Lonely

[Dinsdale]

Hi All,
The curse of Crossdressing,
As per my earlier threads , I have separated from my wife and I said, from now on any new partner needs to know up front that I crossdress.(Which saves problems hopefully in the future )
My ex texted me today , saying that she left me because she could not stand my "lifestyle" ( i.e crossdressing), she knew about my crossdressing before we were married and tolerated it ..( but not embraced it, which is fair enough)
We were married for 18 1/2 years.
I know she has the right to change her mind , and I did not crossdress in fornt of my child or openly flaunt it to her. It was something I know, even with purging , it is part of me , and something I like to do ( and to some extent , cant stop).
Coming up to xmas , and with her moved out and taken my child, makes me think crossdressing is such a curse and such a threat to the majority of women!
Hopefully that rare jewel ( a women that accepts crossdressing) will emerge in the future.
I am devastated at present.

[MeganHenry]

Hang in there...been there done that with my first wife however not as many yrs. the great thing about tomorrow, is that there is a tomorrow. A chance for a new day, a fresh start, new chapter in your book. It will get better...

[ReineD]

Oh gosh, Dinsdale, I am so, so sorry. :sad: :hugs:

You cannot change who you are, and yes, there are GGs who are supportive. I suppose they are supportive to varying degrees and also depending on how much their husbands crossdress. For example, it might be more difficult for a GG to feel as if their entire lives revolve around the CDing and CDing activities, but she would be OK with it if her husband found a balance. While other GGs might be fine with more frequent CDing.

Anyway, I'm sorry about your child. Do you still see him or her regularly? Do you have shared custody? Please continue to be as involved in his/her life as you can. This is the worse part of it, although parents who divorce for reasons other than the CDing are in the same shoes. I lost custody of my youngest when the Judge awarded him to his father who lived across the country at the time, and it nearly did me in.

Also, read the following threads. You will see there are tons of members here who are married to accepting wives, so we are out there:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=supportive+so

[Jana]

I'm sorry you feel lonely and devastated at the moment. Being transgendered is certainly not one of the easiest of fares out there. But, it is what it is, you know? Everybody has some sort of issue to deal with in life, nobody's perfect after all. If it weren't this, it would've been something else.

As for your wife, it seems overly simplistic (and selfish) to put the blame for the divorce on your tab (your "lifestyle"). As if her intolerance didn't factor in? Why was it up to you alone to bridge the gap? Especially since she could choose to stay whereas you can't choose to stop gender dysphoria. There are probably others things going unsaid and that's up to you guys to either approach and try to solve, or let go and move on.

Either way, I wish you feel better.

[Kaz]

Hi D,

Yeah I would like to add my sympathies, but like Jana I do know that there are many other factors that can cause this and CDing becomes the label because it is an easy target! I hope you can still see your kid! I am sure he/she would like to see you? More marriages now fail at this stage (around the 20 year mark) than survive. It is a mid-life issue! Is this the deal I bought into?

'Lifestyle' can be a euphemism for CDing, but it could embrace other things as well? Don't necessarily jump to the obvious conclusion. It may be more complex and if there are other factors to work on you could find a way to build/maintain the relationship.

[suzy1]

I don’t know if this helps but I and others here will be logged on over Christmas.
You can always come here and have a chat with me.
It’s not much but it will show you are not totally alone and I always like to chat.:)

All the best,

SUZY

[Erica Marie]

Hang in there sweetie. I have been in your shoes. I was married and my ex found out about it. Not the reason she left but she said she would use it against me if the kids ever found out. That was 15 yrs ago and the issue never arose. About a year and a half ago I was dating an old high school sweetheart and I had told her about my dressing, at first she was ok with it then turned it and used it as an excuse to screw around behind my back. So dont feel that all the blame should be on you. Trust me you will be fine, its a hard thing to do to move on but you must. To me at times it also feels like a curse but I came to realize it is part of who I am.

[Carole]

I can certainly empathise with you Dinsdale, I'm coming up to the same situation, married for 25 yrs this past August, she knew before we married and accepted, but didn't want to participate which I accepted on my part. We're due to split next year when our present house sells. I'm going to be logged on over Christmas if you want to chat, give me a call on my messenger log-in from my profile page.
Best wishes.

[SandraV]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Being transgendered certainly has a way of making us feel alone and depresed. Remember.... What's that saying? "It gets better" :hugs:

As for me, having very recently told my wife we are still married and working hard on keeping things going. She now knows, is kind of accepting, yet wants nothing to do with it. She does not tell me, but I can see she struggles when the thought of my transness comes to her mind. Bought a nicer than usual christmas gift this year, hopefully that will help a bit :love:

[Elle1946]

Sorry to hear your story and Yes we do walk a narrow and sometime lonely path. I guess that that is our lot in life, I like many have tried to not dress and it keeps comming back sometimes worse that other times. Fortunately for me I did fine a partner, female, that does accept me the way I am. God luck walking the path that others like you have been down, me included, and there is a light at the end.

[Millie]

Cheer up, it will get better as time goes buy. I have been in similar situation. My first wife left me right before Christmas. At that time my son was 6 years old, (he's 37 now) it devastated me. I did finally get over the hurt. I now realize the best for both of us at that time was to go our own separate ways. You will see that also in time. You will meet someone who will love who you are and probably will have fun with as yourself and your female self. I am fortunate to have someone who looks forward to having Millie with her. You will find that someone too. Get out there, keep yourself occupied, try not to sulk over it. I know its hard to do. Hang in there. Love Millie

[jillleanne]

Stay strong my friend. You are correct in thinking a gg will show up out of nowhere when you least expect it who is totally accepting of your gender self. I was fortunate enough to find one purely by accident and you will also.

[Beverley Sims]

Psychologically when this happens at this time of year it tears you apart more.
I am sorry for youand as I spent a christmas alone many years ago I wish you all the strength you can muster.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Yeah, i'd certainly like to say ho sorry i am for your loss.

Please keep in mind that we are here for you, that many of us have been there (i have 2 exes who both used the CDing card on me), and keep your head held high.
You have a child who need your love and please do keep in mind also that there are indeed women out there who can and will love us, i know cause i found one just a couple of months ago.

[RitaCD]

I feel sorry for you Dinsdale, but hang in there. Life gets better. I was married 24 1/2 years before my divorce. The ex wife knew about my cross dressing and even encouraged it for a while. Then it became too much for her. I never dressed in front of the kids but she told them and all our friends, relatives, and anyone that would listen. I was devastated but you know what. I lived through it and no one treats me any different. The ironic aspect is that she still lives close by and we are still friends. Go figure.

[Tracii G]

That is so sad but remember it WILL get better and yes the right thing to do is tell your new partner from the start.

[Dinsdale]

Hi All, Thanks for your kind words , It means a lot to me , and knowing that you have gone through the same process and come out the other side okay , shows me that I can hope .
Obviously my number one priority is my child, I know my ex will probably use the CD card if she doesn't get what she wants out of the divorce , but I just want to make sure my child is protected , and hope the ex doesn't get that nasty or low to block access to my child , using crossdressing as the reason. ( if she does , I will use every legal resource I have access to , regardless of how public she tries to embarass me with my crossdressing).

Reine, thanks for your post, as your threads show , I just need to find that special person who is open and accepting of my dressing.

Hope to chat with those over the xmas period perhaps, those who I dont ,have a great xmas/new year
Really appreciate your support and kind words.

[AnneB1nderful]

Hi Dinsdale,

Wish I can give you some profound words of wisdom, like some of these others have. I can't. All I can say is I understand. My wife of 27 years, my best friend, the one and only love of my life decided to find someone new when I was going thru one of the worst times of my life. I wanted to die. Rest of family, friends, and God's love and grace brought me thru.

She is the only person I've ever been with. Once she decided she wanted out, she became a bitter, vengeful person. She did everything she could to make me hate her. I can't. My love for her is unconditional.

I am thankful our kids are all grown up and don't have to worry about custody issues.

So, I thought CDing was a curse, too. I thought that this was the reason she left. So, whether lire not we reconcile, a year and a half ago, I vowed to NEVER CD again. Less than two months ago, it came back stronger than ever. So, decided can't beat it. Just embrace it. Since then, thanks to this forum, I've found so many new friends, learned so much about myself and gender dysphoria, and I'm having a blast being myself. I can honestly say, I have not been this happy for many years.

I will be with family during Christmas. But, you and others will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Kaz]

Hi All, Thanks for your kind words , It means a lot to me , and knowing that you have gone through the same process and come out the other side okay , shows me that I can hope .
Obviously my number one priority is my child, I know my ex will probably use the CD card if she doesn't get what she wants out of the divorce , but I just want to make sure my child is protected , and hope the ex doesn't get that nasty or low to block access to my child , using crossdressing as the reason. ( if she does , I will use every legal resource I have access to , regardless of how public she tries to embarass me with my crossdressing).

Reine, thanks for your post, as your threads show , I just need to find that special person who is open and accepting of my dressing.

Hope to chat with those over the xmas period perhaps, those who I dont ,have a great xmas/new year
Really appreciate your support and kind words.

I'll be around and happy to chat, as are others! DO NOT feel alone... you ARE NOT! You just joined a family.

[LaraPeterson]

Hi D,

I, too, am sorry you are facing this right now. I've never had to come up against anything close to what you are going through but I can hear your distress in what you have written. Let me tell you that venting and writing on this forum has helped me more in the past couple of weeks than I could ever have imagined. Keep the channel open and keep on sharing. It will give you strength.