Bonnie84
12-14-2012, 07:38 PM
I originally intended to ask a few questions here, but as I typed I started to answer them myself. I still decided to post because I hope that there may be something worth while in these ramblings
The only person in the whole wide world that knows about my dressing fantasies is my lovely wife to be. My fiance is a great person, and I look forward to growing old with her.
She is supportive of my dressing...to an extent. It's honestly hard for me to bring up some of the discussions I really want to have. I want to talk to her about the possibility of me shaving, wearing falsies wigs and make-up. She has bought me panties and hose, and she has panted my toe-nails. I would like to get things to progress a little further as long as she is comfortable...but first I have to get comfortable.
I have to be comfortable enough to bring it up. We can talk to each other about ANYTHING!!! I know this well. I have to get comfortable with the fact that this is what I want. It's taken me some time to figure out what makes me anxious about talking or even thinking about crossdressing.
I hate to play the blame game, but I have to put some of the blame on my uncle. About fifteen years or so ago, he came out of the closet as not only homosexual but also TS. Now none of this is bad in and of itself, but it was the way he did it.
My grandmother was already in bad health and had grown up strict Catholic and spent most of her years in our conservative Texas town. Rather than talking to the siblings first, or trying to break it to the family gently, he just showed her snap shots of himself in drag and told her EVERYTHING. This crushed her. I don't think she ever excepted it. If he had just come out to his siblings he could've had support. If he had tried to talk with out the pictures it may have helped. But he just went all out all at once. Unfortunately, he ended up cutting ties with the family over the following months. My mom hears from him once every couple of years. Evidently he had his name legally changed to something more female. He was going to get reassignment surgery, but the docs told him he was too old to risk it. So there is still some contact
When all of this was coming to light, my mother mentioned that shek new he was crossdressing. She had found out from his ex-wife. Shortly after he came out, he showed up dressed at my mom's place of business. She happened to be off that day, but received a call from a co-worker letting her know that "A man in woman's clothes" had come to see her and that "he claimed to be her brother". My mom just about had a break down. She bawled her eyes out. The only other time I remember seeing her cry like that was when my grandmother passed.
I know he was struggling in his own right, but what he did was wreck-less and careless. He completely failed to take into account how family would react. He basically demanded immediate acceptance. Unfortunately, when the family tries to talk to him now, he's the one not wanting to accept them.
Now, when I think about my own dressing I often think about the disaster my uncle caused. I'm not TS, or gay. Just a CDer...maybe a little bi-curious. I now realize...as I'm writing this...how his actions have engrained in my mind a negative relationship with dressing.
I know dressing is nothing to be ashamed of, but I have linked his shameful behavior to dressing....
WOW...I know I've rambled a bit, but I've also been reflecting as I type this. And I'm more at ease now. I know I can talk to my fiance about this. I can talk to her without stressing or fretting (too much). I just needed to realize I'm not my uncle. I could never be as selfish as he was.
The only person in the whole wide world that knows about my dressing fantasies is my lovely wife to be. My fiance is a great person, and I look forward to growing old with her.
She is supportive of my dressing...to an extent. It's honestly hard for me to bring up some of the discussions I really want to have. I want to talk to her about the possibility of me shaving, wearing falsies wigs and make-up. She has bought me panties and hose, and she has panted my toe-nails. I would like to get things to progress a little further as long as she is comfortable...but first I have to get comfortable.
I have to be comfortable enough to bring it up. We can talk to each other about ANYTHING!!! I know this well. I have to get comfortable with the fact that this is what I want. It's taken me some time to figure out what makes me anxious about talking or even thinking about crossdressing.
I hate to play the blame game, but I have to put some of the blame on my uncle. About fifteen years or so ago, he came out of the closet as not only homosexual but also TS. Now none of this is bad in and of itself, but it was the way he did it.
My grandmother was already in bad health and had grown up strict Catholic and spent most of her years in our conservative Texas town. Rather than talking to the siblings first, or trying to break it to the family gently, he just showed her snap shots of himself in drag and told her EVERYTHING. This crushed her. I don't think she ever excepted it. If he had just come out to his siblings he could've had support. If he had tried to talk with out the pictures it may have helped. But he just went all out all at once. Unfortunately, he ended up cutting ties with the family over the following months. My mom hears from him once every couple of years. Evidently he had his name legally changed to something more female. He was going to get reassignment surgery, but the docs told him he was too old to risk it. So there is still some contact
When all of this was coming to light, my mother mentioned that shek new he was crossdressing. She had found out from his ex-wife. Shortly after he came out, he showed up dressed at my mom's place of business. She happened to be off that day, but received a call from a co-worker letting her know that "A man in woman's clothes" had come to see her and that "he claimed to be her brother". My mom just about had a break down. She bawled her eyes out. The only other time I remember seeing her cry like that was when my grandmother passed.
I know he was struggling in his own right, but what he did was wreck-less and careless. He completely failed to take into account how family would react. He basically demanded immediate acceptance. Unfortunately, when the family tries to talk to him now, he's the one not wanting to accept them.
Now, when I think about my own dressing I often think about the disaster my uncle caused. I'm not TS, or gay. Just a CDer...maybe a little bi-curious. I now realize...as I'm writing this...how his actions have engrained in my mind a negative relationship with dressing.
I know dressing is nothing to be ashamed of, but I have linked his shameful behavior to dressing....
WOW...I know I've rambled a bit, but I've also been reflecting as I type this. And I'm more at ease now. I know I can talk to my fiance about this. I can talk to her without stressing or fretting (too much). I just needed to realize I'm not my uncle. I could never be as selfish as he was.