Seeing Myself...as Jessica

[Miss Mandy]

Tonight, as I had my upstairs bathroom to myself and as my wife slept soundly, I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had just applied my make-up and was stunned by the women looking back. She had perfectly shaped and defined eyebrows, expertly applied eye make-up, thick lashes, lip liner, lip stick, the whole nine yards. She was wearing a lovely vedette body shaper, shiny jewelry, Breast forms, and stockings. As her nail polished was drying, she was lost is a moment of feminine bliss...as was I!

Quickly, I realized that she was me...and she/I had never felt more content. Sometimes, I so want to remain as Miss Jessica. It pangs me to have to remove the women that I so wish to be...as I stood in the shower, my tears followed her down the drain...as must happen when I return to my other life...

MJ

[AllieSF]

Yes, I know that feeling when I first started dressing. It does get better with time. My life with all this really began when I started going into the real world doing things that I also did as a man. It truly only gets better if you have the opportunities to give it a chance. Thanks for sharing.

[ReineD]

My SO told me that she also used to feel bad when getting back into guy mode. I'm guessing that at the time, she kept her feminine and masculine selves separate. But then she started going out into the mainstream and she constructed her life to where she was so flexible that she knew she could go out anytime she wanted to. It stopped being an issue. So now, she removes her feminine things because she wants to and not because she feels that she has to. This made all the difference, together with getting to the point where she feels she is the same person internally all the time.

[drag n fly]

My SO told me that she also used to feel bad when getting back into guy mode. I'm guessing that at the time, she kept her feminine and masculine selves separate. But then she started going out into the mainstream and she constructed her life to where she was so flexible that she knew she could go out anytime she wanted to. It stopped being an issue. So now, she removes her feminine things because she wants to and not because she feels that she has to. This made all the difference, together with getting to the point where she feels she is the same person internally all the time. I have the feeling, Reine, that this wonderful state was achieved in much part by your relationship with her...And what a great place to be...Yourself ALL the time....Marvelous....smooches Jackie

[TeresaL]

ReineD, you have provideed the way for your SO to have an ideal relationship. Mine is evolving slowly in that same direction. Yet I still hate to change back because I don't want it taken away.

[Kaz]

Hi Jessica, yes I can relate to that feeling so well. Reine is an amazingly supportive SO that many of us would die for! I don't that many opportunities to totally transform but when I do, I really can't bear to say goodbye to the woman I see. I find the photos help a lot in reminding myself of who I can be at times!

[linda allen]

Tonight, as I had my upstairs bathroom to myself and as my wife slept soundly, I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had just applied my make-up and was stunned by the women looking back. She had perfectly shaped and defined eyebrows, expertly applied eye make-up, thick lashes, lip liner, lip stick, the whole nine yards. She was wearing a lovely vedette body shaper, shiny jewelry, Breast forms, and stockings. As her nail polished was drying, she lit a VS 120. She was lost is a moment of feminine bliss...as was I!

Quickly, I realized that she was me...and she/I had never felt more content. Sometimes, I so want to remain as Miss Jessica. It pangs me to have to remove the women that I so wish to be...as I stood in the shower, my tears followed her down the drain...as must happen when I return to my other life...

MJ

Are you saying that you wait for your wife to fall asleep, then go into the bathroom, make yourself up as a woman, dress as a woman, look at yourself in the mirror, and then undo everything before your wife wakes up?

What happens if she wakes up and comes looking for you?

Or am I reading your post wrong?

I feel bad when I have to return to "manhood", but I don't cry about it, I know I can dress again the next day or soon anyway.

[Beverley Sims]

After spending some hours in preparation it is very hard to wash off all the glamor and be a man again.

[ReineD]

I have the feeling, Reine, that this wonderful state was achieved in much part by your relationship with her...


ReineD, you have provideed the way for your SO to have an ideal relationship.

I agree that in order to remove all constraints, one needs to be either single or in a relationship with a partner who is on board. It's hard to feel free, if one senses that the partner feels anxious or disapproves of the feminine presentation. This is why it is so important for couples to communicate about this extensively if they can, and come to a common understanding. If they can't then hopefully the wife will at least acknowledge her husband's need to explore this frequently enough on his/her own so that s/he feels less constrained.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes I really dislike having to change back to a man once dressed. I have to do it but I wish I didn't have to. I just start planning my next time.

[kimdl93]

Well, what is standing between you and yourself? Seriously, list all the obstacles you face and begin to find ways to overcome each one. It is possible.

[LaraPeterson]

Jessica, no one can understand what you are describing except someone who has gone through it. Those of us who are of a like mind feel every ounce of your struggle to remove what you love so much. The truth is, the more you find yourself in that place, the better it feels and the harder it is to let it go. Only, don't let go, enjoy!