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Jeanette TS
12-01-2005, 11:51 AM
Well it’s been a grate day for me I have come out at work and things are moving. I love every minute of it all, the best feeling I have had in a long time and it was so easy too.
The best bit was seeing the face on my supervisor when I told her. She was so taken back that if she was standing up at the time. I am sure she would have fallen down with shock,
but I have made a new friend out of it and I just know everything will be ok at work now. I hope to see the department manager soon as well, we have to go over the details of what will be expected of me and what I expect from them. All in all I have been lucky that I have had the backing that I needed to move on with my new life.:thumbsup:

Lov Jeanette xx

Nyx
12-01-2005, 12:03 PM
Very good ;)

You had all reasons to be confident because you're pretty safe, because if they ever fired you after you declared being TS, you could sue them to bankrupcy.

Aside from that, my tip is to make sure that you don't talk about it too much. Let people ask you when the news spread out, and go progressively. Otherwise, you risk having alot of people that will just instantly classify you as "a freak", and will avoid contact with you. A specialized psychologist (that treats TS patients) actually told me that was one of the dangers. You risk being placed on a shelf and ignored.

Kierci
12-01-2005, 12:18 PM
Congrats.. I am sure it feels like a MAJOR weight has been lifted. Well enjoy your new job!!

Natasha Anne
12-01-2005, 02:23 PM
Very good ;)

You had all reasons to be confident because you're pretty safe, because if they ever fired you after you declared being TS, you could sue them to bankrupcy.

Aside from that, my tip is to make sure that you don't talk about it too much. Let people ask you when the news spread out, and go progressively. Otherwise, you risk having alot of people that will just instantly classify you as "a freak", and will avoid contact with you. A specialized psychologist (that treats TS patients) actually told me that was one of the dangers. You risk being placed on a shelf and ignored.

I have to comment on this. Although this might be true in your experience, it is a total generalization to expect people to classify you as a "freak".

I came out at work on Tueday this week. My manager sent an email to the entire company welcoming Natasha to the company. There are more than 400 people in my the local subsidiary and the responses via email and in conversation has been overwhelmingly positive. In fact I'm meeting with the MD tomorrow and also doing a little speech to the same 400 people at our monthly company meeting.

I've now changed all my details to Natasha in all the work systems, including email and the HR system, and have been directed to use the liadies restrooms.

I don't think it's the information you're telling as much as it is in the approach. I was careful not to be overbearing or stand on a roof top shouting that I want my rights. I just spent more time ensuring people knew I was focussed on delivering my job, and that I'd be more productive as an employee who does not think about gender every 5 minutes anymore.

Obviously to take the right approach, you need to be a fairly good judge of people and get your timing right. I "practiced" coming out by telling those close to me at work individually. I then took what I learned and used that to help create a more generalised message.

If you're approach is to make pronouncements and enjoy the shocked reactions, you're not going to be rewarded with a positive response. You need to be considerate of others, realise they've never faced this before and will probably look to you for how to respond. In my case I let them know it's OK to react however they wish, as long as they're not cruel and malicious. All I want is honesty, I don't need understanding or acceptance, I just want to be left alone to succeed in my career and my life. Generally when people see you communicating to them respectfully, they will pick up on the incredible pain and stress living in the wrong body has caused and they will be empathetic.

I've had many reactions, from shock to mirth, but all these people have said they're OK with it regardless and call me Natasha already. They know cruelty and malice is not OK, but the humour can be therapeutic.

Making demands of people is never going to work, so please, don't try it. Let them know you understand this is hard for them too, and just ask them to try to deal with it as best they can.

Lastly, I know there are bigots out there, and some companies are harder to be in than others. I'm not underestimating the challenge, but don't automatically expect people to think you're a freak. If you think that, and go in with aggression to somehow avert that, you'll probably create the very situation you're trying to avoid.

My coming out this week has been rewarding. Because of my fears, which have all ended up being unfounded, it's been emotionally draining. But now that it's done, I'm even considering wearing a skirt to work tomorrow, so when I do my talk to my fellow employees, I'm dressed in an obviously feminine way! Hopefully I find the courage.

Lastly, if you have an HR department, do all you can do to help them. They don't know how to react, and you can adopt a position that basically insists they figure it out. You're in a great position to point them to good information about other companies that have faced these situations, and sample company policies. I found my HR to be very interested in helping and learning, and also addressing issues of diversity, when I approached them humbly and wanting to help them. I actually found myself enjoying the role of educator (not know it all, educator, there is a difference!). Pointing HR to good information and letting them make their own choices about things, actually led them to coming to the right conclusions (the conclusions I hoped they'd reach) about things.

I hope in relating my experiences, they will be helpful to others. It looks very likely my career will continue unaffected, and that is brilliant for me to know.

Jeanette TS
12-01-2005, 05:55 PM
Thank you all for that. This is only the start of things to come. I under stand that, there are some steps that have to be inplaces before i turn up as Jeanette, but i feel there will be no problems when i do.

Jeanette

Helana
12-02-2005, 06:52 AM
Wonderful news Jeanette. Having a secure job is such a big hurdle to overcome during transition. I am sure it is a massive wight off your shoulders. I would definitely follow Natasha's advice, she did it the right way! No point reinventing the wheel when you have the blueprints before you;)

lydia7
12-03-2005, 08:30 AM
Subtle, cautious, thorough and honest...let the conversations come to you, hold your head high, be yourself and don't overcompensate. It is a job, not a fashion show...

Work/General Public will be the hardest, but Natasha's experience can add some additional insight...

Kierci
12-03-2005, 01:04 PM
Lydia are you a GG? you look entirely too good to be a CD

lydia7
12-03-2005, 02:06 PM
Jenny, I am not a CD, but I am TS. Isn't this that part of the site? I went through GRS about 8 years ago when I was very young (right after HS) and have been living 24/7 as a woman since. My parents were very liberal and supported me from the age when i was asking for Strawberry Shortcake instead of GI Joe...My mother always wanted a girl, and my dad wanted us to be happy, so I went through puberty, basically, as a girl. I got lucky and was able to do HRT and some surgery all before I turned 23.

Jeanette TS
12-03-2005, 08:30 PM
Oh lydia7 you are very lucky. I have talked to my mum and i was the same but she thought i would grow out of it, well i didn't but i wish she had sat down with me a said somthing when i was youger. Then i would not have to go though all this pain now.
She is very open minded with it all and i have the backing of all the family so i know i will be ok. Thank you all for the help i have had here.

Lov Jeanette

Kierci
12-03-2005, 09:54 PM
Thats Awsome Lydia you are absolutley Gorgeous, I wasnt saying you were anywhere wrong I just thought you were a GG My Gawd girl you look amazing PM me anytime would love to chat with you. jeanette sorry didnt mean to steal your thread.

Kim E
12-03-2005, 10:29 PM
Subtle, cautious, thorough and honest...let the conversations come to you, hold your head high, be yourself and don't overcompensate. It is a job, not a fashion show...


Lydia makes a very good point, just be yourself. I'm very happy for you, Jeanette, and glad you have the support of family and friends.

I wish you well in your transition.

Kim

Adrianne
12-04-2005, 08:25 AM
Hello Jeanette that is great and i wish you the best for the future.