Unexpected Development

[AnneB1nderful]

As I've said in several posts, I've lost a lot of weight and size in the past month and a half. Haven't done a lot to make that happen. Just cut down on calorie intake and wearing waist cincher when I can. Haven't even worked out since before Thanksgiving. Nevertheless. In October at 6"3, I weighed 215 lbs and had a 36" waist. Now, I weigh 190 with a 33" waist (uncinched). Not only that, I've dropped from 38C to 34C bra.

Anyway, I was in the grocery store in man mode and I was getting some of those weird looks. You know, the kind you get when you're "tell" outs you while in fem mode. Well, I was wondering what the heck?! The only thing I've done is lost weight and shaped my brows a little. Nothing really drastic. So, I walked by a full length mirror and had to stop. I almost didn't recognize myself. It almost looked like a woman with very short hair wearing men's clothes that were too big. I did not expect such drastic changes in such a short amount of time.

I feel healthy as ever. I feel light on my feet, like I can run a marathon, no ill effects at all. As a matter of fact, I'm 47 years old and physically feel like I'm 25 again.

Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen to them after they fully embraced
their fem persona for the first time?

[Kate Simmons]

In a manner of speaking Hon. When I'm Ericka (my club persona) I'm perpetually around 45. The energy seem to be limitless and nearly impossible for a 65 year old geezer to have. Go figure! :battingeyelashes::)

[Aylineira]

I'm half giggling at your story. So let me get this straight.. you were walking in male mode then stopped to look in the mirror and noticed that you looked like a girl wearing another man's clothing? That's funny stuff right there.

[Julie Denier]

I haven't experienced that exactly ... but I have lost about 70 pounds since March, and in addition to feeling a lot better, it's nice to be down to a size 22 dress from a 28 ;)

[AnneB1nderful]

I'm half giggling at your story. So let me get this straight.. you were walking in male mode then stopped to look in the mirror and noticed that you looked like a girl wearing another man's clothing? That's funny stuff right there.

Basically, yes. I was actually embarrassed. When in man mode, I don't want to look or act like a chick. When in Anne mode, I don't want to look or act like a dude. But, now I'm looking more like a chick than a dude even in man mode. I don't want to act like a girly man either. But found myself falling into feminine gesturing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing that more frequently than I catch myself.

It may seem funny, but I'm dead serious. I feel my manhood giving up too quickly. This IS what I want, but at the same time, must consider family, emotional stability, work, economics, etc. But I don't want to slow down my feminization either. I LIKE being Anne.

[Angela Campbell]

I know exactly what you feel. I started dressing fully - wig, makeup etc - last july. I started losing weight and so far went from 265 lbs and 46 in waist to 190 lbs and a 36 in waist...I am 5' 4 in.
I can see the girl everywhere especially after a shower with no makeup or anything and wet hair combed back. It is a bit scary when I see Ellen and I am dressed as a man. The more weight I lose the more I see her. It doesn't help that I do not have much in the way of male clothes that fit anymore. I need to buy some but everytime I go to a store she takes over....

[Aylineira]

I know I love being in male mode just as much as female mode sometimes. My suggestion for you is that it sounds like what you need are new male clothes.. ones that fit on you. That may make you feel better.

[Erica Marie]

I know your feeling. At my heaviest I was 175. About 4 yrs ago I slowly started working out but the weight loss was so gradual that I didnt have the motivation to keep at it. About a year and a half ago I set my mind to it and slowly the pounds went away. Hit a few plateuas along the way but I think I finally hit my lowest. I am at 119 and fit a size 5. I started to keep my legs and under arms shaved, attempting to keep a female appearance without raising questions from anyone. So far no one has raised any questions. But I know your feeling, at times I question myself, am I acting girly, am I walking girly, when I run on the treadmill at the gym I have a feeling that my gestures and shaved legs will give me away. For me its harder because I still have not been able to get out and see the world through the eyes of Mellissa in fear of being caught. In my mind I have a girl trapped just waiting to get out.

[Sharon B.]

The more I try to lose weight the more I gain. I wish I could lose about fifty pounds and drop a few dress sizes.

[AnneB1nderful]

I know exactly what you feel. I started dressing fully - wig, makeup etc - last july. I started losing weight and so far went from 265 lbs and 46 in waist to 190 lbs and a 36 in waist...I am 5' 4 in.
I can see the girl everywhere especially after a shower with no makeup or anything and wet hair combed back. It is a bit scary when I see Ellen and I am dressed as a man. The more weight I lose the more I see her. It doesn't help that I do not have much in the way of male clothes that fit anymore. I need to buy some but everytime I go to a store she takes over....

That's amazing! Does it make you feel like you should be a woman only and not a man anymore? That feeling is getting stronger in me. I don't want to buy any men's clothes. Would rather spend $$ on Anne.

[Angela Campbell]

In truth I have always wanted to be a girl. I will never be able to go full time but I can be happy with part time if I can get my look the way I want it. Only have to lose another 50 lbs or so. I have a hard time buying anything male now, I only have 2 pair of male pants that fit - and they are getting big on me - and I have a few girl jeans I wear sometimes. At work I have to be a man but all of my shirts kind of swallow me. I have several outfits for a girl that fit though. I too feel a lot better now, and I am completely off medication for blood sugar too. I feel kind of ugly when I am a man so I only do it when I have to.

For years I didn't like my body and didn't care what I looked like so I ate, and ate and ate all I wanted. After seeing myself as a girl I decided to make me look better and take care of my body. I am hairless all over, trimmed eyebrows and lost so much weight and most of it in the right places - maybe due to a waist cincher.

[sterling12]

You dropped 25 pounds in a month and a half? That's a little too good! We normally like to see weight loss around 1-2 pounds per week, and you lost a little more than four pounds per week.

Everything may be fine, and you just lose weight fast, and yes...I know you feel OK. BUT, if you have access to a Doctor, you might want him to check that everything's normal, instead of some other medical problem. If you weight loss accelerates any faster, I would definitely be talking to The Doctor about it! You might be just fine, but you would have to cut your calories way, way, way, down to lose that quickly.

Normally if you lose more than a pound or two per week, your metabolism slows down, and the body quits losing weight, as the brain starts to believe you are starving. Perhaps you are engaging in a bit of hyperbole, and it's actually been longer than a month and a half. I am not trying to alarm you, it's just something that needs to be checked.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[LaraPeterson]

Anne, I am very encouraged by your post. I hope a lot of girls read it and take it to heart. I was CDing when I was young and thin. Years later, I found myself CDing while fat and unhealthy. So unhealthy, in fact, I was facing major heart surgery. A kind, Japanese doctor suggested that before peeling me open I try a carefully structured nutrition plan and a regular exercise program. At the time, I couldn't walk across the yard much less run any -athon.

After two years, a good program, and lots of meds (all of which I no longer require), I've lost the weight, brought down all the bad numbers, and I run marathons a couple times a year. It is nice to look good in a dress again. You ought to think about that marathon, girl. It'll just be another victory in your rite of passage. I'm pulling for you.

[AnneB1nderful]

I know your feeling. At my heaviest I was 175. About 4 yrs ago I slowly started working out but the weight loss was so gradual that I didnt have the motivation to keep at it. About a year and a half ago I set my mind to it and slowly the pounds went away. Hit a few plateuas along the way but I think I finally hit my lowest. I am at 119 and fit a size 5. I started to keep my legs and under arms shaved, attempting to keep a female appearance without raising questions from anyone. So far no one has raised any questions. But I know your feeling, at times I question myself, am I acting girly, am I walking girly, when I run on the treadmill at the gym I have a feeling that my gestures and shaved legs will give me away. For me its harder because I still have not been able to get out and see the world through the eyes of Mellissa in fear of being caught. In my mind I have a girl trapped just waiting to get out.

Mellissa,

Wow! 119?! How tall are you? If you're around 5'7 or shorter, you would have no trouble blending in. I wish I weren't so tall. It would be so much easier to blend in.

Your features appear to be very fem. So what's keeping you from sharing your beauty with the rest of the world?

Oh I get the whole fear thing. But once you get out there, that fear fades quickly by the excitement. Be bold girl. Get out there! :)

[Angela Campbell]

Anne and Melissa, you both look good enough to go out !

Joanie...I have lost weight before and lost 100 lbs in 5 months and did fine. I lose weight very fast around 4 to 5 lbs a week sometimes. I do go with a very low cal diet but that is planned and I am seeing a doctor regularly and she is very happy with me. I go several weeks around 600 cal a day then take a break around 1200 a day for a week or two then back down again. It is working well and yes I do get plateus but they pass. Not sure how I will get around the holidays though LOL

But I have lost 75 lbs since July.

Maybe I will see you saturday night?

[Soriya]

LOL Anne!

I can relate but not entirely. I have had the similar experiences my whole life about my ummmmmm, rear end LOL! I am the one among my three other brothers that has a butt and often have been told it's shaped like a womans! In my early 20's I remember a brother in-law coming up behind me while I was leaning on a chair and heard him say "OH SH*T! I was about to grab your rear, it looks just like my wifes until I realized it was you!!" LMAO!

I always carried my weight well and look 25 pounds lighter then I really am. In my 20's I was in the 165 at 5'8"+ and fit into most of my ex GF's clothes. She is 5'7'' and was around 125 back then.

I have been dropping weight over the last two months and am down to 185 and noticing what everyone always said about my butt so I took my measurements. This if funny..

My chest: 41"
My current waist 32-33"
Hips: 42"

LMAO!!

[Maria in heels]

Anne...thats wonderful news! you are taking care of yourself, and more importantly, paying attention to being Anne...and its starting to show! great!

[AnneB1nderful]

You dropped 25 pounds in a month and a half? That's a little too good! We normally like to see weight loss around 1-2 pounds per week, and you lost a little more than four pounds per week.

Everything may be fine, and you just lose weight fast, and yes...I know you feel OK. BUT, if you have access to a Doctor, you might want him to check that everything's normal, instead of some other medical problem. If you weight loss accelerates any faster, I would definitely be talking to The Doctor about it! You might be just fine, but you would have to cut your calories way, way, way, down to lose that quickly.

Normally if you lose more than a pound or two per week, your metabolism slows down, and the body quits losing weight, as the brain starts to believe you are starving. Perhaps you are engaging in a bit of hyperbole, and it's actually been longer than a month and a half. I am not trying to alarm you, it's just something that needs to be checked.

Peace and Love, Joanie

Joanie,
Thanks for your comments and concern. I am under a doc's care. Most of the drastic weight loss occurred right after my last appointment. Once I realized how much made another appointment for next week. Plan to talk about gender dysphoria also. Perhaps get referral for therapist.

I considered hyperbole also. I started a picture and video journal same time I decided to embrace fem side. Can definitely notice difference.

Regardless the cause or the belief, I want to ensure I'm physically and mentally strong. So, I can't keep these feelings, physical changes, and behavior hidden from my medical caregivers.

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to post your thoughts and recommendations.

Hugs

[suchacutie]

I've dropped 40 pounds over the last few years ST (since Tina). Part of my agreement with my wife is that we keep the two gendered selves as separate as possible. One of the reasons for the separation is to identify the parts of me that have always been Tina but just were not understood to be her! We did it slowly so that as the pieces fit together it's been possible to identify and separate the girl from the boy. For example, I walk as a boy when in boy mode, but just let me slip on heels and I can flip in an instant to Tina. As this was evolving I remember wondering if I could just suddently decide to walk like Tina and although it took a moment of thought wearing boy shoes, I was able to flip back and forth.

I really like understanding the differences between my genders and having control over when I switch and when I don't, but it does take thought sometimes to, effectively, act like a Roman when in Rome! :)

[MssHyde]

I have had some weird things going on with me too, I have always be sexually active with my wife. however I'm finding out the more I feed Cheyenne's desires, The less I need sexual stimulation or fulfillment sexually.

I also noticed my walk Has changed over the years too. I walk toes pointed straight ahead always, my heels hold up better now.

also I have to use brow pencil or brow powder in man mode to have fuller brows. even my dreams have changed,
now I'm often dressed as Cheyenne in my dreams.

makes me wonder if my body or mind is messing with my own DNA.

[Meghan]

Yes! I have been doing an unprecedented amount of core work (abs, butt, obliques, etc) since April and that, plus the circuit training, plus eating better has resulted in almost 35lbs lost, and a 7 to 8 inch reduction in my waistline.

However, if anything, by breasts are larger than they were when I was fat, and they fill out tops to the point that I don't need or want breast inserts.

Figured this out a couple of months ago...but when I started realizing it was happening, it was quite intense.

Congrats, by the way, on what mush have been an amazing experience!

Meghan

[AnneB1nderful]

I have had some weird things going on with me too, I have always be sexually active with my wife. however I'm finding out the more I feed Cheyenne's desires, The less I need sexual stimulation or fulfillment sexually.

I also noticed my walk Has changed over the years too. I walk toes pointed straight ahead always, my heels hold up better now.

also I have to use brow pencil or brow powder in man mode to have fuller brows. even my dreams have changed,
now I'm often dressed as Cheyenne in my dreams.

makes me wonder if my body or mind is messing with my own DNA.

Perhaps these drastic changes are psychosomatic (that is mind/emotions causing physical changes to the body). That's why I posted this thread. To see if anyone else has had something similar happen to them. It appears some have. Well, I'm welcoming the changes. Just didn't expect them to be so drastic so quickly. Just gonna keep riding this boat until it hits a safe harbor or a rock. Hopefully the safe harbor. I'm not dressed for a swim. :heehee:

[AnneB1nderful]

LOL Anne!

I can relate but not entirely. I have had the similar experiences my whole life about my ummmmmm, rear end LOL! I am the one among my three other brothers that has a butt and often have been told it's shaped like a womans! In my early 20's I remember a brother in-law coming up behind me while I was leaning on a chair and heard him say "OH SH*T! I was about to grab your rear, it looks just like my wifes until I realized it was you!!" LMAO!

I always carried my weight well and look 25 pounds lighter then I really am. In my 20's I was in the 165 at 5'8"+ and fit into most of my ex GF's clothes. She is 5'7'' and was around 125 back then.

I have been dropping weight over the last two months and am down to 185 and noticing what everyone always said about my butt so I took my measurements. This if funny..

My chest: 41"
My current waist 32-33"
Hips: 42"

LMAO!!

Soriya,

That's "fanny" I mean funny. Keep laughing sister so your a$$ will come off.

[AnneB1nderful]

Yes! I have been doing an unprecedented amount of core work (abs, butt, obliques, etc) since April and that, plus the circuit training, plus eating better has resulted in almost 35lbs lost, and a 7 to 8 inch reduction in my waistline.

However, if anything, by breasts are larger than they were when I was fat, and they fill out tops to the point that I don't need or want breast inserts.

Figured this out a couple of months ago...but when I started realizing it was happening, it was quite intense.

Congrats, by the way, on what mush have been an amazing experience!

Meghan

Whooohooo Meghan. Let's celebrate. I just discovered my breasts yesterday. :D :o ....errrr..... I mean how full they've become. They are probably an A cup by themselves. I can't believe it. I hadn't really paid attention to my chest. Looked in the mirror yesterday and said to myself, "Where'd you girls come from?" :heehee: Really. Where did they come from? I hadn't taken any supplements or done anything I can think of to stimulate growth. Starting to think a lot of this is psychosomatic. Hey, I'm good with that. But, I need to start exercising again so I can keep this girlish figure.

[AnneB1nderful]

I've dropped 40 pounds over the last few years ST (since Tina). Part of my agreement with my wife is that we keep the two gendered selves as separate as possible. One of the reasons for the separation is to identify the parts of me that have always been Tina but just were not understood to be her! We did it slowly so that as the pieces fit together it's been possible to identify and separate the girl from the boy. For example, I walk as a boy when in boy mode, but just let me slip on heels and I can flip in an instant to Tina. As this was evolving I remember wondering if I could just suddently decide to walk like Tina and although it took a moment of thought wearing boy shoes, I was able to flip back and forth.

I really like understanding the differences between my genders and having control over when I switch and when I don't, but it does take thought sometimes to, effectively, act like a Roman when in Rome! :)

Hi Tina. Thanks for letting me know how you can switch modes. I've found I can do the same, if I want to. The problem is I really don't want to anymore. My wife left me 17 months ago. So, the only reason I have to be in man mode is work and family. Family lives 200 miles away, except for sister (see http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?186136-I-m-a-Big-Sister). But, I'm fantasizing more and more about going to work as Anne. I need to calm those thoughts down. Too much at stake. Hopefully will be able to find a gender therapist immediately after the New Year.

[AmyGaleRT]

Wow, Anne! That's just totally amazing!

I was at the doctor's office last week, and not only did he say I'd lost weight, but my blood pressure had improved. Of course, I still could stand to lose a fair bit more...but I haven't really done anything except modify what I eat a bit (I quit drinking sugared soda, for one thing, and am likely to get a grilled-chicken salad from McDonald's instead of a big ol' burger). Of course, some of that could be the Amy influence, but it's hard to know how much.

It's hard to tell from what you're saying whether you're really TS or just extremely pink-fogged at the moment. Either way, you're happy, you're healthy, and you're having a good time! So it's all good! :hugs:

- Amy

[AnneB1nderful]

Wow, Anne! That's just totally amazing!

I was at the doctor's office last week, and not only did he say I'd lost weight, but my blood pressure had improved. Of course, I still could stand to lose a fair bit more...but I haven't really done anything except modify what I eat a bit (I quit drinking sugared soda, for one thing, and am likely to get a grilled-chicken salad from McDonald's instead of a big ol' burger). Of course, some of that could be the Amy influence, but it's hard to know how much.

It's hard to tell from what you're saying whether you're really TS or just extremely pink-fogged at the moment. Either way, you're happy, you're healthy, and you're having a good time! So it's all good! :hugs:

- Amy

That's awesome Amy. You're eating better, losing weight, and BP better. How do you feel?

I feel great! You know I like the fact that I'm losing weight to be more fem. But, I'm really curious about my health. Get to see doc next week.

I don't know of I'm TS or not either. Not worried about it. Just gonna be me and when I have to be in man mode, I'll be the best man I can be. Although lately seems to be harder being a man than being Anne.

[Erica Marie]

Anne, I am 5'7" and fairly smalled boned. I have a slender frame. My fear is being found out by friends and family. Being from a small town where that kind of thing is not widely accepted is very difficult.

[AnneB1nderful]

Anne, I am 5'7" and fairly smalled boned. I have a slender frame. My fear is being found out by friends and family. Being from a small town where that kind of thing is not widely accepted is very difficult.

Mellissa,

Ok. I understand. I don't know if I could've done what I'm doing now if I lived in a small town. But, if you really want to hit the town, I'm sure you can find someone on this forum that lives kinda close and perhaps take an overnight trip to a larger city. Once I decided to embrace my femininity, I decided to go all out. Which meant, going out. So, I made it happen. Luckily Ann Carpenter volunteered to show me the ropes. She lives 90 miles away. So, I stayed in a hotel (see thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?184918-Anne-s-Debut-to-the-Real-World/page3).

It hasn't even been a month since "Anne's Debut to the Real World" and l've left my apartment en femme about a dozen times. I really don't like going out alone. But, don't know anyone close enough to go out with on regular basis. I wish I wasn't so tall, because at first glance I think I "pass" about 80% of the time. But, after they take a second or third look, I'm outed. If I was with some taller GGs or had a tall man on my arm (eeewwww - that'll NEVER happen), I'd probably never get that second or third look.

You do look incredibly cute and if you really want to show the world what you got, hope you can find a fun and exciting way to make that happen.

[Angela Campbell]

Going out dressed is difficult whether it is a small town or a big one....it is very stressful, but it has rewards too. Take it at your own pace and don't hurry. It will come eventually.

[AnneB1nderful]

Anne, I am very encouraged by your post. I hope a lot of girls read it and take it to heart. I was CDing when I was young and thin. Years later, I found myself CDing while fat and unhealthy. So unhealthy, in fact, I was facing major heart surgery. A kind, Japanese doctor suggested that before peeling me open I try a carefully structured nutrition plan and a regular exercise program. At the time, I couldn't walk across the yard much less run any -athon.

After two years, a good program, and lots of meds (all of which I no longer require), I've lost the weight, brought down all the bad numbers, and I run marathons a couple times a year. It is nice to look good in a dress again. You ought to think about that marathon, girl. It'll just be another victory in your rite of passage. I'm pulling for you.

Hi Lara,

I knew I missed replying to someone's post. Actually, I think your comments are more encouraging. The things you've gone thru...and now you're running marathons. Incredibly inspiring!

I'm one of the lucky ones that doesn't seem to have to work hard at weight loss. It's funny you mentioning marathons. A co-worker asked me to run one the other day. And now, there's a marathon coming up to raise money to cure mitochondrial disease (which my granddaughter has) and I'm interested in participating. But, I hate running. Guess gonna change that about me too. You've inspired me enough to sign up.

Thanks for sharing your story and encouragement.

[suchacutie]

Anne, that's the real issue, isn't it: control. We think we belong in one gender, are brought up (socialized) in one gender, even get married in one gender. And then the world suddenly is not revolving in the same way! Now, can we learn to partition our gendered selves?

I have more than work to keep me in "man" mode for a section of my time, so it's a bit easier for me to control. As I see it, the more things that we really enjoy doing in guy mode, the more we want to stay in that mode for those activities. If those activities can be allowed to dwindle to zero, eventually we have to ask why guy mode is useful.

My work is very much fun for me. For years I've said that I head to "work", have fun all day, and they pay me. That's a part of my "guy" fun, so I don't want to lose that, and Tina doesn't take over that part of my life. What I have done is to learn who Tina is and what she'd like to be, and then have given over a fraction of time for her to do that. It's like guaranteeing her a part of the time we share for life. In that way everyone is happy and having fun with life!

Being transgendered is definitely not for wimps!!! :)

[AnneB1nderful]

Anne, that's the real issue, isn't it: control. We think we belong in one gender, are brought up (socialized) in one gender, even get married in one gender. And then the world suddenly is not revolving in the same way! Now, can we learn to partition our gendered selves?

I have more than work to keep me in "man" mode for a section of my time, so it's a bit easier for me to control. As I see it, the more things that we really enjoy doing in guy mode, the more we want to stay in that mode for those activities. If those activities can be allowed to dwindle to zero, eventually we have to ask why guy mode is useful.

My work is very much fun for me. For years I've said that I head to "work", have fun all day, and they pay me. That's a part of my "guy" fun, so I don't want to lose that, and Tina doesn't take over that part of my life. What I have done is to learn who Tina is and what she'd like to be, and then have given over a fraction of time for her to do that. It's like guaranteeing her a part of the time we share for life. In that way everyone is happy and having fun with life!

Being transgendered is definitely not for wimps!!! :)

True that, Tina. Even considering temporary transition from one gender to another takes work. I have an immense respect for those that work really hard, whether to pass, transition, or just have fun but do not have many natural features that fit the gender to which they want to portray. Sometimes I think, "If I had to work harder at it, would I be considering transition?" But, so much seems to come naturally. And some of the things I have to work at, I enjoy. Others I don't (shaving body, thinning hair, tucking-ouch, etc.). But even when eating a bowl of cherries you have to watch for the pits.

I think another reason I'm strongly considering transitioning is my current job is traditionally looked at as a women's profession (executive assistant - basically a secretary). I imagine myself being more efficient and accepted if I were a woman. However, I understand transitioning to become a woman would initially have just the opposite effect. So, again, I'm not going to fret about it. But, I will pursue professional counseling to help guide me thru this pink fog and determine if being a full-time or part-time woman is the harbor to which I should be looking to dock.

[RenneB]

I'm definately impressed Anne. Not only did you lose the weight, but you track your post.. There are not many girls here that do that ya' know...

Anyways, about the weight issue. I found that there are generally two types of people in this world, those that can eat 3000 calories one day and balance it out over the next few days so there is no net weight gain and then there's me. I could, and have in the past, eaten 3k calories on Monday, and dive right back into another 3,000 calories the next. Turns out that just 500 calories a day over or under your idea intake can result in a pound a week.

So since joining this site, I've dropped from 'round 220 to now 'bout 180. I've had to 'purge' two corsets and I closed the back on them while loosing the weight. Not to mention all the clothes that I bought at the old weight, they all end up back at the thrift store....

I've been heavier and I've been lighter, lighter is much better for me. The depression is gone, (partly because of more Renne time) and the chlorestal is down so no more meds there either....

Now my hair is getting longer and I don't wear much of any male clothes even in malemode. Chic shoes, socks, jeans and a polo shirt and that's me in drab mode... With the few months under my garter belt of being out and about I've picked up the IDC 'tude and don't care what anyone thinks about the way I look now in either mode. It's a great relief for me and hope it will be for you too....

Great thread... :-)

Renne.....

[Tracii G]

I know when I lost a lot of weight I could see my female side coming out to some degree.
Very interesting Anne.
I have bought one guy shirt in the last 5-6 years all the rest are women's that look like men's.I always shop in the women's section because guys clothes don't appeal to me at all.
I sort of know where you are coming from.

[Sara Jessica]

As I've said in several posts, I've lost a lot of weight and size in the past month and a half. Haven't done a lot to make that happen. Just cut down on calorie intake and wearing waist cincher when I can. Haven't even worked out since before Thanksgiving. Nevertheless. In October at 6"3, I weighed 215 lbs and had a 36" waist. Now, I weigh 190 with a 33" waist (uncinched).

Congrats on your weight loss!!! :)


Not only that, I've dropped from 38C to 34C bra.

Sounds like it's time for a bra fitting.


Anyway, I was in the grocery store in man mode and I was getting some of those weird looks. You know, the kind you get when you're "tell" outs you while in fem mode.

I call this "stink eye" which is what I get when in guy mode and my hair is down. Here's an oldie-thread from before your time here Anne...

www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?169806-Stink-Eye&highlight=stink+eye


Well, I was wondering what the heck?! The only thing I've done is lost weight and shaped my brows a little. Nothing really drastic. So, I walked by a full length mirror and had to stop. I almost didn't recognize myself. It almost looked like a woman with very short hair wearing men's clothes that were too big. I did not expect such drastic changes in such a short amount of time.

What you are describing is something which transcends what I call a moment of being.

A moment of being happens when you are out and presenting as a female and something almost magical happens. Everything seems to be in it's right place in the world. Your confidence soars. You might capture a glimpse of yourself, see a blurred reflection in a window, or even see your shadow, and all you detect is woman rather than guy or trans. And if your really lucky, these moments will leak into your interactions with others when again, it becomes all about NOT being defined by your trans nature. Moments of being are also enhanced by something as simple as a song, smell, or even weather. You cannot plan these moments, they have to just happen. And when they do, you know you are really on to something special.

Transcending these moments is when you perceive the woman without presenting as such. In my case, the body mods I have made for the sake of my own being often lead me to the same place you have experienced, where you see female in the mirror instead of male. Call it psychological tricks, call it delusional, whatever...it's real, at least to me.

And to think you have found this in such a short time. It's taken me years to find this place of absolute bliss.


ps - If you have any doubts whatsoever about the reality of such moments, ask my buddy Suzanne, she's been there and done that as well.

[Angela Campbell]

I know when I lost a lot of weight I could see my female side coming out to some degree.
Very interesting Anne.
I have bought one guy shirt in the last 5-6 years all the rest are women's that look like men's.I always shop in the women's section because guys clothes don't appeal to me at all.
I sort of know where you are coming from.

I am getting like this too. I went shopping today and all the clothes in the mens department just looked so.....well sloppy looking. They would all make me look like a slob. I just can't do it. I also wear womens jeans (hurray I can fit in a 14 now) and there are quite a few womens shirts I can wear that do not look too girly for me. It scares me a little at times because I wonder If I am going too far. A year ago I would never have entertained the thought.

[RitaCD]

I'm 66, 5'11", 150 lbs, 38"- 29.5"- 36" and almost back to my weight in high school (145). I have gotten several good comments about my weight. I walk and/or ride a bike nearly every day. I've been completely shaved for years, have thinned and shaped eyebrows, and longish nails. I wear girls jeans size almost exclusively (size 6 or 8 long) and most of my dresses are size 8 or 10. Even when not dressed in fem and I see my reflection in a mirror or window I see Rita. My ex told me many years ago that I was more girly than she was and now that I am retired I live most of my time in Rita mode. So far I have not heard any weird or negative comments but I do have one great GG friend that I can confide in.

Anne, I am curious about one thing. How did you lose 4" in your chest size?

[AnneB1nderful]

I'm definately impressed Anne. Not only did you lose the weight, but you track your post.. There are not many girls here that do that ya' know...

Anyways, about the weight issue. I found that there are generally two types of people in this world, those that can eat 3000 calories one day and balance it out over the next few days so there is no net weight gain and then there's me. I could, and have in the past, eaten 3k calories on Monday, and dive right back into another 3,000 calories the next. Turns out that just 500 calories a day over or under your idea intake can result in a pound a week.

So since joining this site, I've dropped from 'round 220 to now 'bout 180. I've had to 'purge' two corsets and I closed the back on them while loosing the weight. Not to mention all the clothes that I bought at the old weight, they all end up back at the thrift store....

I've been heavier and I've been lighter, lighter is much better for me. The depression is gone, (partly because of more Renne time) and the chlorestal is down so no more meds there either....

Now my hair is getting longer and I don't wear much of any male clothes even in malemode. Chic shoes, socks, jeans and a polo shirt and that's me in drab mode... With the few months under my garter belt of being out and about I've picked up the IDC 'tude and don't care what anyone thinks about the way I look now in either mode. It's a great relief for me and hope it will be for you too....

Great thread... :-)

Renne.....

Renne,

I can't thank you enough for your comments. I appreciate everyone taking time to post to my threads. However, I don't always have time to respond to everyone on all threads. But, this one seems to be more important to me. And reading the stories like yours is so inspirational.

I'm almost there with you on the IDC 'tude. My problem is I have to keep man mode and Anne mode separated. When in man mode, I want to be a manly man. When in Anne mode I want to be totally fem. Problem is man mode doesn't look like a man anymore. I'm having a hard time with that. I don't want to be a girly man. As a matter of fact, I don't want to be a man at all right now. But, I have to be. I have responsibilities and family. That's why this post is so important. To read how you and others deal with this dual gender identity helps me to figure out how to deal with mine.

Thanks so much!!!

[Angela Campbell]

Anne I can sympathize. I am fearing the same thing. When a man for my job or family I cannot appear to be a girly man but it looks like this is where I am heading. It is hard to look like a girl one day and then look like a manly man the next. Fortunately my weight loss will seem to be the difference in my new appearance. I have been overweight for over 20 years and of course I will look much different than I did a few months ago. I hope this is all people will think but I am worried that I may "out" myself without meaning to. I guess I could go for the "sloppy" man look but I never really liked that. I have to work real hard not to use female mannerisms whan I am being a man, like the way I sit, stand and walk. Or the way I use my hands or talk. I have spent so much time and energy trying to appear feminine I have to now work on trying to be masculine too.

[AnneB1nderful]

I know when I lost a lot of weight I could see my female side coming out to some degree.
Very interesting Anne.
I have bought one guy shirt in the last 5-6 years all the rest are women's that look like men's.I always shop in the women's section because guys clothes don't appeal to me at all.
I sort of know where you are coming from.

Tracii,

I don't know why, but it's really important to me to keep male mode and Anne mode polarized. If I'm dressing as a man, I HAVE to look and act like a man. If I'm dressing as Anne I HAVE to look and act like a woman. I don't even wear women's undergarments in man mode anymore. I used to years ago to just get a taste of femininity when I was unsuccessfully trying to suppress those feelings. Problem is I want to be Anne all the time now.

Thanks for sharing. Every perspective helps.

[AnneB1nderful]

I call this "stink eye" which is what I get when in guy mode and my hair is down. Here's an oldie-thread from before your time here Anne...



What you are describing is something which transcends what I call a moment of being.

A moment of being happens when you are out and presenting as a female and something almost magical happens. Everything seems to be in it's right place in the world. Your confidence soars. You might capture a glimpse of yourself, see a blurred reflection in a window, or even see your shadow, and all you detect is woman rather than guy or trans. And if your really lucky, these moments will leak into your interactions with others when again, it becomes all about NOT being defined by your trans nature. Moments of being are also enhanced by something as simple as a song, smell, or even weather. You cannot plan these moments, they have to just happen. And when they do, you know you are really on to something special.

Transcending these moments is when you perceive the woman without presenting as such. In my case, the body mods I have made for the sake of my own being often lead me to the same place you have experienced, where you see female in the mirror instead of male. Call it psychological tricks, call it delusional, whatever...it's real, at least to me.

And to think you have found this in such a short time. It's taken me years to find this place of absolute bliss.


Sara,

Thanks for your comments and being a friend. :love::hugs:

Love the Stink eye post. My issue is I don't want to be a girly man. When in man mode, I want to be fully masculine. So, I'm bothered by looking feminine while in man mode. Problem is I don't want to be in man mode anymore. I just have to be. So, I'm continuing to allow my body to become more feminine. Although, sometimes I intentionally practice fem characteristics while in man mode, I'm embarrassed when I start to act feminine in man mode and don't recognize it right away. I guess if I'm going to continue to pursue this path of dual gender personas, I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm going to look like a girly man. That is not appealing to me at all. But, guess I'll be a good girl and suck it up.

[AnneB1nderful]

I'm 66, 5'11", 150 lbs, 38"- 29.5"- 36" and almost back to my weight in high school (145). I have gotten several good comments about my weight. I walk and/or ride a bike nearly every day. I've been completely shaved for years, have thinned and shaped eyebrows, and longish nails. I wear girls jeans size almost exclusively (size 6 or 8 long) and most of my dresses are size 8 or 10. Even when not dressed in fem and I see my reflection in a mirror or window I see Rita. My ex told me many years ago that I was more girly than she was and now that I am retired I live most of my time in Rita mode. So far I have not heard any weird or negative comments but I do have one great GG friend that I can confide in.

Anne, I am curious about one thing. How did you lose 4" in your chest size?

Rita,
You're 66 and so active. How inspirational! I've been shaving whole body for couple of weeks. Love the feeling. But, grows back so fast. Think its because of winter. Don't like having to mow the landscape every day. I can't wear girly clothes in man mode. Just doesn't feel right to me.

Ok, I probably didn't lose 4". A month and a half ago I was on the first latch of a 38C. I've been wearing a corset for waist training at least 15 hours a week. About a month ago the 38s didn't fit anymore after 3 weeks corseted. About 3 weeks ago I bought some 36Cs and they fit great. I then bought a full body shaper. It compresses in all the right places. You're supposed to put a bra over the shaper. Well, 36s fit real loosely now. Now, I'm wearing the body shaper about 20 hours per week. Last week, the 36s didn't fit anymore. So, I bought a 34C. Fits perfectly with body shaper on last latch. Although it is kinda tight without the shaper on. So, all that said, in reality, I maybe lost 2". But with the body shaper 3-4". I do think my rib cage has compressed a little. Perhaps 1/4 - 3/8 in. Most of the loss was definitely fat and some muscle mass.

[AnneB1nderful]

I am getting like this too. I went shopping today and all the clothes in the mens department just looked so.....well sloppy looking. They would all make me look like a slob. I just can't do it. I also wear womens jeans (hurray I can fit in a 14 now) and there are quite a few womens shirts I can wear that do not look too girly for me. It scares me a little at times because I wonder If I am going too far. A year ago I would never have entertained the thought.

My sister asked me last weekend, "You look great as a guy now. The clothes you're wearing look very fashionable. Doesn't that make you feel good knowing your a good looking man?"

I replied, "Sis, I wore this for you. I knew you always dress nice and I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. But, for me...it does nothing. I don't feel any better in this than I do wearing flannel shirt, dingy jeans, and a ball cap. But, dressing as a woman makes me feel good inside. " I didn't go much further with her.

When I wear any women's clothes in man mode, I get saddened. Because I want to wear more. I want to go further and I get preoccupied with the thoughts. It becomes counterproductive. So, when in man mode, I have to be fully a man. No feminine clothing.



Anne I can sympathize. I am fearing the same thing. When a man for my job or family I cannot appear to be a girly man but it looks like this is where I am heading. It is hard to look like a girl one day and then look like a manly man the next. Fortunately my weight loss will seem to be the difference in my new appearance. I have been overweight for over 20 years and of course I will look much different than I did a few months ago. I hope this is all people will think but I am worried that I may "out" myself without meaning to. I guess I could go for the "sloppy" man look but I never really liked that. I have to work real hard not to use female mannerisms whan I am being a man, like the way I sit, stand and walk. Or the way I use my hands or talk. I have spent so much time and energy trying to appear feminine I have to now work on trying to be masculine too.

So, now the problem we have is that we're pursuing to be more feminine and its spilling into our masculine persona. Yes, losing weight seems to be a good justification for how we look. But, what about the brow shaping? I'm going to have my ears pierced after the new year. How will that go over? I noticed the other day I've got real breasts. Only thing I'm doing is wearing push-up bra whenever I can. Any fat I had in my chest seems to have found its way to the right places. I can't wear tight shirts anymore. I'm also gonna start getting manicures. Got the first one the other day. Wow....I mean WOW!!! No wonder women love it. I didn't get any polish or filling. Just trim and clean up. But, now I'm hooked. Next time I'm gonna ask about gel filled.

All this is why I'm seriously considering transitioning. I'm not comfortable at all being a girly man. I am comfortable as Anne. As much scrutiny as I get being a tall woman, I don't care. I want to be Anne. But, If I decide to transition, it will take a long time. And if I don't transition, Anne is here to stay. So, I'm going to have to deal with being a feminine looking man.

[Paula_56]

I am in similar situation. I am down to 190, 6' 1" and a size 16 Misses. I was 280lbs three years ago. Same as you just stop eating too much, I keep my daily calories under 2K and I walk everyday. Like you I feel young again, and also healthy. Today I was trying on different outfits and shoes, some new things I bought, putting together some new looks, and I understand the feeling you describe, I didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. The clothes look so good on me, I looked so much like a woman in so many ways, that I just had this inner joy. It was surreal and amazing that you wrote about a similar experience.

[AnneB1nderful]

I am in similar situation. I am down to 190, 6' 1" and a size 16 Misses. I was 280lbs three years ago. Same as you just stop eating too much, I keep my daily calories under 2K and I walk everyday. Like you I feel young again, and also healthy. Today I was trying on different outfits and shoes, some new things I bought, putting together some new looks, and I understand the feeling you describe, I didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. The clothes look so good on me, I looked so much like a woman in so many ways, that I just had this inner joy. It was surreal and amazing that you wrote about a similar experience.

Hi Paula,
This whole thing is surreal to me. I can't believe I'm doing these things. But, it all feels so good and so right. Thanks for your response. Helps to know so many of us have so much in common. I even like to know about the differences. But, the one thing we all have is a desire to be feminine. To the degree and how often are irrelevant. It's just good to know you're not alone.

[suchacutie]

Hi again!

What a wonderful thread! I've often wondered what course my gender orientation would take without any of the limitations currently placed on it (many of which I love very much, like my wife!!!!). But it does seem that there are ways of testing it.

Anne, do you have the opportunity of taking a vacation fully en femme? Actually requiring yourself to be Anne 24/7 without recourse for a couple of weeks could be a wonderful way to set some perspective. I've been able to come close to that and it really did help.

The other thing I find fascinating (envious?) about your situation is that your job situation might actually be improved if you were to transition, or at least turn the gender priority to Anne's side. I don't know your details, but most larger places have the machinery in place for you to transition, and it might be that your employer would welcome the change.

But the words I used above might be significant: Make Anne your primary gender presentation, and then "crossdress" when you need or want to be male.

Isn't this life just wonderful :)

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I'm right there with you. I was in a "bad" place during the summer and when I saw a picture of myself from my day at the Ryder Cup here in Chicago, I almost wretched! I decided it was time to get going. I joined a gym and got a trainer 3 days a week. I've been tracking my food intake on myfitnesspal.com to watch my calories, protein, sodium, and fiber. I'm down 35 pounds and today I did an "after" dress up day. The side by side just makes me smile. I still have 15 pounds to go so I can get in that size 10 dress. I'll not make it for New Year's, but I'm hoping by my birthday in February. Then I can go out dress shopping for my present!

Kathleen Ann

[AnneB1nderful]

Hi again!

What a wonderful thread! I've often wondered what course my gender orientation would take without any of the limitations currently placed on it (many of which I love very much, like my wife!!!!). But it does seem that there are ways of testing it.

If my wife had chosen to stay with me, things would be completely different for me now. Even if I were to embrace my femininity, it would be limited to what she would've accepted. I still love her. If she were to decide to come back we would have to figure how my full personality (man and Anne) can fit into our relationship. But, because I have no SO in my life, the things holding Anne back have diminished drastically.


Anne, do you have the opportunity of taking a vacation fully en femme? Actually requiring yourself to be Anne 24/7 without recourse for a couple of weeks could be a wonderful way to set some perspective. I've been able to come close to that and it really did help.

I don't have much vacation time or money. But, yes, I have thought about vacating as Anne only. Been looking at a couple of en femme cruises. But, think would rather go to Vegas (what happens in Vegas....).




The other thing I find fascinating (envious?) about your situation is that your job situation might actually be improved if you were to transition, or at least turn the gender priority to Anne's side. I don't know your details, but most larger places have the machinery in place for you to transition, and it might be that your employer would welcome the change.


I work for a very large organization. And years ago I saw two men transitioning. There were some restrictions. Even though dressed as a woman, they had to use men's facilities and had to speak in male voice. But, laws have changed and I think now if they have a letter from psychiatrist or physician they have more fem freedoms. However, I'm currently working in a small satellite office away from corporate offices. Seems more like a "good ol' boys club". Even though I know I would be protected, I would have a target on my back. In the past 5 months I've been there, I've seen these "good ol' boys" fire 2 employees and give several others a hard time because they don't exactly fit in their club. Not due to gender issues, but leadership personality disagreements. So, I'm already starting to mess with their unwritten "bylaws". Not sure if want to put my gender issues in the mix. Like I said, I know I would be protected. And I've even thought if I start to transition and they try to fire me, I could always claim discrimination based on gender issues rather than me challenging their questionable leadership ethics. Just something else to toss in the transition gumbo soup.[/QUOTE]


But the words I used above might be significant: Make Anne your primary gender presentation, and then "crossdress" when you need or want to be male.

Isn't this life just wonderful :)

Tina, When I read this last part I got the biggest smile on my face. To think I'm crossdressing to be male seems to fit how I feel right now.

MANY, MANY Thanks.

[AnneB1nderful]

I'm right there with you. I was in a "bad" place during the summer and when I saw a picture of myself from my day at the Ryder Cup here in Chicago, I almost wretched! I decided it was time to get going. I joined a gym and got a trainer 3 days a week. I've been tracking my food intake on myfitnesspal.com to watch my calories, protein, sodium, and fiber. I'm down 35 pounds and today I did an "after" dress up day. The side by side just makes me smile. I still have 15 pounds to go so I can get in that size 10 dress. I'll not make it for New Year's, but I'm hoping by my birthday in February. Then I can go out dress shopping for my present!

Kathleen Ann

That's great Kathleen. I'm smiling from ear to ear.

[Emme]

Eat 1/3 of what you eat now! Eat anything you want. it works!

[Beverley Sims]

It happens to me each time I go round the world.
About every three years for three months at a time.
No refrigerator to access at night, no midnight snacks, lots of walking and two meals a day is plenty.
Lose 28 to 30 lbs each time.
Then I have to go again, probably next year at Christmas.

[Michelle55]

I have been dropping weight over the last two months and am down to 185 and noticing what everyone always said about my butt so I took my measurements. This if funny..

My chest: 41"
My current waist 32-33"
Hips: 42"



I wish I had hips like that. I'm slender too, but I am very straight in the hips.
Height 5' 11"
Weight 168 lbs
Chest 40"
Waist 32"
Hips 32"

I have to wear hip and butt pads to have any chance to look femme.

In fact I have to wear a belt tight when in male pants or I quite literally walk out of them. When I use a carpenter's apron, I have to make it very tight and still have to keep pulling it back up. If I'm going to wear it all day I generally wear suspenders.

[Nikki A.]

I've been losing weight and dropped a dress size already and have a away to go still. However I'm finding that my breasts are getting larger or at least filling in the cups better. I've got some 40C bras that don't need the fillets to fill and this bra always needed a little extra. Maybe wearing a bra more often is causing the fat to redistribute or my mind is willing the growth.

[Bootsiegalore]

HA! They all thought you were a CD.... a girl wearing boy clothes! EEEEKKKKKK!

[KatieV]

Yes - when in full guy mode and the gal at the checkout call you 'hon' or 'dear' and give you a verbal wink - or when picking up at the dry cleaners and she says 'this must look good on you -whoops, sorry!'
It's quite nice.

Kay

[eddiegae]

That is so true! After i began my feminization i began to lose weight. went from 237 to 226 in three weeks.:D

[eddiegae]

wow, reading all your posts has really been an eye opener for me, but also an encouragement! Thanks for you thoughts and experiences!

[eddiegae]

That is so true! After i began my feminization i began to lose weight. went from 237 to 226 in three weeks.:D