Frédérique
12-04-2012, 08:44 PM
“...but by that time, I was already so lacking in self-esteem”
I came across Marla’s quote (about being a “small” boy) a few weeks ago, just when I was thinking about self-esteem. Hmmm... How does self-esteem fit into this inexplicable thing we call crossdressing? Do we MtF’ers crossdress to gain self-esteem, or are we so naturally imbued with self-esteem that we crossdress? For those who struggle with the urge to crossdress, does CD’ing somehow injure self-esteem, opening up a virtual Pandora’s Box of unrequited desires, not to mention fears? How important is self-esteem, anyway? The world wants us to dress appropriately, while we would just like to get more comfortable with ourselves. The latter is more important, in my estimation...
Esteem is exactly that – estimation of one’s “worth,” or an opinion of someone or something. A person looks at another person, or listens to what they say, or reads what they write, and they make an estimation, or judgment, of their worth. Are you esteemable? Are you held in high esteem? That seems to be the question, but what is the answer? More importantly, do you hold yourself in high esteem? Since we’re all here on this crossdressing discussion forum, I assume that everyone has looked in the mirror at one time or another, forming an opinion or estimation of YOU. Perhaps we like what we see, and MtF crossdressing is just another boy’s adventure, a product of overflowing positive self-esteem. Others may look at their reflection and decide, “This man is worthless,” using crossdressing as a way to generate or bolster self-esteem. It all boils down to believing in yourself, or the “self” that is submerged or subjugated...
Esteem has a lot to do with respectability, and this is where the opinions of outsiders come into play. If you are respectable, you maintain good social status and a good reputation. You may be outwardly decent, honest, and proper, fairly good in overall quality and of moderate excellence. Is it possible to be a crossdresser (MtF variety) and be seen as respectable by society? At this point in time, I mean? I’m not talking about TG individuals who live their lives on the other side of their birth gender 24/7, I’m talking about those males who dress as females (temporarily) now and then for a myriad of reasons. Where I live, I cannot expect to be seen, in my crossdressed state, as someone worthy of esteem or respect. That doesn’t matter to me – I crossdress anyway, going against the grain, causing as little abrasion as possible as I float through life. My self-esteem is intact, thank you, and, in any event, I have my “self” to fall back on...
Respectable, first cousin of esteemable, implies that one is “good enough to be seen.” My mode of dress, meant as it is to allow “passage” through a hostile world, is highly respectable, at least in my estimation! I make myself into a presentation that is OK to look at, i.e. worthy of respect, even though I’m skirting (pardon the pun) the fine line between not being noticed and sticking out like a human anomaly. My self-respect guides me along. I will not give in to fear, even though I may walk alone through the present-day valley of non-acceptable darkness. I estimate my capabilities and sally forth into the unknown, gaining self-esteem with each new experience. In my case, if my self-esteem was not all it should be, I wouldn’t be able to go out the front door. Sometimes I feel vulnerable being a crossdresser, even though I respect the worthiness of the “act” and use it to respect myself. In doing so, I estimate that I’m OK, and all is well, in terms of self-esteem at least...
What about those who have low self-esteem, yet they crossdress? The crossdressing comes about, for one reason or another, and it becomes woven into the proverbial fabric that encloses the soul. “What am I doing?” you might say to yourself, for, in your opinion, you are damaging the person you feel you either should be or could be. I read a lot of CD threads involving open conversation with the self, a glorified auto-wrestling match for all to see – anything less would amount to NO self-esteem in the mind of the afflicted. How can something that nearly everyone says is WRONG somehow contribute to self-esteem? Strange, but true. If you ask me, as long as you can welcome the idea of submission into your daily existence, or crucify doubt, you’ll see the idea of respectability in a whole new light. SHE, or a reasonable facsimile, must emerge, or the end result will be self-injurious. You cannot go by what others feel is esteemable if you are to sooth the spirit within – take it from me...
Perhaps I’m in denial, unable to conform to the acceptable human mold like some shapeless, mindless entity. Maybe self-esteem is, in itself, ephemeral in nature, a mental house of cards meant to keep depression at bay. They (the outsiders) say that I’m not all that I could be, but, in truth, I’m something that few DARE to be – this amounts to a personal philosophy, constructed to allow happiness to emerge and flourish. I suppose how you dress reveals what your level of self-esteem is – if I don’t respect myself, it will show, but, since I DO hold myself in high regard, that shows as well. By my estimation, the path I took many years ago has definitely led me somewhere, but, in the end, I come to that conclusion through self-esteem, not self-deprecation. I may be bent, at least in the view of others, but I’m not bowed. It feels good to crossdress, and my self-esteem couldn’t be better – at least I estimate it to be so...
Getting back to Marla’s quote - when you’re different or don’t “measure up” in some way, or seen to be overly sensitive, especially during childhood, you begin a lifelong quest for self-esteem. Through crossdressing I found what I was looking for, gaining elusive self-respect along the way – in short, I found my true self...
What is your level of self-esteem? Is self-esteem a foregone conclusion, or an ongoing conflict? :thinking:
I came across Marla’s quote (about being a “small” boy) a few weeks ago, just when I was thinking about self-esteem. Hmmm... How does self-esteem fit into this inexplicable thing we call crossdressing? Do we MtF’ers crossdress to gain self-esteem, or are we so naturally imbued with self-esteem that we crossdress? For those who struggle with the urge to crossdress, does CD’ing somehow injure self-esteem, opening up a virtual Pandora’s Box of unrequited desires, not to mention fears? How important is self-esteem, anyway? The world wants us to dress appropriately, while we would just like to get more comfortable with ourselves. The latter is more important, in my estimation...
Esteem is exactly that – estimation of one’s “worth,” or an opinion of someone or something. A person looks at another person, or listens to what they say, or reads what they write, and they make an estimation, or judgment, of their worth. Are you esteemable? Are you held in high esteem? That seems to be the question, but what is the answer? More importantly, do you hold yourself in high esteem? Since we’re all here on this crossdressing discussion forum, I assume that everyone has looked in the mirror at one time or another, forming an opinion or estimation of YOU. Perhaps we like what we see, and MtF crossdressing is just another boy’s adventure, a product of overflowing positive self-esteem. Others may look at their reflection and decide, “This man is worthless,” using crossdressing as a way to generate or bolster self-esteem. It all boils down to believing in yourself, or the “self” that is submerged or subjugated...
Esteem has a lot to do with respectability, and this is where the opinions of outsiders come into play. If you are respectable, you maintain good social status and a good reputation. You may be outwardly decent, honest, and proper, fairly good in overall quality and of moderate excellence. Is it possible to be a crossdresser (MtF variety) and be seen as respectable by society? At this point in time, I mean? I’m not talking about TG individuals who live their lives on the other side of their birth gender 24/7, I’m talking about those males who dress as females (temporarily) now and then for a myriad of reasons. Where I live, I cannot expect to be seen, in my crossdressed state, as someone worthy of esteem or respect. That doesn’t matter to me – I crossdress anyway, going against the grain, causing as little abrasion as possible as I float through life. My self-esteem is intact, thank you, and, in any event, I have my “self” to fall back on...
Respectable, first cousin of esteemable, implies that one is “good enough to be seen.” My mode of dress, meant as it is to allow “passage” through a hostile world, is highly respectable, at least in my estimation! I make myself into a presentation that is OK to look at, i.e. worthy of respect, even though I’m skirting (pardon the pun) the fine line between not being noticed and sticking out like a human anomaly. My self-respect guides me along. I will not give in to fear, even though I may walk alone through the present-day valley of non-acceptable darkness. I estimate my capabilities and sally forth into the unknown, gaining self-esteem with each new experience. In my case, if my self-esteem was not all it should be, I wouldn’t be able to go out the front door. Sometimes I feel vulnerable being a crossdresser, even though I respect the worthiness of the “act” and use it to respect myself. In doing so, I estimate that I’m OK, and all is well, in terms of self-esteem at least...
What about those who have low self-esteem, yet they crossdress? The crossdressing comes about, for one reason or another, and it becomes woven into the proverbial fabric that encloses the soul. “What am I doing?” you might say to yourself, for, in your opinion, you are damaging the person you feel you either should be or could be. I read a lot of CD threads involving open conversation with the self, a glorified auto-wrestling match for all to see – anything less would amount to NO self-esteem in the mind of the afflicted. How can something that nearly everyone says is WRONG somehow contribute to self-esteem? Strange, but true. If you ask me, as long as you can welcome the idea of submission into your daily existence, or crucify doubt, you’ll see the idea of respectability in a whole new light. SHE, or a reasonable facsimile, must emerge, or the end result will be self-injurious. You cannot go by what others feel is esteemable if you are to sooth the spirit within – take it from me...
Perhaps I’m in denial, unable to conform to the acceptable human mold like some shapeless, mindless entity. Maybe self-esteem is, in itself, ephemeral in nature, a mental house of cards meant to keep depression at bay. They (the outsiders) say that I’m not all that I could be, but, in truth, I’m something that few DARE to be – this amounts to a personal philosophy, constructed to allow happiness to emerge and flourish. I suppose how you dress reveals what your level of self-esteem is – if I don’t respect myself, it will show, but, since I DO hold myself in high regard, that shows as well. By my estimation, the path I took many years ago has definitely led me somewhere, but, in the end, I come to that conclusion through self-esteem, not self-deprecation. I may be bent, at least in the view of others, but I’m not bowed. It feels good to crossdress, and my self-esteem couldn’t be better – at least I estimate it to be so...
Getting back to Marla’s quote - when you’re different or don’t “measure up” in some way, or seen to be overly sensitive, especially during childhood, you begin a lifelong quest for self-esteem. Through crossdressing I found what I was looking for, gaining elusive self-respect along the way – in short, I found my true self...
What is your level of self-esteem? Is self-esteem a foregone conclusion, or an ongoing conflict? :thinking: