omg! i did it!

[Melissa73]

i actually went out tonight alone, in a black and white skirt, black blouse, pantyhose and some nice black ballerina type flat shoes and my purse and makeup. I drove to the nearby atm, deposited 2 checks and the drove the long way home. I didnt get out the car, but its a stewp and next time i will.

course on the way back, i was stopping at a local park (830pm) and as i was just getting out, another car w/ a guy in it pulled up. I was Dang! and i drove off.


melissa

[JanM38]

Well done, Melissa! A great step!

[prene]

U went farther than I did the first time.
WOW.

Can we see your outfit????

I tried the self service gas pump. . . . the 3rd time.

Go Girl

[Melissa73]

id like to have some pics... but my digital cam is broke (wont stay on!) but when i get one, thats the 1st pic im gonna do...

melissa

[Leah Lynn]

As the saying goes; The Genie is out of the bottle! Soon you'll be shopping and on to clubbing. As she runs down the street shouting, "Freedom! FREEDOM!"

[Ceri Anne]

Good for you, you will be out and about at will in no time

[MonctonGirl]

Congratulations! That was a big step.

[jillleanne]

Good for you hon. It just gets easier and better.

[~Joanne~]

Little steps to some, HUGE steps to others, we all start in some way, shape, or form :) Congrats on taking another step :)

[Diversity]

Congratulations, Melissa! You are not alone at this stage in your journey. I'm right there with you. Good luck!
Di

[Alice B]

A very good start. Once you have gone out it's Katie bar the doors. Have fun.

[RenneB]

Oh yea girl... way to go... There's one thing to remember when driving, when I come up to a stop light, I make sure that I have enough room between my car and the car ahead of me so that when another car comes up next to me, I can adjust so that we don't line up.... Also, I pull over the sun visor over the to the side, yes even at night, just to keep unwanted lookers.... The fact that the car ahead of me has a great view of me in their rearview mirror doesn't seem to bother me as much....yet. LOL...

Renne......

[Suzy Parker]

Good Job, I wish I could be that brave. I am to afraid to just post a real avatar. I did post a thread with some real photos some time back. Scary as heck. I did remove them after the thread fell back to the fourth page but I did get some nice comments.

I wonder if Corey Hart was a crossdresser and a similar situation was the ispiration for the song "Sunglasses at Night"

[LaraPeterson]

Ooh, Melissa, I wish I could have been there to hold your hand. I remember the first time I did that; I was quite terrified. But the more often I did it, the easier it got! Kudos to you.

[Melissa73]

ty all for your support! I have done this before, but almost 14 years ago. i am more confident in whom i am now, and i accept my dressing.

[BillieAnneJean]

I go out about every week. I love it. Put enough effort in to it, look like everyone expects you to, and you will be mostly ignored.

After all, would YOU confront someone and risk the emotional outburst of an insulted woman?

I have been almost entirely ignored every time I am out. I put a lot of effort in to it to look right. I have been asked about my nail color. The most obvious thing happened in a hotel lobby when one 20s something guy noticed me and mumbled to his buddy who said Oh Yea under his breath. I can deal with that.

Go OUT! It is exciting!

[Cynthia Anne]

That's great Melissa! It gets better each time!

[Bree Wagner]

Congratulations Melissa. It really does get easier and it stays fun.

Good luck!

-Bree

[Beverley Sims]

You felt like a deer in the headlights didn't you?
That fear will soon subside the more you go out.

[bridget thronton]

Well done sounds like a good outfit for running errands

[ashley-2501]

congratulations melissa! I think going out can be really exhilarating^^ acting like Jason Bourne trying not to get "discovered''

good luck and have fun with future outings

[danielletorresani]

Congrats! I remember my first time going out. Horrifying and thrilling, all at the same time!

[Erica Marie]

Good for you Melissa. Aound about the same way I started. Problem is that was in spring and I have only been out twice. The second time I worked up enough guts to stop at a park and snap a few pics. Hope things progress nicely for you and have fun getting out more. Next time you are out for a ride keep heading north and maybe we can go shopping.

[Paula_56]

As transgendered people many of us lead lives filled with guilt, fear and anxiety. One of the areas where this affects us greatly is shopping. Whether you are a closeted cross dresser or an experienced girl who is out and about on a regular basis you can still harbor anxiety when looking for a new dress, lingerie or shoes. Even now after going out on a regular basis in cites all over the U.S. I still sometimes get butterflies in my stomach when walking into a store.
Before you can even consider going out into the world you will need clothes to wear. There are two ways to shop for clothes either dressed as a woman (enfemme) or as a man (in drab). I’d like to discuss shopping in drab especially for our emerging sisters who want to start building their own wardrobe.
So many girls are embarrassed or fearful about going into a store and buying women’s clothing. Let’s start with a rhetorical question, what you are doing? Answer: You’re buying women’s clothes for yourself. Now that may be atypical, but you certainly aren’t alone. Sales associates I’ve spoken with typically see 2-3 cross dressers a week. So what is it then that keeps you from asking for that LBD in a size 18? I was fearful because I had not made peace with the fact that I was transgender. I felt that there was something wrong or bad about me. Deep down I was ashamed. By admitting it to a sale associate I opened myself up for their disapproval of who I am. Then it dawned on me. I am 52 years old. I am hard working and have a successful career. I am financially successful, I am a dedicated husband and father. I give back to my community and I am active in my church. I strive to be caring, kind, and thoughtful. I don’t drink or abuse drugs. I am honest and trustworthy. This is a part of my personality that has caused me shame and anxiety for years. There are medical and biological reasons for this. It doesn’t make me an awful person, it means I’m different. I won’t feel bad about myself anymore.
Others have lost their power to judge me. I realized that being transgender is no different than being left handed. One of the best ways to free yourself from these fears is to confront them head on by doing some shopping. Dress Barn, Lane Bryant and Fashion bug are great places to start. These stores are TG friendly and have been frequented by our community for years. When you’re shopping in drab I recommend that you dress nicely. Wear clean pressed clothes, be clean shaven, and smile. Don’t show up to try on dresses in dirty work clothes. If I am in drab I like to wear an almost androgynous look, a black knit top and black or khaki pants. You want to depict a positive image. It helps if the likeness they see is a nice man verses, “this guy looks creepy”. Young sales associates are familiar with transgender people. They are typically informed, and probably have friends who are LGBT. They often are the most enthusiastic and even seem to embrace the diversion we present to them. Smile be polite and don’t waste their time if you are not going to buy anything.
Remember you are not the first cross dresser in this store; they want your business and want to help you. If you’re worried about being recognized find a store away from home. Some of the stores that actually have official transgender friendly policies are MAC Cosmetics, Nordstrom’s, and Macys. Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Dress Barn, and Payless are all known in our community for being helpful. That being said the worst reaction I ever heard any cross dresser getting from a sales associate was indifference. For example: “You can check over there.”
Here’s an illustration of my most recent trip to a Lane Bryant in New England. I was in drab and had not shopped there before.
Sales Associate: “Hi Good Morning, Can I help you?”
Paula: (Smile, I always smile!) “Hi I’m shopping for Capri pants and a top……. they’re for me.”
Sales Associate: “Do you know your size?”
She didn’t even hesitate. It went great from there on, I bought a nice pair of white Capri pants and asked if I could try them on and also tried several tops but didn’t like any of them. The sales associate asked me my name and told me hers and was excitedly throwing tops over the dressing room door for me to try on.
One of the most liberating moments in my life was for the first time uttering those words “they’re for me” When the words came rolling off my tongue, the world stopped, I could hear the clock ticking and the hum of the air conditioning. I had visions of alarm bells going off and a SWAT team bursting out, but instead I got a smile of approval from the sales associate and a 1000lb burden of guilt was lifted off my shoulders. I had given myself permission to be transgender. It was an epiphany. The problem was in my head, once I got over this I was able to move forward with my evolution as a woman.
If you want to grow, the only way is to take that step. You have to make a decision to move forward in your journey. Don’t feel you need to do this; perhaps you are comfortable where you are now. I personally had reached a point in my life where the guilt and anxiety was suffocating me. Presenting a convincing feminine image takes work, planning, discipline, and dedication. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You will be stuck in that cycle of guilt and regret. If you decide to take that step you will find that your fears were unfounded. This was my experience and also dozens of other girls I have talk to. We all wonder “What were we afraid of?”
After sometime you will have stores and sales associates that become your favorite. My girlfriends and I all look forward to visiting our own much loved sales associate or preferred cosmetic counter for the latest arrival. When you walk thru the mall next time take it all in, the beautiful dresses, the trendy outfits, the pretty shoes and the gleaming cosmetic counters. Then ask yourself who are they for? Now you know the answer. “They’re for me!”

[Noel Chimes]

Way to go Melissa. Just stay safe out there. Other than that go have yourself a ball.

[jjjjohanne]

The park at night was a tempting location for my early outings too. Please consider how unsafe it might be. You are safest in the morning, IN PUBLIC, while people are at work and kids are at school. You will most likely encounter retired people and young moms. I always felt too scared to be out in the daylight, but now, I am too scared to go out in the dark where people who have something to hide are lurking. These days, I do my outings 30 minutes to 1 hour away from home during the school day. I go to public places and they treat me well. I never bother with my head, so I am a man in a dress/skirt. I am not passing at all, but I am treated well.

With all of that said, I know the elation that you must be feeling. Some men like hang gliding, or bungee jumping, or some other extreme sport. For us crossdressers, it is outings. It is one scary, risky, adrenaline-rich adventure after another. ...until it feels kind of normal. Then it is just delightfully warm behavior. Like sitting holding my wife's hand at a pretty place.

[linda allen]

Oh yea girl... way to go... There's one thing to remember when driving, when I come up to a stop light, I make sure that I have enough room between my car and the car ahead of me so that when another car comes up next to me, I can adjust so that we don't line up.... Also, I pull over the sun visor over the to the side, yes even at night, just to keep unwanted lookers.... The fact that the car ahead of me has a great view of me in their rearview mirror doesn't seem to bother me as much....yet. LOL...

Renne......

No need to do that and don't let things like that distract you when you're driving. When you're driving, you need to be concerned with driving safely, not somebody looking at you. Jusy look ahead and don't look at the people next to you. Don't make eye contact. If you do, just smile and turn your head back forward.

Or, you could get your windows tinted.

As for getting out of the car, it's scary at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. The comment above about the park being unsafe at night is correct. Go to the park at night in drab and you won't see any women walking alone. You shouldn't either if you're presenting as a woman.

Another thing that makes us stand out is waliking around aimlessly. A GG wouldn't get out of her car and just wander around, she would have a purpose. For a "first time" out of the car experience consider these:

Park the car in a mall parking lot, get out and walk to a trash can and put some trash in it.
Park the car near a soda machine, get out and walk over and buy a soda.
Park the car near a mailbox or post office, get out, walk to the mailbox, and mail a letter.

Once you get a little more nerve, pump gas into your car (use the pump credit card machine so you don't have to go inside).

Another outing (no pun intended) is a local walking or jogging trail. Of course, you'll have to dress appropriately for this so that means walking shoes and no mini skirt.

[Melissa73]

ok, i admit, while driving i wasnt scared if anyone saw me, in fact i was kinda looking and hoping someone did see me. Course, at a red light i tookm the liberty to apply my lipstick.....


melissa

[BillieAnneJean]

I find that with the proper dress, makeup, accessories, shoes, pads, forms, and posture I look enough like a woman. All I have to do is move my head so a little bit of hair falls over my face on each side. That obscures the direct view. I use that when passing someone young and anyone potentially a problem. That way they would have to get really close and stare, fortunately the social customs haven't deteriorated far enough that those bad behaviors are typical. So far I haven't had any problems and am all but completely and totally ignored.
The first time I went OUT, I went to a straight night club and danced with the GGs. I had to walk a block in downtown to the club from my car past all the people. It was scary and a real rush. I was hooked forever.
I am still very careful. I only go where it is safe. But I do go to very public places some of which are very busy.

[JamieQ]

No need to do that and don't let things like that distract you when you're driving. When you're driving, you need to be concerned with driving safely, not somebody looking at you. Jusy look ahead and don't look at the people next to you. Don't make eye contact. If you do, just smile and turn your head back forward.

Or, you could get your windows tinted.

As for getting out of the car, it's scary at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. The comment above about the park being unsafe at night is correct. Go to the park at night in drab and you won't see any women walking alone. You shouldn't either if you're presenting as a woman.

Another thing that makes us stand out is waliking around aimlessly. A GG wouldn't get out of her car and just wander around, she would have a purpose. For a "first time" out of the car experience consider these:

Park the car in a mall parking lot, get out and walk to a trash can and put some trash in it.
Park the car near a soda machine, get out and walk over and buy a soda.
Park the car near a mailbox or post office, get out, walk to the mailbox, and mail a letter.

Once you get a little more nerve, pump gas into your car (use the pump credit card machine so you don't have to go inside).

Another outing (no pun intended) is a local walking or jogging trail. Of course, you'll have to dress appropriately for this so that means walking shoes and no mini skirt.

Alot seem to go out at night and pump the gasoline into the vehicle, but daytime really is not much different...much safer and most people are busy, they just lookup and acknowledge anothers presence and go about thier business. LindaAllen's suggestions are right on mark...mall, soda machine and post office...really easy to get away from the vehicle a bit with a definite purpose. Most of my out time is walking a park or trail in tennis shoes, usually wearing a long sleeve Tshirt with short sleeve on top or a hoodie and a denim skirt just below the knees...oh and wig of course but very minimal makeup. Practically everyone says "hi", "how you doing" or something of the nature and go on thier merry way. As for driving a car, it seems like a very safe zone. If someone looks your way, just smile and look the other way if you are bothered by it. Going out seemed to get real easy real quick.:)

And another thing...I think the more busy a place is the safer it is especially if alone. Like in a mall for example. There no one seems to notice at all.

[DanielleT]

My first few "ventures" outside my home were pretty limited, mainly I would just drive around in my car. Not very exciting, but it fulfilled my need to go out fully dressed as a woman. I am quite meticulous about my appearance, so once dressed, I am quite passable, except of course for my voice. As I become more comfortable with going out, I became more bold, to the extent of small excursions from my car, dropping off mail, pumping gas, etc. Essentially any kind of situation where I could be seen, but unlikely to have to talk to anyone. I live in a large metropolitan area known for being very liberal, so even if I go out in a miniskirt, except for a few admiring glances (which I adore), no one really pays that much attention to me, I'm just another pretty girl on the street. I never, never go out at night when I am dressed. I haven't tried a shopping mall just yet, although I think that any venue where there are alot of people just going about their business would provide a safe and satisfying experience for me.

[JamieQ]

Yes it does get easier. I am probably way bolder than I should be. I have been half way up and back riding on a 9 mile bicycle trail. One of my last walks was walking in a park around the lake the opposite way to at least walk to where I did on the other side. Once I got there I realised that I was over half way so I made the complete loop, 4.9 miles around from where I parked. I only encountered about 10 people.:)