I might just be passable some times.....

[ReneeT]

I am en route to Connecticut on business. *I haven't left the airport yet and have had three encounters that have bouyed my confidence, ( not that i particulary care too much- i just go about my business these days).

The first was at the dry cleaners on the way to the airport. *I have been going there for years, and have had many alterations done there, along with LOTS of dry cleaning. *I am probably in there 3 times a month. *I was in last week to drop some things off and was not wearing a wig for the first time. *Both the gals there made a fuss about how much they liked my. Shorter hair. *I was certain they knew that my longer hair was a wig, so i didnt make much of it. *I wa back n today, this time with a wig. *The gal was dumbfounded as to how i could have long hair again. *When i told her it was a wig, she was in a state of disbelief. *She was absolutely convinced that my wig was real hair. *I had just assumed uptill now, as i always do, that she knew i was T. *Now i just dont know.

The second event occurred at check in. *While i was at the kiosk getting my boarding pass i heard the agent at the counter ask several people if they were "Robert". *None of them were. *When i got to the counter to check my bag and handed her my ID, she said, *"you're Robert?". I said" yes, funny name, isnt it?". She. Said not really, new knew several girls with masculine names. *Now she mut have figured it out, though.....

The third event was in the TSA line. *I fly. From a small airport, and it is not terribly busy. *When i got in line, the woman who came right after me was a woman i work with. *She is a client manager, and i have worked closely with her on several accounts. *When we were both theu xray and getting our things, she complimented me on my shoes ( black patent Dansko XP). *We made a bit of small talk then went our separate ways. *She had no clue who i was. *When i come out at work (178 days) i will have to mention this to her.

The first leg of the trip was good-chatted the whole time with the guy next to me about our kids.

Its funny -sometimes i feel like i stick out like a sore thumb, and some days are like today. *Mostly, though, i just live my life........

[LeaP]

Wonderful story, Renee. Thanks for posting it.

[AllieSF]

Nope, you definitely do not stick out like a sore thumb. I would guess that you "pass", not that there is anything wrong with that, much more than you think. Up close and personal too! Did you know that Southwest also flies west from that middle south/north where you call home. Try it you may just like it. Good to hear from you after so long.

[KellyJameson]

Coming from a "tranquil" place is incredibly powerful in shaping peoples perceptions.

It is a balance resulting in calm confidence from a complete lack of being "self conscious" that comes from a complete acceptance of self as valuable independant of the approval or acceptance of others.

The more comfortable you are in your own skin the more comfortable people are in accepting that skin.

People often reject us because we have rejected ourselves and one way this is shown that we have rejected ourselves is our insistance that they do not reject us so it becomes a self perpetuating loop.

Being dependant on others to define our relationship with ourselves keeps us from ourselves so keeps us from connection with them resulting in fear.

[ReneeT]

....... a complete acceptance of self as valuable independant of the approval or acceptance of others.

Being dependant on others to define our relationship with ourselves keeps us from ourselves so keeps us from connection with them resulting in fear.

These are deceptively insightful and powerful words, Kelly. To no longer rely on validation from others is enormously freeing. To be able to define me as I see fit and not need another's OK is really opening doors for me. At the end of this tortuous path called transition, I just want to be free to get on with my life, free from the incessant background noise of gender dysphoria. I liken it to having spent 48 years with the radio stuck between 2 stations, hearing mostly static but also snippets of each station. I feel now like the right station is coming in tune - and I like what I am hearing

[rachaelsloane]

Renee, you're one of the most positive people I have met over the last year and am not surprised to hear your day went well.

[MssHyde]

good story, you look very nice, looking like the real deal

[ReneeT]

Renee, you're one of the most positive people I have met over the last year and am not surprised to hear your day went well.

Thanks, Rachel. Truth be told, I do have my days.....

I was just reminiscing about wine bar hopping in SF with you and Allie - did I ever send you pictures?

[PretzelGirl]

I have another friend that uses the radio station analogy and it really helps her pin down how she feels.

But I think it is great that you are having these experiences while taking a long road through transition. It is tough enough and if the interaction with others go well, it helps you focus on better things. And in the end, your radio can be tuned right in.

[TeresaL]

You are very believable and a convincing woman.

This does happen, and when it does don't you just want to ask the every day folks you encounter, "you really don't know, I mean you really don't know?" They don't get it Renee because you have transformed. You are able to jump the gender gap ahead of FFS. Crap, the malls are crawling with women who have more masculine features than you do. FFS will just be your icing, because the cake is on a sturdy, unshakeable feminine foundation. In fact, you are having your cake and eating it too. In no means am I trying to falsely pump your ego up, I'm just stating what I see, which is very positive.

[brenne]

These are deceptively insightful and powerful words, Kelly. To no longer rely on validation from others is enormously freeing. To be able to define me as I see fit and not need another's OK is really opening doors for me. At the end of this tortuous path called transition, I just want to be free to get on with my life, free from the incessant background noise of gender dysphoria. I liken it to having spent 48 years with the radio stuck between 2 stations, hearing mostly static but also snippets of each station. I feel now like the right station is coming in tune - and I like what I am hearing

I like how you go about your life and not worry what others think. Work with what you got, ya know?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Renee you look great...
i recall seeing your for the first time and my thought was "omg, i didn't realize she has already transitioned"

in a perfect world, nobody should rely on others validation, but in real life all of us (ts and non ts alike) have fears of rejection and a need to feel like we belong..this may be more powerful to us as it relates to our gender but it impacts everybody in life

one thing i've noticed among transsexuals i have met is that the closer you are to passing, the more you worry about it...

[Paula_56]

The less I worry about passing the more it seems I do

[kimdl93]

So, do you believe in yourself now? You should. People are seeing you for who you REALLY are...not that male facade you used to wear.

I agree with Kelly - the key to feeling at ease is self acceptance. When you cease to be self conscious and let go of the self doubt, people are more inclined to take you at face value. Even in my case, I am often surprised myself at how frequently people simple assume that I'm female. I like it, but I'm still surprised!

[karanne]

You are very believable and a convincing woman.

This does happen, and when it does don't you just want to ask the every day folks you encounter, "you really don't know, I mean you really don't know?" They don't get it Renee because you have transformed. You are able to jump the gender gap ahead of FFS. Crap, the malls are crawling with women who have more masculine features than you do. FFS will just be your icing, because the cake is on a sturdy, unshakeable feminine foundation. In fact, you are having your cake and eating it too. In no means am I trying to falsely pump your ego up, I'm just stating what I see, which is very positive.
AHEAD of FFS? Renee, girl, you don't need it. You look totally convincing to me.

[Michelle.M]

I had just assumed uptill now, as i always do, that she knew i was T. Now i just dont know.

That's an interesting self-observation that I think more people ought to consider with respect to themselves. We spend so much time being so CERTAIN that we're barely blending (I prefer that term as opposed to "passing"), if even at all. This becomes our mantra and sets the tone for how we live. Rather counterproductive, I think.

Consider the appearance of many GGs you come in contact every day and if you can be objective (I know, darned near impossible) you'll simply have to agree that most of us look quite natural and perhaps even attractive.

I've gotten surprised a few times when I, for one reason or another, had to out myself to someone (hairstylist or esthetician who was mere moments away from discovering my wig anyway), and then watched in amazement as they nearly fell out of their chairs when I revealed I was not a GG. Oh, the things they said in response to that discovery boosted my ego in ways you can't imagine!

I think we do ourselves a great disservice by living our lives with the perpetual assumption that we do not blend well. When I replaced my self-dialogue with the assumption that I WAS blending then, SURPRISE!, I never got clocked again! This has become my new normal.

I'm not surprised that you had this experience; I've seen your photos you've posted and you're just fine. You have no reason to be so surprised that others perceive you appropriately.

[Saffron]

The less I worry about passing the more it seems I do

Or the less you worry about passing the more you focus about simply being you.

[ArleneRaquel]

Renee T,
You are lovely and thank you for sharing your story.

[RenneB]

Great story Renee,

I like the part about "I just go about my business". That's one of the hardest parts a lot of us face it getting what I call the IDC 'tude. I mean, I really do try to do myself up well, but when I'm done, I don't stop at the door, I just head on out.

Now the airport thing, I haven't done just yet, but it's definatly on my to do list.

Thanks again for sharing.... every once in a while, I agree it's nice to have the ol confidence boosted a notch or two..

Renne.....

[docrobbysherry]

As someone who just "passed" for the first and only time on Halloween, I understand there's a world of difference between that and simply going out and ignoring any negativity, Renee.

One difference is, if u can pass u may concentrate on the folks u meet and around u. If u see any lifted eyebrows, big grins, and or unsure looks, u aren't passing. If u can't pass, I've found it's better NOT to engage folks directly.

I'm so happy for u! You're living every TG's dream!

[TeresaL]

AHEAD of FFS? Renee, girl, you don't need it. You look totally convincing to me.

Wow Meant ahead as in past the need, skip over it, not necessary. I've told her in another thread that she doesn't need it. However not needed in our opinion, i thought she may have an appointment for consultation.

I don't get it either, because she looks killer as it stands.

[Nicole Brown]

Renee, Let's be honest. I have seen your avatar picture, your profile picture and the picture that you recently posted with your natural hair. I simply can't understand what the problem is, you look totally feminine and absolutely female.

I have a hard time imagining anyone questioning who you are by your looks, plain and simple, you look like a woman, a fairly attractive woman at that. I know quite a few GGs who wear wigs and generally appear different each time I see them. Stop the worrying and just enjoy life as the lovely woman you are.

[Nicole Erin]

I Its funny -sometimes i feel like i stick out like a sore thumb, and some days are like today. *Mostly, though, i just live my life........

Yeah I think a lot of us have those weird "off days" when even though we are looking good, we get called "sir" more times than Prince William.

[Paulette]

Renee glad you were able to enjoy just being you. The ladies at Senzo Pelo all said to say hello the next time I posted to you. I love them so much, thank you for sharing your experiences with them, which promoted me to embark on an accelerated time line for facial hair removal.

[ReneeT]

Paulette, i am happy that SP is worhing for you. I see them this Sat-Tues for round 3.

One under-appreciated problem with being able to blend better as a female is NOT being able to blend as a male. I am really struggling now to look masculine when i have to present male. My hair is longish, my nails are longish (and French manicure), i have ne beard shadow, and my boobs are visible, even with TWO compression tops. On top of that, the male wardrobe that i have that still fits after 30 lbs of weight loss is dwindling, and i really ont want to buy new for 6 months use. I am in a leadership conference this week, which is a lot of small group teamwork. I definately notice a difference in how people respond to me- a bit stand-offish. I depend more and more on my strength of character to gain traction. Fortunately, the kind of people i work with, many that i had not met before, seem to be able to ultimately get past my appearance and see my value. Case in point: we were given a business development challenge this morning that we need to analyze, create a solution for, andpresent to a board of seniorexecutives tomorrow, and i was unanymously chosen to be the presenter. So at the end of the day, who you are, not what you are, matters. I do really hate being in the grey one. I would rather be full time, even before ffs, laying all the cards on the table, than go through this. 177 days.......

[ColleenA]

One under-appreciated problem with being able to blend better as a female is NOT being able to blend as a male. I am really struggling now to look masculine when i have to present male. My hair is longish, my nails are longish (and French manicure), i have ne beard shadow, and my boobs are visible, even with TWO compression tops.

Whine, whine, whine ... Will you never be satisfied? :heehee:

[ReneeT]

Whine, whine, whine ... Will you never be satisfied? :heehee:

Now that made me laugh!!!