'why care what a GG thinks

[Moxie]

After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

Hey, I promised! :)

So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...:(

xx Moxie

[GabbiSophia]

Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

[Carrie R]

I care what GGs think about me mostly because I don't really care what guys think about me. I like honesty and the few GG friends I have will let me know if I screw something up.

[Beverley Sims]

Hi Moxie and I am glad you changed your name and also came back.
Too much temptation, or whatever. I hope you like the buzz and can get into it.
I find the forum enjoyable and like fresh questions.
Questions like,
"What color are your panties"? No thanks It can be phrased better. "Why do you choose to wear the color panties you are wearing?"
Same question different intro.
Getting off track here, your previous name, Doormat sounded like people were walking over you. :)
To answer the question....
I value girls comments more than guys because I am prepared to integrate with them more than males.
I can detect an untruthful comment and I will bail a person up and tell them they are being nice when I want a true statement.
If I am told I do not make the grade I am not disappointed I will ask how I can improve my position.
I sometimes do not reply to threads here because the truth does hurt and I can be insensitive.
A bit like Melissa Hobbes aka "Bad Tranny." Outspoken but truthful.
I do like genuine compliments and I like to be accepted into a girls circle of friends.
It is nice to be able to talk amongst women and have them forget what I am. :)

[Lady Slipper]

Bring your tough questions, Moxie. We are not afraid. Acceptance by our "peers" is a universal human condition. I'm glad your here Moxie!

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Cheryl T]

It's NOT important to me what GG's think about my dressing or that they make nice comments for any reason.
What is important is that people treat me respectfully (as I treat them) when I go out. My encounters with women have all been positive in that way and I appreciate that. I would never comment to them negatively about their appearance for any reason unless it was a friend and I was trying to provide my opinion to benefit them.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Some people in general (not just those who dress) take a complement and then run too far with it.

Folks you see do that may be struggling to pass and desperately want validation. Some may be terribly lonely and hope that a complement might mean a GG finds them attractive. As for thinking GGs are jealous of them and they could teach them how to be better at being a woman... well... that is delusional.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Because im a Female / Woman , why would i care, because im involved with women in our groups one is our Edwardian group we dress in the 1900 to 1914 time . we talk about what looks right for the time style & what we are makeing,

Today was no different as we had 37 for our end of year luncheon / dinner. all dressed in our finery bonnits & all. was a lovely day & the food was just so good. most of us are women with 6 men . was a neat day,

I get comments as to what i make & wear. so im allways on the look out for fabric or hats to make my Bonnits,

In my day to day life i work with a few of these women we are friends i do things for & with them. do we care.. oh yes we do,

Now im not this Feminine looking female, though i am female, , im not a feminine looking woman yet i am a woman who is a real woman. because i dont have the ...look... or not a beautyfull woman, do my women friends care, well no .

im involved with a large women only group, over 2,000 . plus many other groups with in our membership of 1000 people 800 are women .

you see its not how i look or dress i dont have to dress in my womens clothes to be seen & known as noeleena. even over the ditch im known by many in Australia, im treated as a normal woman only because i am one, so yes its different for myself,

Clothes dont have a bearing on who i am. Now where it changes is those who dont know me will think am i a woman or a male, thats fair enough i dont have an issue with that, what will change is when they talk with me & see i am a woman the acceptaince is then given. interacton my manisims & just my bearing as a woman,

As my close women friends have said not all of us women have that look about us that says this is a woman , getting to know us says we are, just our facial features say different. yet many have said i just thought you are a woman no 2nd quessing,

So just wearing our womens clothes or other does not make us woman what does is in being born female then grow in to being a woman.

Jos & i have talked about this many times, Jos accepts i am a woman & like my friends going back 55 years yes that is right 55 they allso accept i am a woman no ? from them saying im not,

I know this is directed to dresser's or crossdresser's, & maybe trans people, i dont fit ether, as an intersexed person its a little different, a reason i have come in contact with is i have what some wish for, so we are not accepted quite in the same way. for some we are thrown out as inferor .

Hope this helps , its another side view of difference,

...noeleena...

[Rogina B]

Sometimes we are being too polite as well.."What do you think of this?" ..as I am getting my shoulderbag and heading for the door...Too late to change it at that point! lol I only ask people that have an eye for clothes and style and do value their opinions,but that doesn't mean I will instantly act on it.

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno, acceptance as a person is more important to me than acceptance as a woman. The fact is I get along with women because they are more accepting of others in general, have more people skills and are generally more empathetic. Now, that is something worthy of emulating. I doubt we would have half the problems we have in the world if everyone felt and acted like women.We can learn a lot from that if we really pay attention.:battingeyelashes::)

[BRANDYJ]

After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

Hey, I promised! :)

So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

First, to answer your question, I can only respond with a simple answer. Everyone likes compliments. Not just us CD'ers. I'm sure all GG's like them too. And if the compliment was just to be polite, that's Ok too. Nothing wrong with being polite. Of course, I can usually tell if the compliment was just to be polite. I then of course take it with a grain of salt.
I have had sincere compliments from GG's while out to a function where we that dress are welcome and expected to be there. I don't go out otherwise. You won't see me out shopping or socializing in the general society.

The compliments from the few GG's that are friends and not lovers or SO, I know some were sincere while a few were just being polite. When it comes to my SO (when I had one), the compliments were perhaps equal to the corrective advised about the way I looked. Honestly, I welcomed those comments as much as a compliment. As far as it being important

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

It's only important to me to hear compliments from an SO. Not so important to hear it from strangers. Nice to hear from my GG friends. No, there is no sexual component for me to simply hear a compliment. Don't even see how it could be. True, there is a sexual component to my dressing, but not to having a GG accept me...even an SO. No real rush felt by me. Just nice, as if they were complimenting me on my siging karaoke LOL

See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...:(

xx Moxie

Hi Moxie, I hope I'm one of those friends you ask that question of in private. I'd love to help. It bothers me to think your husband is not kind, considerate, or attentive because of his dressing. Ther has got to be more to it than just his dressing.

[Jana]

Moxie, I think you can ask anybody these questions, woman, man, transgender or not. After all, who doesn't like to get noticed and complimented? Who doesn't wonder what other people think of them? Yes, we shouldn't care about what other people think but most human beings do, not just CDers. Have you never sought validation and feedback from your husband, a friend, or a family member?

BTW, I'm glad to see you changed your name. Made me smile. :)

PS: And what is the question that you REALLY want to ask?

[Moxie]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

[Lady Catherine]

You know, I've often wondered what the big deal was myself, as I've never really cared what others have thought. I just like to go about my business and be left alone. I don't go to bars and such (in either mode) so I'm not looking for validation. I. do it for ME. it's what I want to do.

That said, some of the answers given by others make some since for what they are looking for.

[Kate Simmons]

Crossdressing can become a jealous, self absorbing process if we let it become that. It can also take away from the reality of a relationship if we allow it to. The difference between it becoming managable or all consuming is if we hold the reains or not.:)

[Lady Catherine]

Dressing in no way what so ever changes the way I feel about my finance. her acceptence has made my feelings even stronger. I. can't. answer in regards to an unaccepting SO because mine has been behind me ever since I told her. I truly hope you find what you are looking for and or work things out with your husband. Peace, love.

[Jana]

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

I can only answer for myself: not in the least. And mind you, my wife isn't fully accepting. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Moxie.

[Angela Campbell]

I don't have a wife right now. I do not get many compliments from GG's because few know me dressed, but it would mean a lot to me if they gave me one because I kind of idolize women and even if they are just being polite it makes me feel like I was at least noticed. I also would kill for a kind, considerate and attentive partner but so far I have never had one. Every one I have been with was showered with affection, attention and romance and nothing was ever returned. After a while that takes a toll on a relationship i guess.

Anyway I think most of the time a compliment from most people is a politeness type of thing, and a polite interaction is always welcome in my book.

[Dana3]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

Crossdressing along with most and any of my own personal needs and wants comes in dead last (By Choice) to those of the DF, the children, and the grandchildren. I work hard to be the best that I can at the "traditional" roles that are expected of a man, SO, husband, BF etc. I fully admitt that crossdressing can be a selfish, self centered, egocentric "Hobby" ~ as can anything else. And its been my experience thus far in life that in general women don't do well to taking the back to seat the affection and attention of the men in their lives.

Factoring CD'ing out of the equation ~ along with most if not all the trappings of feminity, I try and help out in and around the house, with the cookng, cleaning, washing etc. Which can be hard to do since Mrs. Dana comes from an religious (Southern) "old school" background, and taking care of her man/husband and the household is one of the ways she expresses her love and devotion to me.

I've long noticed a lack of references here at this site to such items as being romantic, books of that nature ~ such as "Light Her Fire", "Romance 101" "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" and "1001 Ways to be More Romantic" An such sites as "Marriage Builders" and "Divorce Busting" along with many others. Seems to me if the individuals would emphasis on taking care of the basis of the relationship? That taking care and nuturing each others needs would fall into place

[SandraV]

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

Speaking for myself, not in the least. The feelings that drive me to express my fem side by CDing have absolutely nothing to do with my wife. In my case, this is something that has always been there in my head. It something that I attempted to ignore/deny/supress, you name it, over many years. I've only recently opened up to my wife about this. Even though she is not entirely accepting in the sense that she prefers not to be directly involved, it means tge world to me that she is slowly coming around to be more accepting abd understanding.

PS, sorry for my spelling. Typing on my phone.

[rachael.davis]

I have to break this gently, since this an internet forum, but I really no longer have 1/8 of a gram of damn to waste on anyone else's opinion or annoying (your words) questions. I take a compliment as given, and am pretty happy about it.

[Amy Fakley]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

Short answer: NO. It's really about me, and what's inside my head needing to come out into the physical world for a little while. It's not about my wife in the slightest, it really really isn't. I know on the surface of it, that seems hard to believe, but then ... I mean what about this situation would you find easy to believe? LOL ... we're some weird cats, sista.

'course, I'm speaking only for myself ... I strongly suspect there are quite a few who here who would agree with this but then again, I'm sure there's also a few who wouldn't. We're also a diverse crowd, as well. It's a little different for each of us.

[Annaliese]

Are you saying that it is not important for a GG to get comments from other GG on how they look, and If a GG comments you on how you look they want you. Doesn't everyone want acceptance. No it is just being polite and it is nice to be noticing and feel good about one self. I have gotten positive comments on my pictures, that I have posted here it make me feel good when that happens. Is there anything wrong about wanting to feel good about one self.
I don't think you are trying to understand us and then understand your husband but find fault in every thing we do to put us down. To take out your frustration on us because you can't accept your husband for what he is. I can't tell you why I dress, what I can tell you is I can't help it, it is who I am. Like everything in my life I do the best I can from being a good husband, father, grandfather and yes and being the best crossdresser I can.

[sheilagirl]

Great answer, Steph. Who doesn't LOVE a compliment. Hell, I feel awesome when a salesclerk compliments me on a dress or blouse I'm purchasing, saying things like "your girfriend or wife is going to love it" I just smile and say Thank You!
Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

[Leslie Langford]

I have no illusions about the compliments that I get from GG's when I am out and about as "Leslie", and that it is often no more than a "social lubricant" and a device that women typically employ to connect on a personal level with others in a way that most men rarely do.

Still, it is human nature to appreciate a compliment, and the way I see it, in a situation such as this, the GG has the option to either say nothing at all or else make a favorable comment. Just by choosing the latter option is a form of validation as far as I am concerned, and I am perfectly O.K. with that. And since I always aim to look as presentable and as "passable" as I can when out in public, I see that as an a positive acknowledgement of my efforts, even if the GG suspects deep down inside that I am not that I appear to be.

As to why it is so important what GG's think at all? Frankly, it is because I like women as people first and foremost, and independently of any physical or sexual attraction that might sometimes accompany that. I really don't care what men think about most issues (including fashion or appearance in this case), because if you scratch deeply enough beneath the surface, most of them are condemned by their biology and socialization to be knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

Women, in general, are much more caring, nurturing, attentive, empathetic, supportive, and selfless creatures who are more in tune with other peoples' needs, and that is what I so admire about them.

[sissystephanie]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

The question you ask about crossdressing may be a hard one for many crossdressers to answer. If they are a crossdresser who wishes to be a woman in reality, their answer would be totally different from mine! I have never wanted to actually be a woman in the 60 plus years that I have crossdressed! I am very happy to be a man, but I do like to wear feminine clothes. I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her and she accepted me "as is!" We had almost 50 happy years together before cancer took her! Since she was much better at it than I was, she always did my makeup and fixed my wig when I went out in public as Stephanie. And many times she went out with me! We had a good life together, because she was much more important to me than crossdressing, and even though she is now deceased she is still that important to me!!

[GG7irish]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(
This is a question that is probably in our minds at one time or another.
I know my SO has to deal with my insecurities, luckily he is patient and listens and answers me.
But Moxie we all need to be accepted no matter what form.
The hardest lesson I had to learn was to accept myself first and be happy with who I am before I could ever be open enough to even accept anyone else. Sadly this is something that I still have to work on daily.

But to your original question, if our SO ask our opinion, I hope we have a good enough relationship to be honest and and say yes you look good or perhaps it would be better like this etc. Now luckily we are nicer than my girlfriends who tell me i look like a crappy old woman :)

[sheilagirl]

The question you ask about crossdressing may be a hard one for many crossdressers to answer. If they are a crossdresser who wishes to be a woman in reality, their answer would be totally different from mine! I have never wanted to actually be a woman in the 60 plus years that I have crossdressed! I am very happy to be a man, but I do like to wear feminine clothes. I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her and she accepted me "as is!" We had almost 50 happy years together before cancer took her! Since she was much better at it than I was, she always did my makeup and fixed my wig when I went out in public as Stephanie. And many times she went out with me! We had a good life together, because she was much more important to me than crossdressing, and even though she is now deceased she is still that important to me!!
Sad but Beautiful story to start the day with. You had/have your priorities VERY straight. Have a Beautiful Day, Stephanie.

[Meghan]

We're humans and we're biased. I am sure I look much goofier than I appear to myself, but there's always a chance that I don't.

I would say "needing" positive feedback is a stretch, but it sure helps. Even if you are "just being polite" so what? As humans, that's a way we relate to each other. Most people don't look beyond the surface compliments anyway, so just being polite is fine. I don't walk the earth looking for "real truth" from every interaction.

A compliment is much better than a sideways look of disgust! Maybe a compliment is good because it's not a form of rejection.

Meghan

[Jenniferathome]

Hi moxie, this idea of "women are just being polite" has been brought up often. Only the delusional think a comment means they are passing. Some may find it a sort of acceptance when in fact it's just social circumstance.

I can't connect the sexual component, however. Being "accepted" by a woman or believing you are passing or blending in, is not a sexual thing. I believe it is a validation of sorts of this female part of us. As for "why do we care what anyone thinks?" Well, even we cross dressers are humans. Humans are social animals and being part of group is in our nature. I think all humans want to be liked/accepted. We can deal,with it when it does not happen, but we prefer it. Imagine you get all dolled up for a play or something and when entering you get a "that dress looks like crap and you're fat," from some guy. Probably not the reaction you were hoping for. But why should you care? You shouldn't but you do.

[BRANDYJ]

NO! Not at all Moxie. If anything, it increases my love, admiration and devotion to her. Get bored with a real woman in the house???? NEVER!!! Sadly, I live alone and have for the past 3 years. It might be hard for some to believe, but my desire or need to dress has diminished since living alone. I don't know, maybe I need the sight, the smell, the awareness of a woman around me to put me in the mood more. Or is it the estrogen that gets released into the air that makes me want to dress more? LOL

It's my admiration and devotion to her that perhaps made me want to dress more. The love is not part of it, but I did love my SO very much. Cross dressing could never take away from that. In fact, no doubt enhanced my loving her and her acceptance.

[bobbimo]

The biggest reason to look for the GG's input is because the SEE the little details that we as lady-wannabes, never notice.
Like matching colors, the wrong shoes, the wrong purse, you walk like a pole climber.
GG's have been doing this all their natural lives and its a blessing they come here to help and support us.
Bobbi

[Annaliese]

Not at all, in fact I have more love/admiration/devotion to my wife than when we were first married, she has become my best friend.

[Jenniferathome]

:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

No. Not even remotely related. My cross dressing is not a substitute for my wife in any way. Here's why you can believe this: I was a cross dresser before I met my wife and I worked to get her while i was still a cross dresser. Cross dressing is not a substitute for a relationship. I know it's me under that dress.

[kimdl93]

Fair questions. Let me give you my answers. 1I usually assume people, GGs included, are just being polite, when they compliment me. Deep inside, I never really believe it, but wish that it were true. Its important for me to feel somewhat accepted, and such kind remarks do just that. I think that's true for all of us. When two women compliment each other on how they look, its not a sexual thing, but both politeness and I'm sure often a sincere intention.

[Dawn cd]

On reflection, Moxie, you've been acting like a hit-and-run driver—always threatening to leave after raising painful questions. The pain is present because you're feeling pain right now, and many people in this forum are taking it seriously and trying to respond to it. It's a demonstration of human kindness—which is pretty much the same reason why we say nice things to a CD who is clearly not passing. We can't really answer for your SO's behavior (every human being is different), but we know pain when we hear it. Why not hang around for a while?

[carhill2mn]

As usual, there is no one "right" answer to your question as to why a GGs opinion is important to us. For some of us it is pleasing to hear nice comments from anyone. As for me, I really enjoy recieving a positive comment from a GG as they are more likely to (IMHO) have a better sense of whether I look am presenting well as a woman or not. I do hope that they are responding to me "woman to woman" and not woman to CD.

Much of social conversation is just "being polite". This is a social skill which most of us learn in order to get along in society.
So, even a "polite" comment is welcomed by me.

[Lorileah]

After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here. Please don't leave. I can't fight this battle alone! Please please stay!




I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you. None of the above, I just think they like my outfit or whatever and do not assume anything more


Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!! you would be just like a man??:strugglin


What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you? because I am human, sort of, and I want the approval and opinions of others. I will never say there is no sexual component because most start as totally sexual, but I still thrill to compliments...no not with a physical reaction, but it makes my heart swell and I feel good.


most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...:(

Oh, that does not sound good. Um...can I throw a positive in here? Usually the self centered angry defensive thoughtless part fades. And many times you get a better partner in the end. If it doesn't you are seeing the "real" man you married anyway. So I expect you will get the very kind, considerate and attentive partner back again.

And I would be very honored to be in the group you ask the questions of....is that a dangling participle? For which you ask the question? Ah heck, go ahead and ask


Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

If it did, I would not be a very nice person would lI (fishing for that compliment...here). I have said it before but I will repeat "Love don't leave". I have never fallen OUT of love ever ever ever. I always admire my loved one. Now I have had partners who were totally physical or monetary or whatever, but I would NEVER marry them.

As far as if the wife is not totally accepting, I don't know. My wife accepted it with caveats and we stayed together for 35 years (28 married). My GF knew before we even got involved and it was a requisite that she know. She accepted it 100% and i was the one who had issues, feeling I was somehow dragging her down. I was wrong (wasn't he first time won't be the last), she loved both parts of me equally. So as to answering if it would cause the love to fade, I don't have a good perspective. My opinion would be though that if this was the reason they faded away, you are better off without them.

(Sorry, I had to add this because I didn't read the whole thread the first time :slap:)

[Tara D. Rose]

I agree with others here. We all like compliments. I mean men and women like compliments from others. So many of us though, do want to present and look the best and passable as possible. So many of us fall short of that goal. There's two kinds of compliments though, some can be directed towards our personality, like "you're so kind and thoughtful" or "I love the awesome way you tell a story".Those compliments have nothing to do with our appearance.The other kind of compliment would be of our appearance. We all fall somewhere on the scale from one to ten on our ability to pass as a GG, which is our goal. It really does make a cd feel very good when they get compliments on how good we are doing from the standpoint of that scale. Compliments from other cd's are just as refreshing to us as from GG's.

So sometimes cd's will not wait for a compliment, I and maybe other cd's do this thing that I do that sometimes annoys my wife. And that is, when I spend so long to get ready, shower, shave, take my sweet time doing the make up, choose the right clothes, etc. I go to her and ask her so sweetly, honey how do I look?
When I ask this, I'm speaking with a blue tongue but yet she hears with pink ears. I got that from Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs's book, "Love & Respect". So when I ask her how do I look? Her interpretation of the question may be, "do I look desirable?" but what I really mean from those 4 words, "how do I look?" I am asking
"how close to passing am I?" She thinks I'm being narcissistic, but I'm looking for validation on the passing scale.

You ask "WHY is it so important what GG's think at all?" For since we need that validation from you, for you see us as we are when you look upon us when we're doing our best to and of emulating a woman. Sometimes when we look in the mirror at ourselves, we see a different image than a wife does. CD's can often see what we feel inside, but she see's what is really on the outside.

On your other question in post #14 "Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

It does sometimes cause a wife or SO to actually feel this way. To feel like she is being replaced with another woman. For you are the real woman as you said. And with considering what oftentimes seems like cd's are loving themselves with mirror admiring like admiring the woman they see in the mirror and pictures they take of themselves. I can see how this can make a wife begin to feel like his/her love and affection leans more to his/her own womanly image. But it really isn't that way at all.That is just a misunderstood interpretation from usual activities from a cd. But keep in mind, we are not all alike. Some of us are similar to each other, and some of us are so very different form the other. But actually, with the acceptance from our wives, and acceptance being in so many varying degrees, it brings us closer to her, it does awaken new loving feelings for a wife. Not all marriages are alike in this. There's not one answer fits all. It depends on many things, like how much or how little a cd wants to do or be? There's so many variables of how much or how little a wife going to accept? The more she accepts, the happier the cd will be,which is a positive thing, and maybe less happy a wife will be which will be a negative thing. So each spouse has to do some give and take.

If you give your husband a compliment on her/his efforts in cd'ing, let it be truthful and honest, and not because you may feel that a wonderful uplifting compliment is what he/she wants to hear, but give it from the heart because you can "see" with your eyes what she "feels" in her heart.
I.t may sound strange, but my cross dressing has brought my wife and I closer in so many ways

[Kerigirl2009]

I don't put alot of stock in what anyone says, I know I can and will be clocked, and I don't care. I might even be recgonized. but it is what it is. I just appreciate honesty, but I also expect the people to keep rude opinions to themselves. All I ever want is acceptance and if I cant have that then be nice and leave me to be me.

[reb.femme]

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

Hi Moxie,

Being a Brit, polite does it for me, but I expect that for some GGs, the compliments are genuine. However, on the whole, I think you may be right. Pleasant makes the world go round but sometimes a little brutal honesty wouldn't go amiss either, but that is best delivered by a good friend rather than an unknown.

Akin to telling someone that have B.O. The ultimate lead balloon.

Oh, and another thing.......stop thinking too much! :)

Rebecca

[adrienner99]

I do not believe any CD anywhere thinks GGs are "jealous" of the way they look. I just don't buy it...

What GGs think of me does have importance, but it's not like their opinions are critical to my survival...I value what they think--positive or negative, because what I am trying to do (look like a woman) is incredibly hard, and important to my soul. Honest feedback is what I need, and if it happens to be positive it gives me great joy because it means I am succeding....

And yes, we know that sometimes you are just being polite. I don't find it helpful.

[Lynn Marie]

I often get compliments from gg's and men alike. I also give out lots of compliments to gg's and men alike. I really don't see it as anything more than being a friendly and contributing member of society. I'm not insecure, and don't need my ego inflated. I have enough testosterone so there's no confusion as to who I am, nor do I need to show off to get attention. I like myself and I like people. They seem to like me too, and that's just delightful. Now there are a few people out there who don't like me, and that's okay too. I have broad shoulders, actually a little too broad.

[AllyCDTV]

I'm pretty indifferent to what GG's think in terms of me crossdressing. I'm more interested in honest comment from other CD's. I feel it's kinda like peer review.

As good as some CD's may look, we will never be in the same class as GG's. There are just too many subtle differences for me to think we can really compare to GG's. It's almost like trying to compare people that play paintball to Navy SEAL's. Frankly I'm surprised that GG's aren't more often than not, offended by some of our attempts.

[NicoleScott]

Hey, thanks for the compliments. We like attention, in all its forms. If the compliments were insincere, well, that's not my problem.

[Miriam-J]

Moxie ... a much nicer name and pretty appropriate. Gotta love a lady with moxie.

On your first question ... I value the opinion of one GG especially, my wife, because I consider her to be my resident expert on feminine appearance. She helps me to recognize and address the factors that help and prevent me to blend in with others of your kind. I suppose if others join the circle of those who know me in feminine form I'll value their opinions as well, but primarily as experts. I really have far too little experience to know more than a teenager about how to blend, and start with some major disadvantages (like hair in all the wrong places).

My crossdressing has greatly increased my love and appreciation for my wife, even beyond the natural tendency I have for it (perhaps attached to the crossdressing gene). We've worked together to improve my wardrobe and appearance through the years, which is wonderfully bonding.

Miriam

[Annette Todd]

Thanks for answering another nosey question :)

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman :(

My love, admiration, devotion is based on loving and being loved for the person I am. Gender identity wise I may be a little - oh ok a lot confused - but after being just a paycheck and being faithful and devoted only to be used I too wish to find someone (woman) to whom I can devote myself to. Relationships mature but for me if that spark is there the potential for a real forest fire exsits.

[Kaz]

OK Moxie...

Choice time... should I stay or should I go?

I think you have gathered by now that we want you to stay. Your views are highly valued and you challenge appropriately. In fact many will have come to like you a lot!

I hope you can rationalise it all and come to terms with it. Why do it? No idea. Am I gay? No. Am I crazy? Possibly. You have read the responses...

I have really valued and learned from your posts - I hope you stay and challenge me more.

[Wildaboutheels]

NOTHING would change. I can't read MINDS like most here. Don't know for sure if ALL the compliments I have received over the years in all of the places I go... were genuine or not. I can read eyes though. I'm quite good at that. As the Eagles said, "There ain't no way to hide those lyin eyes" and I concur completely. I have yet to see any Lyin eyes. Smiling faces? Sometimes, they don't tell the truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wKyXA_nMVQ

And in my case, It's NOT important what ANY GG thinks of me, unless I become involved in a "romantic" relationship with her. I learned long ago that sharp people quickly figure out that the wrapping paper on a package is just that - wrapping paper.

MOST folks will never figure it out, and I am perfectly OK with that.

[justmetoo]

I agree with many others - I enjoy the compliments for what they are, the ones that seem genuine. I don't look for any ulterior motives behind them (although I'm sure many of the compliments from sale people are about making a sale). It doesn't really matter though. I certainly don't think it means I'm passing or that they want to have any kind of relationship with me. I do value the comments from GGs I am close to, who I know well enough to know their motives and when they're being truthful vs. being nice or polite. I value the comments from GGs more than from men for obvious reasons, like the GGs can be more specific and speak from experience and greater knowledge of what looks good, etc.

I'm single and not looking for a sexual relationship with anyone, so I could only answer your second question from a hypothetical standpoint. I have been in and am open to romantic relationships with women. If I were in such a relationship with a woman who accepted me and loved me as I would expect to do in return I couldn't see me becoming less interested, or withdrawing from, or valuing her less over time. I would hope, with increased knowledge of each other over time, shared experiences, etc., that the relationship would become stronger. But I can't know for sure that's how it would be.

[Julie Gaum]

To Moxie's last question which I believe is in the back of the minds of many GGs who are not fully, or mostly supportive of their SOs I think
I'm reading SOME of the posts that "protest too much", that are in a state of denial and don't realize it. How can a CD, or anyone for that matter, be able to measure whether their love, devotion and attention are less so or the same when part of their feelings and activities (sexual or daily living) is shared by their inner desires to cross dress for short or longer periods of time? Every individual has only so much to
give to another in love, attention and time based on their job requirements, their time at home, size of their family and so on. With that said,
overtime many in our community become worndown by the minimal support of their SO and some if not all interest in continuing to share their lives with another eats away their subconscious and denial of their developing feelings of being unloved or less loved creeps in.
To end what has become too long a post --- Yes, there are many CDs who do lose some or all interest under these circumstances and is inevitable for them. Are there exceptions? Of course.
I don't intend these comments to leave Moxie sitting on the fence but that's what makes living so complicated (and interesting).
Julie

[LaraPeterson]

I'm wondering why you think asking this question makes you a big thinker.

[KellyJameson]

I never cared for the name "doormat" because it felt manipulative and I like Moxie much better because it leaves the impression of someone who is not going to approach life like she is a victim but I would expand the name to "Mischievous Moxie"

It is so easy to "keep a man" and to "keep a man in love with you" but you have to be willing to get out of your own way to do it.

A woman draws a man to her by what she does with her own life that than attracts him to her.

How well have you been taking care of your own life? How well do you take care of your health? Your physical appearance? Personal development?

I look around at people who have given up on themselves and wonder what happened for them to lose their passion for life, a life that someday will be over with no gurantee of another.

Why are they killing themselves with junk food, alcohol and drugs?
Why do they spend there days in front of a televison instead of going for walks or reading a book?

The secret to being loved is to not stop loving yourself but many never even make an effort to begin learning how to love themselves because to love yourself is a "Hell of alot of WORK".

It means getting out of bed and going for a run before the sun is up if thats what it takes to become healthy again.
Going back to school to get that degree that was never finished.
Learning to not say anything if you cannot say something nice.
Throwing things out that you no longer need and not buying things that you don't

Love is about self discipline as an aspect of self respect.

People waste so much time trying to get others to love them and while they are doing this they completely forget to learn and practice what it means to love yourself.

Sorry for sticking my nose in your business but people have so much power to change their lives if they would only use it.

[Eryn]

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc....Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being polite??!!

I'd say "Thank you for that. Politeness is a very good trait."

Look, I have a mirror. I know that I'm not in the running for "Miss 6'+ America" or any other prize for attractiveness or femininity. We all make compliments even when the person we compliment has obvious deficiencies. It is human nature to do this, unless one is anti-social. We also take these compliments with a grain of salt.

Except for my legs. Mimi says I have "model's legs." And I do. They're great, long and lean, and I enjoy showing them off when appropriate. Pity that's not very often becuase they're attached to a rather frumpy fiftysomething upper half! :)

[docrobbysherry]

Moxie, I have a mirror. I know what I look like dressed or drab. Any compliments I receive MUST simply be polite conversation! Sherry also has mirrors. So, when she receives attention from men, CDs, and women, she takes it quite seriously!

As far as CD's dressing getting in the way of, or interfering with relationships, it CAN and DOES happen! I'm single now and Sherry stands firmly in the way of my beginning a new relationship with a GG!


I never cared for the name "doormat" because it felt manipulative and I like Moxie much better because it leaves the impression of someone who is not going to approach life like she is a victim but I would expand the name to "Mischievous Moxie"

It is so easy to "keep a man" and to "keep a man in love with you" but you have to be willing to get out of your own way to do it.

A woman draws a man to her by what she does with her own life that than attracts him to her.

How well have you been taking care of your own life? How well do you take care of your health? Your physical appearance? Personal development?

I look around at people who have given up on themselves and wonder what happened for them to lose their passion for life, a life that someday will be over with no gurantee of another.

Why are they killing themselves with junk food, alcohol and drugs?
Why do they spend there days in front of a televison instead of going for walks or reading a book?

The secret to being loved is to not stop loving yourself but many never even make an effort to begin learning how to love themselves because to love yourself is a "Hell of alot of WORK".

It means getting out of bed and going for a run before the sun is up if thats what it takes to become healthy again.
Going back to school to get that degree that was never finished.
Learning to not say anything if you cannot say something nice.
Throwing things out that you no longer need and not buying things that you don't

Love is about self discipline as an aspect of self respect.

People waste so much time trying to get others to love them and while they are doing this they completely forget to learn and practice what it means to love yourself.

Sorry for sticking my nose in your business but people have so much power to change their lives if they would only use it.
This is one of your most sage and penetrating posts, Kelly. What's so sad is those that mite benefit the most from your experience will probably skip over it!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I figured "doormat" meant that people were doing things to her, or asking her to do things, without any thought whatsoever to her feelings. I know about this too well, as my dear mother is also a "doormat" and is used and exploited by many without even a thank-you in return. Needless to say, it can cause one to build up an incredible amount of resentment.

[Miranda-E]

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks?

It's not that important really.


Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?
xx Moxie
for many it is a rush and sexual thing. If women still accept the and are attracted to them, they can retain their masculinity or play lesbian.

[Moxie]

Thanks for the honest replies. I said I would ask one question as Moxie as I certainly bothered you all as Doormat, and I really do appreciate everyone's patience and kindness here.

As for the second, more personal part, yes this is a painful part of my marriage. I'm actually still an attractive, healthy woman who takes good care of all areas of life. I feel content in every part but the one where my husband fits. He used to be Mr Charming and now he's Mr Distant and while I can't blame CD entirely, I know it's playing a part. Maybe he senses my reluctance to engage this side of him, or maybe he's disappearing into his own world. At therapy we seem to discuss everything candidly, only to return home to silence.

But, this is possibly just another step on this journey and I'm sure it will work itself one way or another. I was just curious whether anyone here had pulled emotionally away from their wife at one time and it seems while some have, many haven't.

I guess only time and more therapy will tell.

Thanks again. I might not seem like the deepest thinker to some here (yes, I did catch that little dig) but I think enough about all this to know I'm slowly becoming an expert in something I didn't even consider five years ago! Life sure is a strange thing.

[Moxie]

No. Not even remotely related. My cross dressing is not a substitute for my wife in any way. Here's why you can believe this: I was a cross dresser before I met my wife and I worked to get her while i was still a cross dresser. Cross dressing is not a substitute for a relationship. I know it's me under that dress.

Thanks for this, Jennifer. This is honestly how I thought my husband was but of late his focus seems much less on us and far more on him.

Of course, I've been preoccupied here off and on, and have admittedly been a little distant too so I wonder if he's not just picking up on my weird vibe. I mean, I do feel a little weird at the moment! I talk about him to you all behind his back (he won't do forums anymore despite initially recommending this one a couple of years back, and would rather I didn't either), I probably know more about the inner workings of a CD than he does, and I actually think I accept many of you here more than my own husband!! Am I confused??

Hell yes!

I know I'm contributing to all this so I'm even starting to wonder now if less is more when it comes to CD information??

Too late now. Moxie/Doormat's brain is in overload. I need to take up drinking or something!

[ReineD]

Thanks for this, Jennifer. This is honestly how I thought my husband was but of late his focus seems much less on us and far more on him.

This will pass. He's in a pink fog. Doesn't mean you should sit by waiting patiently for it to end though. Let him know that you are feeling left behind and you feel as if you are losing him.

The sad part about pink fogs (BTW I hate that term with a passion), is that it causes distancing. Whether or not my own SO was going through one, I did perceive at the time that it didn't matter much whether I was involved in his life or not, since her priority was to go out, meet new people without me, make new friends, work on her wardrobe and accessories, etc. I understood the part about developing and expanding her feminine expression and outings, and I was supportive of this, but not at the expense of our relationship. Granted we were not living together, but I came to the conclusion that our relationship was not all that committed after all and I prepared to scale it back. I began making plans on my own that didn't involve him or her. I stopped calling every day. This was not meant as a punishment, but I compare it to having a friend that you call repeatedly to make plans for lunch but she never reciprocates. After awhile you come to the conclusion that she is not interested in the friendship and so you just stop calling.

Eventually, things fell back into place for my SO and I. But it was a low point in our relationship.

You can't stop calling or move out, you're married. But, you can start focusing on yourself and stop focusing on your husband. Start a new hobby, meet new people, get out of the house. Keep busy. Let your husband know that when he is ready to do things with you again, he should let you know. At the same time, I do recommend that you stretch your acceptance levels (if you're not there yet), at least to the point where you do not judge your husband negatively for his need to express femininity. And if you could even spend an occasional evening with him dressed (having dinner, or watching a movie or something), this might help things equalize faster. Hopefully.

[Crissy Kay]

To tell you the truth, I don"t care what they think.