Overwhelming

[jami4]

On Monday my wife found some of my girl things. She was very upset, as she thought I was having an affair. She seemed relieved when I told her they were my things, and said she would rather deal with my CDing than an affair. I feel quite liberated that I no longer have to hide myself. I have shaved my legs, and want to start wearing my girl things all the time, although it is not possible. I just feel overwhelmed about all the possibility's running through my mind.

[NicoleScott]

I just feel overwhelmed about all the possibility's running through my mind.

Slow down, you don't want to overwhelm her.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep the possibilities on hold and release them all slowly.
Do as Nicole suggests slow is the secret.

[Amy R Lynn]

Slow down Jami!
I am assuming that your wife did not know about your CDing. While she may be relieved to know that you are not having an affair, it may not mean that she is accepting of you dressing. Take it slow with her. Don't go all in all at once. This could certainly overwhelm her and push her away. Step back from dressing for a bit, take the time to gently talk with her about it. I gaurantee you that she has a TON of questions to ask. Be prepared for her to ask if you are gay, if want to be a woman 24x7, etc... These are common questions.

It sounds like you may be in shock as well, now that your secret has been exposed. Don't rush into going en femm all the time, or doing things that you normally wouldn't do before she found out about this. Take some time to show her that you are the same guy she has always known. Take your time, and talk with her. Make her feel assured that you aren't loosing your mind, or turning into someone she doesn't know.

[lynnef]

i'm sure I'll be number X of many to say it - GO Slow!!! :) don't want to scare her away by moving too fast... lots of talking (if she wants to), be nice to her, etc... positive reinforcement works wonders on most people, (if she does something nice for you, do something equally nice for her)... just be careful in case the other shoe drops.. :)

[jami4]

I have thought about everything, you have all said, and knew that I should take it slow, but it just feels so good that it is not a secret anymore.

[Teri Ray]

The advice given here is quite sound. Your spouse is feeling and thinking things she never dreamed of before. Give her the time and space to sort things out. as stated before she need to know that you are still the same person you always were. Best wishes.

Teri

[Angie G]

You must give and take. I take the weekdays and she gets the weekends. it work out well for us.sha has even things for Angie when see was out without me.:hugs:
Angie

[Barbara Ella]

Getting the idea that there is a common thread here? Well, you better, and quick. Just think about it. The rest of your life is ahead of you. You want to be able to wear your girly things all the time. Odds are that it won't happen if you push the limits right now, so why buck the odds. You not only need to go slow, you really should try to stop, at least do not dress in front of your wife yet. Her mind is in turmoil even if outwardly she is accepting. She will have many questions, and you need to be available to answer them all honestly. You are the one on the hook here, having been "found out." You need to be ever present to get off it.

Barbara

[Sandra]

If you don't slow down I bet in a few weeks your thread will be about your SO not wanting you to dress.

Slow it down and talk to her.

[Gillian Gigs]

Quote; "She was very upset, as she thought I was having an affair. She seemed relieved when I told her they were my things, and said she would rather deal with my CDing than an affair." This does not necessarily mean that she is accepting, it could mean that it is the lesser of two evils! Your liberation is probably the result of your feeling that you don't have to hide anymore. I would be doing alot of talking with her to find out her real feelings first.

[Alice B]

I also say slow down, take it easy and don't push things. There will be ups and downs and she needs to get comfortable with your dressing. Sit down and talk and try tyo arrange times that it will be Ok to dress.

[S. Lisa Smith]

There have been many members of this forum who have been in a similar situation to yours. A number of them have been so overjoyed with their wife's reaction that they over do it. The advise given by your friends in this thread to take it slow is very wise!!!

[Kelley]

Turn on your pink fog lamps and make sure you can clearly see the road ahead before you proceed.

[giuseppina]

...I have shaved my legs, and want to start wearing my girl things all the time, although it is not possible. I just feel overwhelmed about all the possibility's running through my mind.

Stop everything right there. No more gender inappropriate clothes, unusual shaving, or anything else unless your DSW gives express permission, and no haggling, ether. You've already gone too far. As for being overwhelmed, she already is.

Your DSW has just been blindsided with finding your things. While she says this is the lesser of two evils, that doesn't mean she accepts you. She needs significant time and space to digest your revelation. I'm guessing here, but she may be rather touchy for a while.

There is a thread in the Loved Ones section that applies to your situation. Please read it.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?90231-Not-telling-lies-and-hiding-things-from-a-GG-s-POV

If your DSW is willing to open an account here,, I'm sure the genetic ladies would be pleased to provide support.

[jami4]

Thank You to all who have responded, I plan on taking a step back, and slowing this thing down and we will see what happens next. Really glad I posted on here, wish I would have done so sooner,and gotten this good advice, Thank You All, Jami

[GG7irish]

As a GG your wife finding out yoru a CDr instead of having an affair she is probably reeling with all the questions and doubt. Hold back and talk to her, take it slow and show her all the love and consideration you can. Even with being introduced slowly still causes all kinds of thoughts to go through your head. Then when she is ready have her join this site and the FAB forum, it is great for her getting her questions and doubts answered.
All the advice that has been given is good. All the best.

[kimdl93]

Take a break an be grateful your not in deep do-do right now. Don't think about yourself, think about her and how she feels.

[sometimes_miss]

<snip> she would rather deal with my CDing than an affair.

Yeah, that's what my wife said too, a couple years before the divorce. As we went to therapy, she admitted that she could have handled my cheating on her, because we could put it past us, but the crossdressing wasn't something she could continue to live with. Lots more marriages seem to survive occasional infidelity. Having your wife see you as a feminine person can be the beginning of the end, as she starts looking for 'a real man' to replace the one she lost. Be careful. And good luck.

[Amanda M]

Keep communication open and honest - and try NOT to make your crossdressing be your sole topic. Go at her pace - please, for both of you.

[KellyJameson]

Remember that she is reacting to the " lesser of two evils" in her mind.

Once she stops thinking (fearing) about you having an affair she will focus on the CDing.

Use this time between fears to lessen her fear about the CDing because this challenges women on a very primal level (subconsciously)

[KathyL]

As a GG SO I am so tired of reading posts on this site from cders who haven't told their wives and then when they are discovered go overboard without seemingly a second thought. Your wife is probably in turmoil right now, feeling terribly vulnerable and confused, searching for answers that indicate that this a passing phase. No such luck. Your shaved legs are an immediate and permanent reminder of your preferences. SLOW DOWN and be prepared for highs and lows, lots of questions and emotional turmoil. You (hopefully) have a long road ahead together. Now is the time to start being honest with and supportive to your wife. She deserves it.

[PretzelGirl]

You are spot on Kathy. Discovery has more impact then being told. If you think about the differences, if a crossdresser tells her wife, then her wife will think about it, maybe ask questions, probably stress over it. But the impact is not as great as discovery where she either finds things and has to run possibilities through her mind and maybe hold her questions until it is the right time to talk. Or she walks in on a dressed spouse and has the surprise, visual impact. When one of us is discovered, everything must slow way down so that the relationship can catch up to the reality.