has, I'm sure I will have a better gauge of her real feelings.

That said, we were at a family get together a month ago and she was no different to normal with me. Noticed her husband kept his distance so she has almost certainly told him. Do I care.........not a jot! :straightface:

Rebecca

[Laura28]

I have told one other person who i have know for 12 years (GG) she is very accepting and it is great to be able to talk to someone about. I have not told my SO that i told anyone else.

[Stephanie47]

I disagree somewhat coining what most of do as a "hobby." It is not a hobby like collecting stamps or coins or tinkering with a muscle car. It is an integral part of one's inner person. I would be fooling nobody if I decided to walk around town as a woman.

As to telling someone, I would be extremely cautious in announcing my cross dressing. I'm joining the chorus of keeping cross dressing to a strict need to know basis. Saying , "Hey Joe, do you want to see my 'collection' of 89 dresses?" It does not have the same ring as, "Hey Joe, do you want to see my military model collection of 89 tanks, soft skins, and airplanes."

I would recommend, if someone wants to have interaction with their 'hobby,' seek out a support group or social group of like minded individuals. For the life of me I have no idea how I would sit around and talk dresses with woman, let alone another man.

[GabbiSophia]

I have had one person I wanted to.tell she was a friend and I know she would have understood. Her girlfriend didn't care for me so I never got the chance. We were really good friends though. She would have been a blast to be around too.

[2B Natasha]

Hi ladies! I was wondering if you ever wanted to tell someone about your dressing? I have a real strong feeling to tell someone other than my SO! I guess maybe I just want to share with them as I live in a small town!!!! If you did please let me know how that worked out for you!!! Loves to all Ronda! :battingeyelashes: :o

Lets see.

I've told my wife, who then a friend from high school. Told her she could do with the information what she felt she needed to do. Can't ask others to bare the burden of MY secret. She in turn told her sister and her best friend. Then I went out and told my two bestest friends who both happen to be female. They told their neighbors. Then. Lets see. Oh yes. She told her BFF. Then we both let it out to several of our work mates. Both her and mine. Different industries.

I think I've lost track of who knows and who doesn't. Oh we'll. life goes on.

So now. Every so often we all get together for "Girls night out's".

I have had no ill reactions. That I am aware of. I think one lady at work tried. Don't really care.

The moral of the story. Tell if you want. Don't tell if you want. Your not being judged by me one way or the other. But don't hide and feel ashamed. No point in that.

Cheers.

[alwayshave]

I don't believe other than my fiancee, I wish anyone in my inner circle to know, present company excepted. It's not that I am ashamed as to who I am, I'm not. It's just a very private part of me that I only share with the person closest to me.

[stephNE]

Yes, I would sortof like to tell someone else. Right now only my wife in in the know. She and I have talked a bit and we have a couple (maybe 3) friends with who I would consider sharing this info. Buit right now we both feel that we want to keep their friendship as is and not take the risk of spoiling it. Beyond those first three, there are a few others who would most likely not let it change anything, but they have childeren who know our children, and therefor may cause other issues for us. So right now its just my wife and I and of course all the gurls here - who I really appreciate! Steph.

[audreyinalbany]

yeah, for some unknown reason I do have the urge to tell someone. My wife certainly knows, but we're pretty much don't ask/don't tell. A couple we've known for years know and they're okay with it, although they've never actually seen me dressed. My brother and sister both know and both have seen me dressed. My sister and I went out together. To the best of my knowledge, thats the whole list of 'knowers." I'd like to be in a better position to interact socially with others, but with the wife not being on board, don't see how that's going to happen.

[Claire Cook]

Want to tell others? I have told many friends over the years. I choose who I tell wisely but I have found that it's really nice to have someone around to talk too about it, it just makes it feel less strained, less hidden, less shameful.

My feeling exactly.


I disagree somewhat coining what most of do as a "hobby."

A hobby is a pastime. Dressing is part of me, so I agree here too.


Lets see. .... I think I've lost track of who knows and who doesn't. Oh we'll. life goes on.
So now. Every so often we all get together for "Girls night out's". ... I have had no ill reactions. That I am aware of. I think one lady at work tried. Don't really care. The moral of the story. Tell if you want. Don't tell if you want. Your not being judged by me one way or the other. But don't hide and feel ashamed. No point in that.

I've lost track too, and while I am judicious about whom I tell, I've never had a bad reaction either. In fact, when I went to to my dentist or audiologist in drab, they both said they missed Claire and wanted to see her next time! (You can bet they will.. :battingeyelashes:)

I think Natasha makes a very good point about telling, not telling and not being judged. To thine ownself be true.

[mikiSJ]

My wife has known since before we married (37 years) but lately Miki needs to get out and meet other girls.

I stopped in at Carla's in San Jose (drab) two weeks ago and talked with Aejaie Sellers. She is one great lady. Got a recommendation for a counselor and had my first meeting the counselor this lunch time.

I purchased a couple of outfits that need alteration and have talked with a local seamstress and will probably hook up with her this week or next.

I am trying to get up the nerve to join some local groups, like Diablo Valley Girls or River City Gems.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, the people that I HAVE told all had a bad response to it, so I don't intend on telling anyone else at this point. What they don't know won't bother them, and hopefully, I'll get to keep the few friends I have left.

[carhill2mn]

Yes but, thankfully, I never did.

[Ericaxd]

The urge to share something so much a part of myself is very strong. I have shared widely--right here. (But no outside of this and a couple of other groups.) The need to share is one of the reasons this forum and others like it thrive, I think. It's important to know we are not alone--something I felt for a very long time.

[xdressed]

I've met a few people recently 'because' I'm a crossdresser, only person I've told other than my SO has been her best friend. She and her boyfriend (who said she was allowed to tell) were both quite giddy when they found out (ones a model and ones a psychiatrist and they both travel all over the world so they've met loads of crossdressers before) but they live in India so I still can't really hang out with them or anything. I desperately want to tell my house mates but 1 out of the 3 of them I don't trust with the information (one already knows as she is my SO) so telling all but one would kind of defeat the point of telling them at all.

[AllyCDTV]

I have thought that it would be interesting to see the looks on some friends faces if I told them about my crossdressing and showed them some pictures of me dressed. But as a crossdresser friend cautioned me, they may look at you again but never in the same way they used to. It's not worth it for me to change the relationships I have with friends that don't know about my crossdressing.

[Maria 60]

A few years ago my wife wanted to tell her good friend who at the time had split with her husband and was over our house a lot. She figured it would get me more Maria time and she knew she would be cool with it. I was kind of ok with it thinking when she came over it could be like a girls nights, but I told her that I was comfortable in the closet. Well about a year later they had a fight and the back talk against themself was bad enough, I could only imagine if she knew about me what a field day she would have had with that. The closet is lonely but is a safe place.

[Jorja]

Yes, I have been dying to tell someone about my hobby. I think about it all the time. In the morning, when I first wake up is the worst. I have so many ideas running about in my head. At lunch I am figuring and planning how I can get just a few more minutes out of the day to spend on my hobby. Finally, evening gets here and I get to partake in that hobby that has been bothering me all day long. It is such a relief. There is no one to tell though. I guess I will tell you though because maybe, just maybe, you will listen and understand because you know just how I feel.

I am a woodturner and I have been learning to turn the inside of my turnings lately. It is so exciting! The tools, the equipment, the wood shavings. It is all so exciting. The wood is so beautiful when the finish goes on. I just love it!

[PretzelGirl]

My first thought is that it is my life and I should be able to do what I want (within the limits of the law and moral values anyway). So if someone else has a problem with it, it is their problem and I can just move on. But so far I have held back from select people. Instead of selecting who to tell, I have selected who not to tell. That may fall apart in the future, but for now it works and has been completely successful.

Now I do believe that if I tell someone, then they should have someone to tell also so they aren't holding my secret. My oldest daughter told her best friend. My Son-In-Law was fine since my daughter knew. Two good friends had the opportunity and just didn't care because they were fine with it. My youngest daughter tells all of her friends, which makes me sigh but isn't an issue since they have no connection to me other than through her.

But secrets do break down. It can end up being like the end of this 70's commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgDxWNV4wWY

[MaryAnn40c]

I do tell people what "My Hobbie" is but in a way that most people think I am just a older crazy person. I tell people I work with and trust the truth....others about bets I lost while others just for halloween or special outtings.

[docrobbysherry]

My motto is now, "Not out? Don't tell"!

I told an old girlfriend. We're both single now and have been close for over 30 years. She's educated and liberal leaning, accepting, and open minded. I thot, "Why not?"

It ruined our relationship! THAT'S why not!

Before u tell anyone, think of all the GOOD things that can result from you're opening up. Now, list every possible BAD thing that could happen. Then, see which list is longer and more gruesome!

[Allison Chaynes]

Might I suggest a therapist? It's usually covered by employee assistance programs nowadays by many employers, but the best thing is you can tell someone without having to worry about how it could come back to bite you in the posterior region.

[FireFoxAngel]

Had to tell others.....started with my best friend (female) and cascaded to others and some of my family members. Never anyone I didn't think wouldn't need to know or care.

[Beverley Sims]

I have let everyone here know of my activities. :)
There is a saying, birds don't crap in their own nest.
Meaning, if I am close to home I do not go out dressed too often or tell other people close to me.
When I am away I am more outgoing. I feel free then.
But one day!

[vikki2020]

This is something that I have started to do in the last month! I have to admit, it feels good! I'm starting with people that I "know" , but not closely-- people that I deal with at work, but, don't work with me. Example--I go to the post office regularly, and went in dressed, and got a nice "wave",from a familiar face there! She did recognize me, and we'll go from there!

[bridget thronton]

I told my kids and there spouse's. There are of course many sales people around the world and quite a few wait personen in restaurants who know.

[kelliT]

as my wife shared with her close friends I've taken steps along the way to share with others. A few at work, and other friends, although selective it is getting easier and easier. And very liberating as I have told my sister and niece. One day over a dinner I quickly came out to my daughter, only in the phrase " Yeah back in the day when I used to crossdress." Her mom my ex is gay so, I figured my daughter could put two and two together.

[kimdl93]

Of course. Its natural to want to share something important about yourself - and I suppose it also reflects our need for acceptance. I know that both motivations were at work when I came out to my best GG friend...a former co-worker. I didn't want to hide from her anymore, and I am sure I was seeking out her acceptance. But there's a question that nagged me for weeks before I came out - and that is, am I imposing this on her. I struggled with that for a long time before I could bring myself to tell her. In the end, I decided that we were very close friends, and it was OK to share this.

[jodie k]

I have never had a great urge to tell anyone about my hobby horse (ridden frequently), but I did tell a member of a club i belong to.
There was no problem, as he is a member of a LGBT group, which my wife encouraged me to join after attending a transexual lecture. He simply asked me something like why was I in the club. Without thinking, I said I was a CD., figuring it was was better than his claim of being an interested non-participant.
My answer got around the club quicker than a bra unsnap, I was greeted with knowing smiles. Someone said "The clothes are soft, aren't they."
I guess this slip of the tongue about my slips etc., uttered to the right gossip, was quite beneficial to me.

[Nicole Erin]

My hobby is fixing stuff. I don't tell anyone about it though cause then they want me to fix THEIR junk which I have no time for.

[Diversity]

Yes, I have wanted to, and yes I have done so. I told a sales assistant when I went shopping for some clothing, and it has remained confidentially between us. We see each other from time to time and have a brief chat over what clothes are available in my size, and what might look good on me. That's about it. Nothing more than that. Just a friendly, helpful, and respectful relationship between us. On the day I first met her, I told her that I told my wife about my CD'ing and that she was accepting of this in me, but did not understand, nor did she want any part of it. From there, I could see that the SA respected me, and thus was friendly and helpful to me. On my second time shopping she was welcoming and took the initiative to show me some new things they had just gotten into the store. I look forward to going shopping there as I am now comfortable there as well.
Di

[AnneB1nderful]

Last year, when the only love of my life, my wife of 27 years, decided to find another "man", I told just about everyone. Why? Because I thought it was an evil addiction and I needed family and friends to hold me accountable. My wife said, "If I stay with you, I might as will be a lesbian." I was in counseling at that time, so I could learn to control this "addiction". She was fed up and didn't care. I decided, even if she never comes back, I can never CD again.

For some, it may be just a hobby. If this were just a hobby for me, I wouldn't be doing it now. Wanting to be feminine is a part of me that I have been denying for over 40 years. So I'm done denying who I am. Well just as I don't tell everyone my middle name, I won't tell everyone about my CDing. Yet, if someone really wants to know my middle name, they can find out. Just like if they really want to know what I do after work, they can find out. So, just not gonna worry about it anymore.

There is someone different I want to tell, but have some reservation - my dermatologist. She diagnosed me with discoid lupus (the mild non life threatening skin autoimmune disorder). However lupus is mostly a "woman's disease". The way my mind works, I thought, "If I'm gonna have a woman's disease, I may as well play the part." That thought along with many others pushed me back into CDing after 15 months abstaining. I don't regret it though.

Anyway, I want to tell dermo doc, to see 1) if there's a medical correlation to lupus and desire to be fem, and 2) how how can doc help get skin to be more feminine with aggravating lupus. Got appointment in 2 weeks.

[Ressie]

I told my sister 30 years ago that I wore panties. Her advice was that things like that tend to advance and can get out of hand. Her IQ wasn't high, but she had wisdom sometimes. A few years later she asked me if was still wearing bikinis lol.

Now days I'm thinking the lady at the wig store and the SA at the shoe store have a pretty good idea.

[Rondawants]

That story almost makes a girl cry!!!! That was a wonderful way to put it!!! Loves!!!!!!!

[Michelle (Oz)]

Told my sister 6 years ago and said it was her fault that I dressed ... enjoyed wearing her dresses too much aged around 7. Told my grown daughter around the same time.

Both times I wanted to share and expected understanding and support. Nope!! Thankfully both think it is behind me and I'm reformed so my dressing doesn't come up.

You'd have thought that I would have learned from those experiences when thinking about telling my wife this year. Nope!! What do they say about the person who doesn't learn from their mistakes?

[darla_g]

I have heard too many horror stories to ever tell a co worker. I think some people just have a compelling need to not keep a secret.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Yes I've been dying to tell one of my friends.
Funny, another one of my friends is half op FTM and I just recently told him and he said he already knew. I was like how?!?! He said he just "knew" kinda like gaydar but tsdar

[FrozenShiela]

I have told my nuclear family, and all of them are accepting! The funny thing is, I'm the most uncomfortable with wearing things around the house! For some reason they really don't care at all. I've started wearing bras stuffed with socks around, I'm easing into it.

[Maria S]

Some family and friends know most either don't want to know or think about it. In the past I have hidden it from some of them but am always glad when they find out without me having to tell them. Nothing I would like more than to turn up at a pre-arranged meal en-femme as any female family member or friend would.

Maria

[Maria S]

I have told my nuclear family, and all of them are accepting! The funny thing is, I'm the most uncomfortable with wearing things around the house! For some reason they really don't care at all. I've started wearing bras stuffed with socks around, I'm easing into it.

I imagine it must be very hard to be amongst family even semi-en-femme living an ordinary CD life. I would be concious of it as I'm sure you are even more than the people around you.

Maria

[Rachel52]

There are three people in the world who know I cross dress. My wife, my therapist, and Bernie at Le Dame Footwear. I would love to be able to share Rachel with more people and perhaps someday I will. But it is so helpful to have somebody in your corner. I am super lucky to have my wife.

[DanaR]

My wife, daughters and doctor know about me. My daughters found out when my youngest was snooping around and told her older sisters. I believe that if someone needs to know, then I'll tell them otherwise no one needs to know. It is simpler that way.

I've thought about telling an old female friend, but I think that she would have a hard time with it.

[quietprofessional]

Cross dressing is something I share exclusively with my wife. It is a fun little secret we both enjoy. The extent of my coming out was joining this forum. I would feel like I am taking away something special that only my wife and I participate in if I told others. Also I think my profession would suffer a great deal if I was outed.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, I have wanted to tell others but I can't see much of an upside vs the possible downside. When I go out with other cross dressers, I do tell my story, so the say, and that is close to coming out. For now I am happy being totally open to my wife. Being able to talk to her about anything has made all this fun.

[NicoleScott]

When I was single again, I told three women friends (no romantic relationship), just friends. I don't know why, maybe I was looking for some kind of validation. Soon after I told, I moved away, and all contact was lost, so I don't know how it would have turned out for me in the long run.
After I married and told my wife (in that order. My bad.) we agreed to keep it private. And I have.

[mikiSJ]

I am growing my hair out (currently 7') and I told my hairdresser (2 months ago) there is another me and that the reason for the long hair. She gave me a big hug and a bigger smile!!

[krisinpink]

OK dear Friends, here is my $0.02:

I too have known the urge to share this part of me with others...to-date, however, I have not. I've shared this part of me only with GFs with whom I've had significant and intimate relationships. There was one GF whom I elected not to tell at all because I felt that if the relationship were to collapse, she'd use this part of me in every hurtful way she could muster. That relationship did fail, and thankfully, I'd made the right call.

Something else brought up in this thread is that if we were to share this, wouldn't we just kind-of be spreading the burden of secrecy to another? --Another that we care about/love? What is the value in that? Additionally, and as has been pointed out in this thread, is that aren't we already sharing this part of ourselves right now? Right here? I suggest we are! Also, one of the girls recommended finding a local CDing group; I've done this, and it is a great thing.

And now, nearing the end of my soap-box pontification, all of us do hold at least some obligation to those around us...be these peoples our spouses, children, friends etc, and we need to pause and consider the ramifications on these parties if our dressing were to become public knowledge. My adult daughters are pretty much aware that I dress, although we've never discussed it directly. Having said this however, I do have a concern for them about what sort of grief they may have to endure if this part of me became public. These are strong young adults, however I certainly do not wish to bring any difficulty on them. My opinion is share this part of you here in this forum, and with your local CDing group, but leave it at that. (be aware that if the cat gets out of the bag, you've got to be ready to deal with it, but that is a topic for a new thread!)

*Hugs*

-Krissy

[FrozenShiela]

To be honest I don't think the family takes it as seriously as I do, as I almost got caught-twice-by other people entering the house without my knowledge. I'm just thankful I am fast on my feet!

So it's very annoying as we are on different wavelengths about it. The strangest part is it's not acceptance or comfort, it's about how serious it is. I don't really know what to say to make it more serious.:S

Even with telling a family in a younger generation, there are different issues to deal with.

[Meg East]

The only person who knows about my crossdressing is my wife. She accepts me and that is all I need. I like to keep our private lives private. With social media being what it is we, as a society, have forfeited too much of our privacy and haven't received anything in return. Our lives should be more than the latest post on Facebook.

[SandraInHose]

...Before u tell anyone, think of all the GOOD things that can result from you're opening up. Now, list every possible BAD thing that could happen. Then, see which list is longer and more gruesome!

Not only that, but no matter how many dozens of good things that can happen, it'll only take ONE bad thing to put a major damper on your situation. (For most of us anyway.) And as they say, you can't un-ring that bell!

[SarahMarie42]

Pretty much all of my female friends know, and almost all of my good male friends know. They're all cool with it. One time, when I was worried about going out in public and perhaps being clocked and hassled, one of my best male friends, who is quite large and quite strong, offered to go with me and beat the crap out of anyone who might rudely hassle me xD

I guess I'm fortunate in that way.

[AnneB1nderful]

I just told a girlfriend at work today. I was rather reluctant because we're both professing Christians. First thought is she would reject me. Second thought was she would judge me as not being a Christian. She didn't do either. She was very accepting. Later she shared her women's daily devotional with me. It said something like, "Stop hiding behind who others think you should be and be who you're supposed to be." Wish we had more time to spend together at work. But, there are prying eyes and ears lurking for nuggets of gossip. And can't spend time with her after work because she has a family. But, wow! What a refreshing feeling of having a Christian sister at work.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

My wife, an ex-fiancee about 15 years ago, and you lovely ladies know. I've often wondered if my ex-fiancee spread that word back then, but I never heard about it from mutual friends so I think she was discreet. I sometimes wonder if my wife will tell her sister, with whom she is very close. I suppose it doesn't matter; I am who I am.

I would not volunteer this information to anyone else...too much at risk, not least my carefully crafted male identity (25 years in the Army including 10 years as a Drill Sergeant and 5 years as a paratrooper), then a successful business executive. Though I sometimes wonder if that would give me some credibility if I ever did come out--"look, I was successful as a man, now I just want to look like woman, so don't give me any grief". We'll see how strong this side of me is.

[vikki2020]

I do have that urge--and have started to act on it. I go to places dressed, that I frequent a lot, in drab-- stores,etc. They aren't friends, but "know" me from shopping. So, I pop in, and so far, the response has been fantastic! Other days, when I see them, in drab, not a problem, and the conversation has been good for me. Kind of a "practice run", for when I try to tell those closer to me,I guess!:)

[AmyGaleRT]

Other than my fiancee, the only people who know are her best friend and her best friend's brother. She's online with them so much that there would have been too much dancing around the issue with me dressed here at home. Both know the meaning of "discretion" and both are open-minded. (If they know I'm dressed, I'll often hear a "Hi, Amy!" from one of them. :) )

There are two people I'd like to tell. One is my mother, because she indirectly gave me my femme name and I'd like her to know that she does have a "daughter" of sorts. I think she'd be OK with it, as long as I was happy, and my parents divorced long ago, so my father wouldn't find out. The other is my ex-wife, who I'm still on good terms with; I was secretly struggling with the desire to dress all through our marriage, and I don't know what her reaction to it would have been. She might be OK with it as well.

Aside from that, I wouldn't want to spread it around...

- Amy

[xdressed]

I told my house mates last night ^_^ Will write up a proper post about it when I get back from uni

[Nichola]

Other than an ex & my friends here, I've never told anybody. I have good friends but wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable around me. I haven't met anybody I feel would really understand, so until I do I'll keep it under wraps.

[shadowline]

I sleep in nightgowns and one day the door knocked after I was awake for only a few minutes. The gown and robe I was wearing is so natural to me that in my sleepy state I opened the door to my straight drinking buddy. Yikes, time to run and change, he is cool and never mentions the "incident" I have told some of my sibs because I want my huge collection to go to someone who will sell it instead of giving it to Goodwill. As we speak the collection is worth a substantial amount and growing weekly