What are safe ways to meet CDs?

[LelaK]

I'd like to meet CDs in the St. Louis area near my home town, but I'm a little concerned about potential predators or the like. Is that a reasonable concern?

Should I ask for character references? I'm thinking of providing my local bank as my reference. Should I ask CDs who I meet online for a similar business reference? Should I ask for more than one? Would predators fake such a business?

I'm not used to thinking about such things and it feels weird, like I'm being paranoid. Should we all be willing to divulge our identities to each other before meeting in person?

Anyway, what are the best precautions to take? And should this forum have a sticky thread on this topic? I don't see one yet.

[DanaR]

Try to find a social group in your area. That would be the safest way that I know of.

[christinac]

Giving how crazy things have been getting lately, I would say it is very reasonable to be concerned however I don't know what I would do. I think I would check out some of the local clubs if any and avoid any one on one situations until you get to know a person well enough to know whether they can be trusted or not.

[AllieSF]

I think that it is always wise to be concerned for your personal safety. I do however think that you are carrying it a bit too far asking for references. There are many ways to meet someone like yourself, through support groups, from this site (I have met many and some are now my very good friends) and through other sites like U R Not Alone (urnotalone.com) where I have met some nice people. The first people you meet may or may not be the type of person that you can relate to, but over the long run you will find some good friends, even if they are only travelers to your area.

Since you are worried about your safety, try meeting in male mode first at a local coffee shop or bar. If you get a good vibe, then you can meet dressed somewhere public that you already know or maybe have been to before. I have never had a bad time nor been in a situation that made me worry about meeting someone new. I have met several of "us" when in male mode, more for their self assurance than mine. Good luck.

[NathalieX66]

LelaK, I understand your concerns. There are a variety of options:

You can find a Tri-Ess chapter nearest to your location, they can provide some support and information for you. http://www.tri-ess.org/

You can go to a TG conference, that will surely provide all the information you could ever ask for, plus meet people like yourself, here's tow to start with, they are extremely safe environments:

Be-All in Chicago, which happens in June, they haven't updated their schedule for 2013 yet http://www.be-all.org/
Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta , they haven't updated their conference schedule yet, but it happens in September. http://sccatl.org/content/

or just google LGBT places in St Louis.

[Rogina B]

I'd like to meet CDs in the St. Louis area near my home town, but I'm a little concerned about potential predators or the like. Is that a reasonable concern?

Should I ask for character references? I'm thinking of providing my local bank as my reference. Should I ask CDs who I meet online for a similar business reference? Should I ask for more than one? Would predators fake such a business?

I'm not used to thinking about such things and it feels weird, like I'm being paranoid. Should we all be willing to divulge our identities to each other before meeting in person?

Anyway, what are the best precautions to take?
It sure doesn't seem to me that you are really ready to make new friends.Perhaps you can find a support group and enter it under cover... Seriously,if you connect with someone on here in your area,then you are pretty safe and you don't have to use your real names if you don't want to!

[Kate Simmons]

The best precautions are common sense Hon. Don't arrange or plan to do anything with someone you don't know that cannot be done in full view of the Public. If they are legit, they will have no problems with this.:)

[Karen_K]

I'm confused. Why would your bank serve as a personal reference?

[Shelly Preston]

I suggest your have a read at this before meeting anyone

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?93981-Guidelines-For-Meeting-Others

[I Am Paula]

I can't see much of a problem meeting CD's. They are in the same boat. It's meeting so called 'normal' men that will bring out the wackos. Why not just meet them on neutral territory, such as Starbucks? Paranoid...sure, you can meet up with a nogoodnic anywhere, just have your wits about you.-Celeste

[Beverley Sims]

Read meeting others as Shelly Preston has advised, meet in a public place for a social drink and chat.
I do not recommend bars or alcohol, coffee and soft drink are the go.
Even arrange other company if you can.
Daylight in a populated part of town is good too.

[LelaK]

Thank you all for the suggestions. That thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?93981-Guidelines-For-Meeting-Others is what I didn't find earlier. Can it be made more prominent? Or am I just too blind?

My imagination tells me it would be easy for haters to join a forum and pretend to be like us for a "search and destroy mission", but I suppose I'm being paranoid. It's hard to imagine being a pretty young GG woman or girl and not having to worry about predators. Being more into CDing lately seems to stimulate my imagination.

[ReineD]

I'd like to meet CDs in the St. Louis area

Contact the people in the link below. They care about their privacy and the privacy of their members, so they'll want to make sure that you are legit (not an angry wife or a snooping attorney), before they will disclose the location of their meeting. It is a wonderful group that meets once per month in a private conference room at a hotel, over a catered dinner. There is also a room available to change and put on makeup, for members who feel they cannot leave their homes dressed.

If you begin attending on a regular basis, you will make friends.

http://www.stlouisgenderfoundation.org

Take a look at the site, specifically under "membership". You can download an application that you can mail in, or you can fill out their contact form if you want someone to call you. This truly is a fantastic group, and also, wives and other family members are invited to all their monthly meetings, although few attend.

[jillleanne]

You could also check to see if there is a Tri-Ess chapter in St. Louis. Good luck in your quest .

[NathalieX66]

My imagination tells me it would be easy for haters to join a forum and pretend to be like us for a "search and destroy mission", but I suppose I'm being paranoid. It's hard to imagine being a pretty young GG woman or girl and not having to worry about predators. Being more into CDing lately seems to stimulate my imagination.


I never ran across a single hater on this forum ever. That's why it's such an awesome place. I've met quite a few members on this forum in person.
We exist........we are REAL! :belly: :ch:

[carhill2mn]

Common sense is what you need. Meet in a public place; learn some thing about the person as you visit. Maybe you will hit it off, maybe not. If you feel ok about it, arrange another meeting in a public place.

[Launa]

I don't volunteer any persoal info to anybody until I meet them a few times. Then if we hit it off I will give them some personal info but it sure wouldn't be any bank references unless they want to send me certified cheques.

[Ceri Anne]

I travel to St Louis on occasion for business. There are a number of CD's here that are from St Louis (KC myself) The Grove, Just Johns, Novaks are good places to go. I wouldn't give bank contacts or anything like that. I've met a number of people there, both Cd and not. You will be amazed at how women respond to it. The way to be safe is to meet in somplace public, if things dont feel right, you can just leave.

[Aubri]

I have yet to meet another one like us in years and years. I'm fortunate enough that I can be in Atlanta in no time flat, but I do fear the "lure them out" mentality that some people have. To quote my wife "you know that kind of thing will get you shot around here", sad, ain't it?


I'm going to be doing my best to save up the money for Southern Comfort...and hoping I can get a weekish off work and the wife wont be too mad.

[DebbieL]

It looks like Forest Park area has a few clubs and is the primary gay area.
Just west of Highway 40 on Highway 100

Attitudes
4100 Manchester Ave
St Louis, MO 63110
Neighborhood: Forest Park Southeast

Seems to be a good mixed-crowd club and seems CD friendly.

Here's a nice site
http://www.tgtoday.com/home.shtml

I've been there a few times and found some TG friendly stores, but since I had to drive to/from Jeff City (NOT a TG Friendly place!) - I didn't have the time to really know the area.

[Tracii G]

Contact a local support group for TG people.I have met so many great people that way.
LGBT or GLSO organizations are good to contact as well.

[docrobbysherry]

Lela, I was like u when I first came out of a locked closet here 5 years ago. Sherry gets hit on a lot on other sites, so I was worried! But, I've never been hit on on this site. Or, by the countless CDs I've met locally and from all over the world at a number of CD/TG/TS "conventions".

Of course, I'm straight and am not looking for a T girl girlfriend or date. If u R looking for a T girl date, u have good reason to be cautious. If you're simply looking for CD friends, I think u r being paranoid. Just meet in drab at a bar, club, or coffee shop.

Altho, few Trans I know would waste an opportunity to dress up for an outing to a TG club!

[Stephanie47]

I think the responses pretty much summed up the good advice. However, with reference to your original post, "What the heck would another CD person think of YOUR approach?" Asking for references. Is there something out there called a "CD phishing scam?"

[Badtranny]

holy Moses!

This is how it works, somebody, anybody sends me an email asking if we can meet. I say why? They say they love my blog and would like to meet for coffee and ask me some questions. I say, sure, I get off work at 5ish and we can meet at Peets in Pleasant Hill since it's kind of on my way home. They say ok, see ya then.

We meet. We drink coffee. We chat. I have a new friend.

OR

They say they would rather meet somewhere more private. I say no thanks.

We don't meet.


So much drama over such a simple thing.