Is Fifty Shades encouraging your SO toward... restraint?

[MarinaKirax]

I'm a pushover for being a damsel in distress. Whether its tied to a chair, or simply stuck en femme, a mile or so from any possibility of privacy, unable to take off my heels, (which are killing me), and navigating a bustling public place. The idea of having no choice but to present as fully female is intoxicating. The next best thing is inflicting that helplessness on my SO. I think I find her predicament almost as exciting as if it were me. We have tried some light BD, but I felt she never was in to it. And since she's not that much into my dressing, my ultimate fantasy of having her dominate Marina, or tie Marina up and leave her helpless for a few hours, seems a non-starter.

But, to my surprise, she seems to like the Fifty Shades of Gray book. NOt that she's finished the 3, but she got the first book from her sister as a present, and she didn't dismiss it. I think she's intrigued about it, and although she won't probably be open about it, I'm pretty sure she's read it, or parts of it. First, I'm hoping it might open her mind to the BD aspect, and 'legitimize' light bondage in her eyes, but more important, I'm hoping it might soften her ideas towards other peccadilloes, like dressing (which at this point is still DADT). Any of you gals had your SO's show a little less 'restraint' about 'restraint'?

[I Am Paula]

My wife finished it, now i'm reading it. Not really our style. However, I'm blown away by the amount of women reading it on the subway!

[Sara Jessica]

Nope, that hasn't happened (thank goodness?!?!).

Now on a little tangent, if you want a good laugh, just go into YouTube and search "50 shades Gilbert Gottfried". You'll never think of the book in the same way again!

[docrobbysherry]

Before I began dressing, Marina, I was quite hooked on bondage. I forgot kind of about it after I got married. Until things began to slow down in our bedroom, that is. I discussed it with my wife and we thot it mite spice things up. One pretty uninspiring attempt at her tying me up and having her way with me was all we tried. She didn't want to be bound. Then, neither of us wanted to repeat that un inspiring performance!

[Stephanie47]

There's nothing stopping you from locking your car keys in your car a mile or some from your home, and, walking home to retrieve another set!


I'm a pushover for being a damsel in distress. Whether its tied to a chair, or simply stuck en femme, a mile or so from any possibility of privacy, unable to take off my heels, (which are killing me), and navigating a bustling public place. The idea of having no choice but to present as fully female is intoxicating.

[MsJanessa]

I haven't read the whole thing but have read parts---seems to be that the lady is the submissive in the story and the guy is the dominant--I'm not going to generalize about what all women want but this is fiction about a lady who is dominated by a man, not one where a lady dominates a man or a TG--and it seems most of the gurls here identify with the submissive part. So if your wife is really into the book, then she probably is having the same submissive fantasies as many of the TGs here.

[ClosetED]

My wife and I both read all 3 books. She knows but hates my CDing and I am under ultimatum, but was willing to try the milder forms, so we each took turns doing some. I find his character similar to many CDers, in that he is a role model, intelligent, hard worker, but has bad self-esteem, which led him into a particular stress reliever of BD rather than CD. The female is initially shocked and horrified, but comes to accept his difference, which makes both happy. So everyone, try to have SO read the books and point out the similarities!

[Persephone]

My spouse and I have read all three books. I found them very, uh, stimulating, in a femme kind of way.

But there is a difference between fantasy and reality. Women, as well as men, enjoy many fantasies that they would definitely not enjoy in the physical world. So I would not count on her making a connection between the her possibly erotic enjoyment of the book and any expectation that she will want to actually try any of it.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[LelaK]

I read that many women enjoy roleplaying during foreplay. I heard one say on tv some months ago that she was turned off by men crossdressing, but when it was a question of her playing dominant in foreplay and him playing the submissive girl, she was intrigued.

[ReineD]

But, to my surprise, she seems to like the Fifty Shades of Gray book.

Maybe she likes the idea of being submissive to a male dominant too? I gather that variations of these fantasies are not uncommon among GGs. :)

[DebbieL]

I'm a pushover for being a damsel in distress. Whether its tied to a chair, or simply stuck en femme, a mile or so from any possibility of privacy, unable to take off my heels, (which are killing me), and navigating a bustling public place. The idea of having no choice but to present as fully female is intoxicating. The next best thing is inflicting that helplessness on my SO. I think I find her predicament almost as exciting as if it were me. We have tried some light BD, but I felt she never was in to it. And since she's not that much into my dressing, my ultimate fantasy of having her dominate Marina, or tie Marina up and leave her helpless for a few hours, seems a non-starter.

Very often, men (including CDs) and women tend to approach Sexual variations from very different points of view. Often, for a man, especially one who has never actually BEEN raped, the fantasy of being raped is one that seems real and like it would be "fun" because they can't imagine not enjoying it. On the other hand, most women have either been raped or have had close personal friends who have been raped, and know how horribly violent, terrifying, and humiliating it can be. Second, men tend to be aroused by visual erotica while women tend to enjoy books and novels that describe sensations, details, feelings, and emotions. I've even seen this difference between CDs and Transsexuals.

A man will tend to be aroused by the sight of a woman wearing a sexy outfit and tied to a chair, and inside his head he's either imagining what he might do to her, or what it would be like to be her, to be in that situation. The man creates in his mind an erotic experience that is exciting to him. He could be looking at a picture in the lingerie section of the Sears Catalog and create a hot fantasy around a woman posing in a "Granny Girdle".

A woman could be triggered either way by the picture. She could be aroused, but she could just as easily see a story of fear, terror, total lack of control, even violence. Even a simple picture of a woman in a short skirt, hose, heels, and corset top could be very arousing to a man, but a woman might think about how her feet would hurt, how the hose itch after 8 hours, trying to keep the skirt down all the time, and guys staring at her chest and completely ignoring her face and what she has to say. She might even see the girl in the outfit as a mean girl who used to make fun of her at school.

On the other hand, women take far more pleasure in erotic stories, the narrative of not only who is doing what to whom, but the feelings, especially the feelings of the woman.


But, to my surprise, she seems to like the Fifty Shades of Gray book. NOt that she's finished the 3, but she got the first book from her sister as a present, and she didn't dismiss it. I think she's intrigued about it, and although she won't probably be open about it, I'm pretty sure she's read it, or parts of it. First, I'm hoping it might open her mind to the BD aspect, and 'legitimize' light bondage in her eyes, but more important, I'm hoping it might soften her ideas towards ot her peccadilloes, like dressing (which at this point is still DADT). Any of you gals had your SO's show a little less 'restraint' about 'restraint'?

I've read all three books and loved them. What's most important about them is that the entire story is told from the point of view of the woman, and she writes about all of her feelings, from the moment she first meets him, to the end of the book. We see her going from someone who is possibly submissive, but uses the safe-word because she can't handle being so completely out of control, to situations where she takes control herself, and situations where she gives up all control, and enjoys it. She even shows the contrast by including an episode where she is attacked and kidnapped by a man - and the feelings of anger, terror, and panic than she feels in that situation.

After my first wife, all of my partners had their kinky sides. My first wife didn't have much experience, but quickly found that she loved bondage play, and enjoyed being both dominant and submissive, but she especially liked being dominant and pushing me to the point where I knew I was out of control, and letting me panic, yet not doing safe-word, on a few occasions, she even ignored the safe-signals, and the experiences were intensely exciting once I got past the initial panic. I introduced her to the idea by giving her copies of Penthouse Variations, and leaving my bondage magazines where she would be able to find them and read them if she wished. I let her know where they were, but didn't force it, and she took interest.

I had been introduced to B&D by a girl who wanted to be tied up. I was still a virgin, and Debbie was still avoiding sexual intercourse, and she loved being helpless, knowing that I was going to take her to such heights of pleasure that she would actually have to order me to stop, because she felt like another orgasm would kill her. A very strange sensation I've only experienced a few times in my own life, but one that I've induced in other women numerous times.

If you'd like to introduce your wife to some erotic possibilities around cross-dressing, consider getting books on forced feminization.
I have found several on Amazon Books, Stories by Tanya Allen, Sandy Thomas, Bea, and Betty Cross

If you want your wife to understand some of your feelings, consider Alice in Genderland by Richard Novic, Squirrel Cage by Cindi Jones, or Debbie's Secret Life, and Undercover Girl by Jill Davidson, and Confessions of a Transsexual by Jessica Birch.

It would be a good idea for you to read the books before you recommend them to your wife. The last thing you want to do is give her a book to read that you haven't read and discover that she's really into the idea of something that would freak you out.

You should also invite your wife to give you her favorite books, so that you can get a better sense of what she would like romantically and sexually.

For both men and women, the most important sexual organ is the one between your ears. The human brain can find the most amazing things to be erotic. For many men and women there is an interesting dynamic between power exchange and sexual tension, sexual arousal, and sexual fantasy. For example, both men and women can find that being under the control of someone who is committed to pleasing them sexually, but also teasing them, doing things to make the excitement last longer, the intimacy more intense, and create a mixture of biochemical reactions in which hormones, adrenaline, and pleasure centers are all combined into a mix that is far more intense and pleasurable than any one of those items.

At the same time, when one truly understands the feelings that the submissive experiences, being a dominant can also be very exciting, bringing your partner to the point where she is begging for your touch, begging for you to bring her to orgasm, then having so many orgasms that she almost has to order you to stop, and imagining that you are in her head, experiencing the pleasure with her - can be equally intense, and can create an intense intimacy and bliss that can make both of you love and enjoy each other in ways that neither of you could have imagined.

In Fifty Shades, the book explains in very clear and erotic terms the nature of how the submissive is actually the one in control of the situation, that the dominant is intent on pleasing the submissive, and that the exchange of power is as significant as the sexual stimulation, pain can make pleasure more intense, and pleasure can become so intense it becomes painful. The dominant knows that there is a line, an edge, on the other side of the line is a form of panic. Once the submissive regains control and knows that she is safe, she will often push through and actually embrace the experience. However, the dominant is always looking for that sign of panic, looking to see if the submissive is feeling out of control, and ready to stop the role play long enough to bring things back from the edge, back to the domain of pleasure and excitement.

I've been a dominant since September of 1975, and a submissive since March of 1977. I've had several partners who loved to "Switch" taking turns being dominant and submissive. I've had some partners who preferred to be submissive most of the time, and others who preferred to be dominant most of the time. Their desires in the bedroom often contrasted with the rest of their lives.

[RADER]

About 3 years ago, my wife and I went to the Renaissance Fair in Wisconsin,
Now there are plenty of people dressed in period clothing.
We came upon a girl wearing handcuffs, while wearing a beautifully corset dress
that had many peti-coats under it. I asked her why the handcuffs? She replied,
I can't get into trouble with my hands cuffed behind my back, my husband says that
if I wanted to see the fair, I had to be cuffed as not to spend money.
That made my day. My wife and I often LOL about that day.
Rader

[Beverley Sims]

Not really my interest but I am intrigued by the popularity of the book among women.

[Barbara Dugan]

I haven't read the book, but I am intrigued

[Aloha Jayne]

My SO, who is very conservative, and hates CDing, read all three Gray books. She has no interest in BD or being submisive. I think it's popularity comes from the love story aspect for GGs and not so much the kinky sex.