Can we talk about TRUST?

[Wildaboutheels]

Since TRUST is THE biggest issue when we have a SO in our lives? At the very least, it sure seems to be most GGs primary concern.

Just curious as to which side of the fence you prefer?

I will trust you UNTIL you prove or show me otherwise?

Or, trust must be EARNED over time and should never/would never be freely given?

Just to be clear, let's leave "trusting" our teenagers [or anyone else in our lives] out of this. We are ONLY talking about Trust with a SO.

[STACY B]

Takes YEARS to build up trust ,,,But once you have it ether way you better not ever lose it ! For the simple fact that it is easier to get the first time . Try an find it again I'll bet it is a lot harder to find ?

[suchacutie]

I guess I don't understand. If the person is an SO, and you don't trust them yet, how is it they are an SO?

[UNDERDRESSER]

I can only talk about my SO, one of the reasons that I came out to her was that I find her to be a person of integrity. Because of that, it made me determined to be honest with her. It also made me confident that she would not out me against my wishes. On the flip side, the fact that I placed such trust in her, increased her trust in me ( I think )

So, in this case, I just trust her, I don't believe she will let me down.

[Lynn Marie]

Trust is always earned in relationships. A loss of trust is pretty much fatal to the relationship. You then become acquaintences.

Only victims give trust before it has been proven.

[Kaz]

Define trust? This is not an absolute term!

[Angela Campbell]

To me trust is earned. Earned slowly and never completely. If you trust someone until they do something to make you not trust them, it is sure you will eventually be taken advantage of. No two ways about it. For me trust is not an all or nothing thing. I trusted my last spouse but only as far as what I knew of her. No one is an open book and as the old maps used to say...there be monsters here. I will give trust in increments as everyone has a point beyond which they cannot be trusted...you know that free will thing.

[Wonderwho]

Look in the mirror. Do you trust yourself? Can you be open with your SO about your CDing? Should she trust you? How long have you been CDing and not shared this with her.
Do you deserve trust in a way that you perhaps trust your SO?
Trust is a fragile concept that cannot be given without the willingness to accept the responsibilities that go with it.
Do I trust my SO, yes, should she trust me now, after 27 years of marriage and only 9 months of being out of the closet to her,
I don't think so, I will try to meet the challange. I have accepted the the person in the mirror ,now I must let her learn to reaccept that same person.
Wonderwho

[Kate Simmons]

If you truly know a person(and their heart), you don't need to be concerned with trust. You already know what they are going to do.:)

[Lady Catherine]

Trust must be earned. You don't meet some one and trust them right off the bat. Right? Lose it and the relationship is over.

[Eryn]

There are people out there who inspire trust in a short period of time. These people are called "con men!"

Deciding to trust someone can be done instantly. Deciding whether that person deserved one's trust can take years.

[Tamara Croft]

The only person you can truely trust is yourself and then, that's not always the case either. Like Kaz said, you need to define what you mean by trust... trust what exactly? that your SO is going to keep your secret?

[Barbara Ella]

trust is not an absolute, but a variety of shades. Giving someone your trust, as Eryn said, can and often is done instantly. The level of trust must be built up over time. Short time for some, long time for others, depending on behavior. It really is quicker, deeper, and more all encompassing the first time.

My wife still trusts me, but she has now set out guidelines necessary for her well being. She trusts me to follow them, but does not trust me to know what they are without discussions, and her input.

Barbara

[Lynn Marie]

Define trust? This is not an absolute term!

Trust in another person is pretty much knowing what they will do. When you're riding motorcycles next to another rider in the same lane or in a race, you trust they won't do something stupid and cause you both to go down. When you're jumping with other jumpers in the air, you trust they won't crash into you at speed or open under you. When you are living in harmony with your SO, you trust they won't come home with an STD, or spend your savings behind your back, or sneak around wearing clothes of the opposite gender, or a multitude of other things that weren't in the original bond of love and friendship!

I don't like riding with people I don't trust, I avoid people I don't know in the air, and I avoid CD's and others whom I have found to be untruthful and devious. You know, "can't trust 'em".

[Wildaboutheels]

Clearly there are many kinds of trust. But shouldn't the trust we give someone be based on what we have seen firsthand from them? Or been told by them? Not on speculation, innuendo or misinformation?

Just because we trust someone enough to babysit our kids doesn't mean we necessarily have to trust them enough to loan them our car.

Does it?

[AllieSF]

In my case I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust what they say, until they give me reason to question the trust. That being said, I do not go into most situations where I am trusting and more importantly depending on the other person to take my best interests into consideration. I trust them but keep both eyes, ears and BS antennae up to make sure I don't get taken to the cleaners. Even when I trust somebody initially, will will be careful how much I trust them with certain information and certain tasks that they may do for me. So, in a case like that, the other person has my initial trust and then earns more trust based on his words and actions over time.

Take trust to a CD relationship, if one does something to damage the level of trust the other person has in them, it will take some time, if not forever, to get to the level of trust that existed before the incident that made them question their trust.