AudreyTN
12-09-2012, 03:33 AM
this applies to those of you in hiding still, contemplating your next move to come out as transgender, or to begin transition, but if I have anything to offer it's this piece of advice.
before you come out, or before you start transition, make sure you work through your emotional issues first.
your depression, lack of self-confidence, family issues, relationship stuff, whatever it may be (not the direct GID stuff). It really helps make transition easier. I speak from experience. I had the benefit of 4 1/2 years of counseling for depression and the things going wrong in my life, and failed relationships, being taken advantage of, etc, prior to my beginning transition. Dealing with all that, helped me to deal with my gender identity issues. Made it easier to come out, made it easier to start transition. made it easier to make the decision to begin hormones.
Remember, the FEAR of coming out, is always worse than actually coming out. The fear of the unknown reactions, the fear of rejection, the fear of being disowned by your loved ones, the fear of being a victim of violence/hate-crimes.
I believe it's one of the many reasons, my transition has gone as smooth as it has. Much smoother than I expected.
The other thing...if you're in college...don't drop out. That's one of the few things you have going for yourself. You have to dig deep, fight through it, battle, persevere, overcome. Don't give in to frustration, don't give up because you're transgender and you think you have too many emotional problems to concentrate, and last of all DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES for yourself.
If you're not in school and you don't have a college education...I recommend it. Start at the community college, attend a tech school, trade school or apprenticeship program. But do something. Sitting around thinking, dwelling, and allowing negativity and depression to manifest itself and fester will do you no good. Staying occupied all the time, makes time fly. Sitting around being bored with nothing to do but feel sorry for yourself, makes the passing of time feel like an eternity.
Get out, get active, start walking, go for a hike, go take pictures with your camera, go for a drive, get a puppy or a kitty, find a hobby, something you enjoy.
Yes, you're transgender. So are 1 in every 4,000 Americans. so what? You're not the first, you won't be the last. get over it. accept it. MOVE FORWARD, MAKE PROGRESS. Stop looking backwards, and stop REGRESSING. If you're not moving forwards, you're moving backwards. If you're moving backwards, you're being counter productive to your goals.
Being transgender, is no excuse to feel sorry for yourself, to pout, to give up, to start doing drugs, to ***** yourself out, to act a fool, to become an alcoholic or to otherwise self-destruct. No excuse to drop out of school, to start binge spending on your credit cards, or binge eating. No one is going to feel sorry for you. Few people are going to care. In fact, you will lose your friends, your family. Count on it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. The world will not miss a step because of who you are. No one is going to GIVE YOU ANYTHING.
Yes, crying at home on your pillow once in a while is perfectly acceptable. screaming and throwing a fit and beating your bed mattress up is totally acceptable. There's a place and a time for everything.
Dealing with your emotional issues and getting your mind into a positive and healthy state of being is paramount to a successful and positive transition experience.
I have read so many transition horror stories. Drugs, prostitution, promiscuity, alcohol, welfare, lack of education or dropping out, stealing, robbing, etc, and so on and so forth. Those are people who are mentally ill, and have no desire or ability to help themselves. However, I have yet to experience hardly any of the alleged HORRORS of transition. About the worst thing I've experienced is my mother wants nothing to do with me, and some black guy at Wal-Mart said he didn't know what the hell I was and he'd like to take "it" out back and kill "it".
I personally can't stand to see my male figure in the mirror when I get in or out of the shower, sometimes it's all I can do to keep from bursting into tears...but because I am emotionally healthy...I am able to control it, to keep it in check. Everyone can control it, some choose not to. Some choose self-destruction and desire pity and attention. Sometimes late at night, i cry myself to sleep on my pillow, but I do so quietly, I get it out and I strengthen my resolve to continue carrying forward. Transition is a long road. It doesn't have to be brutal. It doesn't have to be horrifying, or ugly. It can be whatever you CHOOSE to make it. Choice is up to you.
You can be your own worst enemy or you can be your own best ally. You can make your transition a positive and productive one. Or you can make it a negative and destructive one.
Asking for help is the first step. Taking action to get help is the 2nd. No one is gonna do it for you.
Good luck, and if anyone needs additional advice, assistance, or help let me know via pm, or feel free to ask here.
Audrey
before you come out, or before you start transition, make sure you work through your emotional issues first.
your depression, lack of self-confidence, family issues, relationship stuff, whatever it may be (not the direct GID stuff). It really helps make transition easier. I speak from experience. I had the benefit of 4 1/2 years of counseling for depression and the things going wrong in my life, and failed relationships, being taken advantage of, etc, prior to my beginning transition. Dealing with all that, helped me to deal with my gender identity issues. Made it easier to come out, made it easier to start transition. made it easier to make the decision to begin hormones.
Remember, the FEAR of coming out, is always worse than actually coming out. The fear of the unknown reactions, the fear of rejection, the fear of being disowned by your loved ones, the fear of being a victim of violence/hate-crimes.
I believe it's one of the many reasons, my transition has gone as smooth as it has. Much smoother than I expected.
The other thing...if you're in college...don't drop out. That's one of the few things you have going for yourself. You have to dig deep, fight through it, battle, persevere, overcome. Don't give in to frustration, don't give up because you're transgender and you think you have too many emotional problems to concentrate, and last of all DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES for yourself.
If you're not in school and you don't have a college education...I recommend it. Start at the community college, attend a tech school, trade school or apprenticeship program. But do something. Sitting around thinking, dwelling, and allowing negativity and depression to manifest itself and fester will do you no good. Staying occupied all the time, makes time fly. Sitting around being bored with nothing to do but feel sorry for yourself, makes the passing of time feel like an eternity.
Get out, get active, start walking, go for a hike, go take pictures with your camera, go for a drive, get a puppy or a kitty, find a hobby, something you enjoy.
Yes, you're transgender. So are 1 in every 4,000 Americans. so what? You're not the first, you won't be the last. get over it. accept it. MOVE FORWARD, MAKE PROGRESS. Stop looking backwards, and stop REGRESSING. If you're not moving forwards, you're moving backwards. If you're moving backwards, you're being counter productive to your goals.
Being transgender, is no excuse to feel sorry for yourself, to pout, to give up, to start doing drugs, to ***** yourself out, to act a fool, to become an alcoholic or to otherwise self-destruct. No excuse to drop out of school, to start binge spending on your credit cards, or binge eating. No one is going to feel sorry for you. Few people are going to care. In fact, you will lose your friends, your family. Count on it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. The world will not miss a step because of who you are. No one is going to GIVE YOU ANYTHING.
Yes, crying at home on your pillow once in a while is perfectly acceptable. screaming and throwing a fit and beating your bed mattress up is totally acceptable. There's a place and a time for everything.
Dealing with your emotional issues and getting your mind into a positive and healthy state of being is paramount to a successful and positive transition experience.
I have read so many transition horror stories. Drugs, prostitution, promiscuity, alcohol, welfare, lack of education or dropping out, stealing, robbing, etc, and so on and so forth. Those are people who are mentally ill, and have no desire or ability to help themselves. However, I have yet to experience hardly any of the alleged HORRORS of transition. About the worst thing I've experienced is my mother wants nothing to do with me, and some black guy at Wal-Mart said he didn't know what the hell I was and he'd like to take "it" out back and kill "it".
I personally can't stand to see my male figure in the mirror when I get in or out of the shower, sometimes it's all I can do to keep from bursting into tears...but because I am emotionally healthy...I am able to control it, to keep it in check. Everyone can control it, some choose not to. Some choose self-destruction and desire pity and attention. Sometimes late at night, i cry myself to sleep on my pillow, but I do so quietly, I get it out and I strengthen my resolve to continue carrying forward. Transition is a long road. It doesn't have to be brutal. It doesn't have to be horrifying, or ugly. It can be whatever you CHOOSE to make it. Choice is up to you.
You can be your own worst enemy or you can be your own best ally. You can make your transition a positive and productive one. Or you can make it a negative and destructive one.
Asking for help is the first step. Taking action to get help is the 2nd. No one is gonna do it for you.
Good luck, and if anyone needs additional advice, assistance, or help let me know via pm, or feel free to ask here.
Audrey