Depression over coming out to family

[LunaDarling]

i edited this post to remove the previous content. i no longer want the thread active and dont know how to delete. sorry to waste your click.

[suzy1]

You have to do the best with the hand life deals you Luna. It’s the same for all of us.
But never give up on finding happiness in your life. A lessen I learned myself.
It’s not your fault that you need to transition. You deserve to be happy as much as anyone.
It might be that you have to loose your family and go through a bad time in your life but be strong and you will come out the other side.
Life is precious and wonderful. Just hang in there girl.

All the best,

SUZY

[Beverley Sims]

Luna, you are doing the best thing that you can for now.
Asking and waiting replies. You will get some solace from people here and later you may find strength to talk to your mother.
Let it take a little more time and even confide in friends near you.
See what replies you get here and they may lift your spirits.
Others may suggest a therapist and what happens there is a lot of talking and down the track a judgmental decision.
You would like to take hormones and change your appearance, doing that wisely takes a little time but in your early 20s that can be successful.
Keep reading and asking for now, take a deep breath turn around and go out and face the future with a little more confidence and wear a nice smile. :)

[sandra-leigh]

To tell the truth, my mother still doesn't know I'm taking hormones, even though we were together for about a week 6 months in, and another week 19 months in.

This did require a bit of creative omission on my part, in taking to her, as I needed to assure her that I had been tested medically and found to be TG, and she wanted to know more about the test. Well, the test I was referring to was starting HRT. If you feel really bad on HRT then you probably are not TS, and if you feel happy / satisfied on HRT then you might well be TS "mentally", but if you feel more or less okay, not so much different except that gender issues stop being nearly as important, then you are almost certainly TG/TS at a biological brain-conflict level and should probably take HRT for the rest of your life. I fell into that last category, the "you have a medical problem" case. But I didn't want to say "hormones" to my mother.

Of course a few minutes later my mother asked me whether I'd had my hormone levels checked, as she knew that could cause depression and feeling of gender imbalance. I had to be a bit creative there, too: I said that Yes, my levels were checked, and were considered normal. And so it was: when I had my levels tested for assessment for HRT my T and E levels were pretty normal for males my age (with T being on the lower side of normal), and when I had last had my levels tested before staying with my mother, my T and E levels were by then pretty normal for female. So I didn't lie at all. My levels had been tested ahead of time, and if they were responsible for my depression or gender problems, it was from them being wrong for my brain.

The rest of my family: my sister is cool; she works with transsexual individuals at times, and she is understanding and accepting. My father died a long time ago, my grand-parents are all dead. My various uncles and aunts are not especially close: I like them, but I don't live my life for them, and we don't see each other more than about once every 5+ years. Sure I'll be the topic of conversation for 15 minutes if/when I publicly transition; my mother might hear more about it than I do, but she is quite capable of telling them to stick their opinion in the trash.

[Stephanie Miller]

You know you won't "lose" your mom and sis over this if you confide in them. So I think it's best to tell them both - at the same time if possible. Kind of like girl talk at the kitchen table over coffee. They're going to find out sooner or later, so why not let them know they are important enough to you that you trust them to walk the journey with you from the start? From there the three of you can stratigize the best course of action for the rest of the family.
Besides, sis could become a new shopping partner! :)

[CynthiaD]

You don't need your family's approval to transition. It's your life and your decision not theirs.

You never know. They might be ok with it. But if they're not, remember that attitudes can change. It's your opportunity to teach them that for some people, transitioning is natural and normal.

[kimdl93]

Perhaps your inability to tell your family is telling you that you may be getting ahead of yourself. Have you been in therapy to deal with your gender issues?

[sometimes_miss]

Luna, all I can say is, be prepared for the worst, because statistically, that's where your future lies. You already got negative responses when you mentioned crossdressing; what makes you think that will change? Wishful thinking? Magic? I think it's best that you prepare for any response, including the worst possible. If you can handle the worst possible response, then go ahead. If not, think twice, then think again. There's no turning back. I pretty much lost my family when I told them. Oh, they still exist, but mom is in denial, and sis has pretty much removed herself from my life entirely; never calls, responds to my calls with one word or short answers, never asks me anything, makes no attempt at communication or contact. I wish I had never said a word about crossdressing or any of the things that led up to it; not that they were wonderful relatives before, but at least when we got together for holidays things were relatively normal. Now, I live like an exile. Few friends, no family to speak of. Preparation is everything; be prepared for the best, AND the worst as you go forward. Good luck.

[Stephanie47]

Luna, I went back and read your postings. I did not see any indication you are in therapy. There is a vast difference between a person like me who only wants to wear women's clothing, and, a person who wants to transition from male to female. You cannot just walk into a reputable doctor's office and request medications to change your body. Counseling and therapy is required.

As to whether your friends and family are going to be supportive of cross dressing or transitioning, you're going to have to decide what is best for you. If you're conflicted as to sexuality, then I'd say dealing with that is paramount. Your family, friends and co workers are either going to accept you or they are going to shun you or just avoid the issue. Nobody can legislate family acceptance. Yes, there may be legal protections in the work place and housing, but, that is not family.

I would suggest not blurting out to your family that you are in crisis and want to transition before seeking counseling and therapy.

[docrobbysherry]

Luna, I'm so sorry u have to deal with this! However, there's no easy way to handle these things. And, no way for us to predict what is rite or wrong for u. U must make those hard decisions yourself.

Visiting a qualified counselor may help u determine the best path for U!

[LunaDarling]

You're all totally right. I may be getting ahead of myself too. I do need to see a counselor. It's just been a very important issue to me my whole life and I feel like I already know what the outcome will be and would just like to move forward as quickly as possible. Thank you for all your support.