First visit to the therapist

[GabbiSophia]

WOW! That's all I can say. I have been reading the Full Time Tranny story and that thing can mentally throw you for a loop. Then I finally have found a therapist that I can talk with and what an esxperience. I have always been able to self reflect and work through most of my problems but the things I found myself ALOUD was crazy. She helped put things in perspective and not just with being confused about my gender. Someone able to look at you and explain why things in your past went they way they did, not because they were there just because of their experiences, is pretty amazing. It was a good meeting with lots and lots to think about. I know what I want and need to do and I am preparing my mind for that. Then to read the thread knocks that mindset back a few pages. I don't think its bad it just further prepares the mind to read the many experiences.

Life is not a glitz and glamour (without a really good makeover!!) and its not easy. This I already know!! The thing is for those that are on the edge of transitioning or thinking about it IMHO is that other TG people seem to knock them back and not only do they have to fight society but other TG.

I have the I really don't care what you think attitude when it comes to you judging me anymore. Though it is nice to hear pleasent things to build the confiedence.

Anyways I have tons more meetings but thought I would give a thought right worng it's mine!!

Steph

[LeaP]

First, congratulations on starting therapy. It's a major step and a big milestone.

I'm unclear on what you're trying to say concerning getting knocked back by other TG people. Especially since you linked that comment to another thread. If you are making a distinction between TG and TS people, I might agree, as there are misunderstandings that arise here from living a different experience. My experience with TS women, however, has been that they are almost unfailingly supportive.

[Stephanie-L]

I also send congrats on this major step in the process. It is amazing how much better life gets once you can admit who you are, not only to yourself, but to someone else, and then to be able to talk about it. I wish you only the best as you go forward
I agree with Lea, there is a difference in how TG folks act versus TS. It almost seems that when you finally do admit that fact to yourself, there is a change in personality. There have been a lot of threads here about TG unity, how we need to stick together, etc. But the fact is, a person actively pursuing transition has a different mind set and some different problems than a person who is just working out whatever gender issues they may have. I am not saying this is good or bad, better or worse, just different. TG folks have a lot of issues, and TS folks share a lot of them, but not all. So, as you said, take the positive stuff, forget the negative, and keep working on yourself. Much luck to you.............Stephanie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

not sure what you are saying..

"The thing is for those that are on the edge of transitioning or thinking about it IMHO is that other TG people seem to knock them back and not only do they have to fight society but other TG. "

you will get lots of conversations between transsexuals and everyone else.. its important to figure out where you feel you are in your life...if you post a message asking for advice in ts forum or cd forum you will get wildly different opinions from different perspectives its talking to men vs talking to women...

the full time tranny thread should be required reading but its about realistic expectations as opposed to negativity

if a transgendered person reads that and stops thinking about a future of transition, that's a good thing.. and if a ts woman reads that and takes a deep breath and pushes ahead that's good too...forwarned is forearmed

[Jorja]

I am glad to hear you have found a therapist you can work with. Going to see a therapist is about YOU not anyone else. You learn what you need in your life to be happy with yourself. Each of us is different. While we all may be TG/TS, what I need is different from what Kaitlyn, Stephanie, Lea, and Steph may need. Being TG and TS is like apples and oranges. Both are fruit but different types of fruit. In threads like "Full Time Tranny" you can see some of the best and worst parts of going full time or transition. They are neither negative or positive. They just are.

[GabbiSophia]

Ok thank you for the input and that makes sense now. I now have my terms correct and therefore can identify myself correctly. Life being hard is not problem to me I can bare it I have been doing my whole life. I think I was trying to associate myself with all 3 instead of 1 that I am. I will keep reading the tranny bit.

Steph

[melissaK]

I will keep reading the tranny bit. Steph

The Full Time Tranny thread has become a short novel now. But like the others say, it's a worthwhile read. I'm trying to evolve a new SO relationship as I transition and try to change this ageing male body, and it's encouraging to know others press ahead facing the SAME issues.

And congrats on the therapist. Interesting yours gave you explanations, mine never tells me much except through questions pointing me in a particular direction. I have to talk my way to solutions for myself. Anyway, there definitely are patterns and cause and effect events in our lives and relationships and counseling gives you a lot of insight. And aside from decoding myself , I know I became a much better parent and much better life partner once counseling helped me see these patterns.

[GabbiSophia]

Melissak Ty. Though my therapist only gave me her experience only after I would walk through a thought door. She was just allowing to see something from a different perspective. It really was eye opening to admit that I am a woman inside. It made so many of my past experiences make sense. I know the door is just open but I have walked through it now just to figure out what I am going to do.

Hugs

[mikiSJ]

I am not transitioning or plan to in the future. I do have some issues I needed help with and recently found a therapist recommended by a Aejaie at Carla's in the SJ area. The therapist Aejaie recommended has a lot of experience with GID and childhood abuse issues and so far we are making progress.

The only advice I can offer when it comes to choosing a therapist is that they have recognized experience in GID and they are willing to push back when your notion of reality is at odds with reality.

I hope you find what you need.

[BreenaDion]

Congatulations and best wishes on your incredible journey. As you enter your transitioning with a warm heart and a commitment with a Therapist I will in January start the end of my visits for therapy. the gender issues are beginning to fall behind me. Looking forward to the pause in therapy with my social worker. That is a good thing for me, just 3 yrs in and im tired of conversations of matters not concerning to gernder.

Good Luck and Peace be with you.

[kimdl93]

Please don't feel that other TS people are knocking you back. In all honesty, they are offering sometimes harsh realities that are all too easily overlooked. And when one is new to this process, it's easy to get carried away with idealized, fanciful notions. Take those words of experience very seriously.

[GabbiSophia]

So now that I have ahad a few days to think about my session I find my mind more confused than ever. I feel like I have been acting and lying and I really want to just live. Can I do this by admitting I am a woman inside and live as a male with woman thoughts? Do I need all the upgrades to the body to clear my mind so that I can just live? I feel like I am sneaking around with and not telling everyone who I am. I look in the mirror and see womanly features and a woman staring back but in male mode. Am I a male that looks like he is trying to become a women or a women looking like she is trying to be a man?? Confusion must be the biggest first step as I have never been at a point in my life where I have no clue whats going on. Boy do I have no clue atm.

Sorry for the rant but questions are running through my head and I had to get them out.

Hugs all,

Steph

[Cherry Lynn]

You described me perfectly. I have recently accepted the fact I am a woman but will never have SRS and am more at peace than I have ever been in my whole life.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Steph you are going to need patience (and i bet that doesnt sound attractive to you right now)

The whole question of who you are is something you've done a very good job at avoiding for a very long time... it well may be that who you are is tg, ts or even the infamous pink fog for guys that crossdress...
regardless of which, you have not attempted real self discovery, and for some of us its a very difficult thing....and its a learning process that takes time...its so easy to say "just be honest with yourself"...but that's what it takes..
and it takes time..

Also, read up on GID or gender dysphoria. they tend to be very negative experiences..we can all experience different aspects of it but common themes include obsessive thinking and having your day to day life get more and more difficult to bear...
one thing that we ALL experience is that gender dypshoria will not go away...one thing that helped me is that i focused on the gender dysphoria...i was so freaked out and confused about "what am i??" that for a while i couldn't deal with it..but i found it easier to focus on what helped me overcome gender dysphoria (this was baby steps towards transtion).... and as i did that, , more and more I accepted my reality..and I kept inching further towards transition...this all happened over 3-4 years!!! some of the YEARS were very bad but i got through them...and your life is worth it...

by all means try to go as fast as you feel comfortable..but it will help you alot to step back and get as much info as you can and then try to take some time to be smart about your own life..

[Jana]

I can totally relate, Steph. It wasn't until earlier this year that I finally admitted to myself I'm TS, not just an occasional CD. At first, I felt liberated, validated, empowered. But then, it scared me to death, because it was like "ok, so what? Where do you go from here"? That's when I froze dead on my tracks. I don't want to let anybody down (spouse, family) and at the same time, I'm sick and tired of letting myself down by living a lie to keep everyone else happy. I can't reconcile these thoughts. Meanwhile, gender dysphoria is reaching historical highs... anyway, I don't know what I'm saying. Sorry for the rant.

It's a good thing you are seeing a therapist. I hope she or he is skilled enough to help you sort out your feelings. If they are not, switch professionals, until you find somebody you can work with.

[Traci Elizabeth]

You are at the beginning of you journey and I have read these words you have written a million times. You have to sort out who you are before you can take one path or another. I can be trite and tell you that if you do not know which you are, then you are not TS but that serves you no purpose.

If your session was with a therapist, that is good. I can not think of anyone on here who could not or did not benefit from seeking professional help with this issue.

But in the end, you will go no where until you "know thyself." That is the hardest part of transitioning. Truly knowing who you are.

[GabbiSophia]

Thanx for the input girls. I needed to just write it down sense I.couldn't shout it. It's like Jana said I am frozen with the information. Kat brings up patience which I like to thinly I have but its driving me nuts not knowing what to do atm. Traci I am pretty darn sure I have always been a woman inside and the therapist got me to admit it. Now I am realizing all the time I have list faking it. I think that is what is driving me crazy, lost moments. Like I said before I needed somewhere to just say it cause I do not have an home outlet. Thanx for listening
Steph

[Barbara Ella]

It helps so much to read your words Steph, and the replies from the women here. I have accepted who I am, over and over and over. I cannot get away from the denials that continue to pop up. I spend way too much time just sitting and thinking, and not doing anything, locked in the continual discourse with myself. And yet I know what I am, but not where I am.

Barbara

[melissaK]

Steph sweetie, you are in a period of self examination and re-thinking your world. We ask ourselves questions like "Where exactly am I in my life?" "Do I feel happy where I am?" "How did I get here?" "Where should I go with my life?"

And that last question is hard. We see the road ahead and it looks like Lord of The Rings' path to Mount Doom. And we feel like Frodo Bagins carrying the weight of the world we know, and the thought of going to Mount Doom is petrifying. None of us make quick decisions at this point.

We re-visit how we got here and look to see if we took a wrong turn, maybe we can go back and take a different turn. Or we look around for some alternate path, one that's easier, maybe one where we get to stay in Rivendell and catch our wind and pretend the task ahead is not our own.

But like Frodo's ring the burden of dysphoria that we carry weighs on us and eventually, like Frodo, we realize the only path is to move on and we continue the Quest.

Oh wait. That's how I have felt and feel. You need to figure out how YOU feel.

And today you felt confused. It's OK to feel confused. How you view the world IS changing, and it takes time to make sense of it.