First Time Poster - In Need of Advice!

[heathersnowberger]

Greetings All! Please be gentle with me -- first time poster and overall new to the discussion community here...

Okay, so first, a little background: I'm a straight 42-year-old closeted crossdresser. Currently happily married with four kids, all of which I like to keep separate from my crossdressing hobby since it is just that for me -- an occasional thing I find exciting. I've never found myself wanting to be a woman, but by jove they get to wear some wonderful clothes! So over the many years I have been married I have restricted this activity to business trips, weekends alone at home and a couple isolated Halloweens (always a good excuse, but can't get away with it every year). I like to get dressed en femme from the neck down, and for some reason it stops there. Having tried it a few times, putting on a wig and makeup doesn't work for me. Perhaps it's because there's no chance in hell I would ever be passable as a woman. An old friend of mine once told me this style of crossdressing is called 'gender*******'.

So I guess my first question is: are there others out there like me, or is crossdressing an all-in thing for most folks who indulge?

My other question involves an upcoming business trip... I plan to be in L.A. and am thinking it would be nice to do something different from just dressing up in my hotel room and lounging around watching TV. Any suggestions?

[Jenniferathome]

There are many like you. One might argue that you are a the definition of a cross dresser and those like myself are something extra? Welcome

[christinac]

Perhaps it's because there's no chance in hell I would ever be passable as a woman.

Right style of clothing and other accessories and good make up ANY ONE CAN PASS!!

I watched a show on that not too long ago where they took the manliest looking men (as in I'd bet everything that they would never ever pass in a million years) and the transformations were absolutely stunning.

[AngoraGirl]

Heather, I just joined this forum yesterday and I can say I am exactly like you. Married with kids and only cd in private from the neck down with no desire to ever go out in public though I would love for my wife to be involved but she won't go for it. Have you tried talking to your wife about it yet? That's what brought me to start posting, to try and get advice on that.

[DebbieL]

Sounds to me like you're a transvestite, someone who enjoys wearing women's clothing but doesn't have the desire to appear or act like a woman, even for short periods of time. There is nothing wrong with this at all. You might want to let you wide know, and let her know the same way you stated it here, that you like wearing the clothes, but don't really want to go out or pass or anything like that. At least that way, if she finds (or has found) some item you have mislaid, or found your stash, she won't think you are having an affair. Letting her know the degree of your interest may also be reassuring since she may be wondering if you are a CD, TG, or TS. She may even want to indulge your desires, or at least give you more opportunities when you can do your thing without having to worry about awkward moments.

As for what you could do in LA, there are many options for CDs, Drag Queens, and those who want to present as a woman. The options for someone who wants to dress "from the neck down" are a bit more limited. Wig and make-up are pretty much standard fare.

[Ceri Anne]

My story is very simular to yours, except I do the wig and makeup too. Same family issues. I find going out dress to gay bars is pretty safe, have met a lot of friends there and you get a chance to try it out. You have to remember, a lot of older women, don't nesessarily look as good at we think they do, so passing may be eiser than you think. At least passing enought to get by, people will notice, but won't be a problem. Look for a bar that has drag shows for added comfort.

I travel on business all the time and dress when I am off work. I have gone shopping to the mall, and out to eat with no problems. I've only been dressing regularly for a year, and jumped in with both feet, went out in 3 different towns in the first week........what a head trip.

Good luck and have fun. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Eryn]

The TG spectrum is very wide and there is no one correct point on it. We all seek the point on it that makes us comfortable.

[linda allen]

I used to dress from the neck down, I did it for many years. I had no clothes, no wig, no shoes, etc. Once I came out to my wife, it was out in the open (no live in children here) and I was slowly able to buy proper breast forms, bra and panties, skirts, blouses, jewelry, and a decent wig.

As Eryn posted, there is a wide spectrum of crossdressers, from those who occasionally try on their wife's panties to nearly full time, out and about passing (or not passing) as females. You can put yourself anywhere in this spectrum and you can move up or down as your feelings change.

Welcome to the forum.

[Kaz]

Hi Heather, yeah, we all have different motivations and needs and they change over time too. Welcome to our world!

[Lacey New]

Heather,
Welcome to my world. Married and straight but I have been crossdressing for years and I have never confessed it to anyone except to my friends here on line anonymously. (Although I suspect that when I bought a camisole and a size 42 A bra at Catherines, the SA might have had her suspicions) It took a long time for me to even admit that I was a crossdresser instead of just a guy with a fetish. And I too had the same question that you have. Am I really a crossdresser?

But after doing some reading and considering my hidden stash of not just panties, but bras, slips, camisoles, and all sorts of lingerie then having bought a dress and a skirt and a blouse, I finally concluded that yes, I guess I am a crossdresser. Joining this site has given me some affirmation of that and some good non-judgemental advice. Kind of like you, I've never done the wig, shoes and makeup and I could not get away with shaving my legs and chest without some questions. Also, like you, I've always dressed on the road or when my wife and kids were out of town. When I get a chance, I will underdress as well. I've always enjoyed shopping for new lingerie wearing panties, bra, camisole and pantyhose under a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

I've always want to do a full transformation just to see how femme I can get. Don't know if I would try to pass as a woman but it would sure be fun to find out.

So, you are nt alone and good luck in LA.

Lacey

[Beverley Sims]

Welcome to the forum, and I hope you have a pleasant experience here.
I suggest you post an intro in the appropriate section outlining yourself and what your interests are.
What you do is not unusual and as you read through the forums you will gain knowledge as to what others are doing also.
I do advise to make your face up a little so as you are not seen out as looking odd and attract ridicule.
In L.A. you could meet like people even dressed in drab.
Be careful when trying to hook up as it is fraught with some danger.
Read what other responders have to say, and then read them again.
Enjoy.

[Lynn Marie]

When you are hiding your stash from the wife and kids, there's really not a whole lot of room for makeup, wigs, accessories, and variety. So it's pretty common for CD's to start with lingerie, then maybe stockings and heels, then maybe a skirt and top. These poor stashes are so pathetically small, but within the constraints of the closet, it's about all that will fit.

Makeup is a learned art. Your first try normally will not turn out well and you'll just look like a ridiculous guy. It gets a lot better with practise. A wig will be your crowning glory. Most of us see an incredible MTF transition when the hair goes on.

Like Linda Allen said, at the stage you are in, this may be all you'll ever do, maybe not! Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of crossdressing.

[MsRenee]

Welcome hun to our forum. As you can see there is alot of friendly girls here to help answer any of your questions. Please feel free to jump in with both feet and enjoy your self.
Renee

[Angela Campbell]

I am a little like you but in many ways different. For years I only dressed from the neck down and then usually in the underclothes only. I think this is because I was married, had kids and a whole family. I couldn't get caught so I did it when away on business, or when I had some days all alone in the house.

Where I am different is I have known since I was very young, preschool, that I wanted to be a girl, and I always felt like I was a girl growing up. I was taught how to not let it show and act like a man.

Recently I got divorced from my second wife and was living alone for the first time in my life. I very quickly aquired some girly things and within a week tried a wig and makeup, shoes, skirt and the whole deal. I was blown away. For the first time in my life I saw ME looking back from the mirror and knew my life just changed. Yes I will admit I did not even come close to passing but I knew that I had to try. I learned a lot here and other places on line, I experiment with different clothes, body shapers, makeup, wigs....all I can try to make it work. I started losing weight and went from a 46 in waist to a now 34 in waist. (still a long way to go though) and started with hair removal. I cannot be a girl all the time due to work and family but I can be a lot of the time. I will learn to groom myself to the point where I will pass. It can be done but it is not easy. It may take me a couple of years but I will do it.

You are not all alone in the way you crossdress. Many I know only like the clothes, and most start with the underwear. It is quite common. I started with the underwear at around 4 years old. Some start when they are older than 50. There are all kinds, but here you are understood and not looked down upon.

Ellen

[Cheryl T]

We cover all manner of dressing from those that have a fetish for one article of clothing to those of us who are TS. There is no one version of a CD. We are individuals and so are our tastes. I'm sure there are many of us that feel as you do and dress in that same way.
Just be comfortable with yourself and who you are and enjoy life.

[~Joanne~]

Welcome to the forum :) Like other girls have stated there is no right or wrong way to dress and the spectrum is very wide. Everyone does what they like to do and the way they like to do it. For me it started with pantyhose and grew from there. There are still something I think I can do without and do. maybe in time it may change or it may not. who knows? enjoy the ride ;)

[Karren H]

Don't sell your self short when it comes to things above your neck..... if I had shown you a photo of what I looked like before I started working on my makeup skills..... you would agree with me that no way in hell I could ever look feminine or go out enfemme.... but a years worth of daily practice and dieting and reading and studying.... I still am amazed.... if you want something bad enough... you will find a way to make it happen...

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I'm a month ahead of you in this site, although my acceptance of crossdressing has been part of my conscious for nearly a year. What I am seeing with CDers is that we are an extremely varied group of people. I smile when I think about dressing. I don't smile too much, otherwise. It is growing on me. Things that I thought were uncomfortable or strange a short time ago are a now pleasure. I'm excited about stepping out in drag on the 26th in another city but this will be nothing more than seeing good theater. Theater people can't be worried about the likes of people like me. By the way, I understand the official way to do this is post an official introduction, one time only. See the forum home page. I just did that today after a little nudge from the moderator.

[suchacutie]

This transgender business is never "one size fits all". Everyone has a unique twist, and it all goes back to how our brains are constructed (hah...doesn't everything!).

It's also true that we all slowly evolve, probably due to our curiosity, but also just because situations change. Enjoy what you do and any changes that may come your way!

[julia marie]

Welcome Heather. Hope you enjoy it when you do go out in LA. As one of the other members mentioned, when you are married with kids hiding your stuff limits the amount of makeup and clothing, etc., you can keep. Look at the bright side, if you transition to living alone like I did a few months ago, it's like a license to spend way too much money. So, you're saving money : )

[reb.femme]

...............all of which I like to keep separate from my crossdressing hobby since it is just that for me -- an occasional thing I find exciting. I've never found myself wanting to be a woman, but by jove they get to wear some wonderful clothes! So over the many years I have been married I have restricted this activity to business trips, weekends alone at home and a couple isolated Halloweens (always a good excuse, but can't get away with it every year). I like to get dressed en femme from the neck down, and for some reason it stops there. Having tried it a few times, putting on a wig and makeup doesn't work for me.

Hi Heather,

I'm afraid to tell you that you are on the proverbial "slippery slope to hell". My story is almost the same as yours. I got busted back in February 2012, came out fully in April 2012 to my total habit, hobby, call it what you will and at that time, I hadn't got a wig, forms, makeup or clothes. As the words to the old song go, "if my friends could see me now". I now go out and about and love dressing whenever possible.

As so many have said and will say again, the CD spectrum is very wide and no label fits all. I prefer not to use labels for me except to say, I am a CD and try to be the best I can. Long way to go still.

Watch some Youtube vids for applying makeup, get a wig to suit your face shape and try again. Forget gender bending, that's so Boy George and the Eighties :devil:. Then you can join us real weirdos! :eek:

Rebecca (T-Girl and proud)

[Julie Denier]

Welcome to the forum, Heather! My story is similar to yours, though in my case, my attempt to keep my dressing secret was foiled when my wife came home unexpectedly one afternoon while I was dressed. Long story short, she disapproves, I tried to swear off dressing but found myself drawn back to it and I enjoy some limited femme time when I can. I go the whole route, though -- when I'm a guy, I'm a guy, but when I'm dressed, I need the full works -- wig, makeup and all. But you definitely won't be alone here, so enjoy your journey of discovery ;)

[LaraPeterson]

Heather, I haven't been here long, but I've been dressing a long time. When the day comes that you put on the makeup and wig, and the first time you glue on some long nails and paint them for the first time, a whole new world will open up to you. Warning, it's like eating Lays potato chips. Once you start, you just can't stop.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Welcome. If I were you I would try to schedule a makeover session while in La. and go the whole way with it then go shopping or out to a TG friendly bar. You will have the time of your life, trust me. Then post your pictures when you get back.

[Frédérique]

First Time Poster - In Need of Advice! So I guess my first question is: are there others out there like me, or is crossdressing an all-in thing for most folks who indulge?

When I first started out, along the twisted path called deviancy, I dressed “from the neck down” for lack of a wig, or makeup, or the boldness required to break on through to the other side. However, I did eventually gather enough courage to decorate my head, and I liked how it looked, as well as the interesting feelings it provided. I sometimes go wigless, looking somewhat like a short-haired female or an effeminate boy, but dressing-up head to toe is fun and rewarding. If I put on a nice dress, with all the tactile accoutrements underneath, I feel naked without the rest of the femme presentation – simple put, I indulge my “self,” and the rest takes care of itself…

Since you’re new here, I have some advice for you – don’t be confused or belittled by certain individuals on this site who INSIST that you become something you aren’t. Only you know who you are, and MtF crossdressing is an individualistic passion that screams in the face of ALL conformity, including that expressed via communal dogma…
:straightface:

[NathalieX66]

Heather, you are about as normal and typical as they come. ....welcome to the forum!

I can't reccommend any places around L.A. because I live nowhere near there.

[Gillian84]

I rarely dress above the neck, though I do keep the supplies for doing so on hand and enjoy it now and then. Mostly, I have to dress in drab for work and in 'man mode' I prefer my look to have facial hair, so that complicates things. But my philosophy is that your mentality is where your identity lies. Even in drab, I still think of myself as a CDer.

[Amanda M]

Hi Heather - I think Sandra Michelle has it absolutely correct. While you are away in LA, have a complete makeover. You will be astounded at the results!

As for "passing" - we are, all of us here somewhere on a M to F spectrum, and if you dress your age, and elegantly, it will cease to matter too much. Take care of yourself, keep slim, daily cleansing, toning and hydration regime - what a difference that will make, not only in the CD aspect, but by improving your male self image too.

It is easy to be critical, of course. I hate to see 60 plus crossdressers with a miniskirt up to the ass and boobs (usually too high up on the chest and about the size of Kanchenjunga (but if that's what you want, go for it!)

Yesterday, we were having a wander through a shopping centre, and the number of genetic girls with immense backsides (encased, of course, in over-stretched Lycra) was phenomenal. There was one lady, for whom I felt truly sad. She hd kept herself trim, and in good shape, but a skin disease had disfigured what must have been a lovely face tremendously.

So, don't worry. You have the doubts and fears that most of us here have, Heather. Just be the best you can be.

Hugs, Amanda.
PS Please post your makeover photos!

[Brenda Freeman]

I was similar to you in my dressing. hid things and looked for opportunities. Once my kids were older and I had more opportunities, I desired more the wig and make up! I went to a transformation studio luckliy there is a really nice one in my hometown. I spent the afternoon trying on different outfits had my make up done and tried different wigs had the most fun a gurl can have. I was pampered and treated like a girl with so much encouragement. I am so glad I did this as I learned alot about dressing make up the works. I also discovered that I can infact with the right make up and wig,and someone who knows what they are doing can look pretty nice! I think if you have an interest in make up etc just to see the possiblities. Like others mentioned You might check into transformation studios in LA when you are there or other areas you travel to on business. For me it was a wonderful experience and changed my level of interest and confidence in dressing. I guess the downside is if you are not ready to expand your horizons with your current family situation young kids etc, then maybe wait no dont' do that, Get the transformation and enjoy the memories and pictures taken and look down the road for what may be in your future.

[Joanie_Shakti]

Though I have four wigs (a couple are kind of ratty now) and I love makeup, I'm usually just dressed from the neck down. I have to isolate myself to my room most of the time dressed and though the wigs are only an arm's reach away, I'm too lazy to complete the look. I have to admit though, that I do feel prettier with one on.

I rarely wear makeup anymore because it would be impossible to remove quickly. When I went overboard a few years ago, I was wearing a neutral lipstick and a bit of bronzer on my eyelids, sometimes even in public. But I rarely do that now too, though I like the feel and taste of lipstick.

I have several pairs of girl glasses too, which I love, but usually wear my guy ones. I recently got a pair of wire frames that feel too much like my regular glasses. A couple of weeks ago I did what I feared about my female glasses, walked out to the main part of the house with them still on! :confused2: Luckily, I realized it right away before anyone else noticed and they were the wire rims and not cateyes or another of my plastic frames.