Building up my nerve to go out in public

[Trysha]

I have a nice pair of woman's jeans I put on the other day with some
male clothes which I thought looked pretty good. I did'nt think anyone
would really notice, but I just couldn't get the nerve up to go out
the door. How do you girls get yourself in the the mind set to be so
brave?

[Sandra1746]

It takes getting your nerve up and just doing it. Not unlike diving into the deep end of the pool the first time you tried. Once that worked out OK you moved on.

Fem jeans are an easy first step, they are difficult to tell from men's jeans unless they have embroidery or rhinestones. The chance that anyone will notice, or even care is small. I don't think I have any men's jeans anymore except for muddy yard work so I am out in Fem jeans every day and have never had any comments. Plain Fem tops are the next step, there are plenty of T's and Henleys available that are comfortable, and quite cheap.

Little steps are the best way, you will gain confidence as you make progress. You will also likely discover that as long as you are friendly and polite nobody really cares.

Good luck,
Sandra1746

[kimdl93]

For me, it began simply. I'd been away and hadn't dressed for almost 2 weeks. I'd started the sprinkler in the front yard, then gotten fully made up and dressed. When it was time to move the sprinkler, I couldn't justify changing back to drabs, so I just walked out the door. I moved the sprinkler, the world didn't end, and I realized that I could do this.

[Barbara Ella]

It takes some time to build up confidence. you just got them the other day, so wear them around the house whenever you can. Get to know them, and you will see that they just look normal. Wear them to go to the mailbox. Wear them out just after dusk and walk around your place. Eventually you will feel like they are normal outside too, which of course they are, really. Don't worry if you don't have the feeling that outside would work. It will come eventually, the more comfortable you get. One day you will just put them on and walk out the door without really thinking about it, and you will be on your way. you will be adding shoes and tops before you know it.

Barbara

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Finding the courage to venture out enfemme for the first time is always gonna be scary. We've got it into our heads that what we are doing is iether wrong or to be made fun of.

Starting off with just a plain pair of jeans from the womans section realy wont attract attention from anybody so it's a good place to start. As your confidance grows you can go from a plain of jeans to something that has a little decoration on. Or maybe add a t-shirt or something from the womans section of clothes stores?
Little steps to begin with and build it up.
The only thing to fear is fear itself realy. There is no such thing as a negative thought or emotion, only a negative reaction to that thought or emotion.
Use the fear/control the fear to give you the strength and courage ( cause that's what it's meant to do) instead of allowing the fear to control you and hold you back.
:hugs:

[~Joanne~]

My "bravery" only comes two weeks a year and that's around halloween. The worst time to actually be out and trying to pass lol It is what it is I guess. Even then it takes a bit to actually get out the door. Once you fully embrace this side of yourself I guess it wouldn't matter much and it makes it much easier. I am not at that point so I have no real advice to offer. sorry.

[Bree Wagner]

For me it's just about wanting to do it being a stronger feeling than the fear/nervousness of doing it. It often just takes a bit of time for the desire to grow greater than the fear.

Good luck Trysha!

[Beverley Sims]

It's not being brave the jeans look similar and you probably need to build a little confidence.
In time it will happen. :)

[linda allen]

I wear women's jeans all the time in male mode unless I'm mowing the lawn or working on the car. Not really fancy women's jeans, and not real "skinny", but they are women's. Nobody has said a thing. They fit better than men's jeans.

As for getting up the nerve to go out, go somewhere where people won't know you. Another town, for example. Going after dark is another option. Start by just driving around in the car. Then, go to a shopping center, get out of the car and go put some trash in the trash can. Get out and walk to a soda machine and buy a soda. Don't forget your purse.

If there's a tourist area in your town, go there and act like a tourist.

Really, it's a matter of thinking about it until you have a plan, then walk out the door and follow the plan.

[Trysha]

Thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't think it was brave as much as just going full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. Sometimes sheer gall gets us through.:)

[linda allen]

In a way it's like jumping into a cold swimming pool. Just make up your mind and then do it.

[Stephanie47]

I'm an in-home cross dresser. But, I have ventured out totally en femme when I have had the opportunity. I'd say wearing fem jeans may be the first baby step. Take Barbara's advice and venture out in the early evening. I suspect nobody will even notice unless you choose to wear a nice pair of heels or boots with the jeans. A pretty top would go nicely under a light jacket. A bra, panty and hosiery would be totally hidden by the outerwear. If you do decide to wear heels or boots look for a pair with soles that will not 'click' on the concrete.

My first forays out en femme with full makeup and wig were at a Halloween. However, when my wife was out of town for seven to ten days I went out in the evening/dark for strolls. I wore heels and a dress with bra, panty, slip, hosiery and a wig. I wore a raincoat and used an umbrella to shield my obviously male looking face. It was totally without incident.

[Nikki A.]

Put em on, open the door and walk out. Once you realize nobody notices you'll add a little more and more. There are times I'm in drab and not wearing a single "male" piece of clothing on me.
Today is one of them and I'm at work. There are plenty of pieces that can go both ways, especially sweaters, pants and even some shoes.

[Jenniferathome]

So let me understand. You are going to go out in women's jeans and the rest male clothes? No wig, heels, makeup, etc? Are these skinny jeans? Fear not. If anyone notices, and some will if you have on skinny jeans, they will think you are some hipster, not a cross dresser.

[Jill]

For me it was all about taking baby steps and that took a lot of time. One inch at a time really. I look back on some of the things I did that were a huge deal and now sometimes I go out out and I know I couldn't have gotten there without those small, early steps. The other thing too was that I had to go out when I felt good and ready. I went out one night to a Denny's before I really felt ready and it was very uncomfortable for me, I was really anxious the whole time. Just make those baby steps, push the limits a little bit but don't do anything drastic that you just don't feel ready for.

[Sharon B.]

Let the rest has said just make your mind up and do it. When I go go grocery shopping I am usually under-dress as a woman in drab attire and will carry a woman's billfold inside my jacket. If I had woman's jeans I would wear them also.
Sometimes I will wear light makeup when I go. Always wear perfume no matter where I am going.

[Lorileah]

<----old pro :) Don't even remember the first time

But if you are just wearing jeans with your regular street clothes, no one will notice unless you have like sequins or pink flowers. Just do what you always do. After 10 minutes you will not even think about it

[ChelseaErtel]

If its just jeans, then no one will care or notice.

For me I had to get out. I needed to know what it would be like to get out and be a woman in public. So, I read this forum, asked some questions and just jumped off of the diving board and now I go out all of the time, everywhere.

I'm am TS and middle aged, but the fears about going out en femme are the same for those who want to present as a woman and pass. Not everyone cares if they pass or not, it's a personal thing.

I have to tell you it was exhilarating. Now it's just me, I'm more comfortable en femme than not now.

Have fun and enjoy yourself. Look people in the eye, be nice and they will be nice back. Do work in feminizing your voice, that will help. Don't do the falsetto thing - dead give away. Read about how to work in your voice and practice.

[AllyCDTV]

On the rare occasions I have gone out (generally not my thing). I've dressed as much as I could to fit in, tried not to think too much about it and just walked out the door.

[reb.femme]

How do you girls get yourself in the the mind set to be so
brave?

I was in two minds as to whether to comment or not but as an old saying goes, "in for a penny, in for a pound".

Just 10 minutes ago, I confirmed with Helen of the Beaumont Society that I'm going to the local meeting in a pub tomorrow night. Helen is a full time dresser, so she has obviously passed the fear threshold and will be meeting me outside.

I can feel the butterflies building in my stomach right now but tomorrow, it's dressed, big breath and I'm bloody well going in. :)

Rebecca

[Cheryl T]

No one will notice the jeans unless they have some feminine adornment. Plain jeans will go unnoticed.
As for getting up the nerve...it's like when I went skydiving...I just took that first step....

[Angela Campbell]

Reb, you're going to love it I am sure!

[Michelle M]

I've worn women's jeans out frequently for many many years. Only been caught a few times, and then I just laugh it off. Say they were the only thing clean, or something like that.

[Diversity]

Hi Trysha,
I am apparently at the same crossroad as you are, and it seems that the confidence will come soon. For me it will be by taking small steps, and venturing out more and more, thereafter. This may be the same with you. I know the fear I must face is that of being recognized by someone I know. I must get over this hurtle, and put this aside. Going to another town and doing this in the evening will most likely be my first venture out. Not sure if any of this is helpful to you, but I thought I'd share my feelings with you in the hope that it may be of some help.
Good luck, and in the coming months I'll bet we'll both have achieved our goals. I'll post when I achieve mine.
Di

[Claire_tv_uk]

i'm close to going for it myself, but its going to be a straight off the diving board into the deep end moment if and when i do it,

i'm not interesting in wearing a pair of leggings under my jeans and building myself up, when i do it i'm going to get completely dolled up and look my best and just go for it.

[JamieQ]

Years ago when we were new to the area and between jobs we went to some used clothes stores and a few church sponsored clothing stores. I tried on some jeans and found several that fit really good so we bought them. A few weeks later someone said I was wearing womens jeans. We had no idea. They said the pocket design gave them away. We did not understand the USA sizing here with all these numbers, some meaning waist like 30s and then some like 14s, for example. Like others said, I also do not really think anyone would notice and if they did they most likely would not care.:) Amanda

[Trysha]

Thankyou all for the wonderful advice. I'm going to give everything you said careful consideration, be myself, and just do it.

[NathalieX66]

My advice to those who haven't gone out in public: meet those who have.

My first experience was a Tri Ess meeting almost 3 years ago, and I found myself in a hotel bar full of military people, the hotel was near a military base. Guess what? Nobody cares.

[Diversity]

Hi Trysha,
Back again. Just went shopping and decided to take the advice from so many who responded to Trysha's post, and bought myself two pairs of women's jeans - one straight leg and one boot leg. The SA's (one male and one female) told me that I was looking at women's jeans. I said I know, and that I want to try them on. I know they were surprised at my response, but I told them that I had heard they were more comfortable than men's jeans and I wanted to see for myself. I took two pair which I believed were the right size (and they were), and went into the dressing room. Both fit perfectly, and I bought them. Now that that barrier has been broken, I will wash them and give them a try this week. Hopefully they won't shrink and hopefully my newfound courage won't shrink either. :) . So, here it goes - come Monday, I am walking out that door! As many of you said - it's a small step, but at least it is a first step in public.
Di

And oh, by the way, they're 'just jeans'.... :) Couldn't resist the pun.

[CD_blue]

Only my fiance knows I cross dress and never have went out dressed in public.. Expect for... Womens jeans heh. I over past year or so ended up just wearing female jeans exclusively. There is nothing that really makes them stand out big time but I am sure someone has took note somewhere along the lines that I was wearing womens jeans. I live in very small town conservative area and honestly not a soul has said anything to me about it or even acted remotely different to me.

I honestly don't think anyone notices since they are just jeans. I think you'll find you won't attract too much attention with them (like I said far as I know none for me thus far). Just wear em out I think you'll be surprised how little notice you get.

[CDValerie80]

Hey Di and Trysha,
I'm also in the same boat! I recently went out for the first time but only wearing skinny black jeans and heels and my upper half was male. I went to my PO Box late at night (lobby open 24hrs) and no one was there.... until I was almost on my way out! A guy walked in and totally did a double take and my heart started racing. I felt so embarrassed but I just minded my business. I got my mail, and walked out. It was a rush but I just ignored him. I agree with everyone else.... just got to jump off the diving board! I did and it wasn't that bad. Now I can't wait to start tying going out fully dressed.

Valerie