Going Out

[xcdmargo]

Hi

Just wondered if any of you has experienced any problems or issues being accepted by gay men or lesbians?

Sometimes it seems they are totally accepting but then sometimes they seem put off when I'm in a Club, like I'm intruding

Hugs,
margo

[Sara Jessica]

Maybe it's because so many in these pages are sooooo quick to say they aren't part of that tribe, yet hanging out in their spaces (as in clubs or bars) seems like the thing to do.

Regardless, why narrow desired acceptance to one demographic? I'd think it would be better to behave in such a manner so that acceptance from all is commonplace.

[Lynn Marie]

I've been going out to the same LGBT club every Friday night for years with a number of my CD girlfriends. I know most of the people who go there and they all seem to know me! The owner of the club is very friendly and helpful and the gays and lesbians and DQ's are actually friendly and accepting to a fault. The only problem people I've run into are a few CD's who were either stand-offish or way over the top boisterous and unfriendly.

We've had a great time these last few years, that's for sure.

[Miss Trudy]

It s more the iindividual that the culture Margo. I have been in gay clubs where have total acceptance then 2 nghts later I am treated like a leper in the same club. Generally I have found most Lesbians, with the exception of the hard core butch types, very accepting. Againm t depends on the person as well as how you come across.

[kimdl93]

You know, I would expect that overall, you'll experience the same array of reactions from gay and lesbian people as from the general public. But usually we interact on a one to one basis with other people, and in my experience, when you do that, the responses are much more accepting. I have no idea how gay men who don't talk to me may think...and I don't care. Similarly, when I'm among gay or bi women, I do't know how they may feel about me unless we engage in conversation. And when we have, its been overwhelmingly positive.

[Annaliese]

I had a Gay friend say to me if I wanted to be with a woman I would go out with woman. I don't remember how the subject come up. He said it was a total turn off to see a man in a dress. This was years ago when I was still in denial about my self.

[Yolanda_Voils]

It depends upon the specific club AND in some cases, paticular nights.

One spot I frequent, usually "en-drabbe" has been really strange when I go as Yolanda.

Other places, even retail stores, I get acceptance and sometimes an exuberant display for my attempts to be subtly sexy.

As the Big-3 Auto makers would say, YMMV;-)

[Kate Simmons]

I think sometimes folks are just cautious around others they don't know. In any case, it's usually apparent after a bit who those who tend to be "clannish" are.:)

[sabrinaedwards]

Just this last week, I went to a gay club in Augusta, Georgia. I went fully dressed, having had some libation to strengthen my courage. I was nervous, but I had a great experience. I told those that interacted with me that I was a cross dresser, and I had come to the club because it was a safe environment. Both gay men and women go to this place and I met both. I might say that I was over dressed, which made it even more fun.

[Alice B]

I try not to push myself in anyones face and have been going to the same place for 4 years now. Have been accepted by all and am sort of considered a regular. I meet new people everytime and never have had a problem.

[Sallee]

I have never had a problem but I have heard stories.

[AllieSF]

I mix and mingle, and also talk and kid with gays and lesbians all the time. I and they have never had a problem with that. I act like myself and they act like themselves and we seem to get along just fine. Maybe I am just lucky. Another thing to think about, and I do that when for some strange reason I have issues with someone or they have issues with me, is to look inward to see if maybe something one may have said or maybe reacted to may be the cause for that issue. I unfortunately, sometimes find out that it was probably me that caused the negative reaction. Good luck and I say, keep trying.

[kathtx]

Hi Margo,

You're in Ithaca; wonderful town! My wife did her PhD at Cornell, so we lived there for a few years back in the day.

I wouldn't read too much into your experiences. Ithaca is a small town and you're a new face (even if you grew up in the area, if you're new to going out CD you're a new face in those settings). Unlike the college hangouts up the hill, the L/G clubs attract an older, more townie crowd. You're not going to walk into a townie bar, gay or straight, dressed male or CD, anywhere on earth and make instant friends. Also, some lesbians and gay men might be standoffish if you're giving an "on the prowl" vibe, 'cause most aren't really looking to date a CD'er. So go to have a good time, drink, listen to music, don't expect to make a new best friend or a quick pickup, and over time you'll be a familiar face. Bring a friend if you can.

Where have you gone out? Back in the day the Common Ground was a mixed lesbian/gay male club a few miles out of town, and Micawbers was a mostly lesbian bar right off the commons downtown, with great live music. I heard a horrible rumor that Micawbers closed a few years back.

For the most part, you'll also find the straight restaurants and clubs to be pretty accepting of you so don't feel you have to limit yourself to the L/G clubs. Use good judgement; overall Ithaca's a very open town, but there are still some not-so-great neighborhoods and near campus you'll run into drunk college guys who can sometimes be a problem. There was a pretty serious bashing incident of a homeless transwoman back when we lived there. So go out with friends rather than by yourself, etc, etc, all the safety rules you should follow in any event.

If you're a student, I'm sure Cornell or IC will have some good LGBT social events. If you go to church, there are some *wonderful* LGBT-friendly churches in town that will really welcome you.

[xcdmargo]

Thanks for your thoughts Ladies

I'm pretty much the shy girl till I get to know someone. I've really never had a problem here at home and have never had a major problem anywhere. But I do know when I'm uncomfortable and honestly I usually just leave.
I'm fortunate enough to have been able to travel and spend times in clubs, LA, Boston, Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Miami, Syracuse, Philadelphia, Rochester, NYC, Atlantic City and numerous other ones. I've encountered gay guys who have wanted nothing to do with girls like us and made it quite clear. I've been to Lesbian Clubs in Phila. & LA where one night they're your best friend and the next night they resent you. I know it depends on the crowd on any particular evening but it's just something that I was wondering about.
margo

[2B Natasha]

I've been going out to the same LGBT club every Friday night for years with a number of my CD girlfriends. I know most of the people who go there and they all seem to know me! The owner of the club is very friendly and helpful and the gays and lesbians and DQ's are actually friendly and accepting to a fault. The only problem people I've run into are a few CD's who were either stand-offish or way over the top boisterous and unfriendly.

We've had a great time these last few years, that's for sure.


I'll vouch for Lynn Marie. She and the rest of the gals do hang at the club. Actually it's been three clubs. One flooded and moved and changed it's name. Then that one closed. Then a new one opened in the same space as the flooded one. As a matter of fact I was there with my then friend, later to become my wife, Lynn Marie's first night out. On the Gay and Lesbian front. All of them are great there. Very inviting and friendly.

Now mind you. Not all are. Some view there scene as there scene. But for the most part it's not just the gay clubs/bars/lounges that are friendly. Most everyone is. I've been all over the place and have not had a bad experience that I can recall.

Cheers

[Evie08]

I've been going out to the same LGBT club every Friday night for years with a number of my CD girlfriends. I know most of the people who go there and they all seem to know me! The owner of the club is very friendly and helpful and the gays and lesbians and DQ's are actually friendly and accepting to a fault. The only problem people I've run into are a few CD's who were either stand-offish or way over the top boisterous and unfriendly.

We've had a great time these last few years, that's for sure.

I have to agree with Lynn Marie - the club - Bar Myx - (https://www.facebook.com/barmyx.everett) is like its name, a place where all people mix together including many from the Navy base down the street. It is about 40 minutes north of Seattle. We always welcome and encourage visitors to join us.

And Natasha was there the first night I had the courage to get out of the house extending that friendly welcome - which we continue to extend to all.

[Lorileah]

Hi

Just wondered if any of you has experienced any problems or issues being accepted by gay men or lesbians?

Sometimes it seems they are totally accepting but then sometimes they seem put off when I'm in a Club, like I'm intruding

Hugs,
margo


Maybe it's because so many in these pages are sooooo quick to say they aren't part of that tribe, yet hanging out in their spaces (as in clubs or bars) seems like the thing to do.



I had a Gay friend say to me if I wanted to be with a woman I would go out with woman. I don't remember how the subject come up. He said it was a total turn off to see a man in a dress. This was years ago when I was still in denial about my self.


Both great answers and both true. What exactly do you want gays and lesbians to do? Dance around you? I have never had an issue with anyone from the G&L community. Never a bad word, many positive words. A few wanted to be and have become friends but they won't be anymore than that because Gay guys want men and Lesbians want women. So as targets on their radar in a club (which honestly most are there looking to hook up in some manner) we are not. You get the same reaction at straight clubs and bars.

G&L's have dragged us (yes it is a pun) along for a long time.. we are like the little sister that gets in the way when you are out with your friends. They may like us but we are not really what they want in the party.

[Beverley Sims]

I have only associated with gay men that I already knew.
I accepted them and was not interested in them in any way apart from being friends.
When they saw me X dressed was just someone different and they could interact with me because they knew what I was.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Kath, I am from Margo's area (you may have bumped into me when you lived here, I am rather infamous), and alas, the Common Ground was bought out a few years ago and is now a straight place. I have had completely conflicting information whether or not trans folks are welcome there anymore, some say yes absolutely, some say they only want straight "normal" people there now.

Personally, when it comes to gay places, generally I have been... not welcome, not unwelcome... just kind of ignored. The gay men are not interested in men who dress as women, and the lesbians are standoffish because I am a man.