The politics of HRT and your work

[kristyk]

I've been on HRT for ten years I love what it has done to my body. However at work my still in guy mode, however my body doesn't look quiet like most of the macho males I Work with,so I get treated not so nice by many male co workers. I just curious if anyone else has this problem and how do you deal with it. I could go on and on but I really want to hear how others deal with this. Emotionally this has me very uptight but @ work I have to act like the the bullying doesn't bother me, and after ten years of getting it I seem to be getting more and more irritated

Kristyk

[Traci Elizabeth]

I can not relate to your situation as my transition went fantastically but my question to you is "WHY" have you not come out at work?

[Chickhe]

...I can't speak for drugs, but I was never a macho guy although most people don't seems to notice that...right now there is stupid alcohol commerial on that irritates me...it implies that all guys have thick chest hair. ...but I've experienced some of what you talk about, if you don't fit in to a certain mold some people won't accociate with you or cause a real headache. For work, it can be difficult, the best solution I've found is to move to a team or project where the people are friendly. One thing to consider is how you treat these people...sometimes you can win them over by doing something extra to show them you are worth having as a friend (hard to do when you don't feel great about it)

[Miranda-E]

Can't relate at all. 10 years of hrt and not transitioning?
I dealt with it by coming out.


baffling

[Rianna Humble]

Regardless of Kristyk's reasons for not transitioning after 10 years of HRT, workplace bullying and harassment are unacceptable towards anyone.

I would suggest make a log over 2 or 3 weeks of each incident then go to your HR department with the log and insist that something is done to put an end to it. At the same time as this I would suggest you look for another job.

[josee]

Regardless of Kristyk's reasons for not transitioning after 10 years of HRT, workplace bullying and harassment are unacceptable towards anyone.

I would suggest make a log over 2 or 3 weeks of each incident then go to your HR department with the log and insist that something is done to put an end to it. At the same time as this I would suggest you look for another job.

Exactly! And when you apply for that new job do it as a female so you can stop hiding in plain sight.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kristty..

one thing that happens to us over time is that our defenses start to fail.. are you seeing a therapist about your transsexuality?

if you refused transition for "work reasons", i can imagine that this is really going to snowball on you...many times we hold it all together until at some point we just cant .....

if you are a transsexual woman on HRT for 10 years working a macho job, you have a real problem that is not going to go away and if you are have been putting off transition or you simply want to continue to fight against it you are going to have to fight this head on...

is it possible to change your job ?

[Cindi Johnson]

Kristyk did not ask about transitioning at work, yet here that is deemed to be the consensus solution to her problem.

As is generally the case, transsexuals on this site once again buy into a binary view of humanity: either you are male or you are female. Those are the only acceptable options. Just as with much of mainstream society, many of us seek (or somehow need) a world of simple clarity, a black and white world.

It ain't gonna happen, girls. Human gender and sexuality span a broad spectrum, all of which are acceptable. Just as the races here in America are blurring, so to the binary viewpoint is faltering. The young tend to get this; older folks, not so much.

The last election showed that America, as a whole, is finally "getting it". Perhaps it's time that transsexuals do, too.

If Kristyk does her job well and treats her co-workers respectfully, she too deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of the clothes she wears. She does not need to be 24/7 to be worthy of basic human decency.

[Marleena]

If Kristyk does her job well and treats her co-workers respectfully, she too deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of the clothes she wears. She does not need to be 24/7 to be worthy of basic human decency.

That is the key to this. She has her own reasons for living a dual role, not every TS can or will live female fulltime and go on to SRS.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kristyk did not ask about transitioning at work, yet here that is deemed to be the consensus solution to her problem.

As is generally the case, transsexuals on this site once again buy into a binary view of humanity: either you are male or you are female. Those are the only acceptable options. Just as with much of mainstream society, many of us seek (or somehow need) a world of simple clarity, a black and white world.

It ain't gonna happen, girls. Human gender and sexuality span a broad spectrum, all of which are acceptable. Just as the races here in America are blurring, so to the binary viewpoint is faltering. The young tend to get this; older folks, not so much.

The last election showed that America, as a whole, is finally "getting it". Perhaps it's time that transsexuals do, too.

If Kristyk does her job well and treats her co-workers respectfully, she too deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of the clothes she wears. She does not need to be 24/7 to be worthy of basic human decency.

I agree that saying "then just transition" is not a helpful answer.. some of the answers here are not helpful at all.. The OP needs information and support to be able to stand up to the crap...

What you are not talking about however is the fact that as transsexuals get older they face more likelihood that gender dysphoria "gets you" and things become difficult to manage...if someone says that they do NOT identify as a transsexual..then clearly the idea of transitioning is silly...many people do not identify as trannsexual and live all kinds of gender blended lifestyles, but they are in a 100% different situation than a transsexual.. this is the ts forum...so its fair to assume posts are from ts people unless otherwise discussed..

there is a huge difference between transsexuals and the rest of the spectrum...its not because we don't "get it" as you dismissivily say, its because we are different...

your comment is just as dismissive of my choice to transition (as if the only reason i did was to buy into an illusory gender binary that even society "gets" is not right) as some of the comments here are towards Kristy's attempt to get by using HRT..

[Jorja]

You have found yourself between the proverbial rock and the hard place. Anything you do now will only cause you more problems. That being said, I would first check my own actions. Make sure that everything you are doing is well within company policy. Continue to do your job with the most professionalism and skill you are capable of. Next, as mentioned earlier, keep a log of each incident then go to your HR department and insist that something is done to put an end to it. Please realize that this will stir up a hornet's nest full of problems. At this point, it is the only recourse I can see you having. I hate to say it but you can either weather the storm or look for other employment. Should you chose new enployment, make it clear from the beginning you will not tolerate bullying and harassment towards anyone.

[kristyk]

"one thing that happens to us over time is that our defenses start to fail.. are you seeing a therapist about your transsexuality?" Kaitlyn Michele thanks for the response, and yes I am see a therapist at least 4 times a year it was a lot more in the beginning plus I see my Endocrinologist every 6 months. The snowball effect might be a good way of expressing what's happening now. I started my job 12 years ago and really took my my transition after being on the job for about 2 years.

Marleena I totally agree with your response and maybe I could of transitioned but as I sit here it's not a good thing for me to do YET I'll hope someday maybe things get better with my family.

Jorja thanks so much the 2-3 week notes you and Rianna Humble gave me sound like a good recommendation.

Hopefully some pre transitioning TS's can weigh in on being bullied and how they handled it. I could use some understaning on how we all get through these types of tough times

KristyK

[melissaK]

Kristyk,

First, I would add to rhianna and Jorja and say that as a workplace rights issue, workplace rights vary from city to city, state to state, federally, and by contract. Only an employment law attorney in your area can tell you where you stand.

A lot depends on the acts of bullying. Physical bullying is battery and the law protects everyone. If the bullying is taunting and teasing and verbal harassment the laws very as said above. In some states for small employers you can have few remedies against your employer. But there can still be remedies against co-workers.

But you probably know this. And since you came here for advice and not to your attorney or union steward, I figure you are asking advice about how to stick up for yourself as a trans woman.

I am 7 years on HRT myself and not out at work, but my work is not tradesmen, but it is dominated by male professionals operating above a glass ceiling holding women down. And although theres a real "macho" male dominant attitude, they don't openly bully. They just talk behind backs and fire those they don't like. So I'm only guessing here about what you face.

But I think you need to be careful. You not only have the same problems any girl on a male work crew faces, you also risk being a victim of a hate crime. Do not blow this danger off.

You aren't as big, you aren't as strong (HRT has sure sapped my upper body strength), and you can't meet them on their own physical terms. You have to never be alone with the bullies - instead keep witnesses present. You need a way to summon help - keep a cell phone on you or a whistle. You need so form of personal defense, think about keeping a mace sprayer in your pocket. Stay aware of your surroundings at ALL times. Don't get cornered.

If anyone threatens you physically, most jurisdictions allow you to obtain a protective order requiring the threatening party to keep a specified distance. If you get one, it can get tricky to get your employer to honor it and not fire one or both of you. So again, get legal advice.

[Miranda-E]

Kristyk did not ask about transitioning at work, yet here that is deemed to be the consensus solution to her problem.


Well its the only solution to the problem.
Even the first step of reporting the harassment is going to be the first step of coming out at work.

Thats why the consensus is what it is. Real world actions vs internet complaining

[NikkiGirl]

Should you chose new enployment, make it clear from the beginning you will not tolerate bullying and harassment towards anyone.

Here in TX the attitude is to just hire someone that coworkers will unlikely want to harrass or bully. They deal with the potential headache by simply not hiring someone likely to cause them one. Looking for new employment is easier said than done especially when jobs are hard to come by. And not to mention the anxiety of wondering if you are not jumping from the frying pan into the fire by changing employers which can wind up making ones situation worse off than what they started with.

[kristyk]

Miranda I'm not complaining, my thread was asking for help or advice on how to handle the situation. Also I was hoping to get responses from others that went through what I'm going through. I then could get a better handle on how to deal with it so I an keep my job.

NikkiGirl I agree with your comment, changing jobs is not easy in today's world. The job market is brutal right now for example the company I work for a fortune 500 company has college graduates, people out of work, people in the company wanting to move up etc to pull resumes from. Currently we have 5 year degree college graduates working in our warehouse, boxing and shipping items. Many of these people are smarter than people running other departments.

So just as you thought conveyed it's hard to get a job and you maybe going from the fire to the frying pan. People 50 and over going for new job stand little to no chance of getting a good job. Moving to another job when your 50 and over could be disastrous to my financial stability, then add the baggage of being TS and I wills ay good luck feeding yourself or keeping the house your in currently.

I want to say this is not a complaining thread it's a thread asking for help from people with actual life experience dealing with companies politics and employees bullying.
KristyK

There maybe this 5% of TS people who will say I had no issue getting a job and letting them know I was TS. However you try getting a job at 50 or over, plus informing the employers you are TS and want to work that way would diminish your odds of getting a job grossly.

[Joann Smith]

I am in situtation ...been on HRT for a long time and having to work in guy mode...do not feel that transistion at work is gonna be possible ..this company too OLD BOY for that .. they would not know how to deal with it.. and they have enough laywers so i know they would'nt even try.

I do not get bullied ..just passed over for promotions ....given the crap jobs...and paid the less for my effort. Basically I get treated like a woman except i cannot dress like a woman ... It kinda sucks but F..K it i got bill to pay...and I am too damm old to start at new job someplace elese.

I deal with it by doing my job as good as I possibally can sometimes i even over do it just to make a point ....I let people say what and think what ever they want I just mind my own business and get my crap done and go home...I do not try to fit in or be anybodies break room buddie...

No one has ever tried to physically harm me or any thing like that.. i just get "discussed" alot by people behind closed doors...There idiots though the wall are like cardboard..so i kinda know how most the conversations go..LOL


I look at my male clothes as a uniform required for the job .... and the crap i got to put up with as being the cost of being cute...

Joann

[kristyk]

OMG Joann, Sounds like I found someone in my same situation. Everything you said was a mirror imagine of what I've been going through. The bullying is nothing physical but words can hurt just as much. Promotions I am always over looked and rasies come very seldom as if their saying GET THE f---OUT we don't want you around. I don't think it's my imagination either.
Thanks fro the Reply Joann hope we can keep in touch I'd love to have someone at the least be able to talk about our situations. Maybe there are more of us who know's

KristyK

[natasha]

Oh to be able to come out at work.

[linda allen]

Lots of talk about an HR department at work, keeping logs, etc., but many, perhaps most places of employement do not have HR departments or formal rules on tolerance, bullying, etc.

Kristyk hasn't said where she works, what type of company, or what she does there. If she's working at IBM, there would be an HR department and formal rules of workplace conduct.

If she's a plumber or carpenter working for a small construction company, things will be entirely different. I worked in the "trades" for much of my career and there's a lot of kidding and teasing going on all the time. It's something you learn to deal with or life will be miserable.

Without more information, we can't provide usefull advice.

[josee]

Lots of talk about an HR department at work, keeping logs, etc., but many, perhaps most places of employement do not have HR departments or formal rules on tolerance, bullying, etc.

Kristyk hasn't said where she works, what type of company, or what she does there. If she's working at IBM, there would be an HR department and formal rules of workplace conduct.

If she's a plumber or carpenter working for a small construction company, things will be entirely different. I worked in the "trades" for much of my career and there's a lot of kidding and teasing going on all the time. It's something you learn to deal with or life will be miserable.

Without more information, we can't provide usefull advice.

I work in the "trades" but plan on coming out next spring when my particular trade comes in high demand.

[Chickhe]

I wonder if it has a lot to do with not speaking up. If you are harrassed you have to tell the people doing it that you don't welcome it. Tell them that it hurts your feelings and ask them to stop, but also tell them what you expect from them. It is after that, that you ask for support from your manager or HR for help. Its important to keep a record of everything that happened. If things really do go badly, then your lawyer can help you. For promotions and raises, in my experience, you have two choices...be your bosses best buddy or be the most expensive person to get rid of. You must ask for raises and promotions, but do it with evidence that you already earned it. ...if you feel passed over and have somethng way to compare your work with co-workers, talk to your HR and work on a process you can follow to get where you want. The problem with work places, as much as you hate it, it is a social place where people want to be in a club. ...if you are an outsider its really hard to win support for anything. You can be unusual and still be part of the group, but if you don't feel good its hard to make people want to be around you...I've experienced being depressed and its really hard to fake being happy...people run away, they like being around happy people and I find once you get on the wrong track, its really hard to turn it around. Its easier to make new friends sometimes.

[kristyk]

The company I work for was bought by a large welding cooperation. I love what I do for them but to transition in this environment would be financial suicide. Also as I said in the beginning of the thread, transitioning is not something I can go through right now. Things may get better and that may change my mind, but currently I can not walk away from the financial stability this job gives me.
I know all girls come in different sizes and shapes, but as much as the hormones has made me feel great!!! as in, I love the way my body matches what I use to think I should look like. I love the way my body fills out Kristy's cloths, I loving having such soft skin. I mean inside I'm so happy to of started HRT and I can't foresee ever stopping HRT. That all being said I'm still not close to passing, I don't go out as Kristy, but that's mainly because I'm a care giver currently to a family member. I am so far from walking like a woman, and having a feminine voice like a woman that working as a woman or transitioning would be a total fiasco on my part.
KrityK