Are CDs More Affectionate?

[LelaK]

In our society most men display little affection, while most women display quite a bit. Gay men probably show more affection than straight men. Though CDs are mostly straight, I think we're much more willing to display affection publicly too. Am I right?

Women are more comfortable hugging and kissing each other, or dancing with, or just touching, each other. Are we as well? Are CDs willing to hug and kiss, touch, or dance together? I suppose this is more true of younger CDs. I hope they will respond to this too.

Since I haven't met any CDs in person yet, I don't know if I'm right. I just have the impression that I'd be comfortable showing affection with CDs (et al). I tend to think of CDs as women, or womanly, and I seem to feel it's socially acceptable to act womanly as CDs. It's not just dressing that makes it socially acceptable, because I do know straight men who act womanly (affectionate etc) in male mode (who don't seem to be CDs).

The problem with affection is that it's no fun to give it if it's not wanted, and it's hard to tell sometimes if it might be wanted. Did you ever ask someone "Want a hug?" and they reply "Hell no, you pervert; take a hike"?

P.S. I suppose I should've asked also if CDs are more emotional or sensitive than most men. Should I have asked that?

(Hell no, you pervert ...)

[Angela Campbell]

I have always been a cuddly type. When in a relationship with a woman I am often touching them, holding hands, stroking their hair in public and almost never let them go in private. That is only if I am close to a person, I really don't like strangers hugging me much.

[Jessica Who]

I don't know about everybody else, but I'm definitely really affectionate in private, in public and everything in between. I love hugs, cuddling and holding hands with my wife and she loves it too. I'm also more sensitive, she doesn't quite love that part ;)

[Ann Thomas]

Yes, I am much more affectionate in public than most American men, and have been my entire life. And, I hug anyone who is open to it, whether male or female. In my travels to Europe, I found affection from men displayed a bit more than here, depending on where I was at the time. The Lower Mainland area of B.C., Canada, where I also spent considerable time, I noted that the public display of affection by men was similar to the American men, or maybe slightly better.

Hugs, (see?)
Ann

[suzy1]

I have often noticed that there appears to be less affection shown by American men than shown by most European men.
There seems to be a sort of macho thing going on in the U.S. It even seems to show up here sometimes.
So a CD girl from the U.S. is less likely to hug than a European CD girl?

I blame John Wayne myself. “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” and all that.:eek:

Give us a hug,:)

A British Suzy

[Eryn]

I am definitely more affectionate among CDers than when I am in boy world. A warm hug beats a firm handshake any day!

I have always been affectionate with my wife and CDing certainly hasn't changed that.

Suzy, you are correct, though I won't blame John Wayne exclusively. The popularity of the cowboy image and the drab presentation of the western movies definitely contributed to the behavioral expectation of males.

the exception was the singing cowboys who had some amazing clothes. For some reason these clothes were pretty much taboo for males unless you happened to be strumming a guitar on screen. The rest of us were limited to black, blue, beige, and brown.

[ArleneRaquel]

I know in my case that I'm more touchy reely than most males, when I'm enfemme I'm more so. But to make a general statement than CD's are more affectionate than non CD's I can't say one way or another. I attempt to judge people as individuals, not as group, though we all do that at times.

[suchacutie]

I think the whole point is that we have a feminine part of us and it is bound to display itself. Given that, I'm sure that as a group those who are transgendered will be openly more affectionate that the average male, whether we are presenting as our feminine selves or not.

Just makes sense.

[Rhonda Ann]

I don't know if I'm more affectionate or not, like you I have never met a CD in person. I am hoping to get that opportunity soon, I wouldn't know whether to shake their hand or give them a hug. I'm sure it will depend if I'm dressed in male or fem. Male it will probably be the hand shake; fem, a hug may be in order. I'm like Jekl and Hyde, completely 2 different people if I dress male I'm 100% male, when I dress fem I try to be as feminine as I can. I smoke, I will hold my cigarette completely different, I walk completely different, I hold my hands differently, just about everything I do is completely different. I think I was on this site one time dressed as a male and it just didn't feel right. As far as the affection, since I haven't ever been out with anyone dressed in fem, I can't answer that question. I do know, we have a better understanding of what a woman has to go through to get ready to go out.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm not sure you can generally assume that. If we are in touch with our feelings, we are usually more outgoing, empathetic and extending of ourselves to others but everyone is different in that respect and there are no absolutes with this. :)

[Kaz]

Count me in the affectionate crowd! But I tend to behave as appropriate to the situation. Around more 'macho' guys I play the game, but I do get really hurt by silly macho behaviour. It is so unnecessary! And utterly stupid. My good friends all have an affectionate side (though it expresses itself differently with each individual).

[xdressed]

I think it depends how far down the Transgender Spectrum you fall. I'd say I'm more or less right in the middle, and I'm definitely more affectionate than the average man, but still not as affectionate as the average woman. Then again it probably has as much to do with how you're raised and what your family is like, if not more so, than being a crossdresser

[AllieSF]

I am always an affectionate person and giving and receiving hugs is part of that. It really just depends on the person and probably their family culture of touch and hug or not. I am not embarrassed nor afraid to give a man a hug, though I do think about the situation before offering a man one.

Regarding MTF CD's being more affectionate, I think some CD's assume it is a typical feminine trait and therefore emulate it. It is not so much that they are more affectionate, but rather doing what they think a typical woman would do. I actually like that because I love giving hugs.

[justmetoo]

I agree that it probably has more to do with family culture, local culture, and individual personality, than CDing per se. WHile I enjoy physical contact with people I am intimate with I don't feel the same way towards most other people. I am more comfortable with close contact with GGs than with males, but even then I'm still an awkward and shy intorvert. I do feel like I'm in touch with my feelings and am generally sensitive, crying easily at movies, for example.

[Bree Wagner]

Count me in the affectionate crowd! But I tend to behave as appropriate to the situation.

That's me too! I'm not overly affectionate most if the time as a guy, but I'm all about being situationally appropriate.

[STACY B]

I have always been the one that will touch & Hug an say things I like I love you an be more likely to sit closer an it makes people look at you funny at first because guys for the most part are stand off kinda towards there woman like cavemen where I am from ,,I always touch my wife an never had a problem showing love an tell her in front of her Family ,, As a matter of fact I do it more around them because they don't show it at all . One of the Craziest things I have ever seen . My family was kinda normal about it ,,But you know me ,,I am the different one an I like to set the stage the way I like it ,,,My kids are like me they are touchy like me .

[Sarah-Ann]

I am generally a nice guy in male mode, I prefer a nice firm handshake, and can be quite, "manly". When I am en femme though, I am much more soft, and affectionate. Aside from the snuggling, and hugging, my S/O says I am more mellow, and calm when I am dressed. She says when I am in purge mode, or in drab, I can be a bitch, lol. She prefers my attitude when I am femme as opposed to drab. She feels that in drab I feel out of place, or "wrong" and when dressed or girly, I feel more natural, and comfortable. I wonder if anyone else's psyche plays with them like this?

xoxox

MUAH!!!

Sarah-Ann

[Tamara Croft]

I have often noticed that there appears to be less affection shown by American men than shown by most European men.
Now that I don't agree with.... and I don't agree that just because you're a CD you're more affectionate... infact, a lot (not all) are bitchy and catty!

[carhill2mn]

Most Cds that I know are OK with a hug. Non-cds - not so much.

[Leah Lynn]

I'm not a real huggy/feely kind of guy, except with my kids and grandkids. I can unabashedly hug my son in public as well as my daughter and their kids. If I don't know you, don't invade my space. However, after my wife passed, I received as many hugs from guys as I did from ladies. Circustances dictate the actions, evidently.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I don't know about public displays of affection, but I think in general TVs tend to be more sensual, in the common and most literal senses of the term.

As for showing affection in front of others, I am not a touchy-feely person with strangers, but I don't hesitate with people I am very close to and am very fond of.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Sorry to detrack the train I have found many transpeople & dresser's to be so far away in thier mind that i would not even offer a hug, Iv been put down to the point of why did i really bother being there or meeting up with them. its rather sad yet thats what i found, for those who dressed & showing more affection, rather the other way. or some acted as a show, or put on.

Now that does not say i dont have some nice loveing friends both trans & dresser's. just i find they are not as willing to hug me.

yet my friends who are women will with out a moment thinking about it for us its lovely & a part of our greeting.

now my men friends, will hug me ether in greeting or parting....& no not to be well thats over, these men are quite lovely in thier own way, & as it was i was very surprised they even did hug me..... so there is a difference.

Im sadened that with in the trans community its so indifferent to women , that may appear hard. yet thats what iv seen,

The idear is good , just because one wears a skirt does not make a male a woman & many males dont respect thier familys or wifes, Maybe iv seen to much to know other wise, & when you work with women who'v been abused it paints a different picture .

Remember im seeing this as a woman in our county & over the ditch in Austraila, & over 17 years, i cant comment for others, & nore would i .


...noeleena...

[ReineD]

I think that non-CDs are just as affectionate towards the GGs they feel close to, as are CDers. But, CDers are definitely more affectionate towards other CDers than men are towards other men. There are lots of hello and goodbye hugs at my SO's TG support group. I think this is because CDers want to break down the gender barriers through their mode of presentation and breaking down behavioral gender barriers enhances the experience even more.

A quick anecdote: yesterday outside the grocery store there was a well dressed, attractive man holding up a sign that said "free hugs". At first I though it was a creative way to get women to hug him (:D), but then realized that he was hugging everyone. After our hug I asked why he was doing this and he said that he felt that the world needed hugs in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook incident.

[drag n fly]

I really enjoy the company of women more than men...I think I always have..and I love to touch and be touched...by women..I, as like some others, have never known other crossdressers (although I'm sure I've met a few),and therefore don't know how I'd relate to them. I find the thought rather scary...although I have fanatized about having sex with a CD...It seems I jumped right over the kissy/huggy/feely part. Hehe...smooches Jackie

[Nichola]

I believe how affectionate or warm a person can be is down to the individual, I don't think crossdressing or sexuality really come into it. One of my best friends is tough as nails, built like a tank, but is also one of the most sensitive guys I know. He's the first to hug his friends on an occasion & when he went through a divorce, I went to see him & watched the guy literally break his heart in front of me. I cried with him.
Some crossdressers I believe, will be the loveliest sweetest people you could meet but like in all walks of life, I'm sure there'll be others as cold as ice.

[erickka]

I don't know if I would be calling myself more affectionate, but I am certainly much more caring and compassionate than most males. I tend to agree with Nichola overall.

[Frédérique]

Though CDs are mostly straight, I think we're much more willing to display affection publicly too. Am I right?

In public I am burdened by obligatory male detachment, but I do show affection to other MtF crossdressers, especially here, especially if I have an interest in the person or persona. It all depends what mood I happen to be in, I suppose…


I suppose I should've asked also if CDs are more emotional or sensitive than most men. Should I have asked that?

You are what you ask! Some are, and some aren’t – the “community” is just like any other, displaying a wide range of sensibilities, tastes, and personal connection with one’s own emotions. I happen to be a rather sensitive male, but I wouldn’t say that is a prerequisite condition for crossdressing. That being said, the words "I don't care" never cross my lips...
:battingeyelashes:

[GG7irish]

I do find that my SO is absolutly more affectionate then my ex husband, I love it :)

[Fiona K]

No, not convinced. We might think ourselves to be but I wonder if others might see it that way?
I know myself that I am attempting to make up for a bucket of guilt when I may appear more affectionate/don't-say-no when shopping with my wife. Lots of guilt. Her friends (who don't know) don't see it that way though.

And Tamara's right, the bitchiness online and in person can be astonishing.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I have often noticed that there appears to be less affection shown by American men than shown by most European men.
There seems to be a sort of macho thing going on in the U.S. It even seems to show up here sometimes.
So a CD girl from the U.S. is less likely to hug than a European CD girl?


Sorry Suzy, i know you meant no offense but this got a bit of raised brow from me as well.
In fact, i seem to recall a list i saw a few years back that listed American males well behind several European, Latin and Asian countries as the most sexist/macho.
Which to my mind would be a poor indicator of affectionate behavior.

But i think we should also note that the last 5 to 7 years of economic hardships across the globe has caused a severe amount of stress and tension amongst all peoples on this orb, so perhaps we are making snap judgements at a bad time in history.

That said, i kinda like the way Tina (aka suchacutie said it).

As for myself, i've always been more of the sensitive type and after getting into recovery and coming to terms with my true self, i am more affectionate. At the same time i have been dealing with poor finances, an unsatisfactory living situation and trying to get my feet firmly back under me, once that happens the floodgates will fully open.

[Cynthia Anne]

I have to agree with most that I am more loving and caring then most males! I'm even more so when I'm in female mode which is 24/7 now!

[Beverley Sims]

I think a lot of CDer's display more affection showing more of their feminine side.
More thought, consideration and affection than the average male.

[linda allen]

I always heard that a male cat would be more affectionate if you had him "fixed". I haven't tried it on myself though. :eek:

[Joanne f]

I think that you may find some of the GGs on here may disagree with you on that because of the way that they have been treated by a CDing husband or SO and they may also say if they are affectionate but to who, it is easy to think that just because we have this feminine streak within us that we are going to inherit the good bits of the female race .

[Lorileah]

Being of Teutonic background, showing emotion is not something we do. However, since I have become involved in the Hispanic and TG communities, I have found that both are more touchy/feely and I am getting used to hugging and air kisses. So yeah, I guess, I mean I don't know...(stands 8 inches away and reaches to hug without touching)

[linda allen]

..... I am getting used to hugging and air kisses.

But that hugging can be a problem if you're in "male mode" but wearing a bra under your shirt! :eek:

[Mary Pat]

I'm the SO of a crossdresser. My partner is the most affectionate man I've ever known although he doesn't show affection in a "girly" or touchy-feely kind of way. It's difficult to define but the hugs, cuddles, handholding, touches, etc have a masculinity to them that make me feel cherished as a woman and a lover.

[kristinacd55]

You're exactly right, we are more affectionate. When I go out, I'm giving all kinds of hugs and kisses, it's great and freeing too! It's so different from when I'm in drab, and I love it!

[christinac]

A very interesting thread. I honestly never paid that much attention to the matter. Then again other than my friend, Penny, who was killed a few years ago in a car accident I never knew a CD/TG in person.

[GG7irish]

As for myself, i've always been more of the sensitive type and after getting into recovery and coming to terms with my true self, i am more affectionate. At the same time i have been dealing with poor finances, an unsatisfactory living situation and trying to get my feet firmly back under me, once that happens the floodgates will fully open.

Getting my waders out and putting a smile on my face....

[GG7irish]

I must say any man who is in touch with his feminine sides is more affectionate and caring etc.

[Ann Louise]

Maybe I'm not more overtly affectionate, but certainly more compassionate towards all others when I'm dressed. I've come to love my feminine nature, and dressing frees me, even when I'm alone. Like Red Green says, "we're all in this together!" hugs, Elfin

[JustineFallow]

Outwardly affectionate in either guise, no. But I do note that I'm much less uptight about getting a hug or a kiss when dressed.

[sometimes_miss]

As I already work in a profession where I'm pretty much automatically assumed to be gay, I try very much not to support the stereotype of the 'in denial' homosexual. So no, I don't routinely hug guys. Women on the other hand, every chance I can get; with no regular GF, any sort of affection is something I usually have to pay for, as I don't always have a female friend around with whom it's appropriate to snuggle up to.