neighbor

[Samantha Thomson]

hello all need help w this i have and asian female neighbor in my apartment building she see me bringing in bags from victoria sercret dots macys make-up store and she has ask if im gay crossdresser etc im wondering how i should handle this plus she knows i live alone to all susgestion welcome im thinking about just telling her as i think she suspect anyway

[Raychel]

Seems pretty simple to me, If she should happen to ask, tell her like it is.

[Sara Jessica]

...and she has ask if im gay crossdresser

So THAT'S what my neighbors think of me!


Seriously, that is kind of an odd question to come out of someone but perhaps your neighbor has no filter. I know people like that, they generally mean no harm. So the question is whether there is any benefit to you in owning it with her. If not, if you prefer to keep this information to yourself, then you owe her nothing. You don't have to tell her a thing.

But that initial interaction has come and gone, what did you tell her in the first place?

[Angela Campbell]

I would just have told her.....no I'm not gay but sometimes I'm a boy and sometimes I'm a girl. How about you? .....and see what she says.

[Kate Simmons]

Ask her if she would like to go out for a coffee and chat. If she is nosy curious, you need tell her nothing. None of us are required to supply others with fodder for gossip. :)

[Beverley Sims]

She comes from Asia, Thailand? The transgendered centre of the world?
I thinl she is just being open asking those questions, if she comes from Singapore she may ask if you are a lady boy, only to understand you better.
It is not prying but an open question that requires yes or no with a smile and she is happy either way.
Thailand would be similar so as she knows who she sees come and go.
Sometimes your brother and sometimes your sister.
In conversation with someone in Singapore I was told by a lady that she liked his sister better than her brother because she looked pretty.

[MsRenee]

Id just let her know that your a cd, she may turn out to be a very nice friend. Pretry sure she already knows your are since shes seen you with shopping bags and that you live alone. Open the door and let her in.
Renee

[Victoria StJohn]

Samantha, when I have a shopping bag that might interest someone, I keep a plain nylon bag in the car that shows no one what I've been shopping for. Just a suggestion, unless you like showing the brand labels. I do agree, some of the brand name bags can be very feminine looking. You could shop with a few Home Depot bags in your purse. Just kidding! Take care.

[Ressie]

You've kind of outed yourself by not concealing the bags from women's stores. What else could you be up to? Uh, those are Christmas gifts for all my girlfriends. Now MYOB

[Leslie Langford]

Is this woman a friend or acquaintance, or simply a fellow apartment dweller whom you happen to know by sight? If the latter, what business is it of hers? You don't owe her any explanation regarding your lifestyle.

Also, what does being Asian have to do with anything?

[kimdl93]

Since she was presumptuous enough to ask, tell her who you are in gems of your dressing habits. I don't know your sexuality but its either MYOB or be open. That is up to you..

I don't see why you should have to hide your shopping bags from others. It is a free country.

[Samantha Thomson]

to beverly and ms renee she was born in this country but your right she probaly already knows maybe i get lucky and find a gf to go shopping w well will let you all know how it turns out

[suchacutie]

It is amazing how the possibly rude forwardness of some people puts us in a mental position of needing to respond in some way...as if they are owed a response because they exist. Two thoughts:

1) When someone does this to me I turn it around by asking something like, "and why would you think it's ok to ask such a personal question of a virtual stranger?". In other words, start asking them questions which require them to reveal themselves, and then just say, "have a good day".

2) In this case, the cultural differences might be a mitigating circumstance, so a little more gentle approach might be appropriate, as long as you willing to engage her in conversation. Questions like, "why do you link gender presentation and sexual preference?". If you find her pleasant then you can continue, else there is always the "have a nice day".

Whichever, never feel intimidated by overly forward people. They usually get the information they desire simply because they catch us off guard!

[Jana]

My two cents: 1. try to be more discrete with your bags, if you are uncomfortable with the "repercussions"; 2. tell her to mind her own darned business.

[Sandra1746]

Honesty is a good policy in general. Being a CD, and admitting it to a casual friend / neighbor may be daunting at first but there is likely no real downside. We aren't performing a criminal act. Also, being Gay is not criminal either; and I don't know (or care) whether you are or are not.

Try a gentle but honest response, who knows there may be a deeper friendship waiting here to explore.

Good luck,
Sandra1746

[Noel Chimes]

If you think she suspects remove all doubt if you feel strong enough to handle the fallout. Better to stop all speculation rather than have the rumor mill on full blast. That is unless you don't give an eyelash what people think.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Just imagine if the situations were reversed and any GM asked a similar type question to a GG.

Ex. My neighbor who lives alone is constantly bringing Fredericks of Hollywood bags into her apartment on a near daily basis. So I mentioned to her, "I have been WATCHING YOU (with a stalkerish stare or smile) every single day, and I noticed you are always bringing Fredericks of Hollywood bags into your apartment. Are you a porn star or stripper?? After getting slapped, pepper sprayed, recieving a black eye, or a visit from the police along with being served a protective order, I would probably take the hint this is a very inappropriate thing to mention or say to anyone.

2. The second scenario instead I noted my female neighbor who is single, lives alone, has a short boyish hairstyle, brings Men's Warehouse bags into her apt. on a daily basis. So I approach her and mention the Men's Warehouse Bags and ask, "Are you gay or trying to be a dude?" "I just wondering because I watch you every single day and note you only bring home Men's Warehouse Bags, and never any bags from women's stores". So she answers "First I am recovering from Cancer that's why I have a short hair cut!! I work in the retail service industry and my uniform consist of a Polo Shirt and Khaki's!! Not that it's any of your business, I am married but my husband is stationed overseas, and I am ordering suits for him, for when he leaves the military and is planning on re-entering the workforce!! Also just for effect a slap is recieved afterwards, along with a very scathing facebook post.

The reason for these pointless scenarios is that you do not need to provide an explanation to your neighbor about the purchases you make, and to also show a perspective on how inappropriate/down right offensive it is for her to mention anything to you in this regard. In my own experiences if one of my wigs, make up supplies, red book magazines etc., is accidentaly delivered to a neighbor and upon bringing the package to my house, and returning it he they ask "Why are you ordering these things, and are you a gay crossdresser" just for fun I would mention yes, but don't worry U are not my type at all!!!

[~Joanne~]

The very first thing that came to my mind while reading this is: is it any of her business as to what your buying, where, and why is she always watching you. She may be interested or she is just one of those extremely nosy neighbors that think they need to know everything everyone is doing at all times, which means she also talks alot.


Samantha, when I have a shopping bag that might interest someone, I keep a plain nylon bag in the car that shows no one what I've been shopping for.

My GF does this. She keeps quite a few of these bags in the car at all times. She doesn't like paper or plastic so she has them if she stops some where to get something. I have used them quite a few times myself to keep prying eyes out of my business :) It's a great suggestion.

[Stephanie47]

Your neighbor may be just a person who interjects herself into any conversation. If she has made this observation, then I would suspect there are a lot of others in the apartment building who are thinking the same thing. I grew up in a forty-eight unit building and everyone knew everybody's business.

Without perusing your other posts, I do not know if you venture out fully dressed or confine your cross dressing to your apartment. If you are not outgoing, like every one has stated, you should transfer those goody bags into something gender neutral. When my kids were little I routinely had to hide the Toys R Us bags at Christmas into black trash bags.

Do you get Victoria Secret 'free panty' coupons in the mail? I get them under my male name because my daughter used my Master Card years ago. My wife gets them under her name, too! Lots of free panties! If you do get those ads and coupons, ever consider meeting the letter carrier?

[LadyPilot]

Hi Samantha, what do you want to tell this lady? Some cultures will have a hard time understanding so things could go south pretty quick; however, if you haven't heard from anybody else chances are she has not talked to anybody else. People talk, people judge so let it be their problem not yours.

[sheilagirl]

Hi Samantha,
I'd be as honest as you are comfortable with. If she pushes it or simply seems curious, maybe ask if she would
like to meet Samantha! Then invite her in for coffee or a drink if you like.
Sheilagirl

[Sarah C.]

Just have to vent this - I still get really upset that most's people still associate CD'ing with being gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other!

[LizCD]

Go for it tell her exactly who and what you are at least you will know where you stand with her and she may just suprise you

[TeresaL]

Whelp, let me fantasize, with some humor, and with wishful thinking...
She's single, I'm single. She's in my calibrated, desirable, and acceptable age group for me. She asks if I'm a gay crossdresser, and I answer accordingly. I'd just tell her, nope not gay. (Or yep, I am gay, if ya want). Let her pull the information

Irregardless, if she is an available chick, and I were shopping, I would wanna, like, get to know her, me thinks. Who knows, this may be a meaningful relationship if all the right and appropriate conditions were met. Wow, it would really be great if she wanted a mate who accepted the CD stuff. I guess my imagination is running rampant, but I wish I could give you some really, really good advice.

[docrobbysherry]

Denial, Sam!
Same thing that a lot of members here use! Like:

"Bags? What bags?"
"We talked about this before? When was that? Why don't I remember?"
"What IS a gay crossdresser? Sounds like some kind of reality TV show. I don't watch those silly ones!"

[Tracii G]

I would just give her an honest answer and leave it at that.If she finds it interesting she will speak to you again if not PFFFT big deal.
I have a nosy neighbor across the street and they see me in both modes I don't hide who I am.
I have talked to lady and her husband over the years and I'm sure they think I'm gay because of the way I talk and dress.
What I'm sure freaks them out is when I kiss my GF on the front porch or when she gets in her car to head home.
Main thing is be yourself and don't act like they bother you.

[DanaR]

I wouldn't give her any exact answers until I knew her better. Just be vague, or tell her the stuff was for a friend.

[FaithGrace]

Personally, I'd love it if a cute neighbor (assuming she is attractive) asked me about my shopping. I don't try to hide my bags anymore and frequently leave my apartment fully dressed. If she is attractive and single, I'd jump at the chance to explain my preference to her, offer her a chance to meet me as a girl, Faith, and see where it goes. But, it depends on how open YOU want to be and if you are worried about your other neighbors finding out.

[Jenniferathome]

You owe her nothing but what's the downside? She knows. The upside? No more worrying about your neighbor. Love your or hate you, you'll be free of hiding from her.

[Janelle_C]

I personally believe it's none of her business. But it might be an opportunity let somebody know about your Cding. And who knows she may be very open to it. I guess you would have to figure out what would be the downside of her knowing.

[Jenniferathome]

Just have to vent this - I still get really upset that most's people still associate CD'ing with being gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other!

and why would any rational person think they are NOT related? I mean be fair. A) You're a guy who likes to look and dress like a woman. B) Women usually like men. If A then B. It's a really easy conclusion to get to.

The fact that we cross dressers are usually not gay and usually married does not make the general population educated about it.

[Jorja]

I do not know your sexual orientation. If you are not gay, simply reply, Yes, I am a cossdresser but I am not gay. 99.9% of us are straight. If you are gay, simply say, Yes, I am a gay crossdresser. What of it?

[STACY B]

If I were single an a woman asked me that question I would say ,,, I am what ever you want me to be ,,, Dinner is at 8 an the FUN starts at 8.01 !! Should I set the Table for two ?

[lingerieLiz]

Would you like to be out? You own the conversation and can tell her as much as you want. The first time I came out to a neighbor she was very accepting. We became very good friends and went shopping together. Have never really had a problem with neighbors over close to a dozen places around the country and 50 years.

[Ceri Anne]

She obviously has an idea, its none of her business, but if she is generally friendly, let her know, build up a dialogue. If she is just the nosy type, then don't. She could turn into a supportive friend, thats never a bad thing.

[Sarah C.]

and why would any rational person think they are NOT related? I mean be fair. A) You're a guy who likes to look and dress like a woman. B) Women usually like men. If A then B. It's a really easy conclusion to get to.

The fact that we cross dressers are usually not gay and usually married does not make the general population educated about it.

Hi Jennifer,

Interesting that you think about from that point of view. See, my first thought is that gay men like other men, and are not attacted to women or anything feminine. CD'ers are still men (not talking about TS here), so even though we may dress like women, it doesn't change our sexual orientation. I realize that there are some CD's who do enjoy being with men while dressed, but I think they are the exception, not the norm. Hence, being gay and CD'ing have (virtually) nothing in common.

[monalisa]

She is curious so I would just ask her if she would like to see your purchases or clothing collection. She might become your best friend.

[Sharon B.]

I'm with Ceri Ann and Monalisa on this one, might just turn out to be a good friend or more.

[Elle1946]

I would just tell her the truth, she could be a great friend>

[Samantha Thomson]

hello all well she and i talk and to my susprice she already knew i was a crossdresser it seems her best friend works at victoria sercret didnt relise that but said she would love to go girl shopping w me and get my oppion as a women and a man and she help me get clothes to and make-up jewerly etc

[Tracii G]

You are "in" now so have fun with it.

[justmetoo]

Cool. Have fun and enjoy your new friendship! :)

[Sandra1746]

Samantha, this sounds like the beginning of a good relationship.
Good luck for the future and I hope it all works out well for all.

Best wishes,
Sandra1746

[Samantha Thomson]

yes it sound good i will start off slow see were it leads maybe after a bit i will give her my girl clothes sizes but not right know had a friend who was kind of in the same boat and it just ended bad she already told me she wants to buy me clothes make-up jewerly etc well will keep you all posted on how it goes

[linda allen]

........ Also, what does being Asian have to do with anything?

In my experience, people from different cultures act differently in similar situations and, again in my experience, Asians seem to be more direct, meaning that an Asian person is more likely to ask where an American would just keep quiet.

Reading the OP's post, I suspect she may be Asian as well just from the writing style.